called to freedom

As promised last year, I only read 29 books in 2020. With most of my reading done in the first half of the year, I don’t really remember much. I suppose that means I really enjoyed these books: 

The Orphan Master’s Son by Adam Johnson

He closed his eyes and listened to her demand. There was something pure and beautiful about it. If only more people in life said, This is what I must have.

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo

The thing Liza admired about her parents’ generation was that they didn’t seem to think very much. They just did things because those things looked a certain way and looking a certain way was half the battle. You reached a certain age and you found a semiattractive, living, breathing man, and you went through the motions even if he was boring or mean or a sociopath, and you stuck it out to the bitter end. And this was not the most romantic notion but she liked the stubbornness of it, the simplicity, the security. 

Coronavirus and Christ by John Piper

The object of hope is future. The experience of hope is present. And that present experience is powerful. Hope is power. Present power. Hope keeps people from killing themselves -- now. It helps people get out of bed and go to work -- now. It gives meaning to daily life, even locked-down, quarantined, stay-at-home life -- now. It liberates from the selfishness of fear and greed -- now. It empowers love and risk taking and sacrifice -- now.

A Long Petal of the Sea by Isabel Allende

After thirty-eight hours without eating or sleeping, trying to give water to an adolescent dying in his arms, something gave way in Victor’s chest. My heart is broken, he told himself. It was at that moment he understood the profound meaning of that common phrase: he thought he heard the sound of glass breaking and felt that the essence of his being was pouring out until he was empty, with no memory of the past, no awareness of the present, no hope for the future. He concluded this must be what it was like to bleed to death, like so many men he had been unable to help. There was too much pain, too much that was despicable in this war between brothers; defeat had to be better than to continue killing and dying. 

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead

I used to think out there is out there and then once you’re in here, you’re in here. That everybody in Nickel was different because of what being here does to you. Spencer and them, too—maybe out there in the free world, they’re good people. Smiling. Nice to their kids.” His mouth squinched up, like he was sucking on a rotten tooth. “But now that I been out and I been brought back, I know there’s nothing in here that changes people. In here and out there are the same, but in here no one has to act fake anymore.” 

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo

“What does he do?” Martin asked Abilene on their second day at sea. He pointed at Edward who was sitting on a deck chair with his long legs stretched in front of him. “He doesn’t do anything,” said Abilene. “Does he wind up somewhere?” asked Amos. “No,” said Abilene, “he does not wind up.” “What’s the point of him then?” said Martin. “The point is that he is Edward,” said Abilene. 

And here’s a list of books I started in 2020 but never finished, not (all) because they were bad, I just discovered BTS in August. I intend to finish the bolded ones in 2021.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo

A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost

Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi

The Magical Language of Others by EJ Ko

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

The Girl with the Louding Voice by Abi Dare

The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen

How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X Kendi

The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

Beautiful Boy by David Sheff

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

The Answer Is...:Reflections on My Life by Alex Trebek

Ephesians 2:1-5 (ESV)

“God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with Him.” 

Two more days and the cafeteria food keeps getting better or maybe I’m just becoming more desperate. This week I passed on bulgogi, japchae, pork katsu sandwich, beef noodle soup, and fries. 

I skimmed through the Whole30 Reintroduction chapter and found out I’m going off Whole30 all wrong. Obviously I know you’re not suppose to binge the day after, but it is actually more rigorous than I thought. What you are suppose to do is to reintroduce one food group a day but space them out with 2 to 3 Whole30 days. This way you can isolate each food group with its effect on your body and figure out which foods are okay and if not okay, what is worth the suffering. Instead, I’m eating soup dumplings and beef noodle soup with my coworkers on Saturday. The rule follower in me wants to cancel but the people pleaser in me says I should go.

Breakfast: scrambled eggs, smashed avocado, country potatoes, tomato salsa

Lunch: fish salad, fruits

Post-Work Out Snack: a banana

My brother came back from his Asia trip today and brought back a plethora of snacks, all of which I cannot eat for another THREE days. I am very excited to get back to the snacking life, but also disappointed in myself for not being able to kick this terrible habit. As you can see from what I consumed for dinner, I ate a little bit of a lot of things. Whenever I eat sweet things, I think of what Melissa Hartwig (co-founder and CEO of the Whole30 program) said about feeding the sugar monster. And it’s true. I am sugar monster. 

Breakfast: Potatoes, eggs, avocado, coffee w/ coconut/almond creamer

Lunch: Chicken salad, fruit

I tried a Whole30-compliant creamer this morning and it’s disgusting. I also found out this morning that Oatly is basically as bad for you as a can of Coke or medium french fries. Not that I drink oat milk because it’s better for you, but still makes me sad. Should have know- Oatly tastes too good to be healthy. 

Breakfast: Fruits + hard boiled egg + coffee w/ coconut cream & almond milk

Lunch: cajun shrimp + potatoes + salad + pistachios

I’m so close to the end! I confessed to my coworkers that I slipped, and they promptly told me to quit right away. Good thing I am an independent woman and say no to peer pressure. 

1/25

Breakfast: Coffee

Lunch:  Broccoli, butternut squash, shredded chicken, red and green bell peppers

Snack: Dried persimmons + pistachios

Dinner: Chicken soup + lettuce w/ 1 tomato and half an avocado

Post-dinner movie snack: Almonds + apple + sumo mandarin

1/26

Breakfast: Fruit cup + coffee

Lunch: Chicken salad + potatoes + fruit

I celebrated chinese new year with Ashley’s family today. We wrapped dumplings, and Ashley’s parents were kind enough to make special ones for me wrapped with napa cabbage. They were delicious! Despite the very careful asking of what went in each dish with all its different braising liquids and sauces, I slipped and had tofu. TOFU. It’s not even something that was hidden that I did not know about. The dish was tofu and avocado. I was just too focused on the soy sauce that would be poured over it that I completely forgot that TOFU IS MADE OF SOY! It was very frustrating as I am so close to the end, but what can you do? What is done is done. I googled what happens if you accidentally eat something that is not Whole30-compliant, and it seems like people just extend their Whole30. No way am I doing that. Oh well, there’s always next year.

