I've regularly done stuff that warrants adjectives like "daft" and "senseless", but some day I hope to rise as high as "harebrained" – or even, in my most fanciful flights of ambition, "preposterous".
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@chaosdem0n
I've regularly done stuff that warrants adjectives like "daft" and "senseless", but some day I hope to rise as high as "harebrained" – or even, in my most fanciful flights of ambition, "preposterous".

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I think it'd be really funny if Luca had, like, a sort of intimidating boyfriend. Like, a 25 year old tattooed metalhead with a resting bitchface and a krallice shirt. He may or may not pick Luca up from a practice on a motorcycle. The rookies are sort of scared to talk to him. Ilya is fighting the urge to ask him what his intentions are with luca. Harris is the only one who chats with him because a case of RBF has never stopped him before.
Continuing to push my Damian Wayne/Luca Haas agenda
“Just a ginger ale, please.”
The bartender gave Shane a slightly weird look, but obliged. Shane was so used to this by now that he barely noticed, taking his focus off the bartender to look around the ballroom.
As a Wayne Enterprises brand ambassador, Shane was often invited to dress up in his nicest, most uncomfortable suit and socialize with the most obnoxious of the wealthy crowd Wayne ran with. And unfortunately, Ilya had his own event to attend. So Shane was flying solo tonight.
“Your ginger ale, sir.”
Shane took the glass with a nod of thanks and headed into the hoard of people. The only benefit to these things is that rich people in Gotham, New Jersey didn’t pay much attention to Canadian hockey players. So Shane wasn’t approached by the normal suspects. Instead, a few girls hung around him, laughing obnoxiously at everything he said, which felt rather rude, and the odd middle aged man came to offer congratulations or advice. Shane forced himself to smile and nod through the ill-thought out advice.
Eventually, he ran into his least favourite type of person.
“Shane Hollander!” A man exclaimed. “Hockey’s golden boy!”
“Good evening.” Shane smiled politely, not bothering to ask for this man’s name.
“Quite the season, hey man? Gotta say, your choice to head out to Ottawa? Felt like career suicide at the time. But you’ve turned it around, hey lad?”
“That would be my husband’s doing, actually. As the captain of the Centaurs.”
“We don’t have to talk about that.” The man said quickly. “Less I know about the private lives of players the better.”
Shane blinked. “My private life being my husband whipping a team into shape who, until he joined, hadn’t been strong cup contenders in decades?”
“He meant the husband part.” A derisive voice sneered.
Shane turned. Damian Wayne was striding over, emerald green cape fluttering around his waist.
“Mr. Montcalm knows how my family views bigots and homophobes. If he is unable to keep his views to himself, I am happy to walk him out. Is there a problem here?”
“Not at all, Damian.” Montcalm said quickly.
Damian’s lip curled up. “What have you the impression I was addressing you?”
Montcalm balked and scurried off, muttering something surely unsavoury under his breath.
Shane and Damian watched the little man weave through the crowd and disappear from the ballroom.
“Damian Wayne.” Damian held out a hand to shake. “I’ve heard much about you from Luca.”
“I heard about you from Ilya.” Shane returned.
Damian tilted his head. “Ah, you refer to when he intruded on Luca and I during a private moment?”
“And then you threatened my relationship?” Shane rose an eyebrow.
Damian waved him off. “I suppose it does not matter now that you are out and public.”
“Guess not.” Shane huffed. “Where’s Luca?”
“He chooses not to come to such events. Plus, the fewer interactions with my father, the better.”
“Your dad doesn’t like that you’re dating a man?” Shane blinked.
“He does not know that I am dating anyone.” Damian pursed his lips. “We are not always on the best of terms.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
Shane didn’t stay much longer, excusing himself from whatever conversation he hadn’t been paying attention to. A car took him back to the hotel where he promptly called Ilya.
“Seems early to be back from a fancy gala.” Ilya teased. “You look very pretty, all dolled up for me.”
“I met Luca’s boyfriend.”
“Ah, Damian?”
“Yeah. He shut down a homophobe. Apparently his dad doesn’t know him and Luca are together.”
