listen I Know we all know this but there's a difference between knowing it and it really sinking in, and it's just now really sinking in for me how fucking hard ilya's 6 months of radio silence must have been for shane. like, this man just made sure his first time with another man was perfect, that he was cared for and safe and that it was hot and satisfying and capped off with CUDDLING, and shane is clearly already feeling feelings for ilya, like it's so plain in the way he gently kisses his lips and his forehead after ilya's cocky worth the wait? like shane doesn't even have it in him in that moment to say fuck off or shut up or you're such an asshole, no. ilya asks him if it was worth the wait, and it was, because it was perfect, and all shane wants to do in that moment is gently, tenderly thank ilya for making it so good for him. he's more vulnerable in those few seconds than he's been with anyone in a romantic context, and I don't even think ilya's skittishness afterward was necessarily hurtful to shane, because shane gets it. he's right there, too. this was perfect, this was wonderful, I'm really glad this happened, but now it's time to go back to the real world, until next time.
except, shane wasn't expecting next time to be 6 months later, after being harshly rebuffed at the rink in sochi, and then completely ignored until vegas. suddenly, they're forced into interaction, and it's awful and phony and orchestrated for everyone but themselves, and shane is livid, sure, the way ilya saunters backstage late, cocky as ever, but he's also just so hurt. we had this beautiful thing, this really fucking great night, you kissed me like I was precious and important, and you fucked me like you wanted to belong to me, and you said goodbye with a softness I had never seen before, and then you treated my gentle concern like an embarrassing nuisance. you ignored me like I was a drunk hookup you woke up regretting.
shane is barely holding on by the time he gets to the bathroom, and then there's ilya, looking thoughtful and sombre for the briefest moment before he's laughing again. teasing, but this time it's not earned and it feels to shane like mocking. and shane calls him out, lets him have it, stands up for himself and the hurt he's been put through for six months, six fucking months of watching this fucking guy on his tv, of facing off against him on the ice, of feeling so much anger, so much hurt. it's so god damn raw.
but, the second ilya's hand is on his face, the second he's locked in on shane enough that it feels like it's not just for show, it's not for anyone else, the second he reminds shane of one of the parts of this relationship he misses, not just the shit that's had him fuming and confused for months, he folds. because this - this attention, this fixed focus, this desire - is something that was torn away from shane just as it began to feel like something real. of course he's laughing a little, going along with ilya's teasing, letting ilya dogwalk him as though he hadn't just about had his heart broken by this man. the desire ilya shows him here, ilya's willingness to give shane his time, to suggest he may even let shane experience something like what he felt in his bed 6 months before, has him drunker than the last time they butted heads in vegas.
it's been 6 months. it's been 6 fucking months, but you're here now. you're here. you're finally here.
