SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.

If Grace had been being honest with himself, really honest? There was no such thing as 'too close' with Rocky. This was the same Eridian he had been fully and wholly ready to let dig around in his ribcage if he'd asked nicely about it. There had never been a 'too close' in his previous form, just a 'this is as close as we can manage'. And now? If anything, Grace had been vibrating in his own little bubble with barely contained excitement in the name of giving Rocky space to adjust.

Because this was a lot to adjust to.

❝ Yeah, that'd be cool. ❞ His attempt at sounding nonchalant and cool about it did not sit right on his tongue, nor did it sound convincing; he cleared his throat and shifted some shyly.

❝ It'd be fine. Not too close, Rock. I'd like it-— it's just I don't know how I'd react? It's embarrassing how much just this has me sort of freaking out a little. ❞ A nod towards their conjoined hands.

His heartrate was fine, he was calm, and he'd gotten over that initial jolt of flesh to flesh again. Actual direct contact with another human. But he still felt like he was buzzing beneath his skin, like this was all some elaborate dream he'd wake up from any minute now. A bit more body horror than usual for his dreams, but still more of a dream than a nightmare.

❝ Humans are pretty good about...erm, vibes? It's like, okay. You're in a room with someone. It's quiet. It's awkward and weird but you don't say a thing about it, you don't even look at that person. But somehow, they just know and then they start feeling awkward too and it's just this whole cloud of awkward. Humans almost have this sort of sixth sense with that stuff. ❞ He gestured vaguely with his free hand in exasperation.

❝ Not literally a cloud, but you know? What if I can't sleep because I'm not used to heartbeats and skin and everything else I haven't interacted with in years now? And then what if that keeps you awake and what if I just go and cause a new problem where neither of us are getting proper sleep? ❞ Grace would feel absolutely miserable over that! And that was the worse conclusion to a solution: causing a new problem instead of fixing one.

The scientist reached out with his own free hand to put some of his friend's fallen hair strands back into place and exhaled a long and noisy sigh. ❝ But I want to try. I think we have to, right? For science? We won't know if it fixes your problem or causes more until we test it. ❞

Rocky's dreams were pleasant it sounded like and thank goodness for that. Grace had been somewhat worried his first experience with human sleep would involve nightmares. Was it such a stretch to assume it would? With everything Rocky had been through? But a peaceful day sitting on the beach sounded great and he was both happy and touched that the man's first adventure into the subconscious of a stupid, dumb, and inefficient human brain had been pleasant.

❝ Human brains are pretty inefficient, aren't they? You usually can't remember much of your dream but did you know we can't dream up fully new people from scratch? Our brain pulls from every. single face we've ever seen and smashes all these tiny details together until we have a new person. Incredible but suuuper not efficient. ❞

Rocky had trailed off and Grace could tell something had shifted even before the Eridian spoke again, quieter now... almost with some level of shame in the undertones. His heart ached.

❝ Alright. C'mere. Bring it in. ❞ Grace shifted where he lay and gently undid their hands, spread both wide in a welcoming show. If ever there was a time that called for a hug, it was now.

❝ Look at us. Twinning in the worst of ways. I get it, Rock. When Mary was fixed and refueled and I had the option to go home? That brief flare of excitement and then the... the realization I didn't want to. That floored me for awhile, my own rejection of a free ticket back home to Earth. My home, my planet. My people. I felt-— yeah, I kind of felt like I was forsaking all of it and rejecting being human in a way. But I like it here. I love it here. I can't imagine never seeing you again. It'd kill me, probably. ❞ He rumbled a low but humorless laugh.