“I thought most of the Wayne kids have dated in a gay way.” Ilya frowned.
“Yeah, I don’t know.” Shane shrugged off his suit jacket and hung it up. “I hope they’re okay. Damian made it sound like he doesn’t get along with Mr. Wayne.”
“Why?” Ilya asked eagerly.
“I don’t know.”
“You didn’t ask!?” Ilya demanded.
“Why would I?”
“Shanya!” Ilya complained, flopping dramatically on the bed.
Shane laughed. “I’m sorry I’m not as nosy about strangers lives as you.”
“You should be!”
“Maybe ask Luca? I don’t know. I’m going to bed. Tired.”
“I love you. I’ll ask Luca and report back.”
Shane laughed at this ridiculous man. “Night. Love you.”
As per usual, thanks to @its-cloudyhere
One of the cornerstones of my Ilya characterization headcanon is that Ilya knows, deep down in his core, in his lizard brain, that Shane could manhandle him if he wanted, that Shane can give as good as he can take, that being soft and yielding is a choice that Shane is making specifically for Ilya because he wants Ilya that way and not—not because it's Shane's inherent nature to be soft and yielding, and that's what makes being with Shane so incredibly hot.
Ilya never forgets, not even for a second, that it is only by Shane's grace that Ilya is allowed to dom him.
Ok I just got dental surgery and I need something to do so I’ve got a 5+1 in my Luca/Damian world. Kind of along the same theme as Ilya meeting Damian but different members of the team are going to meet him, not realizing who he is. +1 will be the whole team meeting him as Luca’s boyfriend. First up we have Wyatt and Lisa because I love them.
“Hey, how’s that new group of residents you’ve got?” Wyatt asked.
“Don’t get me started.” Lisa dropped her head into her hands. “There’s this asshole kid, Todd. Will not shut the fuck yo and respect my authority. Won’t respect any woman in the hospital, actually. Argues with nurses, doctors, patients. He’s a man and he knows what’s best.”
“Jeez. You report him?”
“Working on it. The others aren’t bad. One guy is quiet, keeps to himself. Youngest in his class. Graduated Harvard at twenty one, can you believe it? He respects me and my work. Bit arrogant, but he can back it up. Then a group of girls that have so much potential but fucking Todd is such a dick.” Lisa sighed. “I’ve been focusing on the girls. Might set Marge, that nurse from the ER on Todd.
Wyatt laughed. “Take a video for me.”
He had a free afternoon the next day, so he brought Lisa and her coworkers some treats, leaving them in the break room. A young man was watching him. Very young, practically a kid. This must be Damian, the twenty one year old Harvard grad.
“Hey, I’m Lisa’s husband, Wyatt.” He introduced himself. “You’re one of the residents?”
The boy nodded. “Damian. Pleasure to meet you.”
Wyatt internally fist pumped. He loved being right. “I’ve heard good things. Harvard, eh?”
Damian nodded stiffly.
“Congrats. What brings you to Ottawa?”
“Partner.” He said elusively.
“Partner?” Someone jeered. “That makes you sound gay!”
A guy in his later twenties walked in, grabbing two donuts. A group of other young doctors followed him. Like a group of high school bullies.
“I am gay, Wilkins.” Damian said drily. “You’re supposed to be in paediatrics.”
“Like a little gay boy can boss me around.” Todd scoffed.
Damian almost looked amused at that statement. Wyatt tried not to laugh. Apparently doctors were terrible shit talkers. He’d heard so much worse on the ice.
Damian stood, brushing past Todd as Lisa walked in.
“Ew! Little gay boy’s gonna give us all AIDs!”
“Wilkins, you are a doctor.” Damian stated. “Surely you learned about how AIDs are transmitted. Dr. Hayes, I was hoping to get your opinion on a case after your break.”
“Of course, Damian.” She smiled. “Todd, you are still on duty. Get back to work.”
Todd scoffed. “Women be bossy I guess.”
“Excuse me?” Lisa asked, deadly calm.
