Crowley tries so hard to be a badass who isn’t thrown by anything, but my god, we all know that isn’t true. Especially when a certain angel (and now officially boyfriend) is involved. Unfortunately, Crowley’s sign when he loses his cool is rather obvious – like, you know, involuntarily turning into a snake at the worst possible moments:
Like the one time he came into the bookshop to see Aziraphale carrying heavy books around, cheeks reddened with an endearing blush and his sleeves rolled up so his underarms were exposed – the angel looked positively indecent and once that radiant smile was directed at Crowley, he found himself lying in a snake puddle on the floor, having no idea what just happened
That one time a customer had the audacity to try to flirt with Aziraphale – Crowley was lurking behind the shelves and suddenly got very hissssy and yellow-eyed – it was his great pleasure to chase the customer out of the bookshop and while Aziraphale scolded him, he couldn’t hide his smug grin because he knew exactly what prompted this reaction
The first time Aziraphale held his hand while watching a movie in Crowley’s flat. The angel had picked something nauseatingly romantic and Crowley had scoffed at first, but when the first romantic scene came on, Aziraphale gently took the demon’s hand in his and pressed a kiss on the back of his hand – Crowley didn’t stand a chance and turned into a snake immediately. He was very embarrassed at first and tried to hide behind the pillows, but Aziraphale picked him up and draped him over his shoulders, making sure the serpent was comfortable
That one time Crowley woke up firmly wrapped up in his angel’s arms, he felt so warm and cosy like he’s never felt before and before he knew it, he was in his serpent form and pressing himself even closer to Aziraphale who smiled warmly and put a gentle kiss on the snake’s snout
The first time Aziraphale gave him a blowjob. He’s particularly embarrassed of this one and begged Aziraphale not to bring it up for at least a thousand years. But when you spent the last six millennia pining for one angel and suddenly he’s so focused on giving you pleasure – who can blame Crowley, really
Crowley tends to turn into a snake when he’s very drunk. He always lounges dangerously low on Aziraphale’s couch anyway and gets all hissy and wiggly when he has had a few drinks, so more often than not does he find himself in his serpent form when he wakes up the next morning
That one time when Aziraphale hesitantly asked Crowley if he thought the angel was fat and then he finally told him what Gabriel ordered him to do pre-apocalypse. After Crowley had a quite spectacular hissy fit and actually looking terrifying in his snake form, he spent the rest of the evening making sure the angel knew exactly how much Crowley loved every inch of his body
Aziraphale visited him in his old flat one day and brought him a rare plant he discovered in a flower shop. He said it reminded him of Crowley and that it would fit quite well into “his little Eden”. Crowley stared at the plant for ten seconds with big, yellow eyes before turning into a snake and wrapped himself around the flower pot, where he remained for a good few hours
The first time they watched a scary movie in Crowley’s apartment. Aziraphale chose the movie because Crowley once told him he was a big spooky fan, but Crowley ended up shrieking and turning into a snake at the first jumpscare and he spent the rest of the movie hidden under Aziraphale’s jumper, head occasionally peeking out and wagging his tongue at the angel’s amused face
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