❝ Whatever you feel isn't right or wrong. It just is. Okay? Don't beat yourself up over how you feel about something. Just... let yourself feel it. Don't be critical of yourself because, take it from me, that doesn't work. Not a bit. If... if you can't change back or if we can and you don't want to or if it's too risky? We'll figure that out. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Until then, just one day at a time. ❞

rocky didn't hesitate for even a moment when grace opened his arms up wide. he shuffled in closer and wound both of his arms around grace's waist, then pressed as close as he could physically manage. his face was tucked into the gap between the other man's neck and the bed and his eyes closed naturally. their chests were aligned just enough for their hearts to beat in time with one another.

this was rocky's first real hug as a human. it was his first time getting to hug grace back without xenonite barriers keeping them apart.

at first, rocky held grace gingerly, like he was afraid of hurting him (again). but the longer he laid in that hug, the more natural it felt to gradually tighten his grasp around grace's waist until his hug was firm and strong. he pulled the man impossibly closer, his fingertips curling into the soft material of his shirt. warm, warm, warm. rocky reveled in the scientist's warmth and relished every second of it. one part of rocky was listening to grace's words of encouragement, but the words fell on deaf ears when it came to the other part.

one day at a time. the erid-human drew in a deep breath, silently savoring the scent of his human before he exhaled that same breath in a soft sigh. "...rocky try not to be critical of self." the words were half-muffled but still half-coherent. "but it's difficult. i feel... selfish. i make adrian wait again; wait forever, maybe. but, is like you said: rocky cannot imagine not seeing grace again, too." if he ever somehow reverted back to his eridian state, he felt like he owed it to adrian at this point to never come back to see grace so that he could create offspring with adrian and continue their bloodline.

the thought made rocky's stomach stir uncomfortably. if he had to choose between adrian and grace, he wouldn't even hesitate to answer because he already knew exactly who he would choose — and that made that sinking feeling of guilt ten times stronger, eating away at rocky like a disease. it made his throat ache in a foreign manner. it made his eyes burn and dampen behind his eyelids. his brain yearned to find a solution to stubbornly hold them both in his life, but he wasn't sure there was a healthy balance if he were still eridian and able to be with adrian; he's thought about this several times before.

he sucked in another breath, this time with a slight tremble to it.

one day at a time. one issue at a time.

❝-— Yeah. I was afraid of that. ❞ It was gentle but solemn. Of course Grace had already thought through this entire situation from just about every angle. Of course Rocky had consumed pretty much every single one of his waking thoughts and most of his sleeping ones. But he had hoped. He had hoped so, so much that maybe against all odds... it wouldn't have been a difficult transition.

He could be there for his friend and he would be. Every single step of the way. But he couldn't crawl inside of his brain and make everything okay. He couldn't magically or scientifically make all of this not extremely stressful or jarring or new and that killed him.

Grace watched Rocky manipulate their hands until the movements grew absent as his friend continued to express his troubles. He watched the measuring how their hands against one another and knew the way his brows pinched that it was obvious how he felt about the whole situation.

What was the solution here? How did they compensate for such an extreme dampening of Eridian senses? How was Grace meant to alleviate some of this stress when it concerned a routine Rocky was just not physiologically capable of anymore? Sleep-deprivation and pushing himself to stay awake until he no longer could would kill him eventually and Grace refused to let that happen.

❝ What about like that? ❞ A nod to where Rocky had drawn their hands. There up against his chest, the steady thrum of a heart (a human heart!) beating against their joined appendages.

❝ If we're closer when we sleep like that, would it help? And... and we can watch stuff. And read papers and whatever we have to do to show you it's fine. Human sleep is different. Our brains don't shut off, that's why we dream and that's why we can wake up to movement or light or sound or sometimes just because something feels wrong. ❞

He wouldn't lie to Rocky and tell him that humans weren't capable of quietly dying in their sleep but he also wouldn't surrender that information unless cornered against a wall about it.

Grace pivoted into what he hoped was a lighter topic:

❝ Run me through your sleep hallucinations so far. First Eridian to dream. Kind of a big deal. ❞

rocky gave grace's hand a squeeze as a comforting gesture for himself, then smoothed his thumb over the back of the other's hand again. two soft green eyes lifted to look at grace while he passed his suggestions. rocky's heart fluttered and warmed in his chest. grace was willing to make accommodations for him. he didn't have to, but he was willing to do it because his friend was uncomfortable. it coaxed another small smile to twitch at the corners of his lips.