Todd grinned, pleased to have gotten a rise out of someone. “You heard me. Such a bitch your husband can’t even stand to stay in the same city as you.”
Wyatt’s jaw dropped.
That’s when Damian had apparently had enough. He grabbed Todd by the back of the neck and the shoulder, slamming him face first into the wall. There was a loud crack. When Damian let him up, there was blood dripping down Todd’s nose and his shoulder was out of place.
“Little fucker broke my nose!”
“It isn’t broken, Wilkins,” Damian stated. “Come. I will put your shoulder back while we meet with HR.”
He turned on his heel, leaving Todd no choice but to follow. He nodded to Lisa and Wyatt on the way out. “Dr. Hayes, Mr. Hayes.”
Wyatt gaped at their retreating backs. The boys that had come in with Todd scurried out. He looked at Lisa, both of them stunned by what had just happened.
“His boyfriend’s a lucky fucker.” Wyatt snorted.
“I think I have to go to HR now,” Lisa said. “Thank you for the coffee, babe.”
They shared a short kiss before Wyatt headed out.
Thanks always to @its-cloudyhere this was her idea ❤️

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Ok I just got dental surgery and I need something to do so I’ve got a 5+1 in my Luca/Damian world. Kind of along the same theme as Ilya meeting Damian but different members of the team are going to meet him, not realizing who he is. +1 will be the whole team meeting him as Luca’s boyfriend. First up we have Wyatt and Lisa because I love them.
“Hey, how’s that new group of residents you’ve got?” Wyatt asked.
“Don’t get me started.” Lisa dropped her head into her hands. “There’s this asshole kid, Todd. Will not shut the fuck yo and respect my authority. Won’t respect any woman in the hospital, actually. Argues with nurses, doctors, patients. He’s a man and he knows what’s best.”
“Jeez. You report him?”
“Working on it. The others aren’t bad. One guy is quiet, keeps to himself. Youngest in his class. Graduated Harvard at twenty one, can you believe it? He respects me and my work. Bit arrogant, but he can back it up. Then a group of girls that have so much potential but fucking Todd is such a dick.” Lisa sighed. “I’ve been focusing on the girls. Might set Marge, that nurse from the ER on Todd.
Wyatt laughed. “Take a video for me.”
He had a free afternoon the next day, so he brought Lisa and her coworkers some treats, leaving them in the break room. A young man was watching him. Very young, practically a kid. This must be Damian, the twenty one year old Harvard grad.
“Hey, I’m Lisa’s husband, Wyatt.” He introduced himself. “You’re one of the residents?”
The boy nodded. “Damian. Pleasure to meet you.”
Wyatt internally fist pumped. He loved being right. “I’ve heard good things. Harvard, eh?”
Damian nodded stiffly.
“Congrats. What brings you to Ottawa?”
“Partner.” He said elusively.
“Partner?” Someone jeered. “That makes you sound gay!”
A guy in his later twenties walked in, grabbing two donuts. A group of other young doctors followed him. Like a group of high school bullies.
“I am gay, Wilkins.” Damian said drily. “You’re supposed to be in paediatrics.”
“Like a little gay boy can boss me around.” Todd scoffed.
Damian almost looked amused at that statement. Wyatt tried not to laugh. Apparently doctors were terrible shit talkers. He’d heard so much worse on the ice.
Damian stood, brushing past Todd as Lisa walked in.
“Ew! Little gay boy’s gonna give us all AIDs!”
“Wilkins, you are a doctor.” Damian stated. “Surely you learned about how AIDs are transmitted. Dr. Hayes, I was hoping to get your opinion on a case after your break.”
“Of course, Damian.” She smiled. “Todd, you are still on duty. Get back to work.”
Todd scoffed. “Women be bossy I guess.”
“Excuse me?” Lisa asked, deadly calm.
Todd grinned, pleased to have gotten a rise out of someone. “You heard me. Such a bitch your husband can’t even stand to stay in the same city as you.”
Wyatt’s jaw dropped.
