Emile sighed. “It’s just…” It was difficult to think of himself as a good person. When compared to Quinn and Frannie, he was nothing. He was the prodical son, sans any improvement. “You… you know that you’re mine too. Everything is complicated.

His blunt nails dug into his palms. “I want to,” he says softly. “You know how badly I want to…” It was easier said than done. “Your dads… they never liked our friendship, said I’d ruin you. Maybe I would.” He had yet to, but dammit if the possibility wasn’t there.

“I don’t think it is complicated...” Celeste trailed off slowly, reaching down to both of his hands intertwining their fingers so he was now not digging his nails into his palms. She knew him too well, she knew what he did. Just one of the other reasons she thought this had to be something. That and his words... He wanted to be with her, but he was nervous. “Screw my dads... They don’t like anything that I have to do...” Celeste paused, how often had she been told that, how often had she believed that. That he would hurt her, ruin her even. People had said he already had when he leaved, when she leaved, when they grew apart. She took a step closer moving one of her hands onto his cheek. “Then ruin me.”

Pining after him? Shit, she was making this a lot harder than it should have been. He should be able to just turn her down, but his feelings were interfering with such an action. “You’d be better off without me. You’ll always be better off…” maybe she shouldn’t have come to Dalton. Weren’t things done the way they had been then?

He sighed. “I want - I want to be selfish, but I can’t. Not with you. I’m trying to be a better person for you and…” he trailed off and shrugged. “I don’t know.

“Emile...” She sighed. Emile’s statements ran deeper than just this friendship/relationship thing. “You don’t get it. If I didn’t have you then I wouldn’t have anything. You’re my person.” She thought back to when they first met again at Dalton the nervous energy she had with just talking to him had the start of whatever it is.

Celeste rested her hands on either side of his face. “You are already such an amazing person. So just this once.. be selfish.”

Emile shook his head. He didn’t think that she had any reason to want him. Yeah, he was good looking, but what else was to say about him? He wasn’t special. He would be the first person to admit that. “Well… stop wanting me!”

A sigh left him. “I can’t tell you that and I kind f think you know that I won’t tell you that,” Emile said softly. He wasn’t making eye contact and he finally looked up to meet her eyes. “I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

Celeste groaned. If only it was that easy, if only there was button that she could press to quit feeling the way she did about him. “It’s not that easy Emile, believe it or not I don’t want to quit you.

Celeste paused for a moment letting what he had said sink in. So there was a part of him that wanted to be with her to? Or was her intuition just 100% off and she was just reading the feelings completely wrong. “Emile...” She took a shallow breath. “We can’t keep walking around ignoring these feelings that we have.”

Yeah. Emile wanted to say that one day they could be their own family, but he had stopped short of doing it. “We’ll be happy one day,” he said instead, shaking his head. It felt far off, yet he had to hold onto hope. Wasn’t hope all that they had?

“I guess, but.. look, I know that it seems like a good idea. It’s only because of your attachment to me. You don’t know a whole lot of guys and I’m an option because…” Emile trailed off. He didn’t know how to word it. “Because I’m the option in your mind.”

“One can only hope...” Celeste said with a small smile. She just hoped he would still be in her life when they were both happy. Hope was a funny word to her, everyone hoped she something different, but hope was so hard to hold onto at the end of the day.

“You're my option because you're what I want Emile!” Celeste said moving next to him to place a hand on his shoulder. “If you don’t feel the same way just tell me, it will hurt a lot less than you just sitting here arguing with me about it.”

“Yeah and meanwhile, I would give anything to get out of this family,” Emile said. His voice was uncharacteristically soft when he said it. The admission wasn’t a new one, but he almost felt as though he was betraying his family when he said that. Of course, why was he expected to care so much more about him than they did him? Emile shook his head. Celeste was being unreasonable here! In his mind, that was. “Look, you see this part of me that other people don’t and I think that a part of that might be made up in your head.” Nobody really thought as him as highly as she did. It was difficult to believe that she could be right when she was the only one who felt it.

Celeste leaned her hand up to run her fingers through his hair. “I think we both feel that same way.” She reasoned. “It’s what made us so close in the first place.” Since Celeste was little it was always, ‘aw can you sing like your sister?’ ‘your going to be just as talented as your sister’. Celeste never had the chance to be herself... with everyone except Emile.

“Isn’t that the whole point?” Celeste asked. “I see a complete different you, but I’ve also seen the you that everyone else sees and I’ve still stuck around.” Celeste worried she was talking herself into the ground, but she couldn’t find the feeling that Emile wasn’t straight up denying her feelings with a rejection. That part was helping.

Emile shrugged. “I think the neighbors lost their faith when Quinn got knocked up and kicked out.” Also when Russell had left, but the Fabrays had reconvened as a family. They pretended there hadn’t been any hiccups. The only person who mentioned it still was himself. Sitting down on edge of the bed, Emile listened to what she said. Apparently, Rachel wasn’t always wrong. She actually had an idea as to the type of person he was without (as much of ) a bias as Celeste has. “I think she has a better grasp on what you deserve than you do… I hate to say that Rachel is right, but..”