"yes yes, would help. i put head here—" he placed his free palm over grace's sternum. the thumping beneath his palm made rocky's nervous system feel just a little more at ease. "—and listen to grace heartbeat when sleep, question...? or, is too close, question?" rocky was getting better with the whole boundaries thing, at least. while it killed him that he could no longer hear grace's heartbeat to keep an eye on his vitals if he wanted to, it just meant he had to get closer if the earth-human would let him. oh no, how awful...

"hm. i cannot remember all dreams; stupid, dumb, inefficient human brain. but... i try to explain one i remember." it was the only one that stuck out in his mind because of its serene nature. "dream-rocky is sitting on erid beach watching the water waves. you are there, too. did not see, only hear — dream-rocky did not look at grace. we just... watch water. do not remember what we talk about, only what it look like."

rocky closed his eyes like he was back outside the walls of the house, sitting on the gravel with grace by his side as they listened to the waves crash within the biodome. the tension remaining in rocky's shoulders slowly began to dissolve. it was clear that the nice dream had become a happy place for the eridian to mentally drift back to.

"is beautiful," he murmured as he opened his eyes again. "if dreaming is not optional, rocky hope to have many happy dreams." rocky shifted his head to readjust the way it laid on the pillow. several strands of gray and brown fell against his forehead, but he didn't mind. he didn't really seem to care how his hair laid at any given time.

Grace took the threat on the chin. Or rather the shoulder. To his credit, he managed to stare Rocky down with that stonewall of a teacher look for all of a few beats before he was biting a smile and pretending to nurse his 'injured' shoulder with his palm.

❝ I think it's pretty hard to knock someone out by punching their shoulder but message received and your threat is duly noted. ❞ There of course would be more incidents in which Grace hogged the blankets and truly their only solution would be to figure out how to make Eridian textiles comfortable against human skin so they could make more.

Where Rocky never seemed to be fully still, Grace never seemed to not be paying attention. He tracked the movements idly, making note of them. HAD made note of them in both forms now. It was still so interesting to see how they transferred over. More amusing yet to see expressions he'd only imagined Rocky making splayed out right there for him to see in real time now, near mirrors of how he'd expected them to look.

❝ Probably not actually warmer internally. I mean, I've walked you through it before all of this: humans get real messed up when their internal temp gets weird even by a single degree. But they can have differing metabolisms or circulation. It can impact what temperature they feel like they are. ❞ Not that this was the case with Rocky; he really only been joking and making a play on how warm Eridians ran.

His eyed the hand that inched closer, let his gaze linger on it before flicking up to meet Rocky's face, not so much curious as it was subtly expectant as if he knew what was coming. And then there it was, the actual verbalization of what he wanted. The demand, à la Rocky.

His smiled slightly; it was endearing how much the guy seemed to cherish and demand even the barest and most simplest of physical contact now. But Grace got it. If he'd woken up out of the blue and he could actually speak Eridian? Actually make the notes? Gosh, he'd have driven Rocky insane with how much he'd have just wanted to talk and talk with him. Heck, he already could spend hours as it were talking with him.

❝ I don't wanna hear it when they start getting sweaty. ❞ But he obliged because why wouldn't he? Rocky could ask him to do a handstand and recite the alphabet backwards and he'd feel real dumb doing it, but he'd do it because Rocky had been the one to ask. Grace exhaled a sigh and slid his hand to interlock with the one that had hovered so close.

He gave it a squeeze and then loosened his grasp just a bit to allow the other room to fidget or puppet their joined hands as he pleased.