That’s when Damian had apparently had enough. He grabbed Todd by the back of the neck and the shoulder, slamming him face first into the wall. There was a loud crack. When Damian let him up, there was blood dripping down Todd’s nose and his shoulder was out of place.
“Little fucker broke my nose!”
“It isn’t broken, Wilkins,” Damian stated. “Come. I will put your shoulder back while we meet with HR.”
He turned on his heel, leaving Todd no choice but to follow. He nodded to Lisa and Wyatt on the way out. “Dr. Hayes, Mr. Hayes.”
Wyatt gaped at their retreating backs. The boys that had come in with Todd scurried out. He looked at Lisa, both of them stunned by what had just happened.
“His boyfriend’s a lucky fucker.” Wyatt snorted.
“I think I have to go to HR now,” Lisa said. “Thank you for the coffee, babe.”
They shared a short kiss before Wyatt headed out.
I can't stand how predatory advertising is now.
Footage of "gameplay" that has nothing to do with the actual game.
"Playable" ads that aren't actually playable, or only let you get so far before forcing you to open the Play Store.
Games that are made not to be good or entertaining, but to be ad farms and show 30-second ads between every level, sometimes even in the middle of levels, and even FAKE "pay to remove ads" or ad-free behind a SUBSCRIPTION.
All of these are reasons I just don't play mobile games anymore. Remember when mobile game addictions were a real problem? Yeah I think they solved that by making nothing but slop since 2015.
Fake X buttons.
Automatically installing apps you didn't ask for with your phone's "security updates".
Slowing down your scrolling while the ad is onscreen.
Popping up the second you click the Like button on a legitimate video so you like the ad/click a link instead.
Videos that purposely leave out the content you came for.
Fake image slideshows that trick you into swiping into the Store/opening a link.
Covering up the entire screen bit by bit on every news article so it's unreadable.
AI generated and trying to sell a completely fictional product.
Genuinely good and creative content drowned out 10 to 1 by ads and "influencer" videos promoting products.
Videos pretending to be genuine craft videos but are actually selling something.
Hidden links that cover what you're actually trying to click on so you open the ad instead.
Movies that are really just trailers to sell tickets and butts in the seats while the movie itself is soulless utter slop.
Commercials that aren't enjoyable, funny, or creative at all anymore so they can't even be less of a burden to watch.
We're just lucky they haven't found a way to legally siphon money from your bank account with every accidental click.
Every modern form of entertainment is ruined.
Did y’all know that you can just report ads? Doesn’t do anything but it sure as hell feels good to report all ads as malicious
After the foundation is established and before they're outed, Shane and Ilya go viral on hockey twitter.
It's All Stars and a camera catches them sitting together on the bench during the skills competition, leaning in and whispering to each other, clearly trying to be sneaky. They're both kind of smiling, looking like they're trying not to laugh. Then Ilya says something that makes Shane crack up and have to hide his face while he's trying to pull himself together. This moment gets giffed and everyone is dying to know what made the famously cool and collected Shane Hollander laugh like that.
Shane and Ilya don't comment on this incident despite being asked repeatedly and after they're outed, everyone assumes they were just flirting. They readily let that be the story, because they're not about to admit they were actually talking major shit about the other players.
Post TLG, Shane has a rare completely off night. He was awful and he knows it. When they get back to the locker room after the loss, Shane goes to apologize to the team. Before he can start, the team just pushes him out of the way and surrounds Ilya. They’re like “Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? What’s your problem?” and Ilya is so confused as to why they’re upset with him because he played well despite losing. Someone is like “Cap, it’s your job to put out and you clearly haven’t been and that’s why Shane is playing like shit, so why are you not giving it up?”. Someone else explains that they figured out a while ago that Shane plays like a God when he’s getting laid regularly, and goes back to being a normal human when not, so they need to know why Ilya isn’t bending over and giving it up. They start assuming that something is medically wrong and Bood is like “Well if Ilya can’t take it then someone on the team has to step up” and Luca is immediately like “I’ll let Shane fuck me…I mean for the sake of team and everything…if I must…I’m not actually eager or anything…like I haven’t thought about this at all…ever!” Ilya starts yelling at the team, telling them that everything is fine, but they yell back and now everyone is arguing. Meanwhile, Shane is very amused by the fact that the team thinks he’s the top.

