Andulka
★
dirt enthusiast
Peter Solarz
Cosimo Galluzzi
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
RMH
Today's Document
🪼
pixel skylines
AnasAbdin
taylor price
#extradirty
d e v o n
art blog(derogatory)
macklin celebrini has autism
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@cepnothip
idk what exactly the source of this trigger is but if I'm ever being optimistic or hopeful about anything (big small dumb important literally whatever) and someone pushes back against it at all, and doesn't immediately back down when I'm like "you have to have hope", it makes me wanna throw a legitimate tantrum
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cleared all of my message data last night without thinking
mom's texts are gone
looked into restoring
a factory reset and back up was only a maybe
today I have the Big Sad
would stay in bed and mope but I had two new people start this week that still need hands on training
😞
at least the avs won
update they came back??? just noticed yesterday all of them are back. so naturally I had to cry again.
man I wish I could tell my mom about all the ghosty ass shit I've experienced with her since she died. she'd be like "well yeah, i knew that" lmao
dear algorithm love the positive planned parenthood propaganda but I do not need to see it. not for me. I'm on board. I'm a user. a donater. a petition signer. for over a decade. I do not need this barrage.
I wanna fight my mother in law
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some people my age are creating community and bounding over having children
me? I am creating community out of having a dead parent
👍
today I realized I like especially like women in glasses and I was like hmm I guess that's why I like how I look in glasses. and then I was like hmm I wonder if that's all because my mom wore glasses.
happy pride month
aaaahhhh ya bitch needs to commit to a journaling practice bc ya bitch needa to journal!!!
when you wanna go do something and so you buy tickets and then you're like in the name of community imma tell a few other people who might relate or be interested to it and see if they come
and then the day of the both bail and you actually have a sigh of relief bc now you can go withour the added anxiety of doing things with new people AND you weren't even the one who had to bail which is hella growth(tm) AND it's like still building community bc you tried, ya know.
anyways Tyler and I are going to a comedy show called the dead parent club tonight and it's gonna be great and neither of the other young men with dead parents is gonna be there so I won't have to mask 😂
hanging out with my dad in the wake of my mom's death is just a week of dread and despair because mom won't be there and it's definitely gonna be weird and bad. and then hanging out with him is actually good and fun and I have a great time. and then I have a week of being sad because my dad and I are only having fun and doing stuff that we're doing because moms dead.
anyway he's coming over tomorrow because it's his birthday and we're grilling for him.
we wouldn't be doing that if mom were alive.
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sometimes I wonder how different everything would be if I'd had a big sister.
knowing why my brain gets evil once a month does make it a bit easier to manage but it's still. like. exhausting.
listen I don't have anyone else to tell this to
but July 2024 I finally tripped balls on mushrooms. after many bad trips, big and small, I did the work on myself and reached a place where I was able to let go. I heard different languages. I drifted in and out of consciousness.
one month later, August 2024, I began to join Tyler at the gym weightlifting 3x a week. for the first time. in my life.
it is now nearing June 2026 and I am now going to the gym, on average, every other day.
I also haven't wanted to do mushrooms since.
I don't know what it all means but I feel like I should document.
posted from the gym.
well also I guess additionally that trip really illuminated for me that mushrooms Are Not a social drug for me but that maybe i Can rewire my brain
listen I don't have anyone else to tell this to
but July 2024 I finally tripped balls on mushrooms. after many bad trips, big and small, I did the work on myself and reached a place where I was able to let go. I heard different languages. I drifted in and out of consciousness.
one month later, August 2024, I began to join Tyler at the gym weightlifting 3x a week. for the first time. in my life.
it is now nearing June 2026 and I am now going to the gym, on average, every other day.
I also haven't wanted to do mushrooms since.
I don't know what it all means but I feel like I should document.
posted from the gym.
I'm excited to have gone NA the same time as a generation and I'm a little peeved that they got me paying $9 for juice
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by July I'll have more than 50% of my crew be newer hires and I'm going to a conference at the end of June in Chicago and my mom's death anniversary is the beginning of July and I was telling Tyler this is gonna be a stress test for me as a human with all that going on and he's like
babe
the last year and half has been a stress test
you got this
😭
Tyler's doing great at making friends and this leaves me alone more and more and we were supposed to go bowling together when I got off work but he went with his bros while I was at work instead. and like whatever. whatever. whatever. whatever.
I don't want new friends I just wish I could hang out with the friends I have.
whatever. whatever. whatever.