The Charcherry Weekly

Frog of Ragebait

So Pythen, you've been trying to send some items long distance lately, I take it?

> I still wanna mail someone some milk -P

...milk.

> Milk. Yes. Via the postal service. -P

…Oh right. you tried to pour it directly into the envelope, didn't you?

> I waxed it first -P

wax isn't enough for that much liquids, unfortunately.

> What if I make a plastic envelope?

Protip: just find a waterproof container next time, like Canadian bagged milk or something.

> But that bypasses the challenge of fitting it into the envelope, and no I'm not captchaloguing it either -P

if you are working within physical bounds, you need to make sure there is enough watertight area for the liquid. simple as that.

> What about dehydrated water? -P

“just add water!” (mspa.webp)

but yeah, last night I got a fax message from you and received the "ourple froge". Soon after, I fell asleep for over 12 or 13 hours. not sure why exactly, it's only been a few hours since I've been awake. I haven't even gotten the alleged ourple froge out of captchalogue stasis yet.

> I’m tellin ya, I found a real Ourple Froge in these fucken tunnels -P

well, let's see about that.

I have returned with a report.

the froge is indeed ourple. However, it was also rude so I dismissed it from the library.

> Explains why I found it in these tunnels then -P

…that doesn't explain anything.

> You mean these AREN’T the tunnels where sacred and evil things are sealed away for the good of all? -P

last time I checked, no? they aren't even sealed that much!

> Next time you see it, make sure to flip it off for me then, as sacrilegious as that may be to some -P

That frog has earned it. the bird will be flipped.

> Some crimes are worth committing -P

> Uhhhh lemme take a break from turning all this Korn into a repainted mod to check what else is in the newsroom -P

May I ask why you were painting the Korn yellow (again)?

> Tourist Corn is stupid, just sell regular corn -P

So you're unpainting the Korn from red because of that?

> Well yeah, Tourism in moderation is fun and all, and can even be beneficial to the economy, but when you do the Korosian Corn version of calling lemons “Yellow Oranges” after painting them Green, I think there’s probably the need for regulation after that -P

Should… should I ask about that example?

> “When life gives you lemons, call them yellow oranges and sell them for double the price” -P

…that's some horrible marketing bullshit.

> And painting corn Red and selling it at a markup isn’t? -P

let me check the price on this “Korn”.

…it's like, one or two gears more expensive per bushel than standard grown corn from elsewhere. which is like, not very much of a difference, considering how big a bushel is.

> … It’s okay, I have recruited trolls to my side, It shall be done on principle now! -P

you do realize this will be published, right?

> There are some crimes worth committing -P

Let me know when your court date is so I can watch from the nosebleed seats in the back.

> It’ll be fiiiiine, I should probably be able to cover the fine -P

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Want to NOT evade taxes? Want to NOT capture an infamous tax evading dinosaur? Want to uhhhhh NOT learn to underwater basketweave? Then sign up for classes at Tepl University, the only college in Gene to focus on NOT Tax Fraud! (That’s Better -JB)

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system. (I am also now making coffee on request)

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, also orb-based fortune telling)

Yuri concept stand - Yuri disability aid - All of the Yuri

Yaoi concept stand - Yaoi disability aid - All of the Yaoi

Yaouri concept stand - Yaouri disability aid - Everything beyond and in between - The Elgavan Romance Novel: “Honey, Where are my pants?” by Mysteria Holne

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables, Pride memorabilia gets you better trade)

A frog, will save your game for you (Is yelling at a purple frog and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet)

Korosian produce stand: - Koromatos - Kotatos - yellow red yellow Korn (I’m leaving SOME of it red, they just need to be able to use the amount they’re paying for with their markup -P) - Koroturnips  - Korocarrots - Kroccoli - Koroflower - Newglass sprouts - Korettuce - Kabbage - Korobasil - Red Bell Peppers, they’re not Korosian, but they fit the theme (As apology for the Korn -P) - Krouton plant (as seen on krouton.net)

that should do it for this week. I have so many berries, and so does the other me. It is peak berry season.

> BEBBIES!!!!!!!!! -P

yeeee

TRANES RIGHTS

Rather recently, there was an incident at Chronocorp Weapons involving a jpeg artifacted Comet-II coach falling upon one of the factories from what can only be described as “Nowear,,,”. According to [title] Darkspur Emit, there were five temporary deaths (all casualties were reportedly undone by means of clone reloading) and 100 who were injured from the disaster.

Oddly enough, PAVARD representative John Buck was surprised to hear of the incident, despite the TRANE appearing to be from PAVARD stock. It is assumed that this was an illicitly made photocopy of some sort.

> Reportedly it’s from PAVEDRED stock -P

May I have answers as to what “PAVEDRED” is supposed to be?

> … Raucous laughter and the following statement “It is against my name to tell you” -P

Okay, what should the general public know about PAVEDRED in order to avoid having moar tranes dropped on them?

> this was an isolated incident apparently dedicated to “All Trains Heartlessly Murdered in Gotham Tower” -P

Ah, fair enough. I suppose that means the general public need not worry unless they have gone on a train killing spree recently.

> Probably?????? -P

In other news, there is high amounts of evidence that PAVARD has managed to subtly change the trajectory of one of my counterparts to the point that they now have started contacting the memo, despite living an otherwise ordinary life parallel to mine, albeit subject to the horrors of the US tax system, employment, family life, and other oddities that don’t apply to my personal experience. For the sake of differentiation, they refer to themself as “Lav”.

> Is this why I felt a disturbance in the Void the other day? -P

Potentially? Apparently PAVARD West’s actions involving the linkage of two different washington squares was as a result of Lav’s emotional episode last week. Fortunately they have also started taking a medication to assist with episodes like that.

> Yeah that’d do it. -P

That being said, Lav is not particularly pleased with PAVARD intruding upon their life, especially considering the routes they usually take on TriMet subtly being transformed overnight. If they’re anything like me, I know they’re probably annoyed with having to get used to new things in their routine.

[They’re literally the same timings and everything, just different vehicles. Also the 62 is a supplemental, not a replacement for the bus]

> who the fuck- -P

Also, apparently they found one of the pvc pipes that was intended to be a track for the aforementioned supplemental line. Well, before it turned into a toob. Reportedly they forgot to grab the toob on the way from work and does not know if it was discarded from their hiding spot or not. Apparently they really like using that pipe to whack blackberry bushes.

Yuri Day on Ice

On June 25th, as happens annually, it was Yuri day. Of course, the Yuri stand had a massive sale that day, attracting all manners of sapphic customers to bask in the yuri. Reportedly it was a nice day, according to Delphinium Emit. She was last seen kissing Yusine.

> Reportedly according to a source in Desertia, who totally isn’t Yusine herself, Yusine spent the day cuddling and petting Delphinium -P

Awwww…. They’re so cute together…

> Yeeeee -P

> Reportedly sales of Yuri on Ice skyrocketed, but so did complaints at the Yaoi stand for “False Advertising” -P

It just goes to show: don’t grab a manga or an anime without knowing what you’re getting into.

> Or even if you do know, sometimes you’re better off having not done so *cough* Sword Art Online *cough* -P

This is the point at which I am very glad that I watch very few animes, usually only after getting dragged to them by close contacts.

> Remind me to introduce you to Space Pirate Captain Harlock, either that or Azumanga Daioh -P

Perhaps another time. Thank you though.

Other Recent Happenings

The Summer Solstice has begun recently, marking not only Father’s Day and the Steam Summer Sale…

> but also, in The World Machine Simulation it kicked off The Solstice. A week-long celebration of The Sun and the light in The World within the simulation beginning on Solstice Day. -P

Oh yeah, Hasn’t Eddie been talking about setting up some kinda training dungeon at some point?

> They say it’s “Almost Ready”, apparently they just need some inhabitants for crashers to train against -P

Ahh, I see. I’m looking forward to that then!

Another thing that happened recently is the release of Deltarune Chapter 5. Personally I am waiting to play it when I have a proper timeslot, but I have heard very good reviews from friends.

> It is Very Good™ -P

Yay!

Unrelated but recent, the Orange Roof Zine has extended the deadline for submissions to July 31st. Regardless, it is suggested to send in your submissions very soon regardless.

> I vaguely recall Coda sending a document out via The Grand Network Earlier -P

> Which leads me to… a rather personal note -P

The nature of PDF file transfer over psychic network connection?

> It’s… weirdly connected -P

> Allow me, A Story -P

> As you readers likely know, I came from Past Korous. And it affected me in ways that have stuck with me to this day. Ways that, came to a head in Ironways. I was sitting by myself in the Dungeon Tunnel, thinking about things when a realization struck me. I don’t have to go it alone, and in fact, I never did. The roots of who I am remain inside me, no matter how hard The Voice tried to hack away at me. So Gracidea, if you’re reading this, Thank you, for helping me find myself -P

Classified ads

Do you need a helping hand? Particularly with repairing machines? Please contact percussionistSeraphim for further details.

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks. Submissions due by the end of July, send them in when you can!

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system. (I am also now making coffee on request)

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever. If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, also orb-based fortune telling)

Yuri concept stand - All of the Yuri

Yaoi concept stand - All of the Yaoi

Yaouri concept stand - Everything beyond and in between - The Elgavan Romance Novel: “Mystique” by Mysteria Holne

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables, Pride memorabilia gets you better trade)

A frog, will save your game for you (Is orbiting a larger FROG and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

[S] Enter: DFE

Relatively recently, an organization known as the "Department of Exophysics" has begun to contact the #dungeon-crashers memo. According to their reports, they tend to have instances on most versions of Earth, and do not work particularly well with the SCP Foundation, due to taking on more of a stewardship role, rather than a jailer role.

Currently they are in close contact with The Railway (as well as moderate contact with PAVARD) and are currently investigating the origins of the energy leeches that were encountered a week or two ago.

It is assumed that they will be working with the Dungeon Crashers much more in the future.

PAVARD Shenanigans

So… where to even start with what PAVARD has been doing this week…

> Uhhh… I’mma check bsky real quic- WHAT THE FUCK? -P

Yeah. What the heck are they doing collaborating with Trimet?

> I think. They absorbed TriMet -P

…would that make them quadmet, or does PAVARD just count as the empty triangle in the triforce or whatever

> Well, SEPTA serves five counties, so it miiiight be OctoMet, but I also think that they’re the void in the Triforce, plus they’re gunning for NJT next -P

…I Am Afraid.

