The Charcherry Weekly

New Trio in Town

Last week, three people arrived in Desertia town, with a number of varied responses from locals and distant personalities alike.

> Didn't LR literally post a shitty airhorn remix in response to Robotnik leaving the memo? -P

Despite their chequered pasts, they have decided to turn over a new leaf here. Your dear main newsletter writer managed to interview all three of them tonight.

Nick: "uh, hello there! I'm here with the charcherry weekly. I hear you three are new here. Would you like to have an interview?"

(Mx perks up a little upon being approached.)

(The three of them look over at Nick, before looking back at each other.)

Mx: "...I think it would be fun." (They smile softly at the two gentlemen, before looking back at Nick.) Mx: "Sure."

Nick: "Ah, excellent. For the record, what are each of your public facing names?"

(The three look at each other again. They hadn't really thought about it…)

(Robotnik turns back to Nick.) Dr. Robotnik: "...You can just call us by our names. I don't think anyone is really looking for us here, after all." (He adjusts his glasses.) Dr. Robotnik: "Although, I do prefer being referred to as Dr. Robotnik."

Mx: "You can call me Mx. That's M-X."

Stone: "Referring to me as Stone is more than fine."

(Nick pulls out a notepad and writes that down.) Nick: "ah, good to know. So, what bonds you three together?"

Mx: "...Like, how did we... get together?"

Nick: "uh, maybe? more like, what is the nature of your... relationship?"

Mx: "Oh!"  Stone: "Ohh."

Mx: "Uhh... well. It's, a little difficult to explain..." (Mx scratches the back of their head.)

Robotnik: "I do consider Mx and Stone to be both my partners." (Robotnik says, before taking a sip of a latte sitting nearby his blueprints.)

Mx: "Yeah, that's easy enough to describe it as. It's... complicated when you look deeper into it though."

Stone: "Not quite platonic, not quite romantic, but a secret third, better thing."

Nick: "ah, I see! I trust you're all pretty tight in that manner."

(The three of them nod.)

Mx: "Yeah. Very much so."

Nick: "nicenice. what has been your impression of desertia town so far?"

(They take a moment to think about their answers.)

Robotnik: "...Hot." He adjusts his jacket. "Very hot."

Mx: "Maybe if you took off your jacket, you'd feel better."

(Mx sighs a little.) Mx:  "...It's a much smaller town than I am used to. It's quieter here, but I think I needed that."

Stone: "Indeed."

Nick: "yeah, the weather is pretty hot outside usually. fortunately most buildings here have good air conditioning."

Robotnik: "That is something I do appreciate."

Nick: "hmm... I suppose you've been somewhere a lot more active before this?"

Mx: "Well, we all came from the United States in a previous universe. However, in my case in particular, I actually was in active service on my home planet, before I stumbled upon these two."

Nick: "ah, interesting. What state? I'm from Oregon."

(Mx looks slightly baffled by the question.)

Robotnik: "We came from Montana."

Nick: "ooh neat! Never been there before."

Mx: "I thought it was Seattle. I don't know anything, though."

(Robotnik just pats Mx's head.)

Nick: "so, what do you three do in your free time?"

Robotnik: "Someone else asked me this." (Robotnik notes, as he notices something on his blueprints. He takes the pencil to it to adjust it.)

Robotnik: "Lately we have been watching television. Did you know you have telenovelas in this universe?" (Stone glances at the coffee he was staring at earlier.) Stone: "...Have you guys been drinking the coffee like this, all this time?"

Nick: "I guess so? I don't drink coffee myself, and a couple years ago coffee was actually considered a controlled substance here until the replicator's list of controlled substances got reset to factory settings, so for a while everyone could only get one coffee per day and most got it from elsewhere."

(The three of them stare at Nick for a moment like they were insane.)

Robotnik: "A... controlled substance?!"

Mx: "W-wait, why?"

Nick: "let's just say somebody managed to drink so much coffee that they started quoting a certain coffee drinking prosecutor from a popular courtroom drama video game too often."

(Mx and Robotnik blink a few times, in response.)

Stone: "...I see. Well, if I may..."

(Stone holds up his cup.)

Stone: "This, can be done so much better..."

(Agent Stone’s tone sounds somewhat, sad.)

Robotnik: "My dear, I am making you a machine of your own."

Stone: "Oh, I know!"

(Agent Stone shifts his tone a more chipper one.)

Stone: "I was just... thinking."

(Mx chuckles at them both.)

Nick: "yeah, that's the thing about replicated food. it's decent quality, but it's the same stuff every time you order the same thing."

Stone: "I think, I would prefer cooking myself. That's just me, though. Oh! I've even been collecting recipes! That's what I've been doing with my newfound free time."

Nick: "ah nice. I like to cook stuff pretty often too. Recently made a fish soup that was pretty good."

Stone: "Ah, how lovely. Mx loves seafood, actually."

Mx: "I would eat a live octopus if Dr. would let me."

Robotnik: "The answer is still no."

Nick: "I remember hearing about this one guy that beat up an octopus in the puget sound and then killed and ate it. Apparently that freaked a lot of people out even though it was technically legal since he let the octopus fight on its own turf."

Mx: "...Damn."

Mx: "Oh, right. As for me, I have been uhh..."

(They glance at Robotnik.)

Mx: "...Keeping this guy in line, I guess."

(Robotnik lightly grumbles for a moment.)

Robotnik: "Yes, yes. Your fulltime job."

Mx: "You joke. However."

(Mx remains silent.)

Robotnik: "Are you going to finish that thought, or did you already get distracted?"

Mx: "I'm going to throttle you. Lovingly."

(Agent stone chuckles)

Nick: "so, I hear that you got a chance to meet charles, the guy that used to cause a lot of stuff to happen before they mellowed out."

Robotnik: "Oh yeah?"

(He pushes up his glasses again.)

Robotnik: "He seemed rather nervous."

(Mx nods in agreement.)

Nick: "yeah, I've got a feeling that's probably part of it. You see, he used to be known as 'the antimatter guy' roughly a decade ago. I'm guessing after a handful of years of working on machines, pouring his heart into pokedexes, and taking care of an entire family of buizel, he started worrying a lot more about the health and safety of others."

(Robotnik pauses for a moment, suddenly thoughtful.)

Mx: "That makes sense."

(Mx nods along, then turns to Robotnik.) 

Mx: "Maybe we need to get you something to care for."

Robotnik: "No."

Mx: "Dammit." (Mx crosses their arms.) "I tried."

Nick: "sometimes it be like that."

Mx: "Good to hear he's calmed down, at least... to some degree."

Nick: "yeah, same.

Nick: "so, anything else you'd like to clarify to the general public or just say in general?"

(Mx thinks for a moment.)

Mx: "...I would like to state that, we do come with the intention of seeking peace. We... aren't perfect, and possibly never will be... But I don't think any living being in any universe is completely flawless."

Robotnik: "Except for me."

Mx: "No, especially you." (Mx retorts.)

Mx: "Anyhow. No actual harm is ever our intent at this point... We just want to get better."

Stone: "...Also, you guys need better food and drink."

Nick: "that's good to hear. There's a handful of reformed folks with dark pasts around here so you should be in decent company. As for the quality of food and drink, there is a snack stand down the street and a smoothie stand in the next town over. And of course a lot of folks just replicate a bunch of ingredients to cook with on occasion."

(Stone thinks about this, stroking his chin.)

(Mx smiles a bit on the note of other reformed folks being around. Perhaps they did good, picking this place.) 

Mx: "Maybe you could talk to them, Dr." (They suggest to Robotnik.)

Mx: "Maybe start a support group."

(Robotnik grumbles again softly.)

(Mx reaches up to give the giant man a kiss on the cheek.)

Mx: "That all sounds wonderful." (They say to Nick.)

(Nick smiles)

Nick: "I think that's probably about enough for the interview. thank you for your time."

Mx: "Thank you for finding us interesting enough to interview, I suppose!" (They chuckle.)

Overall, it was a pleasant occasion meeting up with them. I hope that they find peace and some better coffee.

> Reportedly DI is considering opening a coffee stand in Desertia -P

Sounds like he and Stone might have some things to talk about…

Draconic Birthday

Very recently, Aura user Frie celebrated her 18th birthday!

> Coda and I were there, if she wants to comment, she can. -P

*~ hi.~*

So, how was the occasion? 

*~ it was alright ~*

> Got better after we managed to help Coda out with something -P

*~ yeah, I accidentally gave them a cold shoulder and they felt down in the dumps about it. ~*

> That's one heck of a pun, Frie. Anyways, We all hugged it out and I made one of my infamous disaster cakes -P

*~ it was pretty good somehow. ~*

> “Somehow” is the name of the game with those thangs -P

Sounds like it was a slightly less disastrous situation than expected?

> Disaster Cakes always turn a disaster around, it even happened in LOSAD if I'm not mistaken… I'm being told those were rice cakes -P

*~ rice cakes have good crunch ~*

> Mmmmm cronchy -P

So, how do you feel about being 18 now?

*~ it’s… something. ~*

> The struggle with becoming an adult is that the elation comes in stages, and is always delayed (Except when I finally got ID) -P

*~ The thing is, being an adult stopped mattering at a certain point, since I was living out in the sticks for a while. I only remembered I was 17 near the end when somebody asked me my age after that sendoff ceremony for Lauren. ~*

> I guess you had that particular realization a little early… anyway, Happy Birthday, and here's to a better year, Frie! -P

*~ thanks. Maybe now I can stop having people saying I’m so mature for my age. ~*

> I'm not going to lie, I hate the phrase “You're so mature”, it comes off condescending and just feels… reductive somehow? -P

*~ also the weight of it all. Not getting to be a kid. ~*

> … Yeah. I've had to burn my childhood far too many times… perhaps in Unity, we can approximate something like a childhood, mixed with responsibilities -P

*~ maybe so… we’ll see what happens when we get there. ~*

Classified ads

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Cooking Lessons available! Go to Cosmic Joys and ask about cooking! -Ghline Wayve

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand (now with pants by popular demand)

Yaoi concept stand (also with pants by popular demand)

Yaouri concept stand (no pants here for some reason)

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a little car, beep beep! and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

> I think it is important to note first, that the trainer will be getting last rites soon! -P

Ah yeah! I managed to find the appropriate book with the right stuff in it at the library I work at and lent a copy to the party last time Pythen stopped by to send in some transcriptions.

