search your feelings

“It’s real,” he told her. “I’m alive. You’re alive.” 

The first time they connected through the Force, it was when they were both dreaming: in separate tents, under Master Obi-Wan’s teachings, with the rush of their first saber spar still flowing in their veins. It wasn’t dark like this. They frolicked in a field of flowers on Hitaka, Fury’s home planet. Now, this was no dream. Fury did not let his conscience go so astray as to conjure up ghosts like her. Because even the remembrance of her, as quick and happenstance as a stone skipping more than once on water, was enough to make him feel. 

And if there was anything he had learned about the life of a sith, it was that darkness had no tolerance for any emotion that wasn’t hate or anger. 

As they stood in front of each other, Fury tried to decipher where she was in the galaxy. After scouring every planet for her, the Order was convinced she was dead. But now that she was alive, he knew what he needed to do. 

“It’s only a matter of time before I find you, Byolist Thar.” The words came out slow, so she could hear her name– her true name. “Join me or die.” 

    She wanted to believe he was just a ghost, a vision only the dark side would want her to see. The Force was always strong with her - on both spectrum, never quite balanced. She wanted nothing more than to believe he was just a makeshift vision or a warning. But Chey knew better. She searched her feelings and could feel his heart beat, feel the energy pouring from him wherever he was in the galaxy. 

    He was alive, and she was alive. 

   Chey stumbled back at the sight of him, not able to see through the mask of his. She searched for a spark of light in him, searched for a sign of uneasiness to show he wasn’t completely lost, but her mind was too fuzzy in her weakened state. 

    But when he spoke that name, the name she did so well to erase from history, she feared that perhaps he was right - he is no longer Joseph. Raising her blaster towards him, her hand shook gently but she kept a strong face. “Byolist Thar died years ago,” she spoke sternly. “I am the master of my own fate. I do not follow or take orders from anyone, certainly not you.” She kept her blaster up, though she was certain it would likely do nothing but get him out of her head. Her face softened slightly as she looked at him with a pleading expression. 

   “Joe... Take off the mask. Let me see you.” 

The moment he heard her heart beat in his ears, loud like drums, he knew it was her. 

After all these years, Joseph would never question Chey’s presence; the lack of it was what drove him to the dark side, his once true north compass shattered and leaving him lost. But when he felt her return– and come back again– he knew it was time to see her. The only question was whether she could stomach seeing him. He even hoped she might fear him. 

He stood in front of her, black cloak and mask hiding his features. And yet, she could feel that it was him. Perhaps she could feel that he had shifted, and their souls were purely black and white now. So different, yet still holding the same bond. 

If his mask were off, she would be able to see the way his lips parted in slight awe of her being alive. She would be able to see that his eyes, once ice blue, were now as deep and dark and unwavering as the depths of the ocean. 

Part of him knew. All of him never left it to question. When he felt a disturbance in the Force– the one that ripped her from him like a fallen tree during a hurricane– he unleashed the darkness. Succumbed to the strength of the dark side. Absorbed it. And now, it was all he was. 

“That is not my name,” he said, voice low and raspy under the guise of the mask. “I am Darth Fury now.”

    Seeing him standing there felt like being swallowed whole by the insufferable darkness. He was once her light house, the light that shined her way back home through dense fogs in her mind. But now he was just as lost as she once was, perhaps even more. 

    A crushing weight fell on her as she saw no trace of the boy she once knew and loved. She didn’t need the answers from the Force to tell her what made him this way, either. She knew it was because of her, and that was worse than seeing him dead. Even though she had crossed to the dark side once, he was one of the only things reminding her of the light. He was her beacon of hope. 

    After all these years, she simply hoped he continued working for the life he wanted. She knew the Jedi Order would never be the way it once was, but perhaps that was for the best. A part of her hoped he was out there creating a new order, creating a new way for the next generation of Jedi to live. But the Force flowing through her was enough for her to know that there were almost no jedi left. No Master Skywalker, no other student that was with them in their days of training. Darkness reigned over the galaxy. 

    Heavy eyelids opened to the dim light of her room, a cold wash cloth draped over her bed. Her head was fuzzy, but glimpses of what happened by the sea suddenly spilled into her mind. She could feel it again - life and everything in between. The Force was mending her, guiding her just as it had before. She sat up in bed and took the wash cloth off before looking around, coming to the conclusion that some of the villagers must’ve brought her back. Chey knew she exposed herself and what she could do. If that woman had told everyone, there was no telling just what they were all thinking right about now. She knew she needed to go address them, first to thank them for taking care of her in a moment of weakness… but to also give some sort of explanation of what happened that day. 

    She let out a breath but then suddenly felt as if there was a pair of eyes on her. Someone was in her room, but it didn’t feel natural. It didn’t feel right. 

    Keeping her head down for a moment in order to steady herself, she suddenly reached on the side of her bed for her blaster. She stood quickly and pointed the charged blaster to the other side of the room. Darkness surrounded her, slowly washing away the backdrop of the simple home… and then suddenly he was all she could see standing in front of her. Her lips parted in disbelief as she felt his energy mix with the Force, connected to her. He wasn’t physically there, but the Force made it feel otherwise. It was hard to believe her eyes, but mostly it was hard to shake that cold chill she got from seeing him. He was not the same. 

    Tucked away in a small village on the ocean moon Kef Bir, the legend of Byolist Thar had become nothing but exactly that - a silly legend. She was just a memory from a past that felt long ago, though most nights reminded Chey just how unforgiving time was on her mind. She lived undetected, given a home in exchange for protecting the simple village and their people from bandits, pirates, and all the creatures that go bump in the night. She spent a lot of her time on her father’s ship, voyaging out for supplies to always come back home to the village that had helped her find a glimpse of peace. It was a good job - gave her life meaning after she tore it all away. 

    She was just Chey now. No last name, no ties to the Kenobi bloodline nor ties to the Force. Blocking the Force out felt unnatural, but it was for the best of everyone around her. That is until she heard a cry for help outside of her home. Chey ran out to see a crying mother running to the water frantically. There were high tides today, waves unforgiving and large crashing into the shore. Just as dangerous as it was beautiful. Running over to the mother, Chey spoke in the woman’s native tongue in order for her to understand the situation. 

    And that’s when she noticed the broken skipper washed up on the shore, a young child in the middle of all the chaos holding onto a rock as waves attempted to tear him down. With little time to think, Chey slid down the cliffside and looked around her as she tried to think of a plan. Overhead, a large wave, taller than any building on that moon, swelled above and threatened to crash. The mother of the child wailed, fearing that there was no way to save the boy. Chey looked around frantically in search for a plan of rescue. She could try to salvage what was left of the skipper and go out to get him, but that wave would only wipe out the both of them without even a second to spare. The wave towered over and blocked out sunlight as it began to fall forward while the mother’s wails turned into screams. 

    “No!” Chey screamed and held out her hands. And then it hit her. Every fiber of the universe coursed through her and engulfed her whole. It ran through her veins - life, death, brilliant light, and utter darkness. The energy of the universe came together and created balance. The Force. 

    It took her very breath away, but she drew the energy she had been blocking away and pulled the child to her. Using every bit of strength she had, she lifted his body and watched as he levitated to the shore towards his mother before she jumped into the air and flew out of harm’s way herself. The mother looked at her with wide eyes while holding the child in her arms, both perplexed and eternally grateful for whatever Chey did. Chey simply nodded and then suddenly felt all her strength drain from her. Stumbling back, she collapsed weakened by use of The Force… unaware of just how dangerous it was to open herself back up to it again.