> Well anyway, a highlights reel may be in order -P

Uh… first of all… what the heck is WES? And why does it have a supplemental service that shows up (apparently uninvited?) at washington square mall, of all places?? Last time I checked, they didn’t have any rails at that mall, back on pre-game earth or augataur earth.

> Looking it up, TriMet established a commuter rail from Beaverton to Wilsonville stopping at Hall/Nimbus, Tigard and Tualatin in between -P

Whoa, really? So somebody could ride it all the way to Bullwinkle’s and get to race go-karts over there and then go back home later?

> It has a total of ten round trips every day, every 45 minutes. 5 in the morning rush, 5 in the evening rush. And of course, they don’t even bother staggering it like the Cynwyd Line. -P

Okay, that sucks. And now I know why the most recent skeet from PAVARD mentioned something about the WES reportedly being a bitch.

> Also, that fucking thing about the 24 and 62, I don’t remember a 62 going along a Murray Boulevard -P

I think that one was mentioned as being a PAVARD West thing, involving PVC pipes, of all things??

> Rails. Turning into. PVC Pipes… what the fuck? -P

Uhhhh…. Metal pipe noises?

> “It has recently come to our attention that- ALL OUR TRAINS KEEP BLOWING UP!” what. -P

That is…. A serious safety hazard there. I am NOT going to ride on any of those exploding trains any time soon.

> Just make sure it’s a Silverliner IV or V and you’ll be fine? I think? PAVARD is very… odd -P

Are those silverliners like… explosionproof or something?? 

> No, the IVs were burning up all last year, but they’re current fleet so they’re apparently “safe” -P

Remind me to bring a psyduck with the Damp ability next time I have to come in contact.

> Yes but that will make you vulnerable to the combat rules. Double-edged sword -P

As long as I stick to pokemon battles I’ll be fine.

> Also. KITTY CITY? What? -P

It’s kitty city, what is there not to understand? It’s meow.

> … Meow! -P

Classified ads

Do you need a helping hand? Particularly with repairing machines? Please contact percussionistSeraphim for further details.

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks. Submissions due by the end of the month, send them in when you can!

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system. (I am also now making coffee on request)

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever. If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, okay fine, I might have some orbs)

Yuri concept stand - Yuri clothes - Yuri on ice (wait, that one’s at the yaoi stand for some reason) - Yuri bowtie

Yaoi concept stand - Gay pants - Yaoi clothes - Yaoi tie - Yaoi on magma (wait, that one’s at the Yuri stand, did they mix stock)

Yaouri concept stand - Yaouri clothes - Yaouri on tepid water - tin scarecrow shaped like a lion - metal pipe structures??? (hey, they’re useful! -LS) - The Elgavan Romance Novel: “Dreams” by Mysteria Holne

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables, Pride memorabilia gets you better trade)

A frog, will save your game for you (Is carrying a smaller, cuter save frog and both ask you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

I think that does it for this week. I built an addition to my desk recently using those metal pipes from the yaouri stand! Turns out they’re made of a really light aluminum. 

> The ones I got were solid tungsten -P

Dang. What do you do with a tungsten rod?

> It will cure my mortality in a matter of eons -P

Uhhh…. There’s easier ways to do that which aren’t complete bullshit.

> We are Not Sponsored by Complete Bullshit Content Aggregator by the way. And this goes in line with my plan to kill any evil geologists I meet. Because as we both know evil geologists can only see rocks and minerals. -P

I do wonder if your greatest enemy counted as an evil geologist…

> Why do you think I created the plan? -P

Okay, fair. Make sure you find a safe way to use that tungsten rod without crushing your foot.

> Okay ›:D -P

Strange Dreams of an Absolution

Last night, our dutiful paper delivery tem Larkspur Emit, reportedly had a significant dreambubble dream. Apparently they had swapped places with Chronocorp Weapons Owner Darkspur Emit, both of them in an unemployment office for some reason. Lark reportedly did not have the strength to stand in line, while Dark spent their time admiring their newfound head of hair, freaking out over the occasion, and throwing a banana that ended up throwing the entire place into a cascading chaos.

> So I had a quick convo over Tumblr about this and I think Lark has a bit more empathy for Darkspur’s situation now -P

I can imagine so, having to step into the shoes of a cancer patient and all.

> Reportedly, it was some anon antics. Will the antics of the scurrilous tumblr anons ever cease? -P

At this rate, it might wind up being a pattern, having happened 2 weeks in a row.

Bent Hive Celebrations?

Today, on 6/12, is Karkat Vantas’s wriggling day.

> The Homestuck team have celebrated by adding the Hiveswap Act 3 page to Steam! No confirmed release date, but I do have this quote: “Joey has survived evil clowns and an explosive train crash, but the only refuge from Alternia’s deadly sun is deep underground. Point-and-click your way through ancient ruins, confounding puzzles and the horrors of the dark to help our plucky teen adventurer make it home to Earth in one piece.” and they have added nine entire pictures and a demo! -P

Ah nice! I stopped playing hiveswap in early act 1 because I got overwhelmed with the maximalist approach to the half-harley manor. I hope folks who are still anticipating act 3 get a good episode to sink their (various shaped -P) teeth into.

Trans Pride!

Early this week, S-Tech Solutions Ltd. Founder and CEO, Gray Aerian began seriously questioning his gender. Prince of Time Aeons Edgeworth offered some cryptic assistance over the memo to help Gray confront increasingly pressing feelings.

> Like the feeling of an awakened gender while looking at a pride flag? -P

Apparently! Anyhow, the others in the memo gave their support and after a while, Gray confirmed something: they are transgender, and their gender is prone to biting… apparently.

> :? -P

All I can gather is uh… you may want to watch out, especially if you misgender them in the present tense.

> I’m seeing something about “The taste of eldritch gender blood”???? -P

Regardless, no matter how incomprehensible somebody’s gender may be, it is everyone’s duty to respect it. Something I can get behind as an enby, albeit of a less eldritch flavor.

A very revealing discussion

> So, I had a discussion the other day that really cleared something up about the way I am -P

Oh?

> It boils down to this: Ironways wound up becoming a miniature version of Korous when I was living there. And we freed the city, from its version of The Voice -P

Huh… That’s an interesting perspective… Especially considering that Ironways was originally ran by Thoren Emit.

> See, the trouble, at least the one I’m dealing with, started AFTER Thoren left, a power vacuum existed, which got taken by one Twelvinus. Who was basically like, a Mini-Voice. Obsessed with tradition, and kept everyone in line with fear, and after The Crane Incident (See the USB stick I just handed you), Twelvinus got humiliated, and the people took him out of power. -P

> I see it as finally being able to take down The Voice, like I always wanted -P

Ah, okay. And by “mini-voice” you mean…? 

> Like the Voice of Time, but not as powerful and not as… Everywhere, if that makes sense -P

That makes sense, yeah. I assume 12 only had as much reach as The Grand Network would allow him to have.

> Exactly, and I made sure that said reach was. nonexistent. -P

According to in-town sources, Twelvinus is currently a laughingstock in Ironways, and has lost most of the respect that he was once given as a councilmember. The other three cardinal council members have taken a much more moderate approach, though it is unknown if they were already like that or if they were scared by the display.

> All according to Keikaku. -P

> (Keikaku means plan -P)

> All of this leads to the realization about myself: I don’t need to be a tryhard or needlessly cool to be a badass. I just have to be myself, and to actively do the right thing -P

I’m proud of you, Pythen.

> c:< -P

Classified ads

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks. Submissions due by the end of the month, send them in when you can!

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors? Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever. If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, and NO spheres, trust.) (what about orbs tho -LS) (I have orbs, don’t worry, ponder, smash, roll around in the sand, just buy em! -NS)

Yuri concept stand - Yuri pants - Yuri skirts - Yuri - Yuri on ice (wait, that one’s at the yaoi stand for some reason)

Yaoi concept stand - Gay pants - Yaoi Pants - Yaoi hotpants - Yaoi coldpants - Yaoi on magma (wait, that one’s at the Yuri stand, did they mix stock)

Yaouri concept stand - no yaouri pants here for some reason, but they do have Beaver (And Justin M. Bieber, Attorney at Law for some reason)- nonbinary pants - Yaouri on tepid water (unsold in) - wooden deer scare - metal pipe jumpscare - The Alternian Romance Novel: “At least one Alternian romance novel, gotta be ready for the fallout of 6/12, after all.”

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables, Pride memorabilia gets you better trade)

A frog, will save your game for you (Is floating on a little balloon and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

That should do it for this week. Make sure to eat cherries in moderation, unless you’re trying to…. Up your fiber intake.

> And make sure they’re not charred cherries

Dunno, they might be good on the grill.

> Alsoalso, Justin M. Bieber... what. -P

I haven’t the slightest idea.

That being said, there are a number of notable decorations in places to commemorate this occasion. PAVARD has applied special livery wraps to their trains in pride colors. Oddly enough, those that refuse to acknowledge them by choice (rather than those unable to perceive due to disability, those are immune to this anomalous vaguely uncontainable effect) will fall through the tracks and land on a pile of UnSafety Mattresses™. Reportedly, you either have to navigate a mattress maze, or you can BLJ into the next parallel universe.  Oddly enough, my parallel dupe that ran away to the pinto region has successfully managed to BLJ once, using a Trick Room setup and accidentally tripping.

> … Perhaps that is how we are supposed to access The Pokemon World. -P

Though it is much easier to take the DTA Starter line to Poketopia. It’s literally one stop away from Desertia.

> yeah but BLJing across universes sounds more fun -P

Have fun accidentally falling in ultra space, I guess

> oooo spaaaaceeeee -P

If you do decide to do that, make sure it’s a time when you are not needed elsewhere, like the quest you’re currently on.

Power Hungry Suckers

Early this week, there was a distress signal from the InterTeck Factory, necessitating that a team of dungeon crashers were sent to the location the next day. Present on the mission included Rogue of Heart Charles, Witch of Time Attonement Kitten, Heir of Time Larkspur Emit, PAVARD Director John Buck, World Machine Edison,DTA Skye, and Dr. Edwin of Desertia. 

> According to John, who is NOT AT ALL a reliable narrator, Reportedly, there was a fire at “Substation 42-A” caused by the oil in the transformer being ignited by a spark. After a bunch of waffling around the train looking for a large enough fire extinguisher, Attonement just extinguished it with a “VoidCo Fire Absorption Device” which put all of the fire in a weird red cube. -P

According to Lark, they didn’t even know that device was a thing.