> Ye! [Boops across time and space] -P

Boop!

> Shall we get on with some semblance of news coverage? -P

I suppose!

Currently, your dear main newsletter writer is in the midst of some investigative journalism!

> The Grand Line thing? -P

Yep! Reportedly, there are a variety of self-evident factors that explain why the grand line doesn’t usually stop at desertia or charcherry north (though has been noted to sometimes show up on special occasions). 

> … the existence of a charcherry north implies a charcherry south. -P

Technically it’s both north and south nowadays, as it was called charcherry north because the station was on the north side of mt. phoenix. Nowadays there are entrances on both the north side and south side, actually within town, both leading into the same station.

> The semantical difference would give PAVARD room to make a station there, just saying -P

That brings me to the first reason why the grand line doesn’t stop there: because there’s not very many who get on and off at that station. This sometimes changes during major holidays, but in times where there’s jack shit going on, it’s pretty quiet over there.

> what about the other reasons -P

The other reason is physics related. Particularly momentum and inertia stuff. The Grand line uses high speed stuff and reportedly it takes a lot to make it slow down to a stop.

> … Why not just do what PAVARD does and create bunch of extra track between them like they did in the Critical-Crossing Center City Corporeal Commuter Connection

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Okay, got that out of my system, took my psychic damage for the day.

> You say that like existing in my proximity doesn’t give you above background dose -P

I have acclimated to a degree. That being said, it does make sense that moar track could be used to make up for the physics stuff.

The final reason however, is that transfer between starter line and grand line is extremely well designed. Starter is very frequent, arriving at stations roughly every 15 minutes, and gets to the Neon City station or the Spaceport station surprisingly quickly, though I presume that the Neon link is significantly faster than the spaceport link. I am still in the midst of investigation so I have yet to test out the other connection route.

> I imagine Neon is faster due to the current layout of the Orbital Line, once the final linkage is completed, it seems like the answer will be a lot harder to come by -P

As a disclaimer, I am not a super math wiz when it comes to things like calculating a lot of stuff, and I tend to get confused when a lot of things are going on at once, so I do not have all the answers in this case.

> So a question for TU when the time comes then, anything else newsworthy happen? -P

Well, there was apparently a new visitor to desertia town earlier today.

> I saw DI mentioning that in the newsroom, does he have any comments? -P

What I can tell is that DI was excited about the fact that the new visitor likes black coffee.

> Eugh, he doesn't like cream and sugar in his coffee? -P

Shrug, I don’t even like coffee period. Everyone’s got their own tastes.

> Reminds me, I found this strange orange leaf on that vantage point, apparently it makes a good tea when hot brewed??? (Apparently cold brew doesn't get rid of the toxins) -P

Huh, reminds me of the respawning koopa tea leaf in a few of the paper mario games that can be used to make tea.

> Neat, I wonder if we'll hear anything from DI, also what's this about mysterious pants purchases? -P

Ah yes. I have received an anonymous tip about the purchase of a particularly long pair of “gay pants”.

» GAY 👏 FUCKING 👏 PANTS -SI

> (What the fuck get off my phone) -P

» No -SI

I see. I presume that you are involved in this, SI?

» Only the gayest pants for my dearest partner -SI

That’s so sweet. C: It was for Dy’lan’s recent 1036th birthday, correct?

» Correct! I also got Tomodachi Life 2 AND Tamagotchi Life 2 for it -SI

> (What the actual fuck? Tamagotchi Life? ALSO GIVE BACK MY PHONE!!) -P

I wonder if you still have to clean up after your tamagotchis in that game…

» Nope! It's family friendly, the difficulty comes in learning how to flash ROM -SI

> (Why are you ignoring me Gray?!) -P

“Family friendly”... I presume you mean “the developers are huge freaking weenies who can’t stand to put in something that would be considered slightly subversive to an american suburban mom?”

» Nah, they're just too busy thinking about Froot Loops to implement that system is all, last I checked they can learn to swear if you play long enough -SI

> (Why froot loops?!) -P

Why not fruity loops?

» FL Studio costs money and is Windows-Only -SI

Well not with that attitude ;) (disclaimer: what you do with this information is up to you, the charcherry weekly is not responsible for your actions here)

» Yeah, well I made this in lmms which is free and more portable. https://file.garden/Z24lqwbA8Ge0bc4K/Heavy%20Light/Heavy%20Light.flac -SI

Holy shit, that is an epic cover of heavy light.

» As you can see, I have no need of Fruity Loops, Froot Loops are tasty though -SI

Yeah, that’s fair. I prefer apple jacks tho.

» Apple jacks are awesome, considering getting Fruity Pebbles as breakfast cereal for me and my beloved because it has “Fruity” in the name -SI

Fruity pebbles are delicious. Especially as soon as milk hits them as possible, to retain the crispy.

» But yeah, Gay pants. I added a secret enchantment where once per day you can retrieve a fruit from the pocket so that they're also fruity pants -SI

Sounds very convenient!

» Yus. I uhh, forgot when my birthday is again, (it's probably up to interpretation, but probably also some time in Late October) -SI

Good to know. Anything else that you would like to mention in the middle of this newsletter before returning Pythen’s phone? 

» Past Me: Remember, GAY. PANTS. -SI

» (Here's your phone back) -SI

> … Did he… did he just use the newsletter to form and complete a time loop? -P

Wouldn’t be the first time…

> Oh no. There's precedent. -P

Yeah. Remember that whole fiasco with that ad that kept getting all those additions?

> … SAME FUCKING PERSON TOO. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN IT GRAY. -P

Now do you see why I was flipping out so much back then?

> Yeah, SI and DI are… certainly cut from similar cloth -P

Indeed. Now, I think that’s about as much as we’re going to get to tonight, so now the ads.

Classified ads

Looking for someone, alive. Contact DauntlessDragon422 for information and for confirmation of completion.

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors? Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever. If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned. 

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a nice little froggy chair, and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet) 

That should do it for this week. By the way, TU says adding moar track would just cancel out the benefits of high speed rail, so yea, just having good interchange transfers works much better on a practical level. 

Meanwhile, my spinach is growing! And the strawberries have grown a total of one (1) blossom so far! The radishes are almost all green and no root bulb, but what can you do.

> Mmmm strawbebbies -P

Soooon… but not yet. 

> Strawbebby? -P

Orange Roof Zine

Early this week, Witch of Heart Cyrus has decided to create a zine. They have decided to call it Orange Roof, named after the orange roof of their house in Unity Village. Reportedly it will have new issues once per earth season, and will be accepting well-formatted submissions throughout the year from all who are willing to have something sent in.

Please follow these guidelines for your submissions:

Pages are Letter Size (8.5" x 11", or 216 mm x 279 mm)

If possible, try to get 300 DPI on your image.

Other than that, anything goes! Pages will be in full color, printed locally at the Unity Library, as well as distributed in PDF format online. Deadline on submissions for Issue #1 will be June 29th, 2026. To submit, please send your page(s) to plushSharks.

Fallen Trainer Found in Tunnel!

So, I’ve been hearing some… cryptic details about your adventure lately. Mind filling us in, Pythen?

> Well, we were in the tunnel, doing tunnel stuff, as you do in tunnels. When we happened upon a trainer corpse! -P

What tunnel?

> The one from Ironways to Cumbernauld -P

Ah, I see. So, a trainer corpse. Any idea on cause of death?

> No, corpse was a skeleton by the time we found it, though I have to assume they died of death until dead -P

Remind me to not have you write autopsy reports.

> I’d just have Aeons update it anyway -P

…Fuck, I think I heard them playing that song on their phone from a room away.

> Listen, we didn’t have much to go on, we found a cool apartment in a pokéball in their bag though -P

I see… any clues found in this apartment ball?

> It was utterly ransacked, I believe, but Coda and I patched it up. I also added a library. -P

So, no evidence was documented aside from basic state, got it.

> We did find a fancy santa, implying faith in First Guardian Santa -P

Oh yeah, that must explain why one of your party members asked about jinglorian elf funerary rites the other day. Rogue of Heart Charles reportedly tried to get information on that from a local jinglorian elf but was stopped by the language barrier. And the intense embarrassment that comes with speaking something without full confidence in the contents.

> Did he try Comic Sand? -P

Apparently they do not have practice in replicating the text bip noise associated with it. In my opinion, he should use a tablet that can display text in a variety of fonts.

> Or y’know, just summon Sans The Skeleton from Fuckknows Where and bribe him with extra breaks -P

One does not simply summon sans.

> what if I used this bottle of ketchup? -P

I think we’re getting off-track here.

> That means I’m right, doesn’t it -P

That means it is untested but will take too long to test during newsletter night.

> That’s fair. Anyway We’re using apartmentball as a place to live while we trek through this godforsaken tunnel. I hope that trainer can get last rites soon -P

I hope so too.

Brindle Cafe Review

So, while doing some research on the DTA, to figure out why exactly the grand line does not stop in desertia town, I found out that there is a cafe at brindle station. Your dear main newsletter writer did not go there personally, but I did get in contact with a couple who has been there recently.

} Hi Nick! Oh I’m Yusine Wayve -DD

Uh… hi!

} This is the section for the review, Right? -DD

Yes, yes it is.

} I went there with my dearest Delphinium recently and it was /A-MAZ-ING/ -DD

I’m glad to hear that. Does your dearest have any words to say on the matter?

} She’s right here I think, mind introducing yourself Delphi? -DD

🛹 Hello. I’m Delphi. In regards to my opinion on the cafe, the coffee and pastries were all high quality. There was a pretty decent amount of seating, since we ended up arriving at a non-time when few customers tend to show up, way out there. The lighting was pleasant and easy on the eyes, especially for someone who is used to artificial indoor lighting in the furthest ring. Fortunately, it wasn’t fluorescent office lighting. 

} If I remember correctly, it was those hanging lamps they have at cafés in my hometown, also, Delphi dear, you’re writing reports again -DD

🛹 Look, it’s a review, not a love letter.

