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@cecilialisbon13
People say that a rock gets chiselled for a long time before it turns into something marvelous.
But what if I'm not a sculptor
What if I tried too hard to make it perfect, now there isn't any left of me to start over.
What if, what I have now is the most I'll ever have.
Cause the more I try to shape my life, the more I lose of myself, till there is nothing left.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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In the quiet, they start to creep,
Little thoughts I never meant to keep.
They whisper lies I start to believe,
And tangle truths I can't retrieve.
I built this ship, I burned it down,
Now I’m adrift, hoping not to drown.
My great grandmother was a quiet, frail woman during the time I knew her, someone who seemed lost in her own world. But the stories I’ve heard about her tell a different tale. She was harsh and cruel, especially to her daughters-in-law and sons. She cared only for herself and her husband, and after he died, she stubbornly refused to leave their old house, claiming it was to honor his memory. In reality, she descended into madness in that lonely house. I remember her as a bitter, stuck-up lady who never had a kind word for anyone except her husband.
Her eldest son, my grandfather, wasn’t much different. He had a soft spot for his mother but showed little regard for anyone else. Obsessed with money, he married off his children to whoever offered the highest dowry, not caring about their happiness. This led to a series of disastrous marriages. One daughter was married to a violent man, while his two sons married selfish women who made their lives miserable. My mother, the youngest daughter, ended up with a lunatic who tried to kill me.
My uncle, the second son of my grandfather, suffered greatly. He was driven to madness by the torment from his wife and the harshness of his father. Eventually, this led to his death. Growing up in such a family, I never knew what a normal family was supposed to be like. My mother resents me, imagining her life would have been better without me. The uncle who once showed me love was destroyed by our family. My life was filled with loneliness, with no one to talk to except my reflection in the mirror.
Through all this, I learned something important: love isn't given to everyone equally in a family. Even the most terrible people have someone they cherish. My great grandmother, who was awful to everyone, was sweet to her husband. Despite her many flaws, she was loving and kind to him. My grandfather, who cared for no one else, was devoted to his mother. He refused to leave her side and took care of her until her last breath. Another grandmother of mine, who slowly lost herself to Alzheimer's, forgot everything—her son, herself, even basic tasks. But she never forgot her husband. She would call out for him, even when she mistook her own son for an intruder.
In all these fragmented relationships, I saw that people aren’t perfect. They can be deeply flawed and cruel, but to those they love, they can seem perfect. Everyone has someone they care about deeply, someone who sees a gentler, more loving side of them that others might never witness. Despite all their imperfections and the harm they might cause, there's often a soft spot, a tender side, reserved for the ones they truly love. This paradox taught me that while people can be horrible, their capacity for love and tenderness towards certain individuals can make them seem almost perfect in the eyes of those they cherish.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Some bonds are fated to fade, no matter how fiercely you yearn for them to endure. Like a treasured ring that has outgrown your finger, no matter its beauty or the love you hold for it, it begins to stifle. A relationship, too, can become a constriction. You must release it. Though your hand may feel bare and empty for a while, it will finally breathe freely. And that ring, once a symbol of constraint, will gleam with newfound brilliance on a hand where it truly belongs.
like there comes a point where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you. and then it turns out it’s just Friday and you haven’t washed your hair in three days and maybe you’re also just a little lonely and the combination of all three of those things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe. but also the sun’s up. and you’ve survived everything so far, so you’ll survive this too, even if it hurts, even if you have to survive it many times.
i know you chose me and i should be over the moon and i am i’m in the stars but the problem is that i forgot in space you can’t breathe i forgot that with the sun lighting me up you’ll see all my flaws i forgot that if you get close to me you’ll realize how little i’ve got that i’m just a mess and bad with love and worse with other people that i’m alive only by the grace of god and barely living anyway and that you are too good for me and i know it i know it like yeah i should be living in the moment but what happens when you find out that you gave me your heart but i don’t know how to hold it
It was all my fault. It was my fault that I let you manipulate me and made me believe I was wrong and apologise to you. While it should have been the other way around.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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For anyone who doesn't know what's going on in Canada right now (which, let's be real, is probably everyone who's not in Canada):
This week, a mass grave was discovered at a former Indian Residential School, in Kamloops, BC. The grave contained the bodies of 215 Indigenous children.
For people outside of North America, residential schools were places that Indigenous children were sent to, to have their language and culture stripped away from them. They were literally stolen from their families, and scattered across Canada, to ensure that they would be surrounded by children who didn't speak their language. They were given Christian names and forced to speak English. They were horrendously abused, and the survivors have been traumatized.
Hundreds of children never returned. The assumption has always been that they died. This has now been confirmed.
The school in Kamloops closed in 1978. They are now trying to identify bodies to inform family members. The last residential school closed in the 1990s. There is growing demand to search all of them, but the government hasn't responded to that, as of yet. Ottawa JUST gave in to pressure to fly the Canada flag at half mast. They weren't even going to do that.
This is the reality if anti-Indigenous racism in Canada. The residential schools may be closed, but that hasn't stopped the abduction of Indigenous children, let alone the hundreds of missing and murdered Indigenous women.
If I ever lose this never ending battle between life and death, just remember
You were the one reason I fought it till I did,
You were my Armor and the healer of my bloody wounds,
You were that something I lived for,
And I am sorry for being such a fragile fighter.
" Am I not good enough for them? "
Maybe they have a different type, maybe they don't want to date anybody right now, maybe they're having a rough patch and want to be alone. Just because somebody does not want to date you doesn't mean you're not good enough. Stop doubting your self worth. You're so much more than just enough. Stop thinking that the problem is always you because it isn't. Stop thinking that you're not enough.
The first time your sad brown eyes had met mine, taking a look at my soul like it's a open book, I think I knew. I knew you are going to be my once in a lifetime kinda love. Maybe. Or maybe I didn't, I just saw a regular person and turned away like you are someone that didn't matter.
The first time your steady hand held mine, lacing your strong fingers between my fragile ones, I think I knew. I knew we'd fit together like the pieces of a broken vase. Maybe. Or maybe we don't, we just come together and fill the empty spaces of the said vase with our love for each other.
The first time your lips parted and said 'i love you', slowly, nervously, your gaze unwavering. I think I knew. I knew you will always be a part of me, even if I am not here in this world, my love for you will always be here. Maybe. Or maybe I didn't, I just said those three powerful words back, looking down at my shoes shy, wanting to hold you tight till you can't breathe.
But at the end of the day, I look back and all that matters is you, me and us.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
You took a piece of me, when you left. I am not afraid of never getting it back, I am afraid that it would be forgotten. That I lost a piece of me, just for it to never mean anything, and was forgotten. I want the piece to stay with you, so it meant something, that it wasn't for nothing.
Falling in love is so terrifying. To be completely vulnerable with a person. To open up and present my heart to them. To share all of my secrets, to show them the worst side of me.
The fear that they might leave me, when they get to know the real me is extremely frightening. Maybe, I have convinced myself that I am unlovable, so when anyone ever likes me, I think it's a joke...
"Say you're lucky, Say you're lucky to love me like you used to, even if it isn't true.
I want you to lie, lie right to my face ..."
- lie by shasha sloan
