intimate detail

And a little defeated.

What’s it like having this big heart,

You may ask.

It means rarely ever getting what you give.

It means always wondering why

People do you the way they do

Because you would never.

It means attracting the broken

Who know you’re a soft healing light.

It means being disappointed

And discarded because

The effort to match your effort

Is too much effort

And men would rather find someone less.

And I hope they all do.

He reminds me;

But he never had to tell me.

The way his eyes light up on my front porch.

He tells me “You’re glowing”

As he stares from the bedside.

He loves this safe place I’ve made for him

Where he can be vulnerable and honest

And he doesn’t know how much

I appreciate that honesty.

That solid form moving against me

Calling to me and falling into place with me

It isn’t forever,

But tonight he’ll kiss my forehead

And hold me as we sleep

Listen to your dreams.

Listen to your gut.

Shut it down when it doesn’t feel right.

Your mind and heart

Will lie to you

But your body never will.

My past tells me to blow up

Because that’s the only way

I can be heard

But even though I was heard

I wasn’t listened to

So, I tell my past

That I’ll take a different path

And just give it time

It’s working for me

But I’m blatantly surprised

And quite proud

Of myself for listening to myself

For the first time in a long time.

Not the destination,

But someone you want to go with you.

I just want something pure.

Just peace and love.

Just honesty and straightforwardness.

Simple, beautiful, evolving love.

Do you want that, too?

How do I ask

When I’m scared to know the answer?

Under my wet tongue

Is my favorite sensation

He groans

Bent over my back,

Sweat melting our skin together

His hands pressing into the bed around me

“I couldn’t stand another minute”.

Sifting through boxes of your memories

Your heritage, your legacy

How proud you are of where you come from

I’m honored to know of your line

To see your childhood laid out before me

To hear the love in your voice for them

You are beautiful to understand

And I’m so happy to be here with you.

And made me soak them

You ran your tongue the length of me

And left handprint marks on my skin

You wrapped your weathered hands

Around the width of my hips

And you filled me entirely

You slammed, you kissed

You told me what you wanted

And commanded my delivery

This morning, you warmed my heart

And made it beat a little harder

You ran your eyes down the length of me

And left a mark on my heart

You wrapped your arms around me

And filled my soul with quiet happiness.

I didn’t know I liked it

When you beg for me

But you unlocked that

Last night

When you begged

For my tongue in the dark

“Please”, you moaned

And please, I did.

I love the way you speak,

The way your mouth forms a vowel.

I like when you tease me about anything

It makes me happy that you’re comfortable.

I love your scatterbrained chaos.

I think you need the planner like me.

I like to think I fill in all your empty spaces.

I like to think you fill mine.

Lying in the afterglow,

Speaking of ancient texts and

Life and death and pain

Of childhood and our wild oats

Religion and nature and science.

I’ve never met a more unique soul.

An unmatched vibe

A nomad to follow.

It’s what you are

And what you bring me.

Ancient and worldly.

You take bites of the universe

As you please.

A chaotic symphony,

A constant crashing of symbols

And a bridge to truths.

Not everything,

Not all at once,

Not up close.

I can see all small things you do

The man who isn’t a snuggler

Pulling me closer in the middle of the night

The silly side of you that I don’t

think many people get to see

Showing me your Grandma’s recipe

Someone I know you deeply loved

“I’m going to fix that bathroom for you

Next time I come”

That big, beautiful smile when your

Boots hit my front porch

How those muddy brown eyes

Just … mmm.

The way you speak to me,

Even when the conversation isn’t happy.

Old school morals,

ancient wisdom and

Down home loving.

That aren’t being said

Is a gift

The curse is not knowing which voice

To listen to.

This is love - one says.

This is being used - says another.

This is just a unique human - whispers one.

How hard it is to feel good

When all the voices you’ve heard before

Say you’re being lied to.

Say you’re not worthy of anything.

Say you’re delusional.

The inability to hear the sounds of truth

Is a curse.

Never let the world weigh on you.

Never let your past define your now.

Grow in the midst of death

And bloom in the darkness

If you must.

But if you should be replanted,

I hope it’s somewhere green.

I hope the rain feels like butterflies

Across your cheeks

And I hope you soak in every beautiful thing.

You’re a beautiful thing

And you deserve the loveliness

You bring.

He says, as his bare feet slide on my floor.

A royal pounding with a kiss to my forehead.

“Such a good girl”

As the tassels of his whip flay across my back

“Don’t move”

As if the ropes around my limbs would allow it

“Whose pussy is that?”

All yours, Daddy

“You’ve never been touched like this, have you?”

Kisses across my skin

And hands wrapped around my hair

His tongue finding places

that have never been found

Spreading and exploring and

Rhythmic movement I’ve never felt

And enjoyed so immensely

Hmm, how I adore those dark eyes

Under those thick lashes

And the way they light up my nights

“Which part of me do you want?”

“All of you”,

He said quietly.

And he proves it over and over

His hands roam across my hips

His eyes catch mine and soften

He picks on me with a boyish grin

He adorns me in gemstones

He pulls me close to his bare chest

And whispers “I’ve missed you”

His adoration is subtle

And in knowing him,

I know how big it really is.

Every little shred of how he treats me

Makes a magnificent mark on my heart