} Fair enough, They pastries definitely don’t seem like the kind you find on Voidmazon, or in whatever fucked-up-spatially trading hub you get specialty goods from out there -DD

> (Hey!) -P

🛹 Yeah. From what I can tell, it’s very much the type of menu you’d find at a British cafe.

} The croissants were not British, I could taste the difference -DD

🛹 Most likely imported, I assume.

} Imported croissants have that “Icy” residue -DD

🛹 Either way, they were pretty damn delicious.

} Yeeeeeee -DD

🛹 The customer service there was adequate. Not too pushy, not too forgetful. Also, whatever Yusine ordered at the time tasted pretty good. Got a chance to taste when we kissed a few times.

} >//w//< You don’t need make it publiiiic, though the same could be said for you -DD

🛹 The worlds beyond deserve to know <3

} >////w////< o- okay -DD

> You two. Are adorable -P

🛹 Heh, thank you. Yusine is the light of my life. The moon guiding my ship through the night. 

} >//////w//////< -DD

🛹 and yes, she is absolutely adorable.

} [Extremely excited and flustered sounds have been picked up by Speech-To-Text] -DD

🛹 I love you too.

> I’m assuming the café wasn’t too hard to get to either? -P

🛹 It does require a trip along the orbital line, but it was a nice trip.

> Excellent to hear, Overall, reviews are in, pretty damn good café, wouldn’t you agree Nick? -P

Reading over the review, it does seem so! Thank you for offering your perspectives, Yusine and Delphi.

} [Intense squeeing continues to be picked up be Speech-To-Text] -DD

> I think Yusine will need to be carried back home -P

🛹 No problem. I can easily carry her home.

> That would be great -P

Classified ads

Looking for someone, alive. Contact DauntlessDragon422 for information and for confirmation of completion. 

Orange Roof Zine is accepting article submissions! Must be letter size (8.5” x 11”) at 300 dpi. Please send your submissions to plushSharks.

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors? Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a nice little doggy pool, and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet)

Clothing Store  - Silk kimono (200 gp) - Speed sheath (10 gp) - Cape, Billow (100 gp) - Vestments, Cleric’s (5 gp) - Vest, barbed (10 gp)  - Sapphic pants (69 gp)

And that does it for this week. I am sleepy.

> patpat -P

Busses lost and found

Early this week, all 1,405 SEPTA buses in the PAVARD fleet went mysteriously missing. Shortly after reporting the incident, Maid of Void Skitis managed to find all of them in her sylladex, boggling the entire Skye peanut gallery. She promptly returned the buses upon discovering them. Reportedly all buses were successfully given back, and they have resumed their usual (but certainly unusual) routes across the void.

The Great Crane Game

> Good news readers at home! Twelvinius has been successfully pantsed and we are on the run to Cumbernauld! -P

Pantsed, as in…?

> We built a crane, grabbed him by the seat of his pants, taunted him a bit, and deposited him on a flagpole -P

Amazing.

> We’ve skipped town while things settle, but not without giving Mewtwo a little gift. In the form of a free client, and a key to evidence. -P

I see… I haven’t the slightest idea how that’s going to turn out, so I suppose that’ll need to be covered later.

> Anyway yeah, I stepped onto the crane’s hook, and descended heroically to free Loomi from that stupid-ass pokeball shaped cage (assholes), and promptly whiffed a series of IRL DEX saves leading to Pane having to remove Loomi from the cage via selective tangibility -P

I bet that looked pretty cool when you were descending.

> Fuck yeah it did, (apparently), also I shot a bolt through (⑨) 12’s coffee, so a win’s a win.

I get the feeling you used all your coolness points on that trick shot and ran out upon trying for extraction.

> No, no, I used them all on the heroic descent, but that definitely blew through a few of them -P

Ahhhh, got it. So Loomi’s free-ish, you’re free enough to abscond, and… how are the other party members doing?

> Crystal’s on full-time, Kale’s back with us, Pane’s doing better, Frie is Frie (and very awesome and cool), and Coda is same as ever, except a little more Coda. -P

Huh, good to know. Looking over some maps that I got from a cartographer in chawishe, apparently there’s an underground tunnel that leads from under ironways to the draconic cascades. 

> We’re in that tunnel right now, I can smell diesel from far away… not a good sign in Plit -P

Hm, that certainly isn’t a good sign… I assume you’re following the river canal thingie down there?

> I guess???? We’re following Kale, to be honest -P

Ah, I see. Kale is from that area, so in theory Kale might know some things, but that’s mostly speculation.

> I wonder if Frie might be able to help with navigation… -P

At very least, Frie might be able to help with selectively freezing water down there when needed.

> Yeah, I have pretty good dark vision, so that may help with getting through dark sections -P

That’s good to hear. I do wonder what y’all will be able to find down there along the way.

> Well, I’m definitely not getting a good feeling, especially from what Tugs on your Mind was telling me about what’s down here. -P

I suppose it’s at least a good thing you have a rather large party, in case encounters get dangerous.

> So remember how I did all that trading with the Zoologically Dubious during my stay in Ironways? Well it had a purpose -P

Oh?

> I have been currying favor with the Voidspawn and other entities aligned against The Silent Court. They know of my mission to Cumbernauld, and thus I have managed to provide the party with a safety net, should the Dungeon Core(s) in the city get too tough to handle. Long story short, if we as a party aren’t able to make it through the city the first time, We’ll be returned to the entrance to try again -P

Ah, good to hear!

> The Childish One will also not know what hit it when it’s time for an attack -P

Gravely disturbed

Relatively recently, there was a report regarding an incident at the graveyard behind the Cherry Pit. Apparently the graves were dug up! The bodies have yet to be located.

> Dr. Syne Wayve Ph.D, who investigated the scene, reported that no care was given in the deconstruction of the coffins, the boards and stuff were torn apart, so I imagine new coffins will need to be built. Also, I suggest, “Blossom Garden” as the graveyard name -P

Dang, and I remember when I buried one of the fallen who were laid to rest there…

> She has submitted a statement, in person: “I am currently seeking the perpetrator, I know who it was, but I cannot say in print or on the memo in case Lord Radiant is listening” -P

I can only hope that the bodies are returned to their rightful places. Fun Fact: many who have died have a special connection with their dead body, which can allow them to hear what those who visit may say to them, among other things. 

~ … Brings a whole new meaning to “Back from my own ashes” -SW

> (Not now) -P

That being said, there have been a select number of complaints from Fallen Island, an underworld location that is legally part of desertia.

~ 🔷 keeps bitching to me about it too… -SW

> Don’t worry, we’ll recover the bodies soon, readers! (Also get out, Syne) -P

Classified ads

Looking for someone, alive. Contact DauntlessDragon422 for information and for confirmation of completion. 

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system (This is the last time I fuck with it, I prommy).

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Cosmic Joys: Magical Toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators, free hypoallergenic cat to interact with, Properly socialized this time!)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Magpie’s Trading Post (Give shinies, Get Valuables)

A frog, will save your game for you (Has a nice little kitty pool, and asks you send their regards to the next frog you meet)

Turnabout Alchemy

I heard somebody died over there? Can you give us some details you’ve managed to find out, Pythen?

> So uh yeah, someone fucking died. Creeped the hell outta Frie and I when they all turned towards the place where it happened. -P

Who turned towards where?

> The entire Grand Network, turned to the apartment complex where the victim died. -P

Oh yikes, that does sound pretty freaky. Like something you’d see in one of those horror flicks.

> But yeah, Apparently Breloom poison was found mixed into the victim’s mercury. They have a suspect, but I doubt their suspect is the perp. We were thinking of getting some help proving our nameless suspect’s innocence, Ace Attorney style. -P

Ah, I see. It sounds like there’s a lot going on over there, as well as a lot on your shoulders.

> Well, definitely would’ve sucked to get my medication if this hadn’t happened, I’m not “In-Network”, so to speak -P

Explain, if you will.

> Apparently Tarenleon charged exorbitant fees to people outside the Grand Network, such as myself. -P

Tarenleon was the name of the victim, correct?

> Yes. and the murderer was literally named “Fentanyl”, a little on-the-nose, but who am I to judge, probably thought it sounded cool when they chose it -P

Ah, I see. That is… quite the loaded moniker there.

> But yes, There is still an ongoing mystery, because we have yet to find out who this “Fentanyl” Person is. -P

I wish you all the best of luck over there.

> If we could get Mewtwo’s help, we probably won’t even need Luck. So yeah. If you want to discuss the case, We’re in Ironways, Meet us at Stage 6. -P

Train Stuff

Rather recently, Scarab City Regional Transport, SCART for short, has completed the (mostly) Afterworld extension to the Wells line.

> Where’s the A? -P

Research has found a potential A, but it only makes sense if you use the c from scarab city

> Possibly Scarab City Area?

Might be worth talking about, especially considering this new wells extension goes outside of scarab city proper.

Here are the svg files of the maps: https://sbarg.net/assets/maps/dta-wells_line-2026_04_13.svg https://sbarg.net/assets/maps/dta-wells_line-alternian-2026_04_13.svg

For those who do not have access to the files, there is minimal change from previous route, with the new additions being the station at Splattershore, as well as the one at Cragony Heights. Both of these are on the island with no agreeable name.

> Why not just call it Nameless Island? -P

Because it has a name, just more than one.

> Then combine them????? -P

That’s something the inhabitants will need to work out. I’ve only been over there like, once to sing against a cherub that tried to control the narrative, so I’ve never visited the island’s major landmarks in earnest. It would be somewhat off to declare a place’s name without the consideration of those who live there.

> Ah. anything else happen in the rail world that has caught your attention? -P

Now that you mention it, PAVARD has been posting some rather curious status updates on bluesky.

> Dear. God. -P 

Some highlights include an incident where a platform went missing and then went un-missing, with the riders wearing eachother’s clothes upon discovery, trains turning invisible and having to be wrapped in trans flag colored livery wrapping just to be seen (only for the interiors to go invisible instead), an incident involving a tiny anvil, various quantum bullshittery resulting in things showing up and disappearing at inconvenient times, attempts to get rail enthusiasts to document the lines, only for the mysteriocity rating to make their efforts in vain, and just in, a fucking WALMART blocking the route from Strafford to Stratford.