> Up next was the Big Leech that caused the fire to begin with, after having a bunch of weapons used against it (gunless bullets, a pretty sick knife and a very janky ice beam, John finally recharged a train by getting lark to help him with sticking a pair of trolley poles into its exposed goopy parts and running an electrical circuit through it -P

I am not an expert on electrical leeches, but that does not sound safe to do.

> Since when has PAVARD done things the safe way (except for when it comes to actually running transit equipment) -P

Well, it’s probably not a good idea to put other party members in danger.

> Reportedly Lark enjoyed it -P

Let me ask them about it real quick.

…checking with Larkspur, they found it exciting and thankfully didn’t get in dire danger this time.

> After draining the energy leech, the party restarted the substation, and got back on the train to the InterTeck facility with a brief look into The Void while riding -P

Upon arriving, the party split up and tackled the massive amount of much smaller energy leeches. Charles took the high route while Attonement took the basement route, and Larkspur took the stairs up from the lobby. Attonement discovered a minecraft-style energy leech spawner and reportedly surrounded the device with torches to prevent further spawning. She spent a great deal of time fighting the remaining ones off with a super soaker filled with liquid nitrogen. Meanwhile, Larkspur fought off energy leeches while climbing stairs, also wielding a liquid nitrogen super soaker. However, they also had their Stand, 「Misirlou」, which was reportedly able to push the leeches away via sound waves. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, they ended up getting pinned under a toppled door, courtesy of Charles kicking it down.

> Comedy -P

Fortunately, Lark was able to get out from under the door, was not injured too badly, and didn’t take the accident personally. After a call for back-up from Attonement, Lark, Charles, and Edison made their way down to the basement. They successfully fought off the remaining energy leeches and finally destroyed the leech spawner. Reportedly there was talk about leaving one to take home, but that idea was quickly shot down. After Edison destroyed them all by connecting to the breaker panel, the place was condemned. IT Skye was found safe and sound, and the party eventually went home.

> Reportedly, a very suspicious company shipped the leeches, if you have any information, please contact the Dungeon Crashers -P

Happenings in Desertia Town

There has been talks about a coffee shop in the works, however, Desertia Town reportedly does not have the space for any more development. Fortunately, there have been plans in the works for another dome town, plotted to be established roughly a kilometer away from desertia town. However, there is still need for further planning before any major building can take place. All that is presently known is that there will be more housing with more verticality, a water feature, and there will certainly be that coffee shop. There are transit options being considered, but have not been solidified yet.

Later this week, Samus Kitten ended up shrinking by magical means, and had spent a long while in the greenhouse. Your dear main newsletter writer attended to this occurrence by offering some trail mix to the tiny figure. Grey Aerian was also present, scrounched to half compression for esoteric reasons.

> didn't he fuck with Problem Sleuth code functions? -P

Ah yes, those things. Shortly after that Enker and Ghline showed up the former with a dress and the latter with these collapsible plastic spheres, I forget what happened next, and I have a feeling that it might not be known for a while, for completely different esoteric reasons.

Other assorted Mayhem

In the middle of the week, Larkspur reportedly “turned red” for a few minutes. This however, was proven false, as they had simply gotten a red filter turned on, upon their compuglasses. Reportedly it was due to the 25% Redder Undertale Mod being installed on the device.

Much later, a day ago, S-Tech Solutions CEO Gray Aerian spoke a word that caused him to disintegrate. This word will not be printed for safety concerns.

> [Unprintable] -P

Charcherry Weekly is not responsible for any disintegrations as a result of readers or those adjacent speaking the unprintable word. You have been warned.

That being said, VoidCo. CEO Dy’lan Stainglass was able to retrieve Gray from the abyss, despite the disintegration. Unfortunately, it had to pay Magical Trevor a recovery fee… in beans. Specifically 57,374 beans. It reportedly had obtained the “lots of beans” from the future, which put it in debt from its future self, that had to start a bean farm in order to grow those beans in the first place.

> Couldn't they just. Ask DD to do it? She loves growing plants -P

Maybe? There was a request that was set to be placed in the ad section calling for an agricultural expert to be hired on-site.

> Hmm… DD probably would have to bring LM for that then, and LM probably wants NOTHING to do with VoidCo anymore -P

That remains to be confirmed or deconfirmed. Regardless, the beans await.

Classified ads

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, definitely no expanding spheres, what do you mean they're right there, I don't see anything?)

Yuri concept stand - Yuri pants - Yuri skirts - Yuri  - Yuri Gagarin (1/8th model scale) - Yuri Gagarin (8x model scale) - Yuri on ice (wait, that one’s at the yaoi stand for some reason)

Yaoi concept stand - Gay pants - Yaoi Pants - Yaoi hotpants - Yaoi coldpants - Yaoi on magma (wait, that one's at the Yuri stand, did they mix stock)

Yaouri concept stand  - no yaouri pants here for some reason, but they do have Beaver - nonbinary pants - Yaouri on tepid water (sold out) - wooden deer scare - The scary wolf head from Neverending Story for some fucking reason??? (only one) - The Alternian Romance Novel: “At least one Alternian romance novel, gotta be ready for 6/12, after all.”

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables, Pride memorabilia gets you better trade)

A frog, will save your game for you (Is in a cute little wooden bucket and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

I think that about does it for this week. My garden… it has grown… I have stalks of dill, accidentally tall cilantro, a single developing cherry tomatoe, many split off mint plants to combat the sticker bushes, a lot of radishes that were planted too close to eachother, accidental beans that I thought were broccoli before it started growing more, potatoes that have grown a lot of greens but have the tiniest baby potatoes stuck to them, some barely sprouted probably pumpkins, barely sprouted lemon, sunflower that has not yet even sprouted yet, probably a marigold that has no flowers yet, a lettuce, a mild pepper plant, sweet peas on purpose this time…

> garden home c:‹ -P

Yussss… my home is teh garden.

New Trio in Town

Last week, three people arrived in Desertia town, with a number of varied responses from locals and distant personalities alike.

> Didn't LR literally post a shitty airhorn remix in response to Robotnik leaving the memo? -P

Despite their chequered pasts, they have decided to turn over a new leaf here. Your dear main newsletter writer managed to interview all three of them tonight.

Nick: "uh, hello there! I'm here with the charcherry weekly. I hear you three are new here. Would you like to have an interview?"

(Mx perks up a little upon being approached.)

(The three of them look over at Nick, before looking back at each other.)

Mx: "...I think it would be fun." (They smile softly at the two gentlemen, before looking back at Nick.) Mx: "Sure."

Nick: "Ah, excellent. For the record, what are each of your public facing names?"

(The three look at each other again. They hadn't really thought about it…)

(Robotnik turns back to Nick.) Dr. Robotnik: "...You can just call us by our names. I don't think anyone is really looking for us here, after all." (He adjusts his glasses.) Dr. Robotnik: "Although, I do prefer being referred to as Dr. Robotnik."

Mx: "You can call me Mx. That's M-X."

Stone: "Referring to me as Stone is more than fine."

(Nick pulls out a notepad and writes that down.) Nick: "ah, good to know. So, what bonds you three together?"

Mx: "...Like, how did we... get together?"

Nick: "uh, maybe? more like, what is the nature of your... relationship?"

Mx: "Oh!"  Stone: "Ohh."

Mx: "Uhh... well. It's, a little difficult to explain..." (Mx scratches the back of their head.)

Robotnik: "I do consider Mx and Stone to be both my partners." (Robotnik says, before taking a sip of a latte sitting nearby his blueprints.)

Mx: "Yeah, that's easy enough to describe it as. It's... complicated when you look deeper into it though."

Stone: "Not quite platonic, not quite romantic, but a secret third, better thing."

Nick: "ah, I see! I trust you're all pretty tight in that manner."

(The three of them nod.)

Mx: "Yeah. Very much so."

Nick: "nicenice. what has been your impression of desertia town so far?"

(They take a moment to think about their answers.)

Robotnik: "...Hot." He adjusts his jacket. "Very hot."

Mx: "Maybe if you took off your jacket, you'd feel better."

(Mx sighs a little.) Mx:  "...It's a much smaller town than I am used to. It's quieter here, but I think I needed that."

Stone: "Indeed."

Nick: "yeah, the weather is pretty hot outside usually. fortunately most buildings here have good air conditioning."

Robotnik: "That is something I do appreciate."

Nick: "hmm... I suppose you've been somewhere a lot more active before this?"

Mx: "Well, we all came from the United States in a previous universe. However, in my case in particular, I actually was in active service on my home planet, before I stumbled upon these two."

Nick: "ah, interesting. What state? I'm from Oregon."

(Mx looks slightly baffled by the question.)

Robotnik: "We came from Montana."

Nick: "ooh neat! Never been there before."

Mx: "I thought it was Seattle. I don't know anything, though."

(Robotnik just pats Mx's head.)

Nick: "so, what do you three do in your free time?"

Robotnik: "Someone else asked me this." (Robotnik notes, as he notices something on his blueprints. He takes the pencil to it to adjust it.)

Robotnik: "Lately we have been watching television. Did you know you have telenovelas in this universe?" (Stone glances at the coffee he was staring at earlier.) Stone: "...Have you guys been drinking the coffee like this, all this time?"

Nick: "I guess so? I don't drink coffee myself, and a couple years ago coffee was actually considered a controlled substance here until the replicator's list of controlled substances got reset to factory settings, so for a while everyone could only get one coffee per day and most got it from elsewhere."

(The three of them stare at Nick for a moment like they were insane.)

Robotnik: "A... controlled substance?!"

Mx: "W-wait, why?"

Nick: "let's just say somebody managed to drink so much coffee that they started quoting a certain coffee drinking prosecutor from a popular courtroom drama video game too often."

(Mx and Robotnik blink a few times, in response.)

Stone: "...I see. Well, if I may..."

(Stone holds up his cup.)

Stone: "This, can be done so much better..."

(Agent Stone’s tone sounds somewhat, sad.)

Robotnik: "My dear, I am making you a machine of your own."

Stone: "Oh, I know!"

(Agent Stone shifts his tone a more chipper one.)

Stone: "I was just... thinking."

(Mx chuckles at them both.)

Nick: "yeah, that's the thing about replicated food. it's decent quality, but it's the same stuff every time you order the same thing."