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please god let chatgpt die out like nfts did. With a fast and graceless fall into irrelevancy
Like to charge, reblog to cast.
This spell has a very low hit ratio, so we need a lot of us to do it.
laughing because i KNOW shane was so precise and textbook perfect when he assembled that campfire.
he set up the most beautiful teepee of sticks that anyone has ever seen and brought out the big guns by also setting up a log cabin arrangement of the thicker logs to make sure they'd have a good burn time on this fire. the mathematical precision in the angles and choice of thickness? gorgeous. stunning. he even shaved off wood shavings for tinder instead of using paper or pre-bought firestarter. if he wasn't afraid of fumbling it and ruining it, he would have used flint. as it is, he got it with one match, and he KNOWS how good this fire creation he just did is.
and yet it is spent on an audience that simply does NOT appreciate any aspect of it because his city kid ass truly might be experiencing a firepit for the first time. ilya has no frame of reference for how sexy shane's firestarting skills display just was.
man just performed a perfect outdoorsy person mating dance and the audience of his performance doesn't have the experience to understand how impressive and sexy and "you should fuck me about it" it was 😔.
ilya already mad firepit time has to happen at all because shane already said no sex on the patio furniture so this planned chunk of time is already a wash and ilya was then so mad about shane immediately going to fuck around with sticks that he didn't pick up on the no being one of the "convince me to say yes" variety 😔
the rituals are intricate, and they are both still very dumb 😔
shane, your approach was valid and real ✊😔
OH MY GOD DAVID DID THE SAME THING TO YUNA WHEN THEY WERE DATING.
he confessed it later in their relationship together because by that point it was funny that he had tried so hard to impress her with his fire skills at bonfires and hangouts and it just hadn't worked because she just. hadn't really noticed at all. and now it's a playful/teasing thing ("oh? you're building a fire? david, we're already married." "yuna, i'm starting a flirting fire can you come look at it, please?"), and shane who hasn't consciously decided to copy his parents but also hasn't gotten the full story of them dating and WHY they mention david building fires so often (because ewwwww parents being in love which means kissing. GROSS.), but he's seen his mom standing by or sitting and watching and both of them looking so content and happy and his mom teasingly complimenting his dad on how well he builds fires.
and then he tries it on ilya and it just. doesn't work. excuse me, please be impressed by this fire i made. from watching my parents, this is supposed to work. play your part here, please.
and now i'm feeling extra-soft imagining yuna and david coming over one night and seeing shane keep glancing at ilya as he's making the fire and understanding EXACTLY what he's trying to do here.
(and also understanding exactly why it is NOT working for him XD)
LMAOOOO ok but the idea of yuna and david watching shane fail to flirt with ilya via fire starting is so funny to me. like, at this point ilya just probably thinks shane enjoys sitting by the fire since the first time they did that at the cottage it was a very chill experience involving more talking & watching the fire, meanwhile poor shane is like “:( why isn’t ilya swooning and giving me a kissy for being the best fire-starter. why isn’t he trying to show off with his own fire. :( he didn’t even call me Mr. Fire Man or try to chirp me”
and this miscommunicated little circle probably goes NOWHERE until david and yuna go from ‘aw he’s mirroring us this is kinda cute’ to ‘oh shane is getting sad that ilya isn’t flirting back.’ at which point david probably takes ilya aside and is like “ilya. as a member of the family, i want to share some of my secrets for how to start a good fire with you.”
and ilya is of course like “ah! bonding time with david :)” and so david shows his city boy ass some very basic fire starting stuff (because ilya TRULY does not know shit about this 😔) and also tells him some stories about impressing yuna with his fires back when they were dating. ilya is trying to learn well, but he’s not at all thinking about this skill in reference to shane.
