*abuses stimulants and still wonders why she doesn't sleep*
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@chrisdolmeth123
*abuses stimulants and still wonders why she doesn't sleep*

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Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason
Lil Peep - Star shopping
never give up on someone you canât go a day without thinking about
I feel like Iâm on the verge of mentally collapsing but as long as I do it with a smile on my face, the day will continue as if nothing has happened. My suffering shall exist only in silence. Those around me blind to my bleeding wounds.
"I'm a hard person to deal with, but also a person that would give you the world just to see your smile."

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âThe thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you are there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse.â
Dr. Meredith Grey
I don't think I'll ever be high enough.
"drug addiction will give you connections you would never expect to have, feelings you never knew you could feel and life you would never be able to live, just so it could make you a person you never wanted to become."
- 111 minutes sober

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Being around you is the most intoxicating feeling
3am Thoughts // charmed-jinx
addicts deserve food and housing, even if they don't want/aren't in treatment
I am incredibly proud of every recovering addict who got through New Years without relapsing.
And to those of you who did relapse- I still love, support, and believe in you. Recovery isnât linear; relapse is not the beginning of the end.
Dear diary
I feel like a boat lost in a storm.
Cold hands
Recover my recovery
From dead plans
Miss the buzz of pills
And blurry drunken nights
The thought of being numb
My heartbeat spikes
Wake up on cold floors
I guess Iâm better off
With closed doors
Keys locked away in tight drawers
Memories faded with new found
Drugs
Feeling buzzed by being light
Empty stomach is my delight
Am I wrong
For this self sabotage
I guess itâs better
Than wishing I was gone
Maybe one day Iâll find
Where I belong...

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Fear
What does fear mean to me?Â
When Iâm in, âfearâ I run, run away from myself, everything. I once allowed fear to control my life- fear fueled my addiction among many other things. It was being in constant fear that controlled my every move in life. On the other hand fear also kept me alive in some twisted way- kept me on my feet and aware. I believe that there are, âhealthy fearsâ and ânegative fearsâ. Itâs normal to have those ânegative fearsâ creep up on you here and there because it definitely happens to me. I just have to remind myself that Iâm only human and itâs okay to have these fears, but itâs also up to me to turn around those thoughts because itâs my insecurities that are causing this. I became so use to being in unhealthy fear that I started believing the things I was telling myself- which wasnât going to get me anywhere, but further down to self hatred. Iâm becoming more in touch with my fears and insecurities so I can better control myself. Fears and behaviors also go hand in hand I believe. Iâm learning the more I continue to reflect on the past and the mistakes Iâve made, the people Iâve hurt, and the things Iâve done was from fear, it was my behavior due to the fears I was creating for myself. Now, knowing that I put to practice what Iâm slowly learning about myself, for when I do feel fearful in the present moment. Instead of reacting( like I usually would do, again thatâs behavior) I reflect, breathe, remind myself of all the things I should be grateful for and let those fears go. The more I continue to be in touch with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings the easier it becomes to understand the root of it all.Â
Alcohol wonât resolve your problems, and wonât heal your pain. Drugs wonât resolve your problems, and wonât heal your pain. Dragging good people down with you, wonât resolve your problems, and wonât heal your pain.