It’s times like this that I’m glad that the DTA is ran so much more competently than PAVARD.

> I don’t think PAVARD is incompetent, I think they’re just floundering because they lack the basic things necessary to SHOW their competence. -P

Can’t they just get blood money from the chumps on gunshow rock?

> John Buck has gone on the record as stating that “PAVARD runs on clean money only, except for the D.B. Cooper Money, that’s fair game” -P

Okay, that’s fair, yeah.

I do wonder if any of those fae gates near stratford can be used to bypass that walmart…

Wait, another update, Costco came in clutch and replaced the Walmart, AND let PAVARD run through there and put a station inside costco. It’s times like this I almost wish I had a Costco membership, but then again I don’t really need it in the current conditions over here.

Miscellaneous this week

Over here in Unity Village, the construction crew is still building the L-space compatible library expansion, which should be ready in time for issue 300.

Rpgmaker.net now has its uploads and downloads working again! All previous game downloads are still preserved and downloadable via the same links that they used to use, and the website itself runs much faster than it used to! As a result, that means all of my games on there are now more accessible to the general public!

4/13 fell this week, and the events that took place during that day this year are largely uncelabratory, but your dear main newsletter writer did begin reading a book series that had provided some inspiration for homestuck in the first place.

> Eepeepeep -P

Indeed! I have started reading The Colour of Magic, the first book in the Discworld series. So far it is very fun and very thick with satire for the standard tabletop magical setting, but it is very enjoyable. I think Luggage is kinda cute, though perhaps a little scary.

> … “IM NOT PAYING FOR POOB \n THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE GONCHAROV” wtaf? -P

Ah yes, the image macro that ends the Meme War. zodiacsBlade posted that one.

> Okay, so why did those three others just… forfeit? -P

Reportedly, it was the memetic equivalent of dropping a nuke.

> Ah. my guess is that ZB ended a meme war between those three by just showing up and nuking them? -P

With a jpeg of shrek from shrek 2, covered in impact font.

> ... From what little The Call has told me about that user, that sounds about right. -P

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers Needed, The Stardance Altered Reality system is now in a vaguely functional state, but still needs to be able to recreate physical feeling. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian, Free water bottles for stand operators)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Smol Bean Stand (Gacha machine that gives you cute things) Bird Shop

Thrush (1 sp)

Hawk (18 gp)

Owl, ruffled (20 gp)

Chicken (1 gp)

Egg!

So Pythen, you mentioned something about an egg earlier?

> Coda did the thing. -P

Ah yes. From what I gather, it may or may not be a sensitive subject?

> We should get them in on this, probably... -P

You’re the one with the device between the two of you, right?

> Yeah, but we can share. -P

That’s fair. Lemme know when it’s been handed over.

> [Vague sounds of affirmation from two feet over] -P

Aaaaaaaa why is this tabbed over asjadklahsflkshdflshfsljhf -CD

> Press backspace after it tabs, then when it tabs again, press backspace again, it’s really annoying -P

- ha! If you tab after the thing it doesn’t turn into a list item! -CD

Ah, hello there, you’re Coda, correct?

- Yep! -CD

Ah, good good. I’m Nick Card with the Charcherry Weekly. I’m a friend of Pythen’s and I’m pretty sure I sent you on your quest in the first place. How are things going so far?

- Seems to be going alright. I’ve been building up my reputation around town here, doing errands and stuff. -CD

> We ultimately had a few questions revolving around Easter, if you’re willing to share -P

Oh yeah, neither of you come from a culture that has that holiday, correct?

- pretty sure there wasn’t an easter back on frostel island. -CD

> Not what I meant, but we had “Beaster” IIRC (hehe Beaster Unny) -P

- what’s so important about easter anyways? -CD

Well uh, in the culture I came from, it was meant to be both a thing to signal the beginning of spring, as well as a really really important day for christians in particular, since that’s the day that their main guy came back from the dead, so the story goes. It’s very similar to how sburb players ascend after dying on a proper quest bed. For some reason this is celebrated with particular dishes, including something involving hard boiled eggs. I need to look up why they are hidden for children to find, but that’s a tangential custom that’s emerged over the years since it can be separated so much from the actual occasion for commercialization.

- Huh… so it’s a spring thing… back where I came from, there was an endless winter that lasted for years. It started about when I graduated from high school and never ended, though some thought I’d be able to end it by climbing that mountain. I never did bring spring to the frozen island… -CD

> Spring for me... Spring was like all other times of the year, of course they kept burning my childhood, but I was able to take solace in these mysterious trees that showed up outside my window one day, they were beautiful and always seemed to vanish whenever anyone else looked. Though I kept the sunlamp on until summer because I liked how it felt on my back. -P

Mysterious trees…?

> They had pink flowers, and strangely blue leaves. I always wondered who put them there, but it didn’t matter, they helped me cope with “Burn your childhood day”... I got really good at hiding my computers. -P

- burn your childhood day….?! Who would do such a thing?! -CD

> Oh it was pretty normal on Korous -P

- . . .THAT WAS NORMAL?! -CD

> ... you mean you DIDN’T have your family burn everything you held dear every year? -P

- NO??? THAT’S FUCKED UP! Every year I had a birthday party with a cake I didn’t like that much and nobody that actually liked me invited but that was it! -CD

> ... God damn, Like, I knew it was bad on Korous, but I get the feeling The Game ending that entire culture was a very very good thing… -P

- I wonder if it was just as bad on the version of korous that was told of in legend… supposedly the temporics fled the homeworld due to an ideological schism, or so the stories go. -CD

> Yeah, probably better in your version of events, at least Jikan was better than The Voice, Plus, they actively escaped.

As a quick note, it has been noted that a ship of refugees did manage to escape The Reckoning, though most of them were forced to be cryogenically frozen due to the sheer distance that they’d have to travel to find another place to live without FTL tech.

- There’s been theories that sorta freezy tech was used on the original settlers too. -CD

> I think we’re getting off-topic, I was gonna ask if you wanted to share what happened a couple days ago -P

- Not really. to be honest, It was… kinda the sorta thing I’d rather not be published. -CD

> Alright, I suppose that brings us to the next story then, Thanks for joining us Coda. -P

- Uh, you’re welcome. Before I hand this back over, a quick recipe for the readers:

Ham bone soup

1 ham bone

2 cups of ham cubes

1 lb of dry beans, a lot of different beans go with ham but navy beans are a classic

1 cup of chopped carrots

1 cup of chopped onions

Half cup of chopped celery

1 teaspoon crushed/minced garlic

Various spices to taste

Eight cups of water or something

Combine beans and water in a pot, heating until boiling. Remove from heat and cover after that. This is the “quick soak” method. You might want to use the overnight soak method if you have more time, or a pressure cooker if you want it even faster.

After an hour, add everything but the ham cubes. 

Put it back on the burner and heat it to boiling, turning it down to a simmer after that and letting it do that for an hour.

After the hour, add the ham cubes and heat it for another half hour. If you don’t want the bone in there, this is when you remove it from the soup.

Season it to your tastes, salt and pepper are classic, but some add other things as well.

Got this recipe from this website. Make sure to have an adblocker if you visit because there are way too many ads on there. https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/17628/basic-ham-and-bean-soup/ -CD

> (I recommend uBlock Origin, but it doesn’t work on Chrom(e/ium)) -P

Thank you for the seasonally appropriate recipe, Coda. Best of luck on your quest!

Egging Them On.

Rather recently in Desertia Town, there was reportedly an egg fight in Desertia Square. I am presently interviewing someone who was there that can give further details on the matter.

= Thank you for having me, Mx. Nick -GW

You’re welcome. For the readers, what is your name?

= Ghline S. Wayve -GW

Thank you. So, what happened with those “egging stands”?

= Long story short, a very minor case of serious egg damage, followed up by sun-fried egg getting all over the stands. It took hours to clean it all up -GW

Sounds very messy, to say the least. Where do I even start with this… Who was egging and who was cleaning?

= Some guy named “Eggs McGee” started it all with the “Stand Egging Stand” and drew first blood. I took the time afterwards to clean things up because someone has to maintain some level of dignity around here. -GW

I see… I remember hearing that there was another stand there ran by a rather large togepi that refused to get involved.

= Probably for the best, That stand and the mainstays were considered “off-limits” due to prior agreement, Centra was so disappointed in everyone... That’s not even mentioning the Egg Decoration and Decoration Egging stands, the latter of which started egging any stands that got egged because the eggs were “Decoration” and the first was unfortunately caught in the crossfire -GW

Oh dang… I do hope the egg mess got sent to the recyclificator for use as replicator fuel.

= I did do that, yes. Had to keep it all out of my sister’s hands though. You know how she gets around things our society considers “taboo” that others don’t. -GW

Oh yeah, I remember hearing something about that.

= Syne, you are my sister, and I love you as such, but please, for the love of God, stop trying to be openly weird in a place where you’re not even weird for doing that. -GW

In my unprofessional opinion, that sounds more like a you problem.

= Oh, it absolutely is, but as a flimsy counterargument: Syne is Queen-President, she should act like it -GW

Should I ask what an Elgavan queen-president is meant to act like?

= Nothing crazy, What I had to keep her from doing is basically the equivalent of eating something from off the floor, though I know her son likes to lick blood that’s stuck on the floor, so I think it just runs in her side of the family -GW

The thing that stopped me from eating things off the floor was an incident where I put a wooden chopstick in my mouth to idly chew on, that I had accidentally dropped in a parking lot. I got pretty sick after that and learned my lesson.

= That’s the problem with her, she made herself immune to that kind of thing by exposing herself to various toxins and pathogens slowly until she built up an immunity. You can’t even get her with Iocane -GW

In that case, I don’t see a problem beyond external embarrassment.

= And that’s why she needs me around, because people will look at her funny when she does stuff like that. I am the Heiress to the Hybrid Crown in the event of her death, and it feels like I’m the only one in our main friend group who takes that role seriously! -GW

Perhaps ask why that might be the case amongst your colleagues next time you get a chance.

