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Life us smiling st me. And here I am feeling down and sorry for myself. My health is good. My kids' health well is a process, but right now, they are functional.

I think my sadness is because I see them struggling and I feel I shouldn't have brought them here with those conditions.

Just living, not big porpuse, no goals, no agenda, just here, being.

I'm tired of everyone having these big goals in life. What really is to live? Is it to travel the world? Is it making money? Is it comforting yourself as best trying to keep up with what society determines as living the life is?

Or is it just, existing. Solely, existing. Eating, sleeping, shitting, moving your ass so you don't grow roots. What is really the purpose of all this?

Really? Am I the only who feels like wtf am I doing here?

I think I have battled for so long to survive that now that finally there's no apparent fight I need to conquer, I feel nothing.

Nothing at all.

I hope all is well. I know that I can not change the past. I probably wouldn't even If I could. The thing is when I said what I said I mea t it. I'm not justifying it. I'm explaining that I was really hurt by your actions. The pain of rejection and the feeling of being played was quite different and string thanks to you.

It's ironic that I got played by you, I was not interested, I was reluctant because I knew it couldn't be possible. Still you pushed, insisted, you knew my needs, my weakness, my deficits and used them against me.

As they days go by I find myself looking for answers that I know I will never get.

It hurts my ego not being able to communicate with you. I think about you all the fucking time. I have seen public pictures of you wearing my gift to you. I'm glad, I hope everytime you look at it you'll remember how bad you treated me. I am so sad and disappointed, still..

I wish I could report differently, but nothing has changed.

I wish you well. Love always,

I keep sending you love and light that way I know you are doing ok. That does not mean I still think about you. I don't want you to think I'm trying to fix things, it's far from that. I know were I'm standing with you. I just wish we could at least be friends.

I am relying on divine time and trusting that the Universe's plan is far better than mine. Is not easy tho.

Sending you love and light. I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you!

You referred to me as Amor. You lead me to believe that I was a possibility for you and a relationship for so many reasons. Suddenly, you changed. 360° why? What happened on your birthdate? Did you hear from someone? What made you "realized" it was not going to work? Why would you say things you did not mean?

I am doing better by the day, I'm a little bit stronger and focusing on myself. I'm still letting you go, I'm learning to forgive without an explanation and/or an apology. It is not easy, tho.

I perceived you as an honest person. You said so many things I was craving to hear for so long.

"When I first saw you, walking through the gates of the school, I saw a bright light, and I was just without words," or, "I feel peace in my heart with you", or "I think we can make it work out because you are doing you, and I am doing me", or, when you come back from your travel assignment, we can go to Yosemite ". Yeah, all that crap that you fed me and I stupidly believed.

I know that for my mental sanity, I must let go of everything related to you, It's hard for me because I don't understand how quickly you changed your perspective. You knew I overthink, you knew you would hurt me, you knew, because I explained it to you so clearly. And still, you fucked up. Why could not you be honest? Why couldn't you state things as they were?

So many times you said: " I am not going anywhere, I am here? And you aren't.

I will continue healing, even without your reasons, even with your lies. I owe it to myself.

I'm sorry Bryan, please forgive me

I love you, thank you

Everyone has a porpuse in our lives. Thank you Bryan!!

Today, I not only finished my book, but I also made an appointment for an editorial meeting.

Saturday, I'll complete my BLS.

You pushed me to continue working towards my goals. I forever be thankful!

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Universe, please help me release him from my mind, body, my hopes abs heart.