sunshine in my eyes;

Vincenzo also said that his island in Malta was a hideout out for loved ones. Call me self indulgent, but I’d like to think that all the postcards he sent had that same picture of his island not because he couldn’t expend the minimal effort to pick different postcards but because it represents the place where they have the hope of a future and a home together.

summary - saudade: a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for something or someone that one cares for or loves.

I don’t know what to say other than this is 3k+ of purely self-indulgent trash. The first chapter is excessively angsty, fluff will appear soon, I promise.

I don’t need to say anything.

park ju-hyung is abandoned in a South Korean orphanage when he’s 7.

he gets adopted by an Italian couple, the Rossis, who want nothing more than to be parents. they’re older, but kind and patient with him. he misses his mom at first, has a hard time adapting to Italy, the language, the food, the people. everything is new and scary. but they’re here every step of the way, consoling him after a nightmare, holding his hand through a difficult night. 

ju-hyung is nothing if not resourceful and intelligent, and he works hard to become vincenzo rossi. he learns Italian quickly, eager for people, for his new family, to accept him. he wants to make sure to become the perfect son, a child no one would think to abandon. 

his adoptive parents sign him up for violin classes when he’s eight. they’re big classical music fans and they want to share their passion with him. he loves the way they look at him when he plays, they seem proud. so he tries hard.

turns out vincenzo is exceptionally good at violin. so much that people start calling him a prodigy. by the time he’s 10, the Cassano Fondation notices him and they become his patrons. he gets homeschooled, but really he just has private tutoring after his day-long violin lessons.

he spends his days at the Fondation, surrounded by teachers, coaches, older students. he’s the youngest there, and he doesn’t get much interactions with people his age. he doesn’t mind, he’s not very social anyway. he might be young but he understands the disdain in some adults’ eyes, he hears the slurs they direct at him from their children’s mouths.

his only friend is Luca, the son of his parent’s cleaner. he’s two years younger than him, immature and childish, the way a kid their age should be, but vincenzo doesn’t mind. he likes playing catch with him when no one’s looking (“be careful not to hurt your hands, vinny. a musician’s hands are just as important as his heart.”, his father had said.) . he likes how carefree and bright Luca looks when he’s playing with his little cars. they hang out on sundays, the only afternoon where vincenzo doesn’t have lessons.

of course, he wins every competition he enters. his audition tapes are played to students 5 years older than him. people gather at the windows of his private classroom at the Fondation.

when he’s 15, he’s getting ready to start his career as a soloist when his adoptive parents die tragically in a car crash. his parents, the people who’d wanted him when no one else did, had left him. he’d been abandoned once again, twice an orphan.

everything happens so fast. he inherits his family’s massive fortune, and Fabio’s the Fondation head, decides to adopt him. he becomes vincenzo cassano. in 15 years, he’s had three different names, three different identities. he doesn’t know who he is, really, but he knows what he can do: play the violin.

and he does, and he takes the classical world by storm, a sensation unlike anything they’ve seen before. he’s praised for his technicality as much as his interpretation, his performance skills mature beyond his young age.

what they don’t see is him rehearsing ten hours a day for years, without a break. vincenzo cassano doesn’t do days off, apparently. he loses himself in his music, in his art, lets it consume him so that ju-hyung, vincenzo

he travels the world, plays in a different country almost every month. he doesn’t have to think about who he is and where he belongs when he plays, he can just focus on the notes, on the emotions the pieces he plays evoke. 

some might think that vincenzo loved his career as a world class violinist because he was considered one of the best to ever play, a genius admired by all and a forgotten by none. others might believe he simply loved music. they’d be all wrong. he couldn’t care less about fame, recognition and glory. vincenzo played the violin because for a short moment, when he stood on stage, he disappeared. all eyes might have been on him, but vincenzo felt invisible, the music he created hiding him from the world. 

at 33, he’s accomplished everything there is to accomplish, played with every orchestra, every conductor, has interpreted every piece. he’s released 6 albums, two of them winning a Grammy for Best Classical Music Album, has one three Grammy’s for Best Classical Instrumental Solo and is the best paid soloist on the circuit. 

vincenzo cassano is tired, drained and empty. he’s given everything he had to give, and music isn’t enough anymore. he wants to live a life away from people now, on his own. but first, there is something he needs to do: find his biological mother. 

he had started therapy a year ago, not by choice. luca and his agent, mateo, all but forced him to go. “it’ll do you some good to talk about what goes on in there. there’s no shame in going.”, luca had tried. “if you don’t go, i’m cancelling all your performances for the next year.”, mateo had had the last word. 

he had discussed his adoption and the anger he arbored towards his biological mother with his therapist, and had concluded that he should try to have some closure. he needed to know why she left him, what made her decide he wasn’t good enough. six months ago, he’d hired a private investigator based in Seoul to search for her. a month later, he had a name and an address. Geumga community center, where she apparently teaches the violin. 

after he learns that his biological mom is a violin teacher, vincenzo feels sick every time picks up his instrument. he’s forced to stop playing, to stop performing, to stop disappearing. anger runs in his veins, underneath the surface, threatening to erupt at any time. 