Breakfast: Banana + cold brew

Lunch: Chicken soup + avocado, hazelnut salad + asian pear + 2 satsuma oranges

Oops, I’ve been bad about blog again... 

I recently settled into a routine of doing cardio at my work gym ~3x a week but wanted to supplement with exercises that focus on strengthening and flexibility, so I finally took the plunge and signed up for ClassPass. So far I have tried barre at barre3, hot barre, and hot pilates. The barre3 class was not as hard as the class I took at Pure Barre but my muscles were still sore for 2 days after. Hot pilates was great; the class definitely pushed me outside my comfort zone and I sweat so much it was disgusting. Hot barre was ok; I wish we did more exercises at the bar, but it was definitely a work out still. Hot pilates again tomorrow.

While I have been exercising a lot, I have not been feeling great physically. My stomach has been giving me issues for the last 3 days, which is the opposite of how I am suppose to be feeling at the more than two-thirds mark. Maybe it’s because I’ve been snacking on dried mangoes and nuts a lot more, which is definitely something you do not want to do while on Whole30. Maybe it’s because I discovered cold brew coffee at work and it is too acidic for my stomach without any carbs to soak it up. I don’t know... but at this point, I am ready to be done with Whole30 and eat bread and cheese and potato chips and drink a cocktail. 

This is what I have consumed in the past few days:

Breakfast: 

1/20: Apple + persimmon

1/21-24: Fruits + hard boiled egg + cold brew coffee

Lunch: 

1/20: Roasted chicken + potatoes + sweet potatoes + butternut squash + bell peppers

1/21-22: Chicken/steak salad + fruit 

1/23: Mahi mahi + squash + mushroom + fruit

1/24: Chicken salad + fruit

Dinner:

1/20: Banana (post-hot barre, pre-dinner) + ground turkey + bell peppers + sweet potatoes + butternut squash + lettuce + tomatoes + chicken soup (made by Daniel) + almonds + dried mango + shingo pear + banana

1/21-23: Roasted chicken/or ground turkey + potatoes + sweet potatoes + butternut squash + roasted broccoli + avocado + almonds + hazelnuts + dates

The last two days taught me that it is hard to eat out when you have dietary restrictions. Since I have started Whole30, I have mainly ate in or ate work cafeteria food. Over the weekend, I went to a birthday dinner celebration and to the farmer’s market, where I promptly realized I cannot eat anything on the menu. This really made me appreciate my work cafeteria all the more; they try really hard not only to accommodate personal preferences (Indian vs. American, rice vs. pasta, etc) but also for allergens. I also should have much more patience when I eat with others who have dietary restrictions, whether it is by choice or by birth. You want to eat gluten-free? Sure, live your life. 

Breakfast: Coffee

Lunch: Shingo pear (from the Campbell farmer’s market and it tasted like candy), roasted savoy cabbage with almonds (made by Sharon), and fruit/vegetable juice (made by Daniel)

Snack: Purple sweet potato, almonds

On Saturday I hosted book club. About 3.5 years ago, Rachel, Alice, and I started a virtual book club with Lauren Graham’s Talking as Fast as I Can because of our mutual love for Gilmore Girls and celebrity memoirs. Since then we’ve read several books together and would discuss whenever we met for weddings, engagement parties, etc. as we lived in different parts of the country. Since I moved back to the bay area and more friends have joined book club, I thought it would be fun if we actually made a point to meet for the purpose of discussing the book. We had fun and thought-provoking conversations about Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson, from what does the title mean to which celebrity we would cast to play each character. I learned that I need to read closer (Mary is Asian?!). 

It was also really fun hosting, which I rarely have done since moving away from Berkeley. I attempted a cheeseboard (herb chevre, smoked gouda, dates, toasted almonds, dried mangos, and crackers) and was decently happy with the result. There were also honeycrisp apples, satsumas, terra chips, hot cheetos, swedish fish, honey butter chips, and chocolate from Lithuania. It made me happy to be able to share snacks with friends even while on Whole30.

Breakfast: None

Lunch: ground turkey with chili seasoning, tomatoes, sweet potato, butternut squash, and green and red bell pepper

Snack: Almonds, dried mango, dates, satsumas, honeycrisp apples 

Halfway done and I feel pretty much the same, except I think I did lose a little bit of weight, as evident by the fact that my skinny jeans are not as tight as before I started Whole30. Energy-wise I still feel tired, but that’s probably because I have been waking up earlier to catch the train to work. Mentally I have noticed that I crave many things throughout the day but when I truly think about the things I can’t wait to consume after Whole30, there are only two things so far (korean fried chicken and red velvet cake). It’s refreshing to practice self-control when it comes to food; just because there is free cake does not mean I have to eat it. Sure it hurts me a little inside whenever I walk past that bundt cake in the work kitchen, but what do I want more? That’s really a question I have to ponder. 

Breakfast: Fruits, hard boiled egg, hash brown, and coffee

Lunch: Chicken salad and Sencha shot

There was Nothing Bundt cake at work today. Ugh.

Breakfast: Fruits, hard boiled egg, and coffee

Lunch: Chicken salad and fruit