I Might Exist

Like nothing I ever want is allowed or possible or considered acceptable or convenient.

Or i think I’m such a bad person that any desire is voided anyway.

I don’t tell anyone a lot of the time when I’m feeling my worst bc I think there’s no point. What can they even do?

I want to strangle myself half of the nights I go to bed but I don’t say anything. No one can make the medical service better for me or cut waiting times. No one else can really help me move into somewhere better for me. No one can win the lottery for me.

What I needed years ago was being told how to actually choose and look after myself. But what I thought or felt was right was always wrong. Why do so many give this advice but then pass judgement on your choices? What was I meant to think?

What am I supposed to do now other than what I already am doing? I’m literally trying so hard to keep looking after myself and get myself in a better place and I’m burning out from it. Why would I want someone who doesn’t understand to give their opinion?