Teddy wakes in a panic, a loud banging repeatedly pounding against her front door as she comes to. Attempting to catch her breath, she stands from her bed on weak legs, having to hold onto her sheets to stabilise herself. Only then does she realise where she is: back in her bedroom, alone, alive.

Remembering what woke her, she rushes to open the front door, finding a familiar face with an unfamiliar expression crossing it: one she’s only seen for a single night before.

“Ethan?”

“Rookie.” He lets out a deep breath that he’d clearly been holding in, chest heaving as he steps forward and cradles her face in his hands. “You’re alright.”

Her eyebrows come together as she stares up at him, bewildered at the rough emotion in his voice. “Of course I’m alright. What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been trying to call you.” He drops his arms, stepping past her and wandering into the open apartment space as she shuts the door behind him with a mocking smile.

“Please, come in.”

She turns around to find his gaze already on her; unimpressed and a hint of fear lingering behind.

“People are worried about you, Teddy.”

She shrugs, moving to return to her room without waiting to see if he’ll follow. “They don’t need to be. I’m fine.”

Laying down on her bed, she feels the mattress dip as Ethan’s large frame settles by her feet.

“Teddy.”

His tone is pleading, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“I’m worried about you.”

The sincerity in his gaze; the glossy shine of his unshed tears; the tremble in his unusually frail voice; they all take her straight back to that fateful night, the only time she’s ever been witness to the unbreakable Ethan Ramsey utterly terrified.

Swallowing over a fresh bout of tears and an overwhelming wave of grief, she pulls her sweater tighter around herself, a subconscious act of protecting herself from the real world.

Her throat working painfully, she shrugs yet again. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’m here. I’m fine. I’m alive.”

Saying those last few words still makes her throat burn, her stomach plummeting as she tries to battle the negative thoughts in her head; the ones that have her questioning everyday why she lived and they didn’t.

The problem with surviving was that you ended up with the ghosts of everyone you’d left behind riding on your shoulders.

It was worrying how easily her mind could surmise that Danny and Bobby were better people than her; had far more to live for. Every night since the funeral, she had fallen asleep to the image of Bobby’s young daughter crying at his graveside, haunting her every time she closed her eyes. The memories of Danny’s mother having to bury her young son, weeping over his casket.

Even Rafael was facing life long injuries that could prevent him from doing the job he loved. Superman they called him; saving everyone in arm’s reach even if it meant putting himself in harm’s way. Especially when it meant that.

How had she managed to leave that dreaded room with nothing more than nightmares?

Feeling Ethan’s palm gliding over her thigh, she looks back to him, finding his troubled gaze focused on her.

“Talk to me.”

“Why?” Swallowing over the lump in her throat, she avoids his eyes. “It’s not going to change anything. It won’t bring anyone back.”

“No, it won’t.” Ethan moves towards her on the bed, pulling her tightly into his chest as her body remains unmoving, frozen in a state of misery. “But when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

He feels her body relax ever so slightly, clearly taking his words on board, so he continues.

“The human capacity for guilt is such that people can always find ways to blame themselves, Teddy. You wouldn't be you if you weren’t feeling like this. All of your beautiful traits are what’s making this so difficult to cope with, but you need to give yourself a break. This guilt is a heavy burden to carry when you’re already grieving, Rookie. Let it go.”

For a minute there is utter silence, the only sound Teddy’s heavy breaths as she stays deep in her thoughts. Until she inhales sharply, her voice frail as she whispers to him.

“I feel…”

Her voice breaks with the effort of holding back her tears, still trying so hard to stay strong and save face.

Ethan curls his arms around her even tighter, smoothing his hand over the crown of her head as he brushes the soft hair. Kissing her forehead, he mumbles against her clammy skin.

“It’s okay.”

“Every single night, I dream that I’m back there with no idea what’s going on. No idea what Travis let off; all I know is that we’re about to go through torture. All I can see is Bobby gasping for air and your wide eyes through the door, scared that that was the last I’d ever see them.”

She’s been trying so hard not to explode; using every last bit of her energy to hold it together. But as soon as she lets her true feelings break free, she simply shatters.

“I lost all hope that I’d get out of there, Ethan. And now that I have… I feel like a fucking failure.” A sobs break free, the sound tearing Ethan’s heart in two. “It’s like Danny and Bobby died for fucking nothing.”

The statement physically pains him, unimaginable how difficult it must be for Teddy to utter the words.

“How can you say that, Rookie?”