Celeste had to resist a snicker when Emile mentioned the favorite Fabray, the good girl’s biggest mess up. “You know your family is still Lima’s star. Everyone wants to be a Fabray from the outside looking in.” She said with a simple shrug.

“No!” Celeste cried out interrupting Emile’s speech sitting up a little straighter in her bed. “The only one who knows what I deserve is me. Now you don’t have the same feelings that’s fine by me, but you don’t get to say that I deserve better. If I want to be with you, it’s because I want to be with you.” Celeste had half a mind to be embarrassed about her outburst but there was apart of her that was finally happy that she was able to get these feelings she had been hiding since middle school out in the open.

“I want you to crawl through my window now! Don’t you want to be my person?” Emile teased. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “I’m kidding. You’re going to be my person regardless.” Plus, she was allowed to use the door at his place… provided they didn’t try to go up to the bedroom and shut the door. Hell, Celeste was barely allowed upstairs. He laughed. “Oh yeah. Fuckin’ Finn Hudson’s the man of her dreams. That guy not only cheated on my sister, but he’s also dumb as a rock.” He paused. She had told Rachel. Not only had she admitted to her feelings to him, but Celeste was making them known to others. Emile’s stomach dropped. “Uh, why’s she think that it’s stupid exactly?”

“But what would the neighbors think of the good Fabray family?” Celeste pretended to be offended, but preened silently when he kissed her head. She missed this and she knew their current conversation might end it all again but just getting these little moments was enough for her.

“Trust me, Quinn can take Finn back at anytime. My dads worship the ground he walks on. No one I ever bring home would even come close to him.” She joked. Celeste could tell this conversation was taking a turn for the worst because she could hear in Emile’s voice his confidence shift. “She said... that you wouldn’t be good enough for me... that you were a jerk and you treated me like garbage.” Celeste could feel her eyes tearing up again but this time she refused to let them fall. This was Emile, she could talk to him about this stuff.

“I was hoping that you hadn’t forgotten,” he said gently. Emile knew that he owed her an apology, but putting it into words difficult. How was he meant to say ‘hey, your admission of feelings scared me! I feel the same way and the problem is that I’m so far from good enough for you’? He wasn’t. That was something to keep to himself and just wait for her to meet a better guy. It was only a matter of time. He quirked an eyebrow. “Not exactly about me? Oh, so Rach was talking shit,” he joked. She likely had her reasons, but Emile thought that she disliked him sometimes because she disliked Quinn. “You didn’t tell her that I bought you the alcohol, did you?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget Emile, like ever.” Celeste said with a smile sitting down on her bed. “You’ve always been my person and I’d like to think that I’m your person too... granted I’m not crawling into any windows, I’ll use the door.” She joked.

“When isn’t Rachel shitting on people that I know? Like she hangs out with the best people in the world.” She rolled her eyes with a smile before frowning again. “Not exactly...” She mumbled. Now was a good time as any. “I... I told her what I said when I was drunk and she made it known just how stupid she thinks those feelings are.”

A small surprised noise left him as she wrapped her arms around him, but he did the same almost instantly. The reason for the girl’s tears wasn’t clear. It didn’t change the fact that he hated seeing her like this. He rubbed her back. “I’m always going to be here for you,” Emile reminded her. He didn’t think that he had to tell her that.  “What’s the matter?” he asked. Emile didn’t know what had gotten her this upset. “It wasn’t because of me, was it?” He hoped it wasn’t. Something else had to have affected her this badly… right?

“I know...” Celeste mumbled out. She had always known the past week, she had not been fair to Emile blaming him for not wanting to have the awkward conversation that she had started. She thought she had ruined their friendship, ruined any remedy they had made since reuniting. “I’ve always known that.”

Celeste sniffled pulling away from him and wiping her tears. She couldn’t help the anxious giggle that came up in her throat. “No... well not exactly about you.” She mumbled embarrassed. “Something Rachel said... you know how she is.”

After how their conversation had gone the last time they were together, Emile thought that he might have screwed things up with her for good. That was an awful thought. He had done so many things and she’d forgiven him. This time felt so differently than it had before. Maybe it was what she had said to him… spilling her feelings had to have been hard for her and he’d just walked away. He hated himself for it — more than was usual for him.

But she texted him. It had Emile shooting off of the couch, ignoring when his mother told him that he wasn’t to leave the house. “Going to the Berrys’!” he shouted behind him. She said something after that that he didn’t quite hear.

At least he didn’t have to take the car. Lima was small enough to get across the town on foot. There was a convenient tree outside of her window and he was an expert in climbing it by now. He yanked it open before coming through it. “Not a murderer! Just me!”

Celeste still had her head burried in her pillow tear stains down her cheeks when she heard the window open. She pulled her head up throwing the pillow aside and standing up to wrap her arms around Emile tightly burying her head into his chest and continuing to cry. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say when he asked why she was upset but figured they would cross that bridge when they got there. 

“I’m so glad you came.” She whimpered slightly scrunching the fabric of his shirt in her hands. “I wasn’t sure... after what happened before break.” She felt good being back in his arms, safe, secure, like nothing could hurt her as long as he was there and that was mostly true.

