Sansa hate and “nice guys” finishing last
People often discuss the reasons why Sansa is so hated among so many fans of Game of Thrones. In fact, the audience’s relationship with Sansa is one of the most interesting ways that we can examine our own culture within society today.
Many people (rightfully) discuss the devaluing of “feminine” qualities in female protagonists, but I don’t think people started hating Sansa simply because she was feminine, or as I’ll generalize it, the “pretty girl.” I think it was because of the pretty girl’s relationship to the men around her. With some truly disturbing news stories recently (and always) about men killing women for rejecting them, I feel compelled to get my thoughts out about this specifically.
The “nice guys finish last” trope is one where women and girls, usually of the conventionally attractive type, are shamed and vilified if they commit the (literally) deadly sin of being romantically or sexually interested in a conventionally attractive man who turns out to be a bad dude. The crime isn’t in her poor judgement. It is in her willful decision to go for the pretty douche bag over the ugly “nice guy” that was right there under her nose. She deserves to be punished for her arrogance and selfishness. She is the worst possible kind of human and whatever bad things happen to her (especially if they are a direct consequence of her choice) are just life’s way of teaching her a lesson about her own vanity.
Pretty much the first thing we learn about Sansa, especially in the show, is that she’s interested in Joffrey. She thinks he’s attractive and she enjoys the idea that she might be a beautiful queen with a handsome king as her one true love. And Sansa is NEVER forgiven for this. Even Sansa’s decision to lie about what happened on the King’s Road is less about the audience’s love for Arya and more about their assumption that Sansa is siding with Joffrey.
Next, Sansa is rude to her father, our hero and main nice guy, Ned Stark. The actual “meanest” thing Sansa says on the show to someone good is when she tells Septa Mordane, “Oh wait, I just remembered. I don’t care.” But I hardly ever see this brought up in the lists people make as to why they hate her so much. What is brought up? Her telling her father she doesn’t play with dolls anymore. Literally everyone, aside from those too afraid to do so, gets snippy with their father at some point during their teen years. Often it is for something childish and not a result of continued attempts at coping with the fact that their father killed their pet. And, for what it’s worth, this is how it’s supposed to be. Teenagers are meant to be practicing adulthood while still within the safe structures of their caregivers. That means challenging them, pushing back, seeking individuality and autonomy under the guidance of people who will still protect you and love you, since ultimately you’ll get it wrong a few times. Know who else does this? Arya.
For a few seasons things shifted a bit for Sansa, and so did the audience’s opinion of her. She ended up with Tyrion, classic nice guy underdog and avatar for the audience. Also, he’d been persecuted for his lack of physical attractiveness. Don’t get me wrong, they still hated her for the audacity of suggesting she might never want to fuck said ugly nice guy. But once she started to befriend him, and there was a possibility that she might one day “open her eyes” to what’s good for her, the audience eased up a bit.
Then, she ended up with Littlefinger. To be clear, LF was never portrayed as a nice guy, but he also wasn’t a conventionally attractive man. The audience could still see themselves in him since a big part of his backstory is being rejected by a “pretty girl” who chose an attractive hothead (Brandon) instead, and as such the potential for an alignment with him (romantic or otherwise) gave Sansa a little more acceptance among the audience. Even her hinted at arc of becoming “dark Sansa” was celebrated as this was finally breaking from her “pretty girl falls for pretty bad guy” sins.
When LF convinces Sansa to marry Ramsay, under the assumed set up that she would pull a fast one over on the Boltons with help from her scheming mentor, the audience was still rooting for her. Right up until she was raped. And I mean that literally. The audience watched that scene with the expectation that she had a plan, that she would pull a dagger from her sleeve and kill Ramsay. When that didn’t happen, and the truth of her situation became very realized, the audience turned on her again. This was her fault. She was stupid to trust a known schemer, stupid to agree to marrying a known psychopath, she was stupid for attempting to gain power (ie, her home back) when she should have known what the audience did and acted accordingly.
Sansa’s rape and torture at the hands of Ramsay is still the most hated storyline for a huge portion of the audience. Why? Not because she’d suffered enough, but because they saw it as both another failing on her part and an attempt by the writers to absolve her previous sins through making her an undeniable victim. It was cheap and cruel, but not to Sansa. To the audience. They even blamed her in the midst of all this for not being nicer to Theon. Sure, she thinks he murdered her brothers. Sure, she knows he betrayed Robb, killed Ser Rodrick, and was responsible for their home being lost to the Starks in the first place. Still, Theon’s been through a lot guys and she should be more understanding of that.
The biggest crimes Sansa is guilty of by the end of the series are her crimes against nice guy #1 and ultimate hero, Jon Snow. She got an attitude with him when he wouldn’t listen to her warnings of needing more men for the Battle of the Bastards. She went behind his back to seek reinforcements via a negotiation with LF that required her to put herself on the line as collateral. And then she did the absolute worst thing imaginable - she undermined his authority in public.
This is the only path that would have made Sansa acceptable to the general audience:
She shouldn’t have wanted to marry Joffrey. Sure, she could have still been placed into a politically arranged marriage with him, but only as an unwilling victim from the start.
She should have sided with her sister instead of remaining neutral when asked about the scuffle between Arya and Joffrey. Sure, this likely would have lead to more dire consequences for Arya, seeing as she did attack the crowned prince, and Sansa likely would have been blamed for that, too. But the absence of her attraction to a pretty bad boy would have let the audience forgive her for this sooner, since she was just an innocent victim trying to do the “right thing.”
She should have been grateful for her chance to marry the “nice” Lannister instead of the cruel and violent king. Tyrion should have become her hero for his selfless decision to not force himself on her, and Sansa should have rewarded him with sex, love, and undying devotion.
She should have shanked Ramsay on her wedding night. Sure, her attempt would have probably failed, and even if she succeeded she likely wouldn’t have gotten very far after that. Still, she would have at least tried to protect the ever-important virginity that so many other men had gone to the effort of protecting for her thus far. Remember when the Hound stopped her from being gang-raped? How dare she not repay his efforts by idolizing him as her savior and trusting him to rescue her from Kings Landing. Ungrateful bitch.
When she met back up with Jon, she should have followed his every command and fallen on her knees with gratitude that she was under the protection of our ultimate hero. Doesn’t she know how lucky she is? Who cares if they would have all died horrible deaths by following his half-assed plan? Also, how dare she attempt to use her name and power to gain support instead of letting Jon’s ultimate hero plot armor guide the way. She clearly still thinks less of him because he’s a bastard.
When ultimate hero Jon Snow bends the knee to ultimate hot chick Dany, whom he’s also fucking, Sansa should have followed suit. She should have known her place. Doesn’t she realize she’s an unimportant side-character? Sure, she fought and bled her entire life to gain her freedom and home back. But so what? If Jon wanted to give all that away, that’s his right. What Jon says goes. If he liked the dragon queen, that should have been enough for Sansa.
Also, as a quick aside, the only reason people were still rooting for Dany in the end was because she was fucking Jon Snow. If she’d have rejected Jon from the start, or turned on him before the end, you better believe the audience would have turned on her too. It isn’t about the nuance of women. It’s about their relationship with the men in the story.