“Vincenzo Cassano announces retirement from the music scene, world mourns his absence already” “Vincenzo Cassano is retiring because of mental health issues, insiders reveal” “Is Vincenzo Cassano retiring because he’s not the best anymore?” 

he flies out to Seoul on a whim, without telling his team or Luca. he books a 5-star hotel a few subway stations from the community center. he’s given himself a week. a week to confront his mother, to close this chapter. 

he never makes it to the community center. instead he walks around Seoul, head low. people recognise him, which he didn’t expect. although he feels no particular attachment to his motherland, South Koreans are very fond of him. how could they not, when one of their compatriots is the best violinist in the world? over the years he’s had a few interviews in South Korea and has donated to some local charities. although most of it was orchestrated by his management team, people seemed to love him and his name meant something here. 

the closer he gets to going to his mother’s workplace is a small restaurant right in front of the community center. he’s not used to korean food anymore, but he enjoys it. the place is empty until one man, probably around 55 years old, sits right in front of him. “a bottle of makgeolli, please!” he asks the owner. 

“can i help you?” vincenzo says, surprised someone would dare to sit at a stranger’s table. “mmh. why have you been hovering past the Geumga community center for a week?” 

“hovering?”, vincenzo scoffs, “i don’t think this is any of your business, sir.” 

respect is for those who deserve it, not for those who demand it

so here i am, overanalyzing vincenzo episodes again like i don't have any college responsibilities, and imagine my surprise when i realized that, even though they don't explicitly say it, miss hong cha young stayed at vincenzo's for grand total of five nights (more or less, judging from the changes of clothes we see cha young go through from ep 9-10). i just think that's. that's so. so !!!!.

allow me to share a few headcanons (some of these are literally canon):

vincenzo letting her stay even though he knows she's lying about his window.

late night drinks!!!

drinking coffee together in the mornings.

cha young teasing vincenzo for spending a solid 15 minutes doing his hair before work.

vincenzo letting cha young have his bed once inzaghi's mess has been taken care of.

vincenzo's amusement the first night cha young sings in the shower (she's terrible oh god)

cha young's amusement when one day she gets home late after staying longer at the office only to find vincenzo in the middle of one of his self-care wine-and-opera kinda nights.

and FUCK

What was that ending????? how did you all survive without having the next episode to watch????

okay. calm down.

first of all, the beginning was amazing. I loved that they planned babel and co would get away very easily and they already knew what to do.

and Han-seo was ready to give his brother to Vincenzo. but Vincenzo has honor. affff. although I do agree, Vincenzo would not keep his part of the bargain even if he accepted, because he will not let babel stand by the end.

that Ms Choi I wanna kill her. she xobtacted Vincenzo's brother!!!! aaaaaahhhhh I hope she suffers a lot at the end. I hate her very much.

and Mi-Ri is actually a super hacker who has always known where the gold was. I really thought she was only observant and noticed the things happening around her.

the American couple were super sweet. I loved them and how much they loved their night.

Cha-young pretending to speak English and saying a lot of gibberish? ohhh I've done that. and it's so much fun to see people's reaction! (although my English was much better than hers)

but I AM DYING WITH THE SLOW BURN. come on. it's been 14 episodes, and they only kissed now, and it was not even "real"???? they were in character??? like obviously the kiss was real, they were super into it. but also feel the awkwardness in that car!!!!

I'm just glad they were laughing together at the end.

AND THEN THAT FUCKING HAPPENED.

why????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

and the thing is. I bet Vincenzo doesn't want to die, but he kinds of accepts it as part of who he is. but also, he knows he can't die, because all the people he cares about are going to be in danger the moment he dies.

and let's be real. he cares about all of them. not just Cha-young, but he cares about all the other tenants as well.

I think the whole Vincenzo parting for a while plot was explicitly made for Vincenzo to realize his feelings for both cha young and the newfound family in Korea. I think it revolves around the parallel of him saying he will leave Korea as he has no attachment in this country but when he actually has to do it, even temporarily, he realized the attachment he has and couldn’t leave.

And I have been wondering what would it take for Vincenzo to actually acknowledge his feelings to cha young, like for his character, he won’t randomly confess, we know he deems himself to be undeserving of love because of the deeds he has done (the infamous deleted scene which is actually important for this part of character development)...

Next, the kiss scene was just a chance he(they) took because well they had the perfect opportunity and it was required. Post that, they both probably know how much they long each other but are suppressing the feelings because of all the bigger and important issues happening. After this, Vincenzo losing his mom is another major development that has actually made the love line even more of a not-required accessory for him at the moment. It has also been a trigger that made him descend into pure mafia-like evil, and deepened the conflicts in their minds, i.e, him thinking love is even more unnecessary for him and cha young questioning his morals and her love for him... we could see she wasn’t totally comfortable with killing the crystal ball guy. And this is also probably the reason for Vincenzo going solo and cha young getting reduced to a side character (I hate it but that is what is required in the plot).