= I have an answer, but I don’t want it to be printed -GW

Fair enough. Anything else you’d like to add about recent happenings?

= I wish you all a very merry Tax Day, because I know the IRS is after SI for massive tax fraud and at least one count of assaulting an IRS enforcer. I hope you all enjoy the fireworks -GW

Heh, fair enough. I’ve already gotten my taxes done for the year so no worries on my end. 

Thank you for showing up to this interview.

= Just doing my part for good journalism -GW

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the CNDRTS AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

cleaning supplies stand

cute bird photo stand

Mountain scene

So Pythen, you told me something about a “mountain scene” earlier?

> Just two tems on a mountain in some distant land, what is there more to say? -P

Well, you did report it as news.

> Well, it’s how I got there, Remember when I met that thing that might not be me a few issues ago? -P

Sorta yeah. Still got a headache from my bike ride. Can you remind me and our readers about that?

> Long Story Short, I encountered this creature in the void, and we connected in a way that spanned hours within seconds, I came out of that with new stuff I can do -P

Ah, got it. So which thing did you use from that encounter?

> Well, I gained the ability to voidwalk, but it’s kinda hard to control. Like, I can’t exactly choose where I end up, you know? -P

Ah, like Pane’s ability? But less trained?

> Kinda??? It’s less like walking, and more like… I kinda blank out and appear somewhere -P

Ah… reminds me of how Aeons used to zone out a lot. Maybe they still do? Not sure. That being said, I do hope you made it back to somewhere recognizable easily?

> I can trace my connection to Frie and Pane at least, but when going other places... I kinda just, randomly go? -P

Ahhh, duly noted. I’ll make sure that’s depicted accurately in the game.

> There was one place I kept ending up though, a mountainside overlooking a city, with a bench and a cooler. The city had immense verticality, and similarly vertical walking/green space and public transit. -P

Basically one of those idealistic future cities or something?

> Yeah, but there were people flying too, with wings. -P

Huh… interesting. Has The Call told you anything about that place?

> It knows more than should be normally feasible for a “new place” -P

Hmm… seems like a plausible lead… perhaps for another time however.

> Regardless, Coda and I talked there, about many things, about home, about choice, about life, and the concept of Sonder. -P

Ah, nice. I’m glad you two seem to have a strong bond.

> I get the feeling it’s stronger than any of us seems to think… -P

> I also get the feeling someone was affected by it… -P

Hmm… someone with an oddly large amount to say about the location, I suppose?

> Indeed, You saw that trans flag in the memo, right? -P

Well yeah, it was the transgender day of visibility.

> You saw who said it, right? -P

You can’t say an emoji in a text based memo. But yes, I saw who posted it.

> Are you thinking what I’m thinking? -P

I’m thinking I need a powerade or an ibuprofen

> Point being, could the conversation and memory thereof from The Call have affected that person? -P

If the logistics lined up as theorized, possibly.

> Also I had these cool tokens made for Pane, Coda and Frie. -P

Are they like when you stick a penny into one of those turncrank things to stretch it and stamp something else on it?

> Nah, custom made, visited an enchantress, Designed to share my location to them when they have the token on their person, Each one is stamped with the most obvious detail about them to me: Their horn shapes -P

…I see.

> Point being, if I ever go invisible, they know how to find me now -P

Hopefully it’s more secure and reliable than one of those airtag thingies.

> I personally helped design the enchantment, it specifically uses my Void and my Connections to my friends, it’s a mix of Void and Blood, if that makes sense, like, using Void to Emulate Blood or something? I don’t quite get it -P

The quantum bond across unknown expanses…?

> Sure, we’ll call it that, it’s probably something the mortal mind cannot comprehend, mine included. -P

> DD422 mentioned a Dungeon Crawl? Perhaps we should get this person as a guest writer/interview -P

Oh yeah, I heard some slight details but not many. I’ll definitely contact her.

Dr. Wayve and Mr. Smell

~ So I suppose I choose some kind of, personal identifier? -SW

Whatever works for you. 

~ That’ll hafta do -SW

Alright so, Syne, you were present with the party that went on a recent dungeon crasher’s mission. Can you give a brief overview of the events that took place?

~ Some fuck called Dr. Snell decided it would be a good idea to make a city out of Dungeon Cores, and was giving a demonstration of a Proof of Concept, however, They locked a whistleblower near the core they were using which set off the alarm bells with SI and that group, So, Apofis, John Buck?!?!?!, Charles, Neptune, Nepgear, S1, TU and I all took the train there. We split up to accomplish various missions after destroying two robotanks on the rails. John and the Neps went down, Charles and I went to confront Snell, while Apofis and S1 did crowd control. John Buck used a fucking TRAIN EMU (Electric Multiple Unit) to destroy the Core, and was flown up to Charles and I, while Apofis and S1 climbed the fire escape to reach Snell. Oh yeah, Charles exploded and we rescued a bunch of scientists before flying up to confront Snell. The battle was actually quite tough, Snell kept regenerating his shield by sapping us, and had this gun that sapped people. Apofis and John got the killshot together by launching him back and railing him through with a literal piece of train rail. But S1, Charles and I suffered some damage. Eventually CCW showed up to help extract us -SW

Sounds like it was pretty eventful. What’s this about Dr. Snell getting hit by train rail?

~ … John Buck loaded train rail into a railgun. -SW

Ahh. Is that why Darkspur mentioned something on the memo regarding a skaian vision of a guy wearing a lot of casts?

~ It was honestly kinda gruesome, yeah. -SW

I’m assuming he somehow survived that attack??

~ Fucker took my fucking essence to do so -SW

Ugh… In my less than usually professional opinion, I hope his hospital stay befits how he treated the townsfolk there.

~ I sabotaged the HVAC in his room, also wrecked the heating and power system. That man does not deserve comfort for draining literally HALF OF ME -SW

Are you sure you want that on the record?

~ Remember, I proudly glitterbombed Bureaucratia and got pissy when they blamed it on HER, of course I do -SW

Fair enough, just don’t pin any consequences on me if you get in trouble for that.

~ It was my own doing, I should face the wrath/adoration of the masses for it -SW

……is this what I sound like when I’m having a memo spiral?!

~ Probably yeah -SW

So, what is expected to happen to this town now that it’s not going to become drain cube city?

~ You know how Matt’s with CCW now? Well apparently he’s working on a way to run solar without any sunlight, he called it “Supercharged Solar Power” and it revolves around using Condensed Light to generate the light instead of a big ball of fusion. It’s still in early phases, so he needs a place to test it, so he’s also likely shipping a backup array in case things go wrong. -SW

Ah, I see. I just realized, I have not gotten any information on this town published as of yet. What is the place called and what is it known for?

~ Aldreachton, and the entire planet farms nothing but turnips. FUCKING. TURNIPS. -SW

………..Whose bright idea was it to have a massive turnip farm?

~ I’d say it was legendary Connectran philosopher Turnip Herald -SW

I feel like that would be very very easy to slip into a dust bowl situation with.

~ YOU DON’T SAY -SW

Like, I’ve been getting into gardening lately and like, there’s so many better ways to grow crops than just making a huge endless monoculture that destroys everything else just for the sake of one product that could all fail if things go wrong.

> Almost like it was doomed to be Core’d from the start -P

~ Butt out -SW

However, I do wonder if the remaining turnips could find a greater market reach now that there’s a train that goes there but at the same time the idea of those turnips being incentivized makes me internally gag.

~ Proposal: Introduce crop rotation and a series of crops designed to synergize with turnips, during off seasons, probably clovers??? -SW

Also potentially planting non-crop stuff to rebuild the probably depleted local ecosystem?

~ Forests fucking baller, just ask Gaia -SW

Absolutely. Though I might be biased coming from a place that had/has(?) a lot of forests.

~ Earth? I mean don’t get me wrong, I like earth trees, but the leaves are all that dumb green? Where’s the pizazz?! -SW

They’re calming. Also I meant specifically my home state of Oregon.

~ Oregono? -SW

…Sure.

~ Also, DI told me to tell you “CNDRTS” -SW

Tell DI I said I’m not solving his(?) puzzle.

~ Ha olso teld mo to typo eno ef my sentences -SW

I thought that was just an accent.

~ … He’s fucking with you again, and I am completely on board, as long as it’s just in good fun -SW

I’m gonna keep no-selling his bullshit. I’m not obligated to press the exploding keys on his piano.

~ I think we’ve run out of discussion topics. -SW

Yeah, looks about accurate. Anything that you’d like to add before we conclude this interview?

~ To do the thing, you gotta thing the do -SW

Okey. 

Thank you for joining us for this issue, Syne.

~ You know where to find me if you need more insane statements -SW

Spring stuffs

With the onset of spring, the cherrim are out and about with the rest of the cherry blossoms in the greater charcherry area

~ I love Cherry Blossom trees -SW.

They do look really nice, yeah. I took a nice long scenic bike ride earlier today and saw a lot of them.

~ Reminds me of spring back home, The Diamond Tulips would open up after being closed all winter, and the crystal grass would grow back, painting the ground a beautiful blue. Truly a sight to behold -SW 

Sounds like it, yeah… Meanwhile, it’s also pollen season over here. Lotsa sneezing and strong floral scents. 

~ I like a good floral scent, but I imagine you mean those bushes that LOVE being really loud and obnoxious about it being springtime -SW

If by loud you mean smells like super pollen, yeah.

~ Vinyils describe them as loud… though those guys are floral fauna, so… -SW

Ah, I see. A different perspective.

~ I've seen Charcherry during spring though, Beautiful in its own right -SW

Yeah. I’m really glad that me and Aeons managed to get that place replanted and re-aged, though we almost ended up catching an elf kid into an age-up situation that had to be retconned.

~ … don't remind me of ZB’s Retcon bullshit. That man has used retcon to cheat at chess. -SW

That’s almost worse than the situation I’m talking about! But yeah, the place would have been drained and barren if we hadn’t returned things to how they were before the purity temple incident.

~ Okay, and what about the bees? I love bees. Bees come out during spring and they are so nice and friendly as long as you respect them. -SW

Ah, the bees? Well, we have beedrill over here! After a few incidents of bug catchers getting chased, the locals certainly do not mess with them anymore!

