>don't go further, sad rant incoming<
So I'll be going to Annecy to the Mifa event to present my project at a small presentation with a handful of Hungarian artists. It's an amazing opportunity, but I feel so lost. I'm very desperate as I've been working on this project for yearsss, and no luck so far finding a co-producer or any funding, or gaining a decent online following for it to do kickstarter or smthg, so I'm pretty tired. But I love this project, I love working on it and also I need to make it to be able to start my career at last, I'm still nowhere, I could never land a job I applied to, I make very little money while trying to develop my own stuff. I really want to be at a better place in life, but it feels like I'm such a loser pffff, nothing really picks up that I try. I've been going to pitch forums since last year, they are so so hard on me, it's really really out of my comfort zone, I'm really not a social person, and it feels especially very hard to sell myself. But I'm doing it, I just really wish it had any good results, so it would feel like it's worth it.
Anyway I usually get out of slumps after a few days, so I'll be fine later, but right now it's really hard, becuase Mifa is closing in and it's very exhausting to think about. I'll need to put myself there a lot this time, I can't wait for people to be interested in what I do, or hoping someone notices me, because they don't.
I feel especially down today, because I had a very tiring consultation about my presentation I'm preparing for Mifa. I made two animatic scenes, and decided to put this one at the end of my pitch, to show a bit of the goofy silly fun side of the series. I had so much fun making this. Today I showed these people who are helping us to prepare, and they were so not my audience, like so so not. They didn't really like it, I told them the reason was to show that the series has a funny little side to it, and someone said they thought it was not funny, and they didn't understand why I would want to show this. And I'm like well shit, this is how I'd make a scene of the series, so fck me then huh? I don't know, we were just so not on the same page. Also I realized now that multiple people so far tried to twist the meanings behind Paradise Island, and force their own ideas of it into the show, instead of accepting the simple concept of it. Not every project is super artistic or wants to convey extra deep messages. I like simple shows, where characters' emotions, relationships and hardships are the focus, hence I want to make that too. Anyway, my head is just full of the negative things now thanks to this meeting, I wish I never went.
If I can't land any connections in France, I'll probably have to try the crowd funding reuote, which is going to be so so challenging...
Well probably no one read until this point so I'll just write something silly, pee pee poo poo hehehe!
Anyway, I guess some part of me wanted to write all these out, but also leave a trace of it so it serves as a reminder as to how damn hard it is to make dreams come true. I really look at those people with respect and awe who can push through all this and make it.
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