“Because.” The first tear rolls free, burning her eyes as she bites the inside of her cheek, hiding her face as she burrows into Ethan’s chest. “They died protecting me and now I can’t even get out of my fucking bed.”

“Teddy-”

‘They both died these horrible deaths, and somehow I get to live; for some godforsaken reason it’s me that got to walk out of that hospital room. And for what? So that I could lie in my bed having nightmares? Too afraid to even go outside in case I do something wrong again? In case it is me that dies this time?”

Ethan’s shirt grows damp, Teddy’s tears now falling freely as she wails against him. His own fall as he listens to her surrender to her heartbreaking grief, his body trembling with an involuntary shiver as he clings tightly to her.

As much as he wants to tell her not to feel this way, no matter how much he wants to scream that she has every right to feel her own pain; he knows she needs to let this out. He’s afraid to say anything that could risk her retreating into herself again, so he waits, ready to sit there and let her cry for as long as she physically needs.

“I mean, I caused this Ethan.” She suddenly goes quiet, her chest heaving and her eyes wide with anguish as Ethan looks down at her. “None of this would have happened if I hadn’t poached the senator. Because of me, Bobby’s family have to live without their father. Because of me, my best friend lost what might have been the love of her life. Because of-”

“No.” His voice is rough as her body jerks upright, looking at him in surprise. “I won’t have you taking responsibility for this. Travis caused this.”

“But if I didn’t-”

“No, Theodora.” He swallows painfully, pulling Teddy into his lap as he cradles her like precious cargo, forcing her to look into his eyes. “This was not your fault.”

All she can do is throw her arms around him, words failing her as she clutches his broad frame and finally allows her grief an outlet for the first time in weeks, bawling until she feels nothing anymore.

When she wakes, she’s only aware she must have fallen asleep when her eyes open to her room now in darkness, her tears dried and under her sheets with Ethan’s arms wrapped tightly around her.

Turning in them, she finds Ethan’s eyes already on her. “Hey.”

Pressing a tender kiss to the tip of her nose, he pulls her in deeper. “So, I’ve been thinking while you’ve been asleep.”

“Uh oh.”

He chuckles softly, and when he hears Teddy’s quiet laughter joining the sound for the first time in weeks, he feels a heavy weight lift from his chest. Her smile is the rainbow, a soft beam of sunlight brightening his world after the heavy storm they’ve weathered.

It’s a sign of hope.

“I’d like you to come and stay with me.”

That brings her head rearing back, looking up at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“I’ve already taken the time off before you tell me not to.”

She sits upright, shaking her head as she pulls her sweater from the ground to cover her. “Ethan-”

“Just listen to me first, please. Then if you still don’t want to, that’s fine.”

She turns around to face him, nodding hesitantly and motioning for him to speak.

Taking a steadying breath, he sits beside her as he takes her hands in his. “Rookie, you’ve experienced something extremely traumatic, and no one thinks any less of you for taking time off to get better. We all understand and just want you to get the help you need.”

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, her body shivers; from the heartwarming gesture or her crippling fears, she doesn’t know.

“It doesn’t need to be me, but I do think that you should talk to someone.”

He can see her battling herself internally, her eyebrows scrunching deep in thought as she chews on her bottom lip. She’s just about to open her mouth when he speaks again, already knowing what her answer will be.

“I’m struggling too, Teddy.”

That takes her by surprise.

“You are?”

He nods, lacing their fingers together and pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. “Immensely. I’m so frightened that something might happen to you that I can barely get through the day. I know it’s selfish, but I just want you to be with me at all times.”

As much as the decision to have her stay with him was made purely in her best interests, he can’t deny the way his heart beats as normal once more with her safe in his arms.

“And I’m going to get some help too.”

“It’s about damn time.”

He snorts at that, shaking his head with fond amusement as he pinches her side.

“Brat.”

She giggles as she wipes a stray tear, playfully rolling her eyes at him. “I mean… if it’ll help you, I guess I’ll come stay.”

His resulting grin breaks free, spreading wide on his face as he kisses her passionately. Standing up, he pulls her to her feet and into his arms, her legs looping around his waist as she sighs contentedly, feeling protected with him surrounding her.

“Come on, I’ll help you pack.”

What he doesn’t tell her is that if she agrees, he has no intention of ever living without her again. If he has to take anything away from the attack, it’s that he’s wasted far too much time pretending he’s not in love with Teddy Valentinos, and he’ll be damned if he spends another day without showing her just how much.