Celeste could feel the burning tears in her eyes at her sisters harsh words. “He’s no good for you Celeste, he’s a jerk and he’s treated you like garbage.” Rachel continued with her sister standing near the doorway of Celeste’s room. 

“Stop it.” Celeste mumbled under her breath gripping her comforter in her hands in an attempt to ground herself.

“Those Fabray’s are nothing but trouble.” Rachel added oblivious to her sisters discomfort.

“Rachel stop it!” Celeste finally yelled the tears now pouring down her face. “I don’t care what you say! I like him, like really like him no matter what you say!” Rachel scoffed leaving the door and slamming it behind her mumbling something about never helping Celeste again. The younger girl grabbed her pillow burying her face into it and letting out a muffled scream.

It had been 3 days since she last saw Emile and she was forced back into this house for a week with nothing but an argumentative sister and fathers. She missed Dalton, she missed her own space and she even missed her absentee roommate, but altogether she missed Emile in any shape or form of him. Without thinking, she picked up her phone and texted Emile.

i need you

Chewing on the edge of his thumbnail, Emile nodded. He might end up having to text his mom later. Maybe she had gotten caught up with Quinn or something like that. He didn’t think that was too odd… but maybe it was a bad thing that he wouldn’t be surprised if that happened. “Hell yeah, sent us away so they don’t have to think about us. I don’t know why we would expect it, right?” It was almost impossible to miss how ruffled eh was by the statement. “Okay. Whatever. I can go if you’d like,” Emile said as he pointed his thumb over his shoulder. 

Celeste heard her phone buzz grabbing it from her duffel bag. It was a text from one of her dads reading: Getting off the highway now, be out there don’t have all night. The young girl sighed, this week home was going to be terrible she could already feel it. “It doesn’t matter.” She mumbled with a shrug. She hated to leave Emile with their relationship like this, almost like strangers.

“Have a good break...” She mumbled when she saw her dads car pull into the lot. “If you ever want to text... feel free.”

Right. Celeste had called him because she was lonely and not because she wanted to see him. Emile didn’t need to be getting his hopes up. So why had he? That was something he didn’t think that he would ever be able to explain. “Yeah, I think my mom got caught up with something,” he admitted. Celeste really had messaged him at the perfect time.

Emile deserved that and he knew that. He had been the one who put the work forth in avoiding and ignoring her. He regretted it but there was no going back. “Oh, don’t say things that you don’t mean,” he said softly. “I’ve had a lot of exams and all that mess.”

Was that disappointment? Celeste shook her head slightly, no he wouldn’t care. He usually would have responded with some stupid comment. “The forgotten family members still live strong.” She tried to joke slightly nudging Emile like usual. 

“I never know what to expect with you.” She mumbled. “Maybe I did mean it.” Ok, that had been a little rough and she had to admit maybe a little mean but after the hell, the boys at Dalton had put her through when she didn’t have Emile as leverage. “So exams mean you can’t even send a text my way or get dinner with me.”

Emile couldn’t deny that he missed seeing Celeste, but he was scared. He wasn’t afraid of her or what she would do. He was afraid of what he might do, now knowing that she actually wanted him in the same way that he needed her. Not only that, each day that he avoided her made him feel more and more guilty that he’d done it. At this point he didn’t think that he would be able to go see her without things being awkward. His backpack was filled with a couple of clothing items when he got a message on his phone. He was expecting it to be from his mom, telling him that she’d arrived, but it was from Celeste. Pulling a jacket on, he made his way to the front of the school. Usually, he’d walk up behind her and cover her eyes, but it wasn’t going to happen today. “Hey. What’s up?” Emile asked softly.

Celeste didn’t acknowledge the door closing of the main resident hall. There were so many students coming and going that she didn’t believe Emile was actually here until she heard his voice. She turned around slowly facing him for the first time since the night with one too many white claws. “Was just...” Celeste paused with a sigh. “Was just feeling lonely my dad is still like 45 minutes away.”

Celeste turned so she was fully facing him. “Wasn’t expecting you to actually come, or even read my text for that matter.” She didn’t care if she sounded petty or really hurt his feelings because her feelings had been hurt watching the one person who she cared about and cared abut her in this school pull away from her seemingly out of no where.

Celeste was standing outside of Dalton patiently waiting for her dad to get there, her duffel bag at her feet. She had watched many students disappear into cars driven by chaufeers all flashing pity eyes at her, Everyone knew that her and Emile had not been talking for the past few days, maybe even a week. Ever since she had drunkenly told Emile that she didn’t want to be in this fake relationship, but that she wanted it to be real.

It had been a long week of lonely lunches, dinners, nights and study sessions without Emile and she missed him as just her best friend. She pulled out her phone texting him, ‘are you still here?’. She paused before texting again. ‘if you are, i’m out front and really want some company before my dad gets here’. She knew it was wishful thinking, wrapping her sweatshirt around herself tightly as the cold Ohio breeze blew through. She just wanted to see him before this break.

Emile: Ha, you must be forgetting your answer when I /asked/.

Celeste: I still said I would go with you!

Celeste: Let's agree to disagree.