Stone: "I think, I would prefer cooking myself. That's just me, though. Oh! I've even been collecting recipes! That's what I've been doing with my newfound free time."

Nick: "ah nice. I like to cook stuff pretty often too. Recently made a fish soup that was pretty good."

Stone: "Ah, how lovely. Mx loves seafood, actually."

Mx: "I would eat a live octopus if Dr. would let me."

Robotnik: "The answer is still no."

Nick: "I remember hearing about this one guy that beat up an octopus in the puget sound and then killed and ate it. Apparently that freaked a lot of people out even though it was technically legal since he let the octopus fight on its own turf."

Mx: "...Damn."

Mx: "Oh, right. As for me, I have been uhh..."

(They glance at Robotnik.)

Mx: "...Keeping this guy in line, I guess."

(Robotnik lightly grumbles for a moment.)

Robotnik: "Yes, yes. Your fulltime job."

Mx: "You joke. However."

(Mx remains silent.)

Robotnik: "Are you going to finish that thought, or did you already get distracted?"

Mx: "I'm going to throttle you. Lovingly."

(Agent stone chuckles)

Nick: "so, I hear that you got a chance to meet charles, the guy that used to cause a lot of stuff to happen before they mellowed out."

Robotnik: "Oh yeah?"

(He pushes up his glasses again.)

Robotnik: "He seemed rather nervous."

(Mx nods in agreement.)

Nick: "yeah, I've got a feeling that's probably part of it. You see, he used to be known as 'the antimatter guy' roughly a decade ago. I'm guessing after a handful of years of working on machines, pouring his heart into pokedexes, and taking care of an entire family of buizel, he started worrying a lot more about the health and safety of others."

(Robotnik pauses for a moment, suddenly thoughtful.)

Mx: "That makes sense."

(Mx nods along, then turns to Robotnik.) 

Mx: "Maybe we need to get you something to care for."

Robotnik: "No."

Mx: "Dammit." (Mx crosses their arms.) "I tried."

Nick: "sometimes it be like that."

Mx: "Good to hear he's calmed down, at least... to some degree."

Nick: "yeah, same.

Nick: "so, anything else you'd like to clarify to the general public or just say in general?"

(Mx thinks for a moment.)

Mx: "...I would like to state that, we do come with the intention of seeking peace. We... aren't perfect, and possibly never will be... But I don't think any living being in any universe is completely flawless."

Robotnik: "Except for me."

Mx: "No, especially you." (Mx retorts.)

Mx: "Anyhow. No actual harm is ever our intent at this point... We just want to get better."

Stone: "...Also, you guys need better food and drink."

Nick: "that's good to hear. There's a handful of reformed folks with dark pasts around here so you should be in decent company. As for the quality of food and drink, there is a snack stand down the street and a smoothie stand in the next town over. And of course a lot of folks just replicate a bunch of ingredients to cook with on occasion."

(Stone thinks about this, stroking his chin.)

(Mx smiles a bit on the note of other reformed folks being around. Perhaps they did good, picking this place.) 

Mx: "Maybe you could talk to them, Dr." (They suggest to Robotnik.)

Mx: "Maybe start a support group."

(Robotnik grumbles again softly.)

(Mx reaches up to give the giant man a kiss on the cheek.)

Mx: "That all sounds wonderful." (They say to Nick.)

(Nick smiles)

Nick: "I think that's probably about enough for the interview. thank you for your time."

Mx: "Thank you for finding us interesting enough to interview, I suppose!" (They chuckle.)

Overall, it was a pleasant occasion meeting up with them. I hope that they find peace and some better coffee.

> Reportedly DI is considering opening a coffee stand in Desertia -P

Sounds like he and Stone might have some things to talk about…

Draconic Birthday

Very recently, Aura user Frie celebrated her 18th birthday!

> Coda and I were there, if she wants to comment, she can. -P

*~ hi.~*

So, how was the occasion? 

*~ it was alright ~*

> Got better after we managed to help Coda out with something -P

*~ yeah, I accidentally gave them a cold shoulder and they felt down in the dumps about it. ~*

> That's one heck of a pun, Frie. Anyways, We all hugged it out and I made one of my infamous disaster cakes -P

*~ it was pretty good somehow. ~*

> “Somehow” is the name of the game with those thangs -P

Sounds like it was a slightly less disastrous situation than expected?

> Disaster Cakes always turn a disaster around, it even happened in LOSAD if I'm not mistaken… I'm being told those were rice cakes -P

*~ rice cakes have good crunch ~*

> Mmmmm cronchy -P

So, how do you feel about being 18 now?

*~ it’s… something. ~*

> The struggle with becoming an adult is that the elation comes in stages, and is always delayed (Except when I finally got ID) -P

*~ The thing is, being an adult stopped mattering at a certain point, since I was living out in the sticks for a while. I only remembered I was 17 near the end when somebody asked me my age after that sendoff ceremony for Lauren. ~*

> I guess you had that particular realization a little early… anyway, Happy Birthday, and here's to a better year, Frie! -P

*~ thanks. Maybe now I can stop having people saying I’m so mature for my age. ~*

> I'm not going to lie, I hate the phrase “You're so mature”, it comes off condescending and just feels… reductive somehow? -P

*~ also the weight of it all. Not getting to be a kid. ~*

> … Yeah. I've had to burn my childhood far too many times… perhaps in Unity, we can approximate something like a childhood, mixed with responsibilities -P

*~ maybe so… we’ll see what happens when we get there. ~*

Classified ads

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand (now with pants by popular demand)

Yaoi concept stand (also with pants by popular demand)

Yaouri concept stand (no pants here for some reason)

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a little car, beep beep! and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

> I think it is important to note first, that the trainer will be getting last rites soon! -P

Ah yeah! I managed to find the appropriate book with the right stuff in it at the library I work at and lent a copy to the party last time Pythen stopped by to send in some transcriptions.

> Ye! [Boops across time and space] -P

Boop!

> Shall we get on with some semblance of news coverage? -P

I suppose!

Currently, your dear main newsletter writer is in the midst of some investigative journalism!

> The Grand Line thing? -P

Yep! Reportedly, there are a variety of self-evident factors that explain why the grand line doesn’t usually stop at desertia or charcherry north (though has been noted to sometimes show up on special occasions). 

> … the existence of a charcherry north implies a charcherry south. -P

Technically it’s both north and south nowadays, as it was called charcherry north because the station was on the north side of mt. phoenix. Nowadays there are entrances on both the north side and south side, actually within town, both leading into the same station.

> The semantical difference would give PAVARD room to make a station there, just saying -P

That brings me to the first reason why the grand line doesn’t stop there: because there’s not very many who get on and off at that station. This sometimes changes during major holidays, but in times where there’s jack shit going on, it’s pretty quiet over there.

> what about the other reasons -P

The other reason is physics related. Particularly momentum and inertia stuff. The Grand line uses high speed stuff and reportedly it takes a lot to make it slow down to a stop.

> … Why not just do what PAVARD does and create bunch of extra track between them like they did in the Critical-Crossing Center City Corporeal Commuter Connection

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Okay, got that out of my system, took my psychic damage for the day.

> You say that like existing in my proximity doesn’t give you above background dose -P

I have acclimated to a degree. That being said, it does make sense that moar track could be used to make up for the physics stuff.

The final reason however, is that transfer between starter line and grand line is extremely well designed. Starter is very frequent, arriving at stations roughly every 15 minutes, and gets to the Neon City station or the Spaceport station surprisingly quickly, though I presume that the Neon link is significantly faster than the spaceport link. I am still in the midst of investigation so I have yet to test out the other connection route.

> I imagine Neon is faster due to the current layout of the Orbital Line, once the final linkage is completed, it seems like the answer will be a lot harder to come by -P

As a disclaimer, I am not a super math wiz when it comes to things like calculating a lot of stuff, and I tend to get confused when a lot of things are going on at once, so I do not have all the answers in this case.

> So a question for TU when the time comes then, anything else newsworthy happen? -P

Well, there was apparently a new visitor to desertia town earlier today.

> I saw DI mentioning that in the newsroom, does he have any comments? -P

What I can tell is that DI was excited about the fact that the new visitor likes black coffee.

> Eugh, he doesn't like cream and sugar in his coffee? -P

Shrug, I don’t even like coffee period. Everyone’s got their own tastes.

> Reminds me, I found this strange orange leaf on that vantage point, apparently it makes a good tea when hot brewed??? (Apparently cold brew doesn't get rid of the toxins) -P

Huh, reminds me of the respawning koopa tea leaf in a few of the paper mario games that can be used to make tea.

> Neat, I wonder if we'll hear anything from DI, also what's this about mysterious pants purchases? -P

Ah yes. I have received an anonymous tip about the purchase of a particularly long pair of “gay pants”.

» GAY 👏 FUCKING 👏 PANTS -SI

> (What the fuck get off my phone) -P

» No -SI

I see. I presume that you are involved in this, SI?

» Only the gayest pants for my dearest partner -SI

That’s so sweet. C: It was for Dy’lan’s recent 1036th birthday, correct?

» Correct! I also got Tomodachi Life 2 AND Tamagotchi Life 2 for it -SI

> (What the actual fuck? Tamagotchi Life? ALSO GIVE BACK MY PHONE!!) -P

I wonder if you still have to clean up after your tamagotchis in that game…

» Nope! It's family friendly, the difficulty comes in learning how to flash ROM -SI

> (Why are you ignoring me Gray?!) -P

“Family friendly”... I presume you mean “the developers are huge freaking weenies who can’t stand to put in something that would be considered slightly subversive to an american suburban mom?”

» Nah, they're just too busy thinking about Froot Loops to implement that system is all, last I checked they can learn to swear if you play long enough -SI

> (Why froot loops?!) -P

Why not fruity loops?

» FL Studio costs money and is Windows-Only -SI

Well not with that attitude ;) (disclaimer: what you do with this information is up to you, the charcherry weekly is not responsible for your actions here)

» Yeah, well I made this in lmms which is free and more portable. https://file.garden/Z24lqwbA8Ge0bc4K/Heavy%20Light/Heavy%20Light.flac -SI

Holy shit, that is an epic cover of heavy light.

» As you can see, I have no need of Fruity Loops, Froot Loops are tasty though -SI

Yeah, that’s fair. I prefer apple jacks tho.