❝ Have you been OK so far? With this whole sleeping situation? I know it's probably been pretty jarring to go from more or less sleeping in shifts to sleeping at the same time. ❞

It was true Rocky slept like a human now. That meant he could stir from sleep, could wake up. But that behavior of watching and being watched didn't just magically go away because the biological need had changed. And getting consistent sleep for humans was so very important; it was pertinent that Grace made sure that if Rocky's nights had been restless in any way, they find a way to alleviate that somehow.

rocky beamed with a bright smile when grace’s hand closed around his own. so warm, so nice. he pulled their joined hands a little closer to himself, his eyes finally shifting away from grace’s face and onto their hands instead.

he smoothed the pad of his thumb over the back of grace’s hand, shrugging one shoulder at the question. quieter, he admitted, “mmm… doing okay, but rocky no like.”

for over a century, rocky had taken turns watching his fellow eridians’ sleep and having them watch him sleep. when he was on the blip-a, he’d watched his fellow eridians sleep. for days, even — unaware that they were all deceased. he felt exposed and vulnerable sleeping by himself for the first time because he was; there had been nobody to watch him sleep. if a threat had boarded the blip-a, rocky would’ve been dead.

now that he was a human, he felt like he was back aboard the blip-a all by himself. he felt vulnerable, exposed, and a whole lot fleshier — much easier to maim than he had been in his eridian form.

“i still watch you sleep. still make sure grace sleep safe… then get tired and go to sleep when i know you are safe and asleep.” he didn’t add that he wanted to be watched back, wouldn’t tell him that it made him feel exposed. couldn’t; he needed grace to get the sleep he required. taking shifts to watch each other sleep just wasn’t a feasible request anymore and rocky would have to adapt to that.

rocky’s brow tensed. his eyes flicked over to meet grace’s face but they didn’t linger long. “…cannot hear grace heartbeat at a distance anymore, cannot hear grace breathing… only know you are not died when you are awake. it is… different, is scary for rocky.” being able to hear and monitor grace’s vitals passively had been so normal for rocky, but now there was a total absence of that ambient sound. the most rocky could do was watch for the subtle rise and fall of the other’s chest, and that was really hard to do in the dark with his human eyes. “it make rocky uncomfortable to not hear grace when sleep.”

he turned slightly and untucked his hand from underneath his head, letting it fall over his own abdomen while he slowly manipulated their hands. he raised them up slightly and let go of grace’s hand just long enough to align their fingers, palms touching, like he was measuring their hands against one other. but he was too lost in thought for that. he was just manipulating their hands absently.

Grace sputtered, mouth hanging ajar as he started and stopped his retort at least twice before he managed to choke out a: ❝ I do not! ❞

Cite your sources, pal! He wanted to protest and he was going to, clearly. But at the end of the day? He'd been pinned as well as a tail on a donkey at a birthday party. Yeah, okay! So he could be a bit of a blanket-hog. Was that a crime? Was it illegal to like to be comfortable? Lock me up then, officer!

❝ Shouldn't you still run a little warmer than me? ❞ There was no scientific backing for that theory and no evidence towards it but Grace was on the defense and that meant throwing out whatever he feasibly could-— sensical or not.

Ryland could have turned right around and scooped his blanket off the couch where it rested. It was right there! The home wasn't exactly a sprawling mansion. But the way he saw it, he was already there and Rocky was already comfortable and didn't it just make more sense to go forward instead of back? Was that his whole shtick now?

The two were about evenly matched when it came to caving to one another. They would huff and puff and Grace would cross his arms and Rocky would scowl, but they typically folded. Grace himself had been close to it. Close to throwing his head back in a petulant groan and turning to go fetch his own blanket, but Rocky beat him to the chase and offered him space beneath the blanket.

The scientist tried not to look too smug about the victory.

❝ Okay, okay! Hey, count slower-— ❞ He stumbled forward, not quite a trip but pretty close and crawled his way under the blanket. He settled with a comfortable sigh. There was absolutely nothing like being horizontal on a bed. Even if you weren't tired, the moment your back hit a cushy bed... you found yourself wondering why you weren't there more often.

Grace reached for one of Rocky's hand and clucked his tongue after he'd felt for it and then gently dropped it again.