So coming back to my main point of what would it take for Vincenzo to realize his feelings and act on them is their parting (and he couldn’t take it and came back immediately...), now from the preview cha young being in danger might be the next trigger that might push him to confront his feelings directly BUT, the resolution of his conflict of whether he deserves the love or not would be the ultimate decider. And from cha young’s side, it is yet to be seen if she can accept the entire past and baggage that comes along with Vincenzo... she still has her morals(that she learned from her father) and second thoughts of killing people and is definitely in a conflict if she should hop on the real mafia train.. again from the preview it looks like she witnessing another death might give her the push to completely go evil and this same process might let her accept Vincenzo completely.

Sooooo we need the next two episodes to address this properly before jumping into the confession scene that is being demanded. After this analysis, I think everything in the last two episodes makes sense, so the seeming distance between them and the handshake, not a hug, shows they are not ready for the commitment yet (because of all the reasons mentioned above) but don’t want to lose their friendship. But him coming back is just cementing that their relationship is more than friendship but neither is ready to take the plunge. Them confessing without showing the resolution of these conflicts would actually be out of character.

because it seems that i, like the rest of chayenzo nation, can’t tear my heart away from this scene, here is my analysis of every millisecond. enjoy!

vincenzo and cha young both try so hard to hold on to their masks throughout this scene, and ultimately fail, because their feelings are no longer unconscious enough to be kept hidden. cha young puts on her incredibly brave, nonchalantly cheerful “everything will be alright” facade, doing her best to console both mr nam and vincenzo, even though she’s falling apart inside, because here it is, the moment she has been dreading from the start, the moment she has to watch vincenzo leave for italy. vincenzo puts on his automatic “this is not a big deal” facade, doing his best to push down the consciousness of how much he hates leaving cha young even for just two weeks. but their defenses keep crumbling throughout their interaction: cha young is almost in tears, while vincenzo can’t stop looking at her like he wants to imprint the sight of her on his soul.

when cha young tells vincenzo that he doesn’t ever need to buy her a present from abroad, she’s not only purposefully lightening the mood to make it easier for them to part without breaking, but she’s also implying that this gesture would have been normal and expected between them if she didn’t refuse it, that this staple of married behaviour belongs to their daily interactions, that they’re practically a couple. and vincenzo, as always, can’t help but be delighted by her dramatism, and he grins openly, no longer feeling the need to hide how much he enjoys her antics.

throughout the conversation, they both try to take care of each other with subtle advice - “go on, don’t wait for me”, “go inside, have a cup of coffee” - showing more concern for the other than for their own troubled emotional state.

as he looks everywhere but at cha young before he goes inside the airport, vincenzo is clearly struggling to tell her something more, to make a statement or a gesture to show her how he feels, but he settles on the familiar “call me if anything happens”, because how could he confess his love only to walk away from her? how would he bring himself to leave her side if he lets the full force of his emotions show, if he so much as touches her? and cha young, who is trying to make leaving as easy as possible for him, tells him only not to worry about her, and keeps herself from saying or doing something that could tether him to her when he needs to fly away.

except, she can’t.

except, this might be the last time she sees him. this might be her last chance to tell him how she feels. she can’t walk away from it, she can’t live in the most painful hell, the hell of regret.

so she runs after him, calling out to him in a parallel of the ep.6 scene in which she asks him out for drinks, another important leap forward in their relationship that only she is capable of making.

and when vincenzo turns towards her, he knows whatever she is about to do or say will make or break him, and doesn’t even try to wipe that knowledge from his face. even before she starts speaking, he is looking at her like his life hangs in the balance of her words.

“l’amicizia è un’anima che abita in due corpi.”

at some point in their relationship, cha young must have decided to learn an italian phrase to say to vincenzo when she’s finally ready to express her feelings. she must have looked it up, practiced the pronunciation over and over again until the sounds rolled smoothly off her tongue, repeated the words meant for him in the privacy of her home while thinking of the moment when she’ll say them, thinking of how he would react.

and vincenzo is bewitched. he looks at her with the startled admiration he had in his eyes when she told him she releases him from his promise not to hurt their enemies, like he almost can’t believe that she’s real and that she’s his. by the time cha young finishes speaking, vincenzo has fallen in love with her all over again. if there was a single atom in his body that wasn’t completely smitten with her until this moment, that atom’s a goner.

her words are both a statement and a gesture, a surface and a symbol, and vincenzo understands every layer of meaning within them.

and here is vincenzo’s shy smile while looking down, the marker of every time he falls deeper in love with cha young despite his intentions or judgement.

“what hurts you, hurts me too, so don’t ever get hurt”. while this line is practically a confession, cha young’s gesture of extending her hand for a handshake harks back to the very core of their relationship: partnership. it’s her way of both stepping back from holding him to korea if he doesn’t want to stay (little does she know, she already destroyed his last ounce of self-control on the matter) while emphasizing that he will always have her friendship, even if he doesn’t want anything more.

and the look on vincenzo’s face is of someone who has understood that the most important thing in his life is right in front of him, and he has to protect it at all costs.

they hold each other’s hands and gazes firmly, letting their eyes express everything they can’t allow themselves to articulate.

because sometimes rage is what keeps you going