» Apple jacks are awesome, considering getting Fruity Pebbles as breakfast cereal for me and my beloved because it has “Fruity” in the name -SI

Fruity pebbles are delicious. Especially as soon as milk hits them as possible, to retain the crispy.

» But yeah, Gay pants. I added a secret enchantment where once per day you can retrieve a fruit from the pocket so that they're also fruity pants -SI

Sounds very convenient!

» Yus. I uhh, forgot when my birthday is again, (it's probably up to interpretation, but probably also some time in Late October) -SI

Good to know. Anything else that you would like to mention in the middle of this newsletter before returning Pythen’s phone? 

» Past Me: Remember, GAY. PANTS. -SI

» (Here's your phone back) -SI

> … Did he… did he just use the newsletter to form and complete a time loop? -P

Wouldn’t be the first time…

> Oh no. There's precedent. -P

Yeah. Remember that whole fiasco with that ad that kept getting all those additions?

> … SAME FUCKING PERSON TOO. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN IT GRAY. -P

Now do you see why I was flipping out so much back then?

> Yeah, SI and DI are… certainly cut from similar cloth -P

Indeed. Now, I think that’s about as much as we’re going to get to tonight, so now the ads.

Classified ads

Looking for someone, alive. Contact DauntlessDragon422 for information and for confirmation of completion.

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors? Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever. If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned. 

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a nice little froggy chair, and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

That should do it for this week. By the way, TU says adding moar track would just cancel out the benefits of high speed rail, so yea, just having good interchange transfers works much better on a practical level. 

Meanwhile, my spinach is growing! And the strawberries have grown a total of one (1) blossom so far! The radishes are almost all green and no root bulb, but what can you do.

> Mmmm strawbebbies -P

Soooon… but not yet. 

> Strawbebby? -P

Orange Roof Zine

Early this week, Witch of Heart Cyrus has decided to create a zine. They have decided to call it Orange Roof, named after the orange roof of their house in Unity Village. Reportedly it will have new issues once per earth season, and will be accepting well-formatted submissions throughout the year from all who are willing to have something sent in.

Please follow these guidelines for your submissions:

Pages are Letter Size (8.5" x 11", or 216 mm x 279 mm)

If possible, try to get 300 DPI on your image.

Other than that, anything goes! Pages will be in full color, printed locally at the Unity Library, as well as distributed in PDF format online. Deadline on submissions for Issue #1 will be June 29th, 2026. To submit, please send your page(s) to plushSharks.

Fallen Trainer Found in Tunnel!

So, I’ve been hearing some… cryptic details about your adventure lately. Mind filling us in, Pythen?

> Well, we were in the tunnel, doing tunnel stuff, as you do in tunnels. When we happened upon a trainer corpse! -P

What tunnel?

> The one from Ironways to Cumbernauld -P

Ah, I see. So, a trainer corpse. Any idea on cause of death?

> No, corpse was a skeleton by the time we found it, though I have to assume they died of death until dead -P

Remind me to not have you write autopsy reports.

> I’d just have Aeons update it anyway -P

…Fuck, I think I heard them playing that song on their phone from a room away.

> Listen, we didn’t have much to go on, we found a cool apartment in a pokéball in their bag though -P

I see… any clues found in this apartment ball?

> It was utterly ransacked, I believe, but Coda and I patched it up. I also added a library. -P

So, no evidence was documented aside from basic state, got it.

> We did find a fancy santa, implying faith in First Guardian Santa -P

Oh yeah, that must explain why one of your party members asked about jinglorian elf funerary rites the other day. Rogue of Heart Charles reportedly tried to get information on that from a local jinglorian elf but was stopped by the language barrier. And the intense embarrassment that comes with speaking something without full confidence in the contents.

> Did he try Comic Sand? -P

Apparently they do not have practice in replicating the text bip noise associated with it. In my opinion, he should use a tablet that can display text in a variety of fonts.

> Or y’know, just summon Sans The Skeleton from Fuckknows Where and bribe him with extra breaks -P

One does not simply summon sans.

> what if I used this bottle of ketchup? -P

I think we’re getting off-track here.

> That means I’m right, doesn’t it -P

That means it is untested but will take too long to test during newsletter night.

> That’s fair. Anyway We’re using apartmentball as a place to live while we trek through this godforsaken tunnel. I hope that trainer can get last rites soon -P

I hope so too.

Brindle Cafe Review

So, while doing some research on the DTA, to figure out why exactly the grand line does not stop in desertia town, I found out that there is a cafe at brindle station. Your dear main newsletter writer did not go there personally, but I did get in contact with a couple who has been there recently.

} Hi Nick! Oh I’m Yusine Wayve -DD

Uh… hi!

} This is the section for the review, Right? -DD

Yes, yes it is.

} I went there with my dearest Delphinium recently and it was /A-MAZ-ING/ -DD

I’m glad to hear that. Does your dearest have any words to say on the matter?

} She’s right here I think, mind introducing yourself Delphi? -DD

🛹 Hello. I’m Delphi. In regards to my opinion on the cafe, the coffee and pastries were all high quality. There was a pretty decent amount of seating, since we ended up arriving at a non-time when few customers tend to show up, way out there. The lighting was pleasant and easy on the eyes, especially for someone who is used to artificial indoor lighting in the furthest ring. Fortunately, it wasn’t fluorescent office lighting. 

} If I remember correctly, it was those hanging lamps they have at cafés in my hometown, also, Delphi dear, you’re writing reports again -DD

🛹 Look, it’s a review, not a love letter.

} Fair enough, They pastries definitely don’t seem like the kind you find on Voidmazon, or in whatever fucked-up-spatially trading hub you get specialty goods from out there -DD

> (Hey!) -P

🛹 Yeah. From what I can tell, it’s very much the type of menu you’d find at a British cafe.

} The croissants were not British, I could taste the difference -DD

🛹 Most likely imported, I assume.

} Imported croissants have that “Icy” residue -DD

🛹 Either way, they were pretty damn delicious.

} Yeeeeeee -DD

🛹 The customer service there was adequate. Not too pushy, not too forgetful. Also, whatever Yusine ordered at the time tasted pretty good. Got a chance to taste when we kissed a few times.

} >//w//< You don’t need make it publiiiic, though the same could be said for you -DD

🛹 The worlds beyond deserve to know <3

} >////w////< o- okay -DD

> You two. Are adorable -P

🛹 Heh, thank you. Yusine is the light of my life. The moon guiding my ship through the night. 

} >//////w//////< -DD

🛹 and yes, she is absolutely adorable.

} [Extremely excited and flustered sounds have been picked up by Speech-To-Text] -DD

🛹 I love you too.

> I’m assuming the café wasn’t too hard to get to either? -P

🛹 It does require a trip along the orbital line, but it was a nice trip.

> Excellent to hear, Overall, reviews are in, pretty damn good café, wouldn’t you agree Nick? -P

Reading over the review, it does seem so! Thank you for offering your perspectives, Yusine and Delphi.

} [Intense squeeing continues to be picked up be Speech-To-Text] -DD

> I think Yusine will need to be carried back home -P

🛹 No problem. I can easily carry her home.

> That would be great -P

Classified ads

Looking for someone, alive. Contact DauntlessDragon422 for information and for confirmation of completion. 

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors? Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a nice little doggy pool, and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet)

Clothing Store  - Silk kimono (200 gp) - Speed sheath (10 gp) - Cape, Billow (100 gp) - Vestments, Cleric’s (5 gp) - Vest, barbed (10 gp)  - Sapphic pants (69 gp)

And that does it for this week. I am sleepy.

> patpat -P

Busses lost and found

Early this week, all 1,405 SEPTA buses in the PAVARD fleet went mysteriously missing. Shortly after reporting the incident, Maid of Void Skitis managed to find all of them in her sylladex, boggling the entire Skye peanut gallery. She promptly returned the buses upon discovering them. Reportedly all buses were successfully given back, and they have resumed their usual (but certainly unusual) routes across the void.

The Great Crane Game

> Good news readers at home! Twelvinius has been successfully pantsed and we are on the run to Cumbernauld! -P

Pantsed, as in…?

> We built a crane, grabbed him by the seat of his pants, taunted him a bit, and deposited him on a flagpole -P

Amazing.

> We’ve skipped town while things settle, but not without giving Mewtwo a little gift. In the form of a free client, and a key to evidence. -P

I see… I haven’t the slightest idea how that’s going to turn out, so I suppose that’ll need to be covered later.

> Anyway yeah, I stepped onto the crane’s hook, and descended heroically to free Loomi from that stupid-ass pokeball shaped cage (assholes), and promptly whiffed a series of IRL DEX saves leading to Pane having to remove Loomi from the cage via selective tangibility -P

I bet that looked pretty cool when you were descending.

> Fuck yeah it did, (apparently), also I shot a bolt through (⑨) 12’s coffee, so a win’s a win.

I get the feeling you used all your coolness points on that trick shot and ran out upon trying for extraction.

> No, no, I used them all on the heroic descent, but that definitely blew through a few of them -P

Ahhhh, got it. So Loomi’s free-ish, you’re free enough to abscond, and… how are the other party members doing?

> Crystal’s on full-time, Kale’s back with us, Pane’s doing better, Frie is Frie (and very awesome and cool), and Coda is same as ever, except a little more Coda. -P

Huh, good to know. Looking over some maps that I got from a cartographer in chawishe, apparently there’s an underground tunnel that leads from under ironways to the draconic cascades. 

> We’re in that tunnel right now, I can smell diesel from far away… not a good sign in Plit -P

Hm, that certainly isn’t a good sign… I assume you’re following the river canal thingie down there?

> I guess???? We’re following Kale, to be honest -P

Ah, I see. Kale is from that area, so in theory Kale might know some things, but that’s mostly speculation.

> I wonder if Frie might be able to help with navigation… -P

At very least, Frie might be able to help with selectively freezing water down there when needed.

> Yeah, I have pretty good dark vision, so that may help with getting through dark sections -P

That’s good to hear. I do wonder what y’all will be able to find down there along the way.

> Well, I’m definitely not getting a good feeling, especially from what Tugs on your Mind was telling me about what’s down here. -P

I suppose it’s at least a good thing you have a rather large party, in case encounters get dangerous.

> So remember how I did all that trading with the Zoologically Dubious during my stay in Ironways? Well it had a purpose -P

Oh?

