took this like a week ago after literally falling to my knees bawling my eyes out but i do think this photo really captures the past 1.5 yrs…. mask, single tear, double chin, peace sign, red watery eyes, dirty car, crooked hat…. i’m so excited to be 24 and rid of the negative energy that lasted my whole 23rd year. literally the worst one by far. death(s) in the family, first heart break, unemployment, living at home, losing friends, the literal pandemic.. obvi some positive things happened too (new job, new place, winston, closer to fam) but negative just outweighed it by a lot haha. and really just pushed me so deep into a depression that i didn’t even realize it. i’m literally about to post this same caption on my instagram i swear so i’m trying to post it here so i don’t. who knows what’ll happen. but anyway looking forward to 24 being positive and continuing to develop good habits. kinda sad bc 23 is my favorite number. literally not anymore it reminds me of so much pain and hurt. i am so over being depressed and i want to get back to where i was 3ish years ago. i felt good and happy and ok with being alone. sometimes i feel like i should be taking medication i get so emo. but i am giving myself time. but the goal is only happy tears from now on and giving my energy to people who deserve it. mostly myself because i need that. if anyone i know ever reads this u better keep scrolling and ignore it hahaha. but ya good things coming just need to change my mindset and get over myself basically. stop caring what other people think and just grind. i feel like i haven’t been in this good of an opportunity for growth before and i need to take it. big thing of the year is that i’ve never been so comfortable with my sexuality (lesbian) before and im so proud of myself. telling every new person i meet about it. it’s a journey still obvi but im so open and accepted and loved anyway. from the people that matter that is. strangers/coworkers is fun too and cool to see. im excited to continue to develop relationships with co workers. some of them are the bomb. others not so much lol but the good ones are down ass homies. im excited to make money, travel (solo??), meet new people, date, not date, get tattoos, be a dog mom, be a good friend/daughter/stranger/aunt, learn new recipes, gain weight, lose weight, go to church, find new songs and whatever just experience LIFE. i truly have been missing out since i got dumped and honestly if i am completely honest with myself before that too and just have done a disservice to myself and everyone around me. i learned a lot from that whole experience and i’m glad to have had that but jesus did it have to hurt that bad for that long!!! i’m thankful for the people who stuck around during my valleys and hope they will stick around for the hills too. if u didn’t stick around then no hard feelings and wish u all the best. but honestly i was not a good friend and i understand. i’m working on myself in so many different ways and will be a whole new person coming up soon. hopefully. haha. anyway that’s my last electric journal entry for let’s sayyyyyy at least a month if all goes well lol but the goal is until 2022. word/theme of the year for my bday/the new year is growth/bloom/spontaneity/positive/good vibes/sunshine chasin. wish me luck! & if none of this happens then mind ur business and i probably got depressed and unmotivated again. check in coming soon 👹 (new fav emoji) byeeer