❝ You're super warm, dude. You're being dramatic. ❞

“no. was getting cold,” rocky insisted just to be difficult, turning on his side to face grace once he’d laid the blanket over the blond’s shoulders. narrowing his eyes while they bounced between either of grace’s, he added, “if you steal all blanket again, i will hit you. will be like rocky from movie and knock grace down with fist—” he threw an incredibly gentle punch in the other’s direction, bumping him on the shoulder. “—like that but more hard. is clear, question?” but rocky couldn’t keep up his feigned stern expression for long because eventually he cracked the smallest of smiles at his own ridiculousness and tucked one hand underneath his own cheek.

even as he laid still, he wasn’t entirely still. rocky’s free fingertips lightly toyed with the soft fabric of the bedsheet beneath him, pinching it between his index finger and thumb before smoothing it over his fingers to feel its texture, then releasing it before repeating. it might’ve been because he was still reeling at the fact that he could see grace in so much detail, but rocky tended to look at the man as though he’d hung the stars himself.

“also, am no warmer than grace. rocky now leaky blob, too — not eridian. am the same temperature as earth-human.” at least, he was last he’d checked. it was a question that had surfaced in his own mind. he was no scientist, but his hypothesis had needed testing and the thermometer was completely untouched! because he was once eridian and was now a human, there was a chance that his new fleshy body would run a degree or two warmer than grace’s earth-native body. apparently, that wasn’t the case.

It was a very human thing to hold onto objects because they held some sort of sentimental value. But why had Grace not entertained the idea that the behavior could extend to other species? To the Eridians? To Rocky? Maybe it was because Eridians didn't really have to worry about fading memories or needing something tangible as an anchor point for them. Still, it'd been an assumption and you know what they said about those...

Grace had sat at this point, knees slightly bent and arms draped loosely over them. He regarded the necklace and couldn't help the flutter in his chest, the choked feeling in his throat. Oh, he was NOT going to cry over this! There was just something about the fact Rocky hadn't needed to hold onto the necklace but had and had done so because it had reminded him of their time together up in space. It'd reminded Rocky of Grace.

The necklace was warm to the touch as Grace gently dragged it closer and ran his fingertips over it carefully as though it were a priceless and precious thing-— which it was. ❝ Buddy, you keep... ha. I don't have a gift for you again. I really got to step up my present game, don't I? You're making me look bad...❞

Grace lifted an arm to scrub his face with. No actual tears, but enough wetness that his vision had begun to blur a bit. Crud. Get it together! Of all the things to cry over and you were going to pick this. He was sure if Rocky ever did see another human, he'd be surprised if they weren't nearly as leaky as Grace himself seemed to be.

❝ We should make one together. I uh... I've kinda been wanting to learn. ❞

grace said he didn’t have a gift for rocky, but rocky had no problem with that; the human had given him plenty already. grace had given rocky steady companionship, been a true friend to him, and gave the eridian somewhere different to call home in the form of a person. that was more than he could’ve ever hoped for.

rocky had a home on erid, but it was no grace. it might be unhealthy for an eridian who was supposed to be mated to another, but the human had left a blip-A-sized imprint in rocky’s life. they were bound by trauma and shared near-death experiences; inseparable.

when grace suggested making a necklace together, rocky scrambled back up onto his appendages and tapped two of his limbs against the ground eagerly. “yes, yes, yes, yes — rocky and grace make together. i bring tools and xenonite material and show you how to make. but grace keep this one, yes, question?”

before any possible protests could be spoken, rocky picked up the necklace carefully and held it up with two hands. he shuffled closer to grace, closer, then closer still until his xenonite-encased carapace pressed against the human’s knees. if he could’ve gotten closer, he might’ve tried. he lifted the necklace up and over grace’s head to lay it around his neck and straightened out the charms one by one, evidently taking care of how it looked on grace. if he could’ve smiled, he would’ve. instead, he only took a few steps back and stood high on all five limbs.