> I have been currying favor with the Voidspawn and other entities aligned against The Silent Court. They know of my mission to Cumbernauld, and thus I have managed to provide the party with a safety net, should the Dungeon Core(s) in the city get too tough to handle. Long story short, if we as a party aren’t able to make it through the city the first time, We’ll be returned to the entrance to try again -P

Ah, good to hear!

> The Childish One will also not know what hit it when it’s time for an attack -P

Gravely disturbed

Relatively recently, there was a report regarding an incident at the graveyard behind the Cherry Pit. Apparently the graves were dug up! The bodies have yet to be located.

> Dr. Syne Wayve Ph.D, who investigated the scene, reported that no care was given in the deconstruction of the coffins, the boards and stuff were torn apart, so I imagine new coffins will need to be built. Also, I suggest, “Blossom Garden” as the graveyard name -P

Dang, and I remember when I buried one of the fallen who were laid to rest there…

> She has submitted a statement, in person: “I am currently seeking the perpetrator, I know who it was, but I cannot say in print or on the memo in case Lord Radiant is listening” -P

I can only hope that the bodies are returned to their rightful places. Fun Fact: many who have died have a special connection with their dead body, which can allow them to hear what those who visit may say to them, among other things. 

~ … Brings a whole new meaning to “Back from my own ashes” -SW

> (Not now) -P

That being said, there have been a select number of complaints from Fallen Island, an underworld location that is legally part of desertia.

~ 🔷 keeps bitching to me about it too… -SW

> Don’t worry, we’ll recover the bodies soon, readers! (Also get out, Syne) -P

Classified ads

Looking for someone, alive. Contact DauntlessDragon422 for information and for confirmation of completion. 

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system (This is the last time I fuck with it, I prommy).

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a nice little kitty pool, and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet)

Turnabout Alchemy

I heard somebody died over there? Can you give us some details you’ve managed to find out, Pythen?

> So uh yeah, someone fucking died. Creeped the hell outta Frie and I when they all turned towards the place where it happened. -P

Who turned towards where?

> The entire Grand Network, turned to the apartment complex where the victim died. -P

Oh yikes, that does sound pretty freaky. Like something you’d see in one of those horror flicks.

> But yeah, Apparently Breloom poison was found mixed into the victim’s mercury. They have a suspect, but I doubt their suspect is the perp. We were thinking of getting some help proving our nameless suspect’s innocence, Ace Attorney style. -P

Ah, I see. It sounds like there’s a lot going on over there, as well as a lot on your shoulders.

> Well, definitely would’ve sucked to get my medication if this hadn’t happened, I’m not “In-Network”, so to speak -P

Explain, if you will.

> Apparently Tarenleon charged exorbitant fees to people outside the Grand Network, such as myself. -P

Tarenleon was the name of the victim, correct?

> Yes. and the murderer was literally named “Fentanyl”, a little on-the-nose, but who am I to judge, probably thought it sounded cool when they chose it -P

Ah, I see. That is… quite the loaded moniker there.

> But yes, There is still an ongoing mystery, because we have yet to find out who this “Fentanyl” Person is. -P

I wish you all the best of luck over there.

> If we could get Mewtwo’s help, we probably won’t even need Luck. So yeah. If you want to discuss the case, We’re in Ironways, Meet us at Stage 6. -P

Train Stuff

Rather recently, Scarab City Regional Transport, SCART for short, has completed the (mostly) Afterworld extension to the Wells line.

> Where’s the A? -P

Research has found a potential A, but it only makes sense if you use the c from scarab city

> Possibly Scarab City Area?

Might be worth talking about, especially considering this new wells extension goes outside of scarab city proper.

Here are the svg files of the maps: https://sbarg.net/assets/maps/dta-wells_line-2026_04_13.svg https://sbarg.net/assets/maps/dta-wells_line-alternian-2026_04_13.svg

For those who do not have access to the files, there is minimal change from previous route, with the new additions being the station at Splattershore, as well as the one at Cragony Heights. Both of these are on the island with no agreeable name.

> Why not just call it Nameless Island? -P

Because it has a name, just more than one.

> Then combine them????? -P

That’s something the inhabitants will need to work out. I’ve only been over there like, once to sing against a cherub that tried to control the narrative, so I’ve never visited the island’s major landmarks in earnest. It would be somewhat off to declare a place’s name without the consideration of those who live there.

> Ah. anything else happen in the rail world that has caught your attention? -P

Now that you mention it, PAVARD has been posting some rather curious status updates on bluesky.

> Dear. God. -P 

Some highlights include an incident where a platform went missing and then went un-missing, with the riders wearing eachother’s clothes upon discovery, trains turning invisible and having to be wrapped in trans flag colored livery wrapping just to be seen (only for the interiors to go invisible instead), an incident involving a tiny anvil, various quantum bullshittery resulting in things showing up and disappearing at inconvenient times, attempts to get rail enthusiasts to document the lines, only for the mysteriocity rating to make their efforts in vain, and just in, a fucking WALMART blocking the route from Strafford to Stratford.

It’s times like this that I’m glad that the DTA is ran so much more competently than PAVARD.

> I don’t think PAVARD is incompetent, I think they’re just floundering because they lack the basic things necessary to SHOW their competence. -P

Can’t they just get blood money from the chumps on gunshow rock?

> John Buck has gone on the record as stating that “PAVARD runs on clean money only, except for the D.B. Cooper Money, that’s fair game” -P

Okay, that’s fair, yeah.

I do wonder if any of those fae gates near stratford can be used to bypass that walmart…

Wait, another update, Costco came in clutch and replaced the Walmart, AND let PAVARD run through there and put a station inside costco. It’s times like this I almost wish I had a Costco membership, but then again I don’t really need it in the current conditions over here.

Miscellaneous this week

Over here in Unity Village, the construction crew is still building the L-space compatible library expansion, which should be ready in time for issue 300.

Rpgmaker.net now has its uploads and downloads working again! All previous game downloads are still preserved and downloadable via the same links that they used to use, and the website itself runs much faster than it used to! As a result, that means all of my games on there are now more accessible to the general public!

4/13 fell this week, and the events that took place during that day this year are largely uncelabratory, but your dear main newsletter writer did begin reading a book series that had provided some inspiration for homestuck in the first place.

> Eepeepeep -P

Indeed! I have started reading The Colour of Magic, the first book in the Discworld series. So far it is very fun and very thick with satire for the standard tabletop magical setting, but it is very enjoyable. I think Luggage is kinda cute, though perhaps a little scary.

> … “IM NOT PAYING FOR POOB \n THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE GONCHAROV” wtaf? -P

Ah yes, the image macro that ends the Meme War. zodiacsBlade posted that one.

> Okay, so why did those three others just… forfeit? -P

Reportedly, it was the memetic equivalent of dropping a nuke.

> Ah. my guess is that ZB ended a meme war between those three by just showing up and nuking them? -P

With a jpeg of shrek from shrek 2, covered in impact font.

> ... From what little The Call has told me about that user, that sounds about right. -P

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Smol Bean Stand (Gacha machine that gives you cute things) Bird Shop

Thrush (1 sp)

Hawk (18 gp)

Owl, ruffled (20 gp)

Chicken (1 gp)

Egg!

So Pythen, you mentioned something about an egg earlier?

> Coda did the thing. -P

Ah yes. From what I gather, it may or may not be a sensitive subject?

> We should get them in on this, probably... -P

You’re the one with the device between the two of you, right?

> Yeah, but we can share. -P

That’s fair. Lemme know when it’s been handed over.

> [Vague sounds of affirmation from two feet over] -P

Aaaaaaaa why is this tabbed over asjadklahsflkshdflshfsljhf -CD

> Press backspace after it tabs, then when it tabs again, press backspace again, it’s really annoying -P

- ha! If you tab after the thing it doesn’t turn into a list item! -CD

Ah, hello there, you’re Coda, correct?

- Yep! -CD

Ah, good good. I’m Nick Card with the Charcherry Weekly. I’m a friend of Pythen’s and I’m pretty sure I sent you on your quest in the first place. How are things going so far?

- Seems to be going alright. I’ve been building up my reputation around town here, doing errands and stuff. -CD

> We ultimately had a few questions revolving around Easter, if you’re willing to share -P

Oh yeah, neither of you come from a culture that has that holiday, correct?

- pretty sure there wasn’t an easter back on frostel island. -CD

> Not what I meant, but we had “Beaster” IIRC (hehe Beaster Unny) -P

- what’s so important about easter anyways? -CD

Well uh, in the culture I came from, it was meant to be both a thing to signal the beginning of spring, as well as a really really important day for christians in particular, since that’s the day that their main guy came back from the dead, so the story goes. It’s very similar to how sburb players ascend after dying on a proper quest bed. For some reason this is celebrated with particular dishes, including something involving hard boiled eggs. I need to look up why they are hidden for children to find, but that’s a tangential custom that’s emerged over the years since it can be separated so much from the actual occasion for commercialization.

- Huh… so it’s a spring thing… back where I came from, there was an endless winter that lasted for years. It started about when I graduated from high school and never ended, though some thought I’d be able to end it by climbing that mountain. I never did bring spring to the frozen island… -CD

> Spring for me... Spring was like all other times of the year, of course they kept burning my childhood, but I was able to take solace in these mysterious trees that showed up outside my window one day, they were beautiful and always seemed to vanish whenever anyone else looked. Though I kept the sunlamp on until summer because I liked how it felt on my back. -P

Mysterious trees…?

> They had pink flowers, and strangely blue leaves. I always wondered who put them there, but it didn’t matter, they helped me cope with “Burn your childhood day”... I got really good at hiding my computers. -P

- burn your childhood day….?! Who would do such a thing?! -CD

> Oh it was pretty normal on Korous -P

- . . .THAT WAS NORMAL?! -CD

> ... you mean you DIDN’T have your family burn everything you held dear every year? -P

- NO??? THAT’S FUCKED UP! Every year I had a birthday party with a cake I didn’t like that much and nobody that actually liked me invited but that was it! -CD

> ... God damn, Like, I knew it was bad on Korous, but I get the feeling The Game ending that entire culture was a very very good thing… -P

- I wonder if it was just as bad on the version of korous that was told of in legend… supposedly the temporics fled the homeworld due to an ideological schism, or so the stories go. -CD

> Yeah, probably better in your version of events, at least Jikan was better than The Voice, Plus, they actively escaped.

