the vampire waltz

and now an open letter to everyone else:

some of you just really don’t know how to act lol. this is the internet, you weirdoes. i have had my privacy violated basically every single day for months on this blog, and years on others. do you know how not okay that is? people digging through my archive, my conversations with specific people, my character tags, through searches of roleplays i’ve run and applied for, through tags that i don’t even have a clue what you’re looking for. there are people on my statcounter from places i don’t recognize fifty plus times, multiple times a day, just. searching. worse, there are people i do recognize who i’ve told to stay away from me, who i’ve honored my end of the bargain, who i still see hundreds of times on my page over just a couple of weeks. 

like, none of this matters! no matter what some people might believe or choose to believe or have been told or whatever, i am not sitting in a little swamp over here deliberately trying to fuck other people’s shit up. i’m not. i haven’t even really been here since august of 2017. like i’ve been here, but i’ve been different. anyone who knows me knows how much everything has changed for me. and this isn’t trying to be some pity party, so don’t try and reach for the “manipulation” card. i’m just trying to be real. my life has done the biggest one eighty, more than i ever thought possible in the span of eighteen months. so many people in my life have died, more people than one person should lose in a year and a half. my brain is ... different. things are in a different perspective.

i do not care what the people who are not actively apart of my life think of me. i used to. a lot. i used to agonize over what i did wrong to the people who chose to remove themselves from my life, or what they did wrong to me. but, like. life moves on. not to be fake deep but sometimes you get mad at someone and decide to never speak to them again, and the next day they could be the only person in the world you want to talk to or the next day they could be dead. you just don’t know. i am not going to waste my life worrying about what some people thousands of miles away from me who i legitimately have not spoken a word to in years -- despite, again, what they may say or even actually think -- have any influence over my life anymore.

and for me, that’s what this page has become about. it makes me sick to my stomach when i see people actively combing through, basically, their version of me in their heads. people i don’t even know. people who i’ve spoken to once about some random topic. people who have talked to other people about me and i’ve never spoken to them and now they have this picture of me based on someone else’s skewed perception of who i am as a person and they’re all accepting that as the gospel truth of luisa/winter/circe/lux/who the fuck ever.

i’m over it, you guys. it feels disgusting. it feels so personal and violating. and yeah, i get that the internet is a public forum, but it’s hard not to feel stalked when you know that people are talking about you and attaching their sticky little cyber fingers to your persona and trying to find out as much as possible about who you are without having the decency or the courage to just ask.

so for real, i’m out. and this isn’t some sad or negative thing. my life is, despite how it sounds in this exit post, fucking amazing right now. 

just please keep in mind: if you have never spoken to me, you do not know me. if you have not spoken to me in over six months, you do not know me. you are not allowed to pretend like you do.