UNTIL ☝️ they’re close to finishing and yuna comes over. and she starts the little fire flirting thing with david. “oh my, thats quite an impressive fire.” “well i’ve got someone pretty impressive to impress ;)” and ilya kinda watches from the side like 👀
shane meanwhile is ignoring the fire pit because 1) parents flirting EWWWWW and 2) oh so NOW ilya is interested in fires 😤 hmph he hasn’t even glanced at shane in the last 10 minutes!! …but of course once david and yuna start wrapping up their routine and ilya glances at shane he immediately wanders over to check out how ilya did and also chirp him about how his fire looks and that activates the competitive instinct in ilya.
so the next time shane makes a fire he chirps & compliments it. and shane looks so soft and pleased and is it getting hot near this fire?? wow hollander very sexy~
and then they kiss about it
not only is it not friday it’s not even thursday. or wednesday
Gang it’s not even Tuesday either I can’t believe this
Ilya had a spare key and a plate of brownies. He also had a baby rookie who had been down lately. A baby rookie who also happened to live on his own. Luca had politely declined to be billeted by a veteran player and he’d opted not to get an apartment with the other rookies. Ilya worried for him. He knew what it was like to be twenty years old in another country with complete freedom for the first time. So he’d asked for a spare key, just in case.
He put the plate of brownies in the rather well organized kitchen and went to find Luca. And he found him. In the living room. On the couch. Under a very attractive boy. They were making out in a way that screamed escalation. Ilya couldn’t see where the boy’s hands were and he wasn’t sure whether it would be better or worse if he could see where they had wandered.
Ilya came to his senses. Okay. He could leave. He would never speak of this. Luca was gay. Or at least attracted to men. Why couldn’t he move his feet? He was frozen in the doorway.
“Oh my god! What are you doing here!?” Luca shrieked.
Two giant dogs wandered into the room. The bigger one immediately snarled, stalking towards Ilya. The smaller one, some kind of massive German shepherd, went to Luca’s side. The boy who had been stealing his little Luca’s innocence stood.
“Sit.” Luca snapped.
The boy and the dogs all sat at the same time. Luca didn’t meet Ilya’s eyes.
“So this is Damian.”
Thinking back, Luca had mentioned something about Damian moving in about a month ago. Roommates to lovers. That’s cute.
“I’ll leave you to it.” Ilya smirked. “I left brownies in kitchen. Be safe.”
He hurried out of there, privately wondering how the hell he was going to have this talk with his rookie. Maybe he should consider coming out to the kid. He needed role models younger than Scott Hunter who knew more about navigating a closeted relationship in the modern day.
The boy, who was really a young man, had somehow beat Ilya to his car and was leaned against the driver’s side. He had about two inches on Ilya and a look that made antagonizing him seem like a bad idea. Not that Ilya wanted to antagonize Luca’s boyfriend. He just wanted to understand his intentions.
“Hello.” He decided that was a safe opener. “I’m Ilya, Luca’s captain.”
Damian was silently observing him. Ilya felt pinned under his icy stare. He had angular features and the type of face Ilya should definitely recognize. A model, maybe. He certainly had the looks. He was pretty in a way that worked for his features but didn’t undermine the very terrifying resting bitch face.
“I am aware of how relationships such as mine and Luca are perceived in sports leagues such as the NHL.” Damian started.
Ilya was quick to shake his head and assure him. “It would—”
Damian’s eyes flashed and Ilya’s mouth snapped shut. “Luca is used to being out. He has forgotten that most people automatically assume he is straight. Because of this, I'm sure his coming out will be accidental and messy. If I get any word that you or anyone on your team is discriminating against him because of who he is, I will solve it. And you will not like my methods. Do not hurt him.”
Ilya nodded. “Of course not. I would never.”
Damian pushed off the car and stalked past him. Ilya let out a breath he had been holding and got in his car. He was about to close the door when Damian called for his attention again.
“Rozanov!”
He looked wearily towards the young man.
“Say hello to Shane Hollander.”
It was like a bucket of icy water had been poured over Ilya. Cold dread pooled in his gut. Someone knew. And if Ilya fucked this up with Luca? The whole world would know.