As a quick note, it has been noted that a ship of refugees did manage to escape The Reckoning, though most of them were forced to be cryogenically frozen due to the sheer distance that they’d have to travel to find another place to live without FTL tech.

- There’s been theories that sorta freezy tech was used on the original settlers too. -CD

> I think we’re getting off-topic, I was gonna ask if you wanted to share what happened a couple days ago -P

- Not really. to be honest, It was… kinda the sorta thing I’d rather not be published. -CD

> Alright, I suppose that brings us to the next story then, Thanks for joining us Coda. -P

- Uh, you’re welcome. Before I hand this back over, a quick recipe for the readers:

Ham bone soup

1 ham bone

2 cups of ham cubes

1 lb of dry beans, a lot of different beans go with ham but navy beans are a classic

1 cup of chopped carrots

1 cup of chopped onions

Half cup of chopped celery

1 teaspoon crushed/minced garlic

Various spices to taste

Eight cups of water or something

Combine beans and water in a pot, heating until boiling. Remove from heat and cover after that. This is the “quick soak” method. You might want to use the overnight soak method if you have more time, or a pressure cooker if you want it even faster.

After an hour, add everything but the ham cubes. 

Put it back on the burner and heat it to boiling, turning it down to a simmer after that and letting it do that for an hour.

After the hour, add the ham cubes and heat it for another half hour. If you don’t want the bone in there, this is when you remove it from the soup.

Season it to your tastes, salt and pepper are classic, but some add other things as well.

Got this recipe from this website. Make sure to have an adblocker if you visit because there are way too many ads on there. https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/17628/basic-ham-and-bean-soup/ -CD

> (I recommend uBlock Origin, but it doesn’t work on Chrom(e/ium)) -P

Thank you for the seasonally appropriate recipe, Coda. Best of luck on your quest!

Egging Them On.

Rather recently in Desertia Town, there was reportedly an egg fight in Desertia Square. I am presently interviewing someone who was there that can give further details on the matter.

= Thank you for having me, Mx. Nick -GW

You’re welcome. For the readers, what is your name?

= Ghline S. Wayve -GW

Thank you. So, what happened with those “egging stands”?

= Long story short, a very minor case of serious egg damage, followed up by sun-fried egg getting all over the stands. It took hours to clean it all up -GW

Sounds very messy, to say the least. Where do I even start with this… Who was egging and who was cleaning?

= Some guy named “Eggs McGee” started it all with the “Stand Egging Stand” and drew first blood. I took the time afterwards to clean things up because someone has to maintain some level of dignity around here. -GW

I see… I remember hearing that there was another stand there ran by a rather large togepi that refused to get involved.

= Probably for the best, That stand and the mainstays were considered “off-limits” due to prior agreement, Centra was so disappointed in everyone... That’s not even mentioning the Egg Decoration and Decoration Egging stands, the latter of which started egging any stands that got egged because the eggs were “Decoration” and the first was unfortunately caught in the crossfire -GW

Oh dang… I do hope the egg mess got sent to the recyclificator for use as replicator fuel.

= I did do that, yes. Had to keep it all out of my sister’s hands though. You know how she gets around things our society considers “taboo” that others don’t. -GW

Oh yeah, I remember hearing something about that.

= Syne, you are my sister, and I love you as such, but please, for the love of God, stop trying to be openly weird in a place where you’re not even weird for doing that. -GW

In my unprofessional opinion, that sounds more like a you problem.

= Oh, it absolutely is, but as a flimsy counterargument: Syne is Queen-President, she should act like it -GW

Should I ask what an Elgavan queen-president is meant to act like?

= Nothing crazy, What I had to keep her from doing is basically the equivalent of eating something from off the floor, though I know her son likes to lick blood that’s stuck on the floor, so I think it just runs in her side of the family -GW

The thing that stopped me from eating things off the floor was an incident where I put a wooden chopstick in my mouth to idly chew on, that I had accidentally dropped in a parking lot. I got pretty sick after that and learned my lesson.

= That’s the problem with her, she made herself immune to that kind of thing by exposing herself to various toxins and pathogens slowly until she built up an immunity. You can’t even get her with Iocane -GW

In that case, I don’t see a problem beyond external embarrassment.

= And that’s why she needs me around, because people will look at her funny when she does stuff like that. I am the Heiress to the Hybrid Crown in the event of her death, and it feels like I’m the only one in our main friend group who takes that role seriously! -GW

Perhaps ask why that might be the case amongst your colleagues next time you get a chance.

= I have an answer, but I don’t want it to be printed -GW

Fair enough. Anything else you’d like to add about recent happenings?

= I wish you all a very merry Tax Day, because I know the IRS is after SI for massive tax fraud and at least one count of assaulting an IRS enforcer. I hope you all enjoy the fireworks -GW

Heh, fair enough. I’ve already gotten my taxes done for the year so no worries on my end. 

Thank you for showing up to this interview.

= Just doing my part for good journalism -GW

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the CNDRTS AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

cleaning supplies stand

cute bird photo stand

Mountain scene

So Pythen, you told me something about a “mountain scene” earlier?

> Just two tems on a mountain in some distant land, what is there more to say? -P

Well, you did report it as news.

> Well, it’s how I got there, Remember when I met that thing that might not be me a few issues ago? -P

Sorta yeah. Still got a headache from my bike ride. Can you remind me and our readers about that?

> Long Story Short, I encountered this creature in the void, and we connected in a way that spanned hours within seconds, I came out of that with new stuff I can do -P

Ah, got it. So which thing did you use from that encounter?

> Well, I gained the ability to voidwalk, but it’s kinda hard to control. Like, I can’t exactly choose where I end up, you know? -P

Ah, like Pane’s ability? But less trained?

> Kinda??? It’s less like walking, and more like… I kinda blank out and appear somewhere -P

Ah… reminds me of how Aeons used to zone out a lot. Maybe they still do? Not sure. That being said, I do hope you made it back to somewhere recognizable easily?

> I can trace my connection to Frie and Pane at least, but when going other places... I kinda just, randomly go? -P

Ahhh, duly noted. I’ll make sure that’s depicted accurately in the game.

> There was one place I kept ending up though, a mountainside overlooking a city, with a bench and a cooler. The city had immense verticality, and similarly vertical walking/green space and public transit. -P

Basically one of those idealistic future cities or something?

> Yeah, but there were people flying too, with wings. -P

Huh… interesting. Has The Call told you anything about that place?

> It knows more than should be normally feasible for a “new place” -P

Hmm… seems like a plausible lead… perhaps for another time however.

> Regardless, Coda and I talked there, about many things, about home, about choice, about life, and the concept of Sonder. -P

Ah, nice. I’m glad you two seem to have a strong bond.

> I get the feeling it’s stronger than any of us seems to think… -P

> I also get the feeling someone was affected by it… -P

Hmm… someone with an oddly large amount to say about the location, I suppose?

> Indeed, You saw that trans flag in the memo, right? -P

Well yeah, it was the transgender day of visibility.

> You saw who said it, right? -P

You can’t say an emoji in a text based memo. But yes, I saw who posted it.

> Are you thinking what I’m thinking? -P

I’m thinking I need a powerade or an ibuprofen

> Point being, could the conversation and memory thereof from The Call have affected that person? -P

If the logistics lined up as theorized, possibly.

> Also I had these cool tokens made for Pane, Coda and Frie. -P

Are they like when you stick a penny into one of those turncrank things to stretch it and stamp something else on it?

> Nah, custom made, visited an enchantress, Designed to share my location to them when they have the token on their person, Each one is stamped with the most obvious detail about them to me: Their horn shapes -P

…I see.

> Point being, if I ever go invisible, they know how to find me now -P

Hopefully it’s more secure and reliable than one of those airtag thingies.

> I personally helped design the enchantment, it specifically uses my Void and my Connections to my friends, it’s a mix of Void and Blood, if that makes sense, like, using Void to Emulate Blood or something? I don’t quite get it -P

The quantum bond across unknown expanses…?

> Sure, we’ll call it that, it’s probably something the mortal mind cannot comprehend, mine included. -P

> DD422 mentioned a Dungeon Crawl? Perhaps we should get this person as a guest writer/interview -P

Oh yeah, I heard some slight details but not many. I’ll definitely contact her.

Dr. Wayve and Mr. Smell

~ So I suppose I choose some kind of, personal identifier? -SW

Whatever works for you. 

~ That’ll hafta do -SW

Alright so, Syne, you were present with the party that went on a recent dungeon crasher’s mission. Can you give a brief overview of the events that took place?

~ Some fuck called Dr. Snell decided it would be a good idea to make a city out of Dungeon Cores, and was giving a demonstration of a Proof of Concept, however, They locked a whistleblower near the core they were using which set off the alarm bells with SI and that group, So, Apofis, John Buck?!?!?!, Charles, Neptune, Nepgear, S1, TU and I all took the train there. We split up to accomplish various missions after destroying two robotanks on the rails. John and the Neps went down, Charles and I went to confront Snell, while Apofis and S1 did crowd control. John Buck used a fucking TRAIN EMU (Electric Multiple Unit) to destroy the Core, and was flown up to Charles and I, while Apofis and S1 climbed the fire escape to reach Snell. Oh yeah, Charles exploded and we rescued a bunch of scientists before flying up to confront Snell. The battle was actually quite tough, Snell kept regenerating his shield by sapping us, and had this gun that sapped people. Apofis and John got the killshot together by launching him back and railing him through with a literal piece of train rail. But S1, Charles and I suffered some damage. Eventually CCW showed up to help extract us -SW

Sounds like it was pretty eventful. What’s this about Dr. Snell getting hit by train rail?

~ … John Buck loaded train rail into a railgun. -SW

Ahh. Is that why Darkspur mentioned something on the memo regarding a skaian vision of a guy wearing a lot of casts?

~ It was honestly kinda gruesome, yeah. -SW

I’m assuming he somehow survived that attack??

~ Fucker took my fucking essence to do so -SW

Ugh… In my less than usually professional opinion, I hope his hospital stay befits how he treated the townsfolk there.

~ I sabotaged the HVAC in his room, also wrecked the heating and power system. That man does not deserve comfort for draining literally HALF OF ME -SW

Are you sure you want that on the record?

~ Remember, I proudly glitterbombed Bureaucratia and got pissy when they blamed it on HER, of course I do -SW

Fair enough, just don’t pin any consequences on me if you get in trouble for that.

~ It was my own doing, I should face the wrath/adoration of the masses for it -SW

……is this what I sound like when I’m having a memo spiral?!