The other Legend seemed to be just as PARTICULAR about which coals were chosen to make up the snowman's smile. If anything, the smile made the long arms and claws all the more menacing, he thought.

He watched Bloodhound step back to regard their work again. Revenant didn't hesitate -

"It's naked."

Most snowmen he'd seen in advertising around the holidays were adorned in some combination of scarf, gloves, or hat, as he recalled. Though, he wasn't sure if Bloodhound had any to spare here. It being their hunting lodge, maybe they'd only brought what they needed; they were known for packing LIGHT in general. Utilitarian. But it seemed possible they kept extra supplies stocked, as such precautionary measures were in their nature too... especially where unpredictable weather was concerned, like up here in the mountains.

bloodhound was mildly taken aback by revenant’s quick response, didn’t think he’d care to add the small details like clothing onto their shared creation. though, they weren’t sure they had any clothes to spare. revenant would be correct in assuming they’d only brought what they needed to their cabin. they didn’t stay here often, and when they did come it usually wasn’t for long stretches of time; they had duties to attend to in other places. the most they kept for extra warmth was a thick blanket or two, as the clothes they wore typically kept them warm enough. they didn't wear scarves, so they didn't know what they could give the snowman.

“i… am unsure that i have anything for it.” they could spare their own gloves for a while, at the expense of having cold hands again. they could even offer up their helm. but, spare clothing that went unworn? very unlikely. their jacket wouldn’t fit over the snowman either — too heavyweight that it would fall right off and snap the arms. their gloves might not even fit over the snowman's claws. their goggles could be an accessory, but they needed those; with the snow, it was too bright for their sensitive eyes.

FOR ONCE, he had no retort.

Insulting. He understood that; speaking of this shell as something disposable in the very midst of their working on it. Their handiwork purged his metal of Hammond's stink. More than once before, the hunter's mark on a shell - whether damage, or repairs, or braids in the beast's fur - saw the simulacrum REMAINING in it until encrusted joints or faulty processor betrayed him in a fight. Often ended by their hand; he hated to allow anything else.

No, they certainly weren't one for the easy way. Reflecting again on the so-called call of their HEART. They worked on him to scratch an itch, then. For their own peace of mind. Some small way for them to conquer the pit of him. Revenant wasn't opposed to the idea; he could indulge them, from time to time.

He knew they wouldn't insist he suffer if anything was beyond their capabilities.

any vitriol left within bloodhound began to dissolve when he answered, their shoulders sagging slightly. they glanced up at revenant, halting their actions momentarily.

“do you really? or do you say that to pacify me?” the likelihood was low, but it wasn't zero. it was the tone of voice he'd used when he said it that threw them for a loop — quiet, and perhaps a little distant — and they weren't entirely certain if he meant it. they wanted him to mean it, though. they wanted— no, they needed him to understand, to see exactly what they meant.

finally plucking the last of the shrapnel from his arms, they stood to remove the pieces embedded in the side of revenant's faceplate. stubbornly the shards clung to the metal beneath his broken optic, but bloodhound was quicker to remove those pieces — sparing revenant of too much unnecessary discomfort, they hoped. once clear, they picked the broken glass from within his eye socket, being mindful for any wiring or filaments in the shattered optic.

when they were done, the hunter angled his head this way and that to search in the light for stray shards they might've missed, absentmindedly smoothing their gloved thumb over his jaw once before removing their hand from beneath his metal maw.

any remaining shrapnel was brushed to the floor, shaken free from his dark mane with both of their hands now clad in their red gloves. they could sweep it up later; they just wanted to get this part over with so that they could move on and see what they were working with regarding necessary repairs, because if this happened to be all for nothing, they didn't want to waste too much of their time picking shards of metal and glass.

bloodhound rounded revenant's sitting frame again, beginning to examine the stab wounds first; that was the most obvious amount of damage. "your exterior has suffered much little bits of damage, but i am more concerned about your wounded interior..."