Got me fucked up

Lil Peep - Star shopping

Dr. Meredith Grey

- 111 minutes sober

3am Thoughts // charmed-jinx

And to those of you who did relapse- I still love, support, and believe in you. Recovery isn’t linear; relapse is not the beginning of the end.

I feel like a boat lost in a storm.

Where I belong...

When I’m in, “fear” I run, run away from myself, everything. I once allowed fear to control my life- fear fueled my addiction among many other things. It was being in constant fear that controlled my every move in life. On the other hand fear also kept me alive in some twisted way- kept me on my feet and aware.  I believe that there are, “healthy fears” and “negative fears”. It’s normal to have those “negative fears” creep up on you here and there because it definitely happens to me. I just have to remind myself that I’m only human and it’s okay to have these fears, but it’s also up to me to turn around those thoughts because it’s my insecurities that are causing this. I became so use to being in unhealthy fear that I started believing the things I was telling myself- which wasn’t going to get me anywhere, but further down to self hatred. I’m becoming more in touch with my fears and insecurities so I can better control myself. Fears and behaviors also go hand in hand I believe. I’m learning the more I continue to reflect on the past and the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve hurt, and the things I’ve done was from fear, it was my behavior due to the fears I was creating for myself. Now, knowing that I put to practice what I’m slowly learning about myself, for when I do feel fearful in the present moment. Instead of reacting( like I usually would do, again that’s behavior) I reflect, breathe, remind myself of all the things I should be grateful for and let those fears go. The more I continue to be in touch with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings the easier it becomes to understand the root of it all.