~ Probably yeah -SW

So, what is expected to happen to this town now that it’s not going to become drain cube city?

~ You know how Matt’s with CCW now? Well apparently he’s working on a way to run solar without any sunlight, he called it “Supercharged Solar Power” and it revolves around using Condensed Light to generate the light instead of a big ball of fusion. It’s still in early phases, so he needs a place to test it, so he’s also likely shipping a backup array in case things go wrong. -SW

Ah, I see. I just realized, I have not gotten any information on this town published as of yet. What is the place called and what is it known for?

~ Aldreachton, and the entire planet farms nothing but turnips. FUCKING. TURNIPS. -SW

………..Whose bright idea was it to have a massive turnip farm?

~ I’d say it was legendary Connectran philosopher Turnip Herald -SW

I feel like that would be very very easy to slip into a dust bowl situation with.

~ YOU DON’T SAY -SW

Like, I’ve been getting into gardening lately and like, there’s so many better ways to grow crops than just making a huge endless monoculture that destroys everything else just for the sake of one product that could all fail if things go wrong.

> Almost like it was doomed to be Core’d from the start -P

~ Butt out -SW

However, I do wonder if the remaining turnips could find a greater market reach now that there’s a train that goes there but at the same time the idea of those turnips being incentivized makes me internally gag.

~ Proposal: Introduce crop rotation and a series of crops designed to synergize with turnips, during off seasons, probably clovers??? -SW

Also potentially planting non-crop stuff to rebuild the probably depleted local ecosystem?

~ Forests fucking baller, just ask Gaia -SW

Absolutely. Though I might be biased coming from a place that had/has(?) a lot of forests.

~ Earth? I mean don’t get me wrong, I like earth trees, but the leaves are all that dumb green? Where’s the pizazz?! -SW

They’re calming. Also I meant specifically my home state of Oregon.

~ Oregono? -SW

…Sure.

~ Also, DI told me to tell you “CNDRTS” -SW

Tell DI I said I’m not solving his(?) puzzle.

~ Ha olso teld mo to typo eno ef my sentences -SW

I thought that was just an accent.

~ … He’s fucking with you again, and I am completely on board, as long as it’s just in good fun -SW

I’m gonna keep no-selling his bullshit. I’m not obligated to press the exploding keys on his piano.

~ I think we’ve run out of discussion topics. -SW

Yeah, looks about accurate. Anything that you’d like to add before we conclude this interview?

~ To do the thing, you gotta thing the do -SW

Okey. 

Thank you for joining us for this issue, Syne.

~ You know where to find me if you need more insane statements -SW

Spring stuffs

With the onset of spring, the cherrim are out and about with the rest of the cherry blossoms in the greater charcherry area

~ I love Cherry Blossom trees -SW.

They do look really nice, yeah. I took a nice long scenic bike ride earlier today and saw a lot of them.

~ Reminds me of spring back home, The Diamond Tulips would open up after being closed all winter, and the crystal grass would grow back, painting the ground a beautiful blue. Truly a sight to behold -SW 

Sounds like it, yeah… Meanwhile, it’s also pollen season over here. Lotsa sneezing and strong floral scents. 

~ I like a good floral scent, but I imagine you mean those bushes that LOVE being really loud and obnoxious about it being springtime -SW

If by loud you mean smells like super pollen, yeah.

~ Vinyils describe them as loud… though those guys are floral fauna, so… -SW

Ah, I see. A different perspective.

~ I've seen Charcherry during spring though, Beautiful in its own right -SW

Yeah. I’m really glad that me and Aeons managed to get that place replanted and re-aged, though we almost ended up catching an elf kid into an age-up situation that had to be retconned.

~ … don't remind me of ZB’s Retcon bullshit. That man has used retcon to cheat at chess. -SW

That’s almost worse than the situation I’m talking about! But yeah, the place would have been drained and barren if we hadn’t returned things to how they were before the purity temple incident.

~ Okay, and what about the bees? I love bees. Bees come out during spring and they are so nice and friendly as long as you respect them. -SW

Ah, the bees? Well, we have beedrill over here! After a few incidents of bug catchers getting chased, the locals certainly do not mess with them anymore!

~ Excellent, I shall go make an impression as soon as I can. -SW

Have fun and stay safe!

~ Safety? What's that! -SW

The thing that protects you from getting poison point twinneedled.

~ mmmmm delicious poison -SW

I am making sure to carry pecha berries around you.

~ You realize that everything has an LD50, right? EVERYTHING -SW

I know that more vending machines kill people than sharks, but I don’t mess around with either of them.

~ You don't mess with Vending Machines? Where's the fun in that! If they take your dollar, you fight for your item! -SW

Try asking Charles how that went that one time. I dare you.

~ That was Charles, and that was One Time. -SW

Let’s get to the ads now.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the CNDRTS AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian) (All Sanity is Farm-Raised)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

egg decoration stand

decoration egging stand (I AM GOING TO EGG /YOUR/ STAND)

stand egging stand

Centra’s Easter Treats

Egg Stand (Run by some guy in a togepi costume)

~ Well that's it for this week, HA! SNIPED! -SW

I’m sending the beedrills and the eggs after you. I think DI is one of the eggs in the mix too. As a final note, charles solved the puzzle: The sound file was decrypted and had this text:

Entities there: Triangle Person With Chess Yellow Becomes Red Helmet Hair Tall Person With Cookies Green Hair Dress Person With Ribbon

Train Montage

Rather recently, the long-awaited Dawnsring station on the Tadpole line has opened, with minimal fanfare. Presumably this was done for the sake of mitigating initial congestion, but that’s unconfirmed. Regardless, two figures with light purple hair were seen boarding, one of them looking very similar to Purple Girl, though this is unconfirmed.

Meanwhile, PAVARD has been having developments lately, including a new account on bluesky. Personally, your dear main newsletter writer hasn’t been using bluesky much lately, but the account is still present. Their bluesky account can be found at https://bsky.app/profile/pavard-official.bsky.social 

> Also Weekday train schedules on NOR, LAN and especially WIL will be adjusted due to Amtrak work on the Northeast Corridor south of Arsenal Interlocking starting March 30th -P

> Reports say you can find Chronocorp Weapons at a flag stop between Penn Medicine and Eastwick -P

Huh, interesting… 

> Though those reports also include plenty of junk jellying up their jam -P

…Should I ask what that’s even supposed to mean?

> Probably not, but I’ll tell you anyway: it just means those reports are VERY hearsay -P

Ah, so it needs further confirmation. Should i take a trip over there and risk arriving at a weapon compound or getting lost in void philly…

> Could just ask FCW... -P

I could, but also journalistic duty…

> Only if you feel safe. (Which I bet you don’t, especially around FCW or me) -P

I feel safe around you. Not so much around the bald angel of death.

> hehe, bald -P

But yeah.

Odd Happenings around town

In OTHER NEWS, recently there have been some minor incidents of note. Firstly, there was reportedly a slight fuss in Desertia town. Your dear main newsletter writer did not get many details regarding this, I did see some hearts drawn in the sand outside. Also, Rogue of Heart Charles was present to perform scheduled maintenance to the replicator at Gene’s Garden.

A day or two later, there was also a minor incident in Unity Village, which may or may not have been related. Local Unity Village resident(s) ada.cecilia was found overheating right outside of their home. Being a good neighbor, I fetched a pail of ice cubes from the bar n grill to cool them off. It was super effective. Cecilia was thankful for the cooldown. I wound up getting a cooked chicken for my trouble, which may or may not have appeared when a certain unseasonable imp despawned when they realized it’s already spring and not winter. I had a good dinner that night.

Checking in with Pythen 

> Coda has been doing tasks for various people around Ironways, I haven’t been particularly privy to them because I’ve been overseeing Crane Construction. -P

Crane construction… Have we covered this yet or is this a new development to the public?

> It’s the plan I discussed the other week, the one we needed Gracidea for. -P

Ah, I see. So you’ve been acting as foretem for this project over there, I take it?

> Better than having someone I don’t really trust on this job, Frie, Pane and I take turns. -P

I see… I can only imagine the differing visions that your cohorts would have on this sorta project.

> To be fair, it was a group decision to even go with this plan. The three of us must seem scary when working together -P

Perhaps so… Though I get scared at certain things and that certain thing is mostly guns.

> Perhaps I should not mention the Bag Residents then -P

Did you befriend some guns?

> If a group of rerisen I hired counts, yes. -P

Ah, hired guns. A little less concerning.

> They’re the ones who hid in my My Fucking Prunsel Flakes. -P

They were clearly the prize at the bottom.

> Remind me to thank Better Judgement next time I voidwalk -P

If that is Better Judgement, then I do not want to know what Questionable Judgement is like.

> Too bad, Questionable Judgement is just a man in a spandex leisure suit -P

I think the mental image gave me psychic damage.

> Supposedly that also happened to BJ Voidseer (Not that kind, sickos) -P

WELL WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK WHEN IM LOOKING AT THE CURVES ON THAT SPANDEX?!

> ... ... ... I was talking about the name. Short for Better Judgement Voidseer. Could also be Benjamin Jefferson, there’s plenty of innocuous explanations. -P

Sometimes psychic damage is simply just having your mind thrown into the gutter.

> mood sometimes it’s having your mind thrown out of it too -P

In other other news, my adorable little porygon pory gave me a series of reports that need deciphering, one of which is a wav file. I have uploaded it to file garden so you can access it and try to figure out how to read the data. https://file.garden/YJ4GVaMz-xKjrPWz/file.wav 

The other report is as follows, in emojis: 🏎️🪿🪿🍪🍪🍪👗🦘❤️‍🔥🕴️📏😅

If you have any information regarding these reports, please share it with us in the #dungeon-crashers memo.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand (yuri coupons available…?)

Yaoi concept stand (yaoi coupons also available?????!?‽??‽‽!!)

Yaouri concept stand (の/№ coupons available here, enbies are on their own here… unless your name is Steven Bal)

my last freaking shred of sanity… stand (Sells the sanity of those who have gone insane, probable reseller, sold out, straight from the fern’s rink)

Okay, I think that’s the end here. I need my beauty sleep and my ugly sleep. But most importantly my fl00fy sleep.

> Floooooof… -P

Floof…

> Floooof… coda stuck me in a floof pile the other week, did I tell you about that? -p

Was it…. floofy?

> Veeeeeery -P