I dunno gang I feel like I need to seriously consider writing an actual fic shout out once again to @its-cloudyhere for listening to my rambling
shane would be such an overprotective person about the people he loves, but especially about ilya, especially when they’re married. like they’re at a bar or something and shane overhears a guy next to them say something about derogatory about ilya under his breath and shane immediately turns around and goes. i’m sorry. what’d you say? no, go ahead, say it again. what’d you say about my husband? speak up, i’ll wait. he stands up and towers over the guy and the guy’s all sheepish like okay wait he’s going to actually rock my shit and ilya is like genuinely holding shane by the scruff of his neck going if we get banned from this bar i swear to god shane it’s fine we’re good please don’t but shane is already taking off his wedding ring

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I love the idea of Shane’s chirps just being observations.
It started when he was a kid and he was trying to help everyone get better at hockey including the opposing teams players, he would say something like “your stick grip is weak” or “you’re slow on your right” (idk i don’t know hockey very well ESPECIALLY little kid hockey) but he says it totally deadpan because little Shanebug doesn’t understand tone yet.
This makes the other teams so mad! They try and fight him constantly! Little bitty baby hockey fights and then Yuna sits him down in middle school after the first fight that he actually gets hurt (black eye and bloody lip) and asks him what he is saying to make everyone fight him?
“Nothing mean I swear mom!!! I’m trying to be nice and help correct their form”
And suddenly Yuna gets it and explains to Shane that not everyone but especially not the opposing team likes to have their flaws pointed out to them even if it’s coming from a good place and how that could be seen as chirping.
So he stops for a while, then his coach for world juniors tells him to try and piss off Rozanov enough that they can draw a penalty. So Shane does what he does best and points out a flaw at each face off. Jokes on him though because Ilya is actively changing those things and getting better every face off because he is taking it for what it is, advice.
Which pisses Shane off, he thinks his chirping tactic won’t work now that he is older. So he points out at his first scrimmage at practice in Montreal that the center who has been there for years (who he is probably replacing) is favoring his left side is staying too far left to compensate (again I don’t know hockey so I am trying to translate things I know about soccer lol)
And the center loses it on him! Immediately yelling about the lack of respect and how a rookie makes it to the MLH and thinks they are hot shit.
So Shane realizes his chirping DOES work just not on rozanov and becomes a menace he studies game tape specifically to find holes in his opponents game and pre prepares chirps and it fucking works because all these men are so far up their own asses that they just get mad instead of using the advice.
Idk I just needed Shane Chirping but in a very Shane way. Like he really just wants to play hockey but chirping is part of hockey so he studies chirping but doesn’t want to do any of the “classic” chirps (your mom! Your wife! Your girlfriend! You’re gay! Type of stuff) so he invents his own chirps out of his amazing mind
Shane doesn’t realize he looks Like That because, despite being ranked as #1 Hottest Player in the MHL and getting numerous sponsorships, he thinks “it’s not like I get treated any differently in my daily life because of my looks, people aren’t throwing themselves at me left and right, so it must not be a big deal.”
But the thing is, people DO throw themselves at Shane left and right, he just doesn’t realize it.
The Voyagers are at a club and girls are eyeing him like the last steak in a tiger enclosure, but Hayden is about to bang his head on the table because Shane is in his usual Captain mode and paying zero attention to the girls. A few of the bolder ones approach him but he’s like “Hi, can I help you?” and “oh sorry, I’m on duty right now, I can’t leave my team” and Hayden gives up, he just can’t anymore. Jackie will need to step up and find this man a girl cuz Shane ain’t gonna do it on his own.
At brunch with Rose, the waiter is checking him out hardcore and smiling flirtatiously. Rose teases him about it, and Shane is like “???? He’s just doing his job? Isn’t it his job to be friendly?”
Years later, Hayden and Rose are trading war stories of Shane being oblivious to human attraction and Ilya’s just like, *shrug* you just need to be clear and direct with him, and Rose and Hayden both stare at him like “what do you mean?”
And that’s how they learn that the way you get through to Shane about your intentions is you have to jerk off at him while looking him in the eye.