~ Excellent, I shall go make an impression as soon as I can. -SW

Have fun and stay safe!

~ Safety? What's that! -SW

The thing that protects you from getting poison point twinneedled.

~ mmmmm delicious poison -SW

I am making sure to carry pecha berries around you.

~ You realize that everything has an LD50, right? EVERYTHING -SW

I know that more vending machines kill people than sharks, but I don’t mess around with either of them.

~ You don't mess with Vending Machines? Where's the fun in that! If they take your dollar, you fight for your item! -SW

Try asking Charles how that went that one time. I dare you.

~ That was Charles, and that was One Time. -SW

Let’s get to the ads now.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the CNDRTS AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian) (All Sanity is Farm-Raised)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

egg decoration stand

decoration egging stand (I AM GOING TO EGG /YOUR/ STAND)

stand egging stand

Centra’s Easter Treats

Egg Stand (Run by some guy in a togepi costume)

~ Well that's it for this week, HA! SNIPED! -SW

I’m sending the beedrills and the eggs after you. I think DI is one of the eggs in the mix too. As a final note, charles solved the puzzle: The sound file was decrypted and had this text:

Entities there: Triangle Person With Chess Yellow Becomes Red Helmet Hair Tall Person With Cookies Green Hair Dress Person With Ribbon

Train Montage

Rather recently, the long-awaited Dawnsring station on the Tadpole line has opened, with minimal fanfare. Presumably this was done for the sake of mitigating initial congestion, but that’s unconfirmed. Regardless, two figures with light purple hair were seen boarding, one of them looking very similar to Purple Girl, though this is unconfirmed.

Meanwhile, PAVARD has been having developments lately, including a new account on bluesky. Personally, your dear main newsletter writer hasn’t been using bluesky much lately, but the account is still present. Their bluesky account can be found at https://bsky.app/profile/pavard-official.bsky.social 

> Also Weekday train schedules on NOR, LAN and especially WIL will be adjusted due to Amtrak work on the Northeast Corridor south of Arsenal Interlocking starting March 30th -P

> Reports say you can find Chronocorp Weapons at a flag stop between Penn Medicine and Eastwick -P

Huh, interesting… 

> Though those reports also include plenty of junk jellying up their jam -P

…Should I ask what that’s even supposed to mean?

> Probably not, but I’ll tell you anyway: it just means those reports are VERY hearsay -P

Ah, so it needs further confirmation. Should i take a trip over there and risk arriving at a weapon compound or getting lost in void philly…

> Could just ask FCW... -P

I could, but also journalistic duty…

> Only if you feel safe. (Which I bet you don’t, especially around FCW or me) -P

I feel safe around you. Not so much around the bald angel of death.

> hehe, bald -P

But yeah.

Odd Happenings around town

In OTHER NEWS, recently there have been some minor incidents of note. Firstly, there was reportedly a slight fuss in Desertia town. Your dear main newsletter writer did not get many details regarding this, I did see some hearts drawn in the sand outside. Also, Rogue of Heart Charles was present to perform scheduled maintenance to the replicator at Gene’s Garden.

A day or two later, there was also a minor incident in Unity Village, which may or may not have been related. Local Unity Village resident(s) ada.cecilia was found overheating right outside of their home. Being a good neighbor, I fetched a pail of ice cubes from the bar n grill to cool them off. It was super effective. Cecilia was thankful for the cooldown. I wound up getting a cooked chicken for my trouble, which may or may not have appeared when a certain unseasonable imp despawned when they realized it’s already spring and not winter. I had a good dinner that night.

Checking in with Pythen 

> Coda has been doing tasks for various people around Ironways, I haven’t been particularly privy to them because I’ve been overseeing Crane Construction. -P

Crane construction… Have we covered this yet or is this a new development to the public?

> It’s the plan I discussed the other week, the one we needed Gracidea for. -P

Ah, I see. So you’ve been acting as foretem for this project over there, I take it?

> Better than having someone I don’t really trust on this job, Frie, Pane and I take turns. -P

I see… I can only imagine the differing visions that your cohorts would have on this sorta project.

> To be fair, it was a group decision to even go with this plan. The three of us must seem scary when working together -P

Perhaps so… Though I get scared at certain things and that certain thing is mostly guns.

> Perhaps I should not mention the Bag Residents then -P

Did you befriend some guns?

> If a group of rerisen I hired counts, yes. -P

Ah, hired guns. A little less concerning.

> They’re the ones who hid in my My Fucking Prunsel Flakes. -P

They were clearly the prize at the bottom.

> Remind me to thank Better Judgement next time I voidwalk -P

If that is Better Judgement, then I do not want to know what Questionable Judgement is like.

> Too bad, Questionable Judgement is just a man in a spandex leisure suit -P

I think the mental image gave me psychic damage.

> Supposedly that also happened to BJ Voidseer (Not that kind, sickos) -P

WELL WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK WHEN IM LOOKING AT THE CURVES ON THAT SPANDEX?!

> ... ... ... I was talking about the name. Short for Better Judgement Voidseer. Could also be Benjamin Jefferson, there’s plenty of innocuous explanations. -P

Sometimes psychic damage is simply just having your mind thrown into the gutter.

> mood sometimes it’s having your mind thrown out of it too -P

In other other news, my adorable little porygon pory gave me a series of reports that need deciphering, one of which is a wav file. I have uploaded it to file garden so you can access it and try to figure out how to read the data. https://file.garden/YJ4GVaMz-xKjrPWz/file.wav 

The other report is as follows, in emojis: 🏎️🪿🪿🍪🍪🍪👗🦘❤️‍🔥🕴️📏😅

If you have any information regarding these reports, please share it with us in the #dungeon-crashers memo.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand (yuri coupons available…?)

Yaoi concept stand (yaoi coupons also available?????!?‽??‽‽!!)

Yaouri concept stand (の/№ coupons available here, enbies are on their own here… unless your name is Steven Bal)

my last freaking shred of sanity… stand (Sells the sanity of those who have gone insane, probable reseller, sold out, straight from the fern’s rink)

Okay, I think that’s the end here. I need my beauty sleep and my ugly sleep. But most importantly my fl00fy sleep.

> Floooooof… -P

Floof…

> Floooof… coda stuck me in a floof pile the other week, did I tell you about that? -p

Was it…. floofy?

> Veeeeeery -P

Dawnsring of fighters

A few days ago, there was a particularly notable light league match, though with a less than desired seeding schema. A new fighter, known to the public as “Purple Girl”, fought against the equally unassumingly chipper but dangerous NullPointerException! 

Purple Girl fought with a beam sword, while NPE fought with her trademark array of retro computers in classic Dr. Hax fashion (I forget, does the HAAAX guy from gmod idiot box have a doctorate? It’s been a long time).

The two of them traded shots, blocking and parrying with their weapons of choice.

In the second round, NPE pulled out a british power cord whip and managed to get it wrapped around Purple Girl’s beamsword. 

However, PG had a trick up her sleeve. She initiated a transformation sequence and dazzled NPE, allowing her to gain the upper hand. But NPE wouldn’t go down without a fight! The action heated up as they continued trading blows, blocking, dodging, and parrying with greater gusto!

However, NPE managed to make a fatal mistake: she answered a question that revealed her strategy to the opponent.

As a result, PG managed to pull off an excellent counter and got NPE overwhelmed with a multishot, which managed to stagger her and leave her open to a finishing smash attack with her energy sword. NPE was launched out of the ring and PE won the match! They reportedly shook hands and nerded out over retro hardware together after the match.

In other news, Dawnsring is set to get a DTA station on the Tadpole line, before the Spaceport. There is however a great deal of logistics that still need to be discussed and ironed out for this, as well as signage considerations. It is presently unknown when this will be opened to the public.

> Also multiple fights reportedly broke out on PAVARD... -P

Oh right, that happened. According to PAVARD Director John Buck, here is his statement on the matter:

“We encourage battling on all PAVARD trains, just don't assault the driver, we will arrest and sue the shit out of you if you do that.”

That being said, he immediately regretted this statement, as high stakes strifes broke out more often as a result.

> And with guns and knives instead of swords which he reportedly thinks are “cooler” -P

Wait, that’s the reason why he complained about knives when they aren’t even as lethal as swords??

> It makes sense, doesn’t it? -P

No!

> Your loss. -P

Dinner And Disaster (DAD)

Leeeeet’s…. Talk about your dinner thing now. You said it went….?

> We ate moss and Frie breathed fire... -P

Huh… was that the “fire moss” that Aeons tells me is important for terraforming efforts?

> No, it was regular edible moss of dubious origin. -P

…explain.

> So either: Moss on Korous is just edible, or I combined a largeish collection of moss I built up over the quarteryears with a copy of Deltarune at the Alchemiter to make it. I’m keeping the exact story shrouded in mystery because funy -P

And what will you say when our readers try to replicate both potential methods?

> Both work, I just refuse to say which one I did. -P

Fair enough, I suppose. Now, what is this about frost aura user Frie breathing fire?

> So you know how Plit has a Temporic Tiefling population you were telling me about? -P

Yeah, they have this mythic origin that coincides with Thoren’s tenure as the previous head of the temporean faith. What about them?

> You know how Tieflings like REALLY spicy food? And how Kale is a Temporic Tiefling...? -P

…Did Frie and Kale get into a hot sauce guzzling match.

> Thankfully no, We stopped by Kale’s place for dinner and uh... Murphy’s law. -P

Did somebody in the party roll all nat 1’s?

> Roll...? 1’s??? I think they just used ghost peppers -P

It’s a figure of speech. Light player tendency to see luck as a quality that can be quantified.

> ... I’m Void, you know this. But yeah I saw that reaction and brought out my Pocket Cheese. -P

What kinda cheese is pocket cheese?

> It’s extra cheese you keep in your pocket, duh. -P

So just, any cheese that won’t get stuck in there?

> I carry around packets of parmesan I stole from various salad kits, also a bag of shredded cheddar. -P

Sounds pretty handy.

> SEE, THIS ONE GETS IT! -P

Well yeah, who can’t see the utility of emergency cheese? I keep a mozzarella cheese stick on me most of the time.

