cellarlean

I am a writer.

I am brave. I am shy.

I fear rejection.

I love love.

I don't like sex. I love the sound of rain petals hitting the ground. I love the smell of rain. Nature gives me quiet strength. I feel too much. I cry easily - out of joy, of sadness, of empathy. I don't want anyone to not like me. I hate conflict, and shouting. I get too emotional. My reactions don't match up. I forget a lot of stuff.

I love reading.

I love the sound of footsteps in the snow. I slow down to listen to the wind passing through trees. I try to appreciate the small things. I stop at the sidewalk to search for four-leafed clovers. I love storms, they calm me, bring me back to reality. I am anxious. I try to be happy. I try for others to see me as funny, always in a good mood.

AND THEN I REALIZED that I was reading the goddamn plot planning paragraph I put before every chapter which I FORGOT TO DELETE

THEY SAW IT

THEY ALL SAW IT

Unworthy, unjust, untrue. But this is what happened.

and they say well you're here now

and

this is what I try to remember every day, that I'm surviving yet another day

adam is right, most of the time it doesn't feel like an accomplishment, it's what everyone does, really, how hard can it be to survive into your forties?

but then-

adams parents didn't . harry didn't. all three died younger than adam.

sure, his parents got in a car crash, it's not their fault - but they were both drunk.

harry drinks himself to death out of loneliness.

Who’s Afraid of Modern Art: Vandalism, Video Games, and Fascism by Jacob Geller

what it's about: modern art, obviously, that's the title.

who might like it: everyone who doesn't "get" modern art, or gets it and wants people to talk about the brilliance of modern art, or people interested in video game discourse

watch or listen: recommended to actually watch it, the editing is quite good, and the creator included a lot of footage

mood: serious!! do not watch if you're looking for something light-hearted

Mamma Mia 2 is an Absurdist Masterpiece by Media Processing

what it's about: 10+ absurd things about the second installment of the beloved jukebox musical series mamma mia

who might like it: people who like abba, people who watched both movies, people who refuse to watch the second movie

watch or listen: watch! the creator is a video editor and shows some example of the video editing used in mamma mia 2

mood: very funny

The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling | ContraPoints by ContraPoints

what it's about: dissects the podcast "the witch trials of JKR", intertwines the whole discussion with "anti-gay crusader" anita bryant and talks about the age old question of calm discourse and cancelling. this is the essay i would actually recommend the most, it made me question my previously held and very privileged view that all discourse should be held in a calm and collected way. it actually shouldn't! not when it's about peoples right to live!!!

who might like it: just watch it (former harry potter fans (or current?), people interested in lgbtqia+ history)

watch or listen: you can only listen, although the editing is nice and supports the arguments well, and contrapoints outfits are a-ma-zing