Pastel Girl

2025 was the year I realized just how much doom scrolling has cost me. My reading capacity, memory, consistency, creativity, ability to keep working hard, etc etc. I used to be the kid with shelves of books and now I haven't read the ones I bought years ago. I can barely keep track of time and the days just fly by, I don't even know what I did during most of them. I obviously can work hard but not persistently, I've lost the ability to put in effort day by day to reap the reward in the end, I'm either hard on myself or I give up and stop caring when I don't achieve something immediately. I barely have any hobbies anymore, its been replaced by scrolling. This has generally been normalized so much tbh, so many people I know don't have hobbies anymore. Even my english is getting worse, while I know my native language instinctively, I hadn't realized that I had to keep reading to not forget vocabulary and basic grammar lol. But this is not who I want to be anymore. I don't like this version of myself, I don't want to be this stupid, useless, and incompetent. I want to change, I want to be better and do better for myself. I've been privileged enough to receive the sort of education and opportunities so many around the world have been denied. Hell, I do genuinely believe I have the brains, I've just not been using it right. I have tried to get my life before so many times before, but I hadn't properly realized where I was going wrong and I've never had the drive I have now. It won't be easy, but I hope 2026 is going to be my year