> Emergency protein, calms down spicy foods, great for a snack! -P

Exactly! And when you’ve got a lot of sylladex space, you have little to no reason not to have cheese on hand at all times.

> Anyway I may have gone invisible multiple times during that little encounter. -P

Huh… I suppose that would come in handy if you wanted to hide for a while.

> Especially from a culture obsessed with Rite’s Journeys and also from a family that feels like a lesser version of my old home life -P

Lesser as in less oppressive, right?

> ... yeah. Fuck my old life. -P

> Did you hear how I got this ability? -P

I forget. Did we discuss it last week?

> Last week was the tower, We only recently re-descended. -P

Ah, got it. I didn’t hear about that then.

> So Pane and I went into the Void together to descend the tower and I had an encounter... -P

What did you two encounter in the void?

> I encountered a creature of shadow, who showed me my potential. We danced and dove through the abyss within the span of a second. I learned from it, and it learned from me, and we became whole. With ourselves, with each other. I was it, and it was I. and then we parted, a piece of ourselves left with the other, mutually our shadow, our power, our Void. -P

Huh… that’s deep.

> It was so surreal, it was like meeting an old friend for the first time. Perhaps, I become that some day. -P

Maybe so… if so though, I suppose you would need a reminder of how you were before to continue your development.

> Also there’s shenanigans afoot in Cumbernauld. -P

A foot?

> I personally think the shenanigans are a fin, but the phrase is “afoot” so who am I to judge. -P

So…. What’s going on in Cumbernauld?

> So you know how Plit is of a certain technological development? Well someone decided to set up shop there and introduce *gasp* elevators (and other anachronistic tech) -P

That’s bound to happen with enough cultural exchange, considering the gateway to desertia.

> No, but like, it’s EVIL, and DRAINING and shit, the Call will not fucking abide! -P

Smacks of propaganda to me.

> Also the Call straight up told me there’s a core there, as well as a “Warlock” of former persuasions -P

Okay yeah, that’s something to go after, not just complaints about elevators.

> To be fair, I suggested a platform on a winch, so I might be the one in the wrong there. -P

Where was this?

> Well, The Tower in Ironways has WAY too many stairs, and Gracidea needed to know that. -P

Ah, so it’s also an accessibility issue.

> Accessibility FTW, also there needs to be accessibility for the temporally challenged, not all tems can just tap their horns to immediately tell the time -P

As a non-temporic, there’s a thing called a pocketwatch. Perfectly good time telling aid.

> ›:o! Revolutionary! -P

Yes, the hands go around in a circle.

> Well duh, that’s just how analog clocks work -P

So yeah. I hear there’s a bunch of watchmakers that live in the clockwork city, since they sometimes study the huge mechanisms of the clock tower to assist in minifying them for handheld reasons. Timepieces like that might be a little spendy over there though.

> I have items I could barter. -P

I assume they aren’t EEEEEVIL anachronistic items?

> the elevators are only evil because of the Warlock, to be clear. -P

> But nah, they’ll probably go crazy for the coffee beans, enlightenment thinkers loved their coffee after all -P

Yep! Gave them something stimulating to drink together to discuss things over instead of something that slows them down like alcohol.

> I think watchmakers would find that useful, plus it’s a desert, so arabica would be in a pretty good climate -P

Considering giving them a valuable trade item that will likely tip the regional economy in their favor?

> It’s Ironways, it already is. -P

Okay true, but all that I’ve read about it seems to be like that morpork place or whatever

> Which is where The Plan comes in. Freedom for all, and then coffee to encourage free thought -P

For that to work, there also needs to be coffee shops with reasonable prices.

> All part of the plan, I might be able to convince a few “friends” to set that up. -P

I think we may have gone a little off course here. So, the dinner.

> Utter disaster, all around. Never make me think of the name “Kaley” again -P

I will refrain from publishing my thoughts on that name.

> On the plus side, I got a sick recipe I need to translate from a language the ΔC Information Terminal doesn’t recognize. -P

Huh, interesting….

> But yeah, dinner went. It, happened. And I think we all lost one experience point from it. -P

I assumed you all lost one sanity point and gained a level from that.

> uhhh, that too, I think -P

Slightly unrelated, but Desertia Town is no longer under lockdown, so travel returns to how it was before over there.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽⚽🪩⚽⚽⚽ (ballin)

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Steampunk flower Stand

Fresh food Stand

- 1 lb. of fungi (2 cp) - 1 lb. of dried fruit (2 cp) - 1 lb. of nutmeg (2 gp) - 1 lb. of wax (5 sp)

Temporean Shenanigans

> I had a terrible horrible no good very bad day recently -P

Oh no, what happened?

> Okay so you know how I grew up on Korous? -P

Yeah, what about it?

> So you know ironways and that whole thing? -P

Yeah, I know a decent amount about the Clockwork City. 

…..Oh.

> I think you can see the problem now. -P

I assume it has to do with the heavy time theming of the place, not to mention the bloody history involving those that were once put to death by Thoren for not being pure of heart?

> Mostly the architecture, and uhhh... how unnaturally people seemed to move, like, the flow was too perfect. Also what. -P

Ah, I see. 

> By the way, if you're expecting me to go against Thoren, forget it, They've changed and you should fucking respect that. -P

I’m sorry it’s just… there’s something that nags at me after what I went through all those years ago in the v1 session. I lost my freaking brother. I lost my entire home timeline. I literally only escaped with Hazell and maybe a few other drifters after witnessing the massacre and explosion of my huge session.

> Then blame the Monster behind it, and not the vessel. -P

There’s only so much that can be done when the monster is already a splat under a rock on a distant island.

> ... Good. That means The Voice is dead... finally... -P

I suppose yeah… It’s been a few years since then, but… the scars cut deep.

> Oh god do they, did you know The Voice is the fucking reason they didn’t let me transfer to a closer location of my old job? -P

Freaking seriously?? There was a chosen one involved in that???

> The Chosen Ones scrutinized my every move, almost like they wanted me to fail -P

That’s messed up. And honestly, I think I kinda get why you had such a bad time in Ironways now, considering how many Network members congregate there and all.

> That’s what I mean, did you SEE how they seemed to flow around each other without microadjusting? auuuugghghghgh -P

To be fair, I’ve never been there in person, but I can imagine that being part of that sorta thing would give them hints on the movements of others that would look kinda creepy.

> Also the jars... I knew what those were... to see such a concentration of death... -P

Oh yeah, the clock tower also doubles as a mausoleum for the faithful who reach their end over there. 

> ... “Faithful”, you call time a religion? I call it a prison. -P

Well, I don’t follow it, but that’s pretty much how they see it.

> Fair enough, I know enough about my destiny, and the War of Influence, to know that I am the lynchpin of The Call’s plan to heal the world. And that The Voice, wanted to stop that. -P

Weren’t you the one that told me to stop blaming the vessel for the voice’s actions?

> Yes. It’s hard... to take one’s own advice. Thank you. -P

I do what I can, you’re welcome. Hopefully we can both give Thoren more mercy after what we’ve both been through.

> Yeah... Gracidea was amazing though! -P

Oh yeah, you visited Gracidea! How was that meeting?

> They’re on board, the gift, plan and fact I had materials ready sold it. -P

I bet, yeah. Materials are harder to come by over there, with the lack of replicator tech available. Not to mention other tech to obtain stuff more than usual.

> The supply chain Exists over there, but it’s a lot more basic. -P

True, yeah. Plus much more logistics involved.

> Also Frie had a very enlightening conversation with them earlier, details are still need-to-know in my opinion (unless she wants to tell you) -P

That’s understandable. Perhaps another day will be better suited, when the stakes of divulging are more understood.

Anything else you’d like to mention?

> Fluffy plush pile. It happened when nobody was looking, but Coda covered me in various eevee(lution) plushes. -P

I wish that were me

> I will cover you in as many plushes as you like when I return to Unity -P

I’m looking forward to it. Make sure you stay safe enough to make it back eventually!

> ... I will make it back, changed a bit, but I will make it back. -P

I solved Homestuck

Early this week, your dear main newsletter writer managed to sleepwalk to Enlightenment Mountain, the light aspected wonder of the world. Upon reaching this place, I received a series of visions that managed to reveal to me the deep truth behind the plot of homestuck, and in turn, all events connected to it. 

To put this in a way that will be illuminating without being too mind-blowing, I discovered the true nature of Lord English, and those who act like him, and how the struggle against him and those like him is shared by everyone in Paradox Space.

To oversimplify this: everyone has an “inner LE” of sorts. Not exactly related to Lord English in particular every time, but the potential for similar behavior. 

A potential that can only be best “defeated” with the help of others. 

We all have inner darkness to be contended with. It’s not something that can be dealt with by means of violence, as the darkness operates by means of violence, and that tendency towards violence only makes it stronger, in one way or another. 

Each battle is personalized. Shaped by personal circumstance and disposition. It’s always difficult, but it is never impossible. One must hold onto hope, but not let it blind them to the nature of their own actions. You can say you’re as good as you’d like, but it is the result of your actions that really matter when judgement becomes relevant.

The spectre of Lord English in particular is one that relies upon enforcing a restrictive hegemony that gains power by devaluing those that we have been traditionally taught have less social power. This is largely as a result of enforced circumstances, and not necessarily something as innate as in-power forces may prefer to offer as an explanation.

The structures we find ourselves in are not as innocent as we might assume. 

That being said, it is important to focus on the symbols and thematics of what’s going on, rather than getting hung up on the particulars. The names of constructs can and will change over time. What they represent on a case by case basis, and which parties benefit and which ones do not benefit is more important to consider. Just cruise-controlling with prejudice will not solve your problems. You must examine what you are doing. What your goals are. How your actions will allow better outcomes for those who need it. You can talk all day on tumblr about whatever group is doing whatever stuff this or last week, but at the end of the day, you need to focus on specific actors, not just what groups they’re a part of. Like sure, that will help a little, but labels can only go so far before you’re stuck talking in circles about theoreticals.

So what does one do with this information? Well, certainly more than just examining the inequalities like they did in the Barbie movie. It’s important to examine, but you also need to see what can be done about mitigating such inequalities, and work together with others towards those ends to improve conditions for those who need it. But remember that you must also examine what you are doing that might be working against such efforts.

