IN COMES ANNE CARSON WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

BDSM is an acronym for the members of the beatles. don't believe me? why

Bingo, Dingo, Singo, and Maul

@once-ina-blue-moon

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

i also cannot understress the importance of being able to say "wooooaaaaahhhhh booger boy in baby world!!" whenever a baby has a runny nose

Im poised to strike bro lol Watch out im poised to strike seriously

my mom just had a 7cm brain tumor removed and since she's woken up she's been talking nonstop about this dream she had about going to an art gallery full of colourful paintings by a 'homosexual artist' named klimsdorf who was ethereal and wise, both young and old... at first she was convinced he was a real person but after failing to find him online she's accepted he was a figment of her subconscious mind and is now determined to bring him to life via painting his portrait herself. she's 67 and has never drawn in her life. and now this. blorbo from her tumor

no ao3 users, people switching from wattpad to ao3 is not colonization, and it should not be treated as such

When a book is bad, oh well, the failed artistry of one rube, maybe co-authors. But when a movie is bad, and you consider the military-like scale of production, man-hours, the money involved: you must understand, it feels like I’ve been at war with the world for 29 years.

#when a book is bad you can be like. wow what a fascinating insight into One Guy's personal issues#when a movie is bad it's like. hundreds of people thousands of hours and millions of dollars were marshalled to make this thing#and it Completely Sucks (@specialagentartemis)

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place