Daughter of Hades

No, because do you know how hard it is to pretend that I’m not dying to rant about certain things that I feel passionate about? How exhausting it is to not “overreact”? That when I’m establishing boundaries I’m so afraid of being left that I let them do whatever they want with me? And I have to mold myself and fold myself and make me small enough, tolerable enough, not loud, not even overwhelmed, not triggered, not so obviously me to be even considered someone worthy????

There’s a kind of sad calm that comes when you realize and accept that no matter what you do, how much you try and what you want, you will never be enough.

At what point all the broken mess that’s become who I am starts to make sense?

I’m so tired of being too much to handle and never enough to love.

“No, no it’s fine!!” *will fully spiral into a meltdown.

Am I the only one who feels detached from reality? Like life is going through me? Instead of me living? Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, feeling lost and finding out that a week has passed. And I have a vague memory of it but I can’t process it well enough. And then a month has passed and I’m still trying to figure out if I’m alive or not.