“You know when I agreed to live with you - I thought I’d maybe get to see you once every 48 hours.”

Ethan’s startled by Teddy’s sudden appearance in his office, his eyes squinting to look towards the darkened doorway after hours of staring at the blinding light of his computer screen. Sighing, he leans his head back against his leather chair and stretches his tense body out.

“I’m sorry, Rookie.” Wiping his hands over his face as he lets out a rarely seen yawn, he stands to greet her. “I’m trying to get as much admin done as possible before I officially start. Dealing with the board will be bad enough.”

He reaches her in a few short strides, cradling her small frame in his tired arms and feeling an instant bout of warmth in his chest.

She holds her arms around his waist as she leans back and inspects his face. “You look exhausted, agápi mou. Let me help.”

Shaking his head resolutely, he walks to sit in his desk chair, pulling her alongside him. “You’ve got enough to do taking over the team. I’ll manage.”

The way in which he collapses into his seat immediately defies his comments, slouched in a pair of jeans and a shirt that he keeps in his office for emergencies. Emergencies that aren’t supposed to include not showering for two days.

She takes a seat in his lap, legs hanging over his as she curls her arm around his shoulders and begins to massage the back of his neck.

She instantly scolds herself; the loud groan that escapes Ethan’s lips only further fuels the desire that had played a hand in leading her back to the hospital at this time of the night. Alas, that was before she saw how exhausted her boyfriend was, so a change of plan appeared to be in need.

Letting her hands work up his neck and into his thick head of hair, she moves her legs to straddle his hips, stretching comfortably over the wide spread of his frame.

Her nails scratch delightfully at his scalp, relaxing his body instantly and bringing his head back to rest atop the headrest. Pressing a tender kiss to his forehead, her hands drop to his broad shoulders, kneading the tense muscles as his eyes open in a daze.

Noticing the heated look in Teddy’s eyes, he sits upright but her hands quickly drop to her side. Turning to break his gaze, she notices the extravagant sofa sitting by the opposite wall.

She turns around with raised eyebrows as she mocks him. “Very fancy, Chief Ramsey. Do you plan on entertaining many people here?”

He rolls his eyes as a crooked smirk tilts his lips. “Just the one.”

“Atta boy.”

She holds onto his shoulders as her eyes travel the length of the room, taking in every small detail as Ethan chuckles beside her.

“What’s so interesting? You’ve seen the Chief’s office before.”

“Yeah, when it was Harper and Naveen’s. Now I’m looking for all the places I can have a quickie at work.”

“Is that so?” She turns back to meet his smouldering gaze, hands already moving to grip her hips through her denim shorts.

“And I must say,” she leans in to press a hot kiss to his lips. “Big fan of the new walls.”

He practically growls as he lurches forward, moving to drag her across the growing bulge in his pants.

“Ah, ah.” She immediately leans back, dropping onto her feet to stand between his body and desk. “None of that. You have a big day tomorrow so let’s get you home and well rested.”

His chair rolls forward, trapping her body tightly as he grasps her narrow waist. “I can think of a few ways to relax here before we get home.”

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Teddy attempts to relay a message to her core that this isn’t happening. Ethan looks like he could pass out from sheer exhaustion, and she knows he needs to be back in the building in less than eight hours. Although… her presence does seem to have slightly revived him. Is she a bad girlfriend if she gives in when he’s so clearly drained?

Either way, her body isn’t prepared to listen to the debate. She’s only human, after all.

She bends to grasp the hem of his shirt, tugging it off in one quick pull before it’s dropped to the ground. “Fine,” she drops to her knees as she unbuckles his belt, freeing him from the tight confines of his boxers as she pulls at the waistband. “But I’m relaxing you.”

“Well, if that’s the case.” He surges forward, wrapping his arms around Teddy’s waist and lifting her up onto his large desk.

“Ethan, no. I was-”

Pointing at his crotch, she frowns in confusion and disappointment.

“Don’t worry about me,” he rasps, quickly tugging at the button of her shorts and curling his thumbs into them. “Lift up for me, sweetheart.”

Body moving on autopilot, she does as she’s told; leaning back on her palms as Ethan drags the material down her shapely legs.

“I’m trying to take care of you, old man. Have you even had dinner?”

He sends her a wink that has her core clenching.

“I’m having it right now.”

