An essay from the underworld
Wrath writes an essay from the underworld:
Iâve been wondering why I have so much hatred in me
Life coaches and motivational speakers will probably tell you that hatred is unhealthy and it will destroy you as a person, but for me, it's as healthy as it gets.
Of course, Iâve been working on my self awareness and my thoughts are this stems from a bunch of unappealing childhood experiences. Iâm not trying to justify how I function, mind you, Iâm just trying to make sense of it so that you, the reader, understand just why I think hatred is a good fuel.
Now I canât really delve into the details of my childhood without revealing who I am, but, just so you have a pictureâit had some bullying, a few fuck ups, and a lot of disappointmentâusually coming from the grown-ups.
As a child, your initial reaction, like how a horse will kick when startled, is to try to live up to everyoneâs expectations, and satisfy everyoneâs image of you. The thing is, this is the first destructive drug a child can get introduced to, and destructive drugs can cause, well, destruction.
You will work and chase that image of you that everybody wants, but it always seems out of reach. You work harder, chase with more gusto, but no bueno. Why does that image seem to be close but you donât seem to get closer? You wonder this and you think of solutions but you get nothing. Eventually, while thinking, you realize youâre no longer a child. Along with this realization, you see your legs are still going. Youâre still chasing and just a sniff of approval is enough to keep you going for one more lap, one more day, one more lifetime.
And I hate that cycle. I hate that Iâm stuck. I have so much hatred for the system that I do my best to go against it. I do things that please me, not the masses. I write things that make me happy, I create, and Iâm happy then. Iâm happy because I started to hate. Therefore, Iâm happy because I hate.
It even works with relationships. You have so much hatred to give to people that in one unsatisfactory sweep of their hands, youâre ready to kick them out. One wrong comment on one correct moment is enough for you not to give a damn about them for the remainder of your interactions. Youâre not going to try to âmake it workâ or âmake amends.â You sniff the wrong scent and they are out of it. Hating people usually go hand in hand with loving people. Love and hate are distant cousins, so they say. They are made up of the same passion and while it doesnât at all mean that âthe more you love, the more you hate,â they are very similar in terms of feeling.
The most loving people can be the most hateful, for we already know that they are capable of that level of intensity. When you love, you can do anything for that person. Similarly, when you hate, you can go out of your way just to express that hatred. Making an effort to make someone happy takes just about the same energy as going out of your way so someone ends up miserable.
In my opinion, this is what makes it easier for a human being to be in the same group with people they love and people they hate, and for the observer on the outside, they see no difference. This is because humans in normal day-to-day interactions are usually set on neutral. Talking to a person you love, neutral. Talking to a person you hate? Neutral. It is when you express your feelings that it becomes more difficult to seclude. DifficultâŚbut possible, nonetheless.
I guess what Iâm trying to say is, cultivate that hatred and anger and use it to your advantage. The Catholic see it as a sin to nurture Wrath, but Wrath will help you filter the bullshit in your life. Wrath will help you see why you hate your life and Wrath will make you do your best so you can remove yourself from the unhappy. Wrath will help you identify when itâs right to talk to someone about a disagreement, or when it is just better for you to burn their bridge.
Wrath isnât always destroying, bursting to flames, or inflicting hurt. Wrath, like the other Deadly Sins, can be an occasional friend who will nudge you in the correct direction so you do not hate yourself.
Hate the world, hate the system, hate the assholes. Never yourself. The fire of hate can be the lamp that guides you through this dark tunnelâyou just have to know when to turn it on.











