🐀

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

u heard about this shit?

We are fucked

They should do a sad ant with bindle emoji. one of my more frequent emotions for sure

i appreciate the amount of people reblogging this despite me not really tagging this at all. im glad many of people feel the same anger i do.

For this game of dodgeball, I will be specifically targeting the gayest and most autistic among you to eliminate. 

Okay so normal rules then

jsyk if we've ever had a positive interaction you can summon me for boss fights

i have the kind of melancholy that attracts me to large bodies of water.

buying books isn’t enough i need to actually read them

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

beautiful women named extreme heat warning keep blowing up my phone

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!