Throwing the shorts behind him without a care in the world, he grasps behind her knees, pulling her to the edge of the table and dropping to his knees before her. Spreading her legs apart, he chokes on a moan as he runs his thumb down the sheer lace of her underwear, already damp and clinging to her.

Ghosting his lips up her thighs, his deep voice rumbles against her as he nips at the soft skin with his teeth. “Up.” His palms curl under her ass, fingers hooking into the thin waistband holding her scrap of underwear together. “Need them off. Now.”

Fuck. Teddy recognises that tone; the entity she refers to as ‘Caveman Ethan’ is out to play, incapable of forming full sentences in his urgency.

As if she wanted any differently anyway, she does exactly as she’s told before spreading her legs even wider on the desk, giving Ethan a private show.

“Do you know how goddamn sexy you are, Rookie? How much I want you right now?”

Arching her back against the table and moving to sit up, she pouts when he gently pushes her back down. “I want you too, Ethan. I want to make you feel good.”

She watches as he shakes his head, removing himself fully from his boxers and clutching her soaking thong in his hand. Wrapping the thin material around his cock, her head falls back against the hardwood as she whimpers.

“You see this, Rookie? You’re still getting me off, too.”

Not even giving her a chance to catch her breath after possibly the most erotic sight of her entire life, he dives in, pressing his nose and lips against her wet pussy and groaning as he chokes himself in a tight fist.

Hooking her legs over his shoulders, Teddy’s head falls back against the table, vision going hazy as she stares up at the ceiling and thanks God for the skill of Ethan Ramsey’s mouth.

At this very moment, she can do nothing but praise the work ethic that led her here tonight. His commitment to the job fully translates to the current lashing of his tongue, never changing pace as he works tirelessly to bring her quickly to the edge.

“Ethan,” she cries out, her hips moving against his face by their own accord. “Please.”

She doesn’t even know what she’s begging for, only that her body can barely handle the intense pleasure he’s giving her for a minute longer.

His forearm comes down over her hips, pinning her tightly to the table as his other hand works feverishly against himself, the ripping flex of muscles in her line of sight catapulting her towards the finish line.

His thumb comes down to rub tight circles over her swollen clit as his tongue enters her, groaning against her like a man starved. Her hands scramble to cover her mouth, attempting to trap the loud moan that tumbles out of her control. Ethan’s dark gaze snaps up to hers, lifting his shining face as two deft fingers enter her.

“Let it out, I want to hear you when you come.”

Instantly curling them to hit the sweet spot that makes her cry out, he adds firm pressure as his mouth comes back down to swirl and flick over her clit once more.

Thighs trembling uncontrollably against the sides of his face, Teddy lets out a shrieking scream as sparks fly across her eyes and her hips lift from the table.

He brings her back down with slow strokes of his tongue, her pussy pulsing and body shaking as his hand slows the movement on his throbbing length, his mind focused solely on her pleasure.

Ethan stands to move over her slumped body, lips moving over her skin tenderly as he makes his ascent. Lying beside her on the sizeable desk, she feels the unmistakable heat of him as his cock presses into her hip.

“You didn’t-”

He silences her with his lips, moving over hers so fiercely that she simply can’t allow him to go untended.

“Come on, baby.” She takes him in her hand, thick and heavy against her fingers as she begins to twist them up and down his cock. “You want to rub it here? Rub it where you made me come. Feel how soaked you got me.”

“Christ.”

Letting him fall into her as he positions himself through her velvety folds, she hears him hiss in pleasure as his hips begin to move against her, gliding easily against her wetness.

“Jesus, Teddy. You feel fucking incredible.”

His face falls to the crook of her neck, his breath hot against her sensitive skin as she rolls her hips beneath him.

He curses under his breath, groaning as she continues to rub herself against him with increasing need. Their movements become more frantic, her clit already humming again as their lips meet in delirious pleasure.

She quickly comes again, her mouth falling open in a strangled scream as he continues to slide against her.

“Fuck, Rookie. I’m going to-”

Her voice is hoarse as she threads her fingers through his thick hair, whispering as she meets his hooded gaze.

“Where do you want to give it to me, Chief?”

Grunting as he holds on for just long enough to tell her, she takes him in her mouth as his hips jerk furiously before finally stilling, his breath harsh in the open air between them as she takes everything he gives her.

Collapsing beside her in exhaustion, now rather delightfully, he pulls her into his strong arms, holding onto each other as they catch their breath.

“Well worth the wait.”

She chuckles curiously as she looks up at him, eyes narrowed in confusion.

“What was?”

“My dinner.”