My dad got remarried this weekend. I knew I was going to struggle with it but I could not have predicted just how much I would struggle with it. And I also could not have predicted that my dad would be entirely responsible for it. I thought I would clash with the bride or her kids because we're all such different people, but instead my dad essentially erased his entire family from the proceedings and did not inform my sister or I of what are participation would actually involve. It felt all very performative and "oh yeah, I guess the groom needs to invite people, too."
TWO of his relatives' names were wrong on the invites and seating charts (she put the invite list together from Facebook/memory and my dad just never bothered to make sure his family's names were right). My dad's niece, her husband, and her two children, were given the wrong last name. My aunt, my mom's twin sister, someone my dad actually met even before he met my mom, had her name misspelled.
My sister and I were only informed of our actual participation levels the day of, and we were never given the option to opt out of anything. My anxiety kicked in during photos (in the gorilla exhibit at the Calgary zoo, in a hot smelly room surrounded by children), and again when I walked down the aisle. I had to essentially have an out-of-body experience so I didn't break down in a room full of strangers staring at me.
During the MC's speech, the bride's children were given glowing biographies that included not only their lines of work, but also their hobbies and interests and deep dives into their personalities. Both were described as being "credits to their professions." My sister and I were described this way: "Kelsey is Dean's eldest, she does [a job]. Kendra is Dean's youngest, she does [a job]." And my job title wasn't even correct.
My mom's entire existence was never acknowledged.
At one point in the evening, one of the bride's friends came over to me and my sister to introduce herself, but instead of asking us questions about ourselves or try to get to know us in any way, she just wanted to "congratulate [us] for having such an amazing woman become a part of [our] lives." What an insane thing to say!!!
I left a day early because I am so incandescent with rage and I can't even stand to look at him. He's been trying to shoehorn my sister and I into this new family of his that we very obviously don't fit into, and for some reason he has fully stopped acknowledging that we have other family members that are still very much a part of our lives.
I don't know how to handle this from here on out. I tried to talk to him before the ceremony, after I had a panic attack in front of a baby gorilla, but he didn't, or wouldn't, understand what I was saying.
I thought I was overreacting throughout the day but one of my cousin's pulled me outside and told me how shitty she thought the whole thing was. And as I type everything out again I find I'm just as angry as when it happened.
It was his responsibility to make sure his family was properly represented and he completely fucked it up.
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