Mysterious

Why is it that every time I try to get into a relationship with someone, they want to turn it into something sexual. Like seriously. I told you I didn't want anything sexual. I'm not a freaking sex toy. I just want a relationship where there's nothing sexual happening. I mean I don't mind touchy, feely, flirty things, but I don't want to actually do anything physical. I want to wait until I'm married to have sex. I regret having sex so early because looking back at all the different times and the different people that I had sex with, I don't think that it was worth loosing my virginity over. Sex is something that is supposed to be intimate and shared with someone that you truly love and are in love with. So I think that I regret that I didn't wait, but I can't go back I can only move forward. So I honestly just want an actual relationship where we can take things slow, get to know each other, fall in love and just move forward into the future together. Otherwise, I'm just tired of people wasting my time.

I'm afraid of these feelings that I have inside of me. How do I deal with them. At times it seems like the answer is very simple, but most the time, the answer is very complicated. It could easily be yes, but deep inside I'm afraid of that for many reasons. Also, there are a lot of reasons for me to say no, but how? If I say no, deep inside, all of me will say yes. So how do I fight that? How do I say no and mean it, if all of me is saying yes. "Live day to day" they say. F*** that.