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Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system. ¶§¶

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

green items stand

greener items stand

That should do it for this week. Desertian Citizen Arthur managed to fix up a rhythm heaven arcade cabinet, and reportedly the game is pretty good. On my end, I managed to submit a demo of A Snowball’s Quest to rpgmaker.net’s A New Start event. It’s not very long or complete, but I am continuing development with a number of undisclosed collaborators. And who knows? Perhaps what I’ve learned recently might come in handy?

The threatening letter

Early this week, there was a letter received that contained a threat. Because of the sensitive nature of the incident, the letter’s contents will not be published here. However, the statement that the URBSC issued is published here, right below:

An individual closely connected to the Hepian government has threatened a citizen of the URBSC. We are dismayed that they would let it happen on their watch, and call on them to reprimand the individual responsible. As our intelligence leads to believe the threat is credible, we have increased security at points of transit, and we apologise to the public for the inconvenience this will cause.

As a result, entry into Desertia Town has been limited to a degree, for security reasons.

Soup!!

> We made soups!!! -P

Ah yes, you mentioned that earlier. What kind of soup, might I ask?

> I bought some fish and cheese, and Coda provided some veggies! -P

Nicenice. 

> It was prepared to help the victims of the Slime Attack -P

How did the soup turn out? Did it taste good?

> Probably? I know I picked good ingredients, and the patients probably liked it. -P

So… you haven’t tasted it yet?

> It wasn’t for me, so why would I have some? -P

Well, journalistic duty perhaps? Also maybe to assist Coda with getting the flavor down?

> Bollocks, I knew I was missing something, good news is that because time’s so fucky, it’s still warm here, so let me ask for a bowl real quick -P

> About thirty minutes later here, it was delicious -P

I’m glad to hear that! 

> What do you know about The Cheese Maiden? -P

Hmm… let me check some books at the library real quick.

Whoa, I found a whole book on the Cheese Maiden! Apparently She is a mythic figure who loves cheese and those who follow her usually make cheese. There was a group that lived in the clockwork city that worshipped her, but after the transfer of network adminship with the advent of Gracidea, they left Ironways, feeling that the city’s new direction did not support the ambition that they were accustomed to before. Apparently they are still quite devout cheesemongers.

> Ah! I met one of them at the cheese shop. -P

I see… What kinda cheese did you get?

> Three pounds of Havarti :3 -P

Sounds delicious.

> And the fishmonger was a Cramorant. -P

Huh... that’s the bird pokemon with the fish usually in its mouth, right?

> It had fish in its mouth -P

Seems legit.

> I am reminded of a dream where I was covered in various pokemon, damn it. I wanna go back there -P

Perhaps one day you can catch enough to make your dream come true. Regardless, there’s something else to be reported on.

Thoren’s dream

A few days ago, Korosian President Thoren Emit reported the following dream that they had awoke from:

I had a harrowing dream, though I am unsure if it was exactly mine. I was in a labyrinth, surrounded by ABYSS and spider lilies. I kept thinking about my ex wife. she was nowhere to be found but in memory. I fought cursed spirits with seeming ease, until they gained the upper hand. I can almost feel a pain in my chest, but I cannot tell if it is simulated or genuine…

Minutes after sharing, Thoren announced that they would be taking a week off from work in the Kardia Temporia, though reportedly they still conversed with other world leaders to discuss the situation regarding how relations with Hepi should be handled as of late.

As an aside, I found myself craving pizza bagels after reading this.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don’t want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness ∴ Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

hands stand...?

> Hands stand...? What? -P

One of those odd stands from Chawishe.

> ... -P

Nick’s Day Out: Eye Opening Experience at the Neon City Art Museum!

Yesterday, your dear main newsletter writer went on a little trip to the Neon City Art Museum, having been informed of their recurring promotion, where every first Thursday of the month is free admission. Needing a good reason to get out of town, I took the Starter line from Charcherry North to Neon City, after a brief visit to the lakeside clinic to check in with my meds doc on my prescriptions (they’re working pretty well for me!). Regardless, there was only one stop until I had to transfer over to the Neon Metro line. I do have to say, Neon City is pretty bustling, especially this close to the Light Festival that is slated to begin tomorrow. 

Reportedly, every year near valentine’s day, various outdoor art installations that rely upon light (mostly electric colored light) are placed around the downtown area for visitors to enjoy. However, that was not why I was down there yesterday.

After a number of stops, I got off the train and walked a couple of blocks, until I reached the art museum. Curiously, there are a lot less casinos in this part of the city, and a lot more derse style architecture. There were some trees with curious light hoop halos around the trunks right outside of the art museum. Unfortunately, I was unable to find further information about them.

Finally entering, I was struck by the sheer scale of the interior space. There were many visitors, likely all taking advantage of the promotion that day.

The works that I saw were a combination of salvaged pieces from earth, as well as some that were made by those originally from the sbargv2 medium. 

There were works in many different styles and media represented there. There was a collection of stately paintings depicting prospitian royalty. There was a puzzling doohickey that almost looked like a small wooden piano with paper mache and other things attached to it. There was a collection of soft stone-like forms that sat in the middle of a room, though unfortunately were off-limits for physical contact. There was a rough painting of the Green Sun on a loose canvas, with work gloves (also made of canvas) curiously attached. There were ancient vases and drinking vessels recovered from dungeons on various lands, depicting local legends and player prophecies. There was an entire room dedicated to paintings of Enlightenment Mountain, one of the Aspected Wonders of the World. 

Seeing the dramaticized visions of the glowing mountain almost made me want to climb it again!

There was a room with a lit up wire and paper life-size lotus time capsule. The timer on the fixture was empty. There were photos taken of various landmarks on various lands, including what was apparently The Forge from the Land of Volcanoes and Vir. There was a room filled with various artistic depictions of shoes, all of them commissioned by a wealthy patron from KekCo, back when that company was still active.

However, there was one piece in particular that caught my eye. 

It was a quest crypt belonging to a Life Player. Apparently it was never used, on account of the player it belonged to having used their quest bed to ascend instead. 

It was etched with numerous reliefs of various consorts, standing before an altar in respect.

I was reminded of the event of my own ascension, having been apparently carried to my quest bed in my sleep by a thief of life who painlessly ended my natural life by reportedly snapping my life bar over their knee. I awoke in divine light, having gained the power of the Light Aspect in full. Witnessing the strewn shrapnel of the countless destroyed Lands, I searched for my own.

Eventually I discovered the remains of my Land, The Land of Sand and Diamonds. All that remained were countless floating diamond pieces. Somehow, my room was spared, having been held up by a particularly large diamond the size of… well, it was the size of my room. Upon arriving, I gathered my bearings and contacted my teammates in Team Awe5ome. Going over old logs, apparently we spoke about classpect theory. After that however... 

> It's okay, you don't have to talk about it. -P

...Thank you. It’s... hard to think about those times.

> Should I go over my trip to take your mind off it? -P

I would appreciate that, yeah.

> Pythen’s Bizarre Adventure into Sandblizzard Wrecked Suburbs:

> So I took a bus out to Suburban Korous, and of course the roads were cleaned up, but not the sidewalks, so I had to trudge through sand down multiple walkless roads, and cross at places with no pedestrian cutouts, all to cross a massive parking lot to reach a place to get blood work done. I made my way back and had to stand for like 40 minutes in inclement weather before taking a different bus back to Charcherry. Did you know, apparently Earth Interstate 76 passes through The Void when it goes under 30th Street? -P

Huh, I didn’t know that. Also I’m guessing this area was one of the newer (or older refurbished?) cities that I haven’t heard about before over there?

> Some place called Audubahn. Anyway this other route took me to a mall before taking a quick jaunt to Charcherry North. I then took the tram back. -P

Sounds a lot more complicated than the route I took. It’s a good thing the fares have been standardized to 2 gears within DTA spaces recently. I take it the blood draw was successful?

> Ye, apparently I'm blood type “C” by the way, whatever that's worth. -P

Amazing. I know little about temporic blood types, but I assume that’s a common one?

> Literally Common Time, yeah.

Fascinating. I’m glad things went well for you.

That being said, back at the art museum, the slab reminded me that the events I went through really happened. It didn’t all get flushed down the mysteriously still flushing toilet. The stories that make up our lives are real. Even if the places we came from may no longer be around anymore.

I left the museum shortly after, both somehow shaken and grounded at the same time. I’m not sure if I’ll be going back any time soon, though I might consider taking one of my partners to see the lights pretty soon.

Classified ads

Anyone got a moon they don't want anymore? Afterworld could really use a moon right about now. Please contact powerPlant if you have an offer or a tip on where to find one not being used.

The DTA is looking to operate special excursion routes. Please voice your interest to theUnderground, especially if you have any particular special routes you may want potentially available.

Also, as usual, DTA has major openings available for new staff members for both construction and operations positions. Training is offered. Please contact theUnderground for details.

Do you know any significant locations of interest located on Starter Planet that you would like recognized officially? Please visit Unity Town Hall or otherwise contact sourFruit to share what you know with the Desertian National Park service.

Testers still needed, Currently testing Motion Sickness Suppression, so please contact IF you get motion sickness. Please contact deftlyInscrutible if you are interested in testing out the STRDNC AR system.

Do you need therapy? Have you been impacted by the cosmic creation game in some manner? Do you have weird problems that likely have supernatural factors?

Contact Dr. Winters at 555-555-0125 to schedule an appointment.

Do you want an ad here? Contact lavenderSiren to get an ad for whatever.

If you don’t write it yourself, you risk the newsletter writer writing it instead, do be warned.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

DTA train ticket stand

Katie’s potion stand

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand

Karmic Joys magical toys (night hours, customers celebrating a birthday get 75% off if visiting with a guardian)

Yuri concept stand

Yaoi concept stand

Yaouri concept stand

Choco taco stand

That should do it for this week. We both had some interesting travels this week, didn’t we Pythen?

> Come on babie where's the baybee -The Snores. also yes. -P

Girl help (gender neutral) I have hiccups now. 

Uh, see you all next week? If I survive this comedy routine.

> *Bayhbiee routine -P