Fight those demons

“She knows you hate those so I’m sure you can come up with an excuse. I don’t know why she keeps trying, most guys think you’re too stubborn,” he joked with a small chuckle. Cassie’s stubbornness was something he had learned to love over the years and was one of Sam’s favorite qualities about her, but he knew it was hard for some people to handle at first. “Yeah, he kept bothering me while I was cooking so I gave him a few scraps and then gave him his real food before I came up.”

Cassie groaned, rolling her eyes slightly at the thought of her friend. “And she always picks the worst guys! It’s so terrible,” Or, maybe Cass was too picky because she’d had the right guy in front of her the entire time without even knowing it. “And I’m not stubborn, I just know what I want,” she sulked, knowing that Sam was primarily teasing her. Besides, if there was someone that didn’t want her because of a quality that would never change, she didn’t want them either. “Perfect, thank you,” she said, curling up a bit closer to Sam.

“I don’t think it will be that herd honestly,” he replied, letting her pull him down, “Mom and dad are hardly ever home. No one has cared what we’ve been up to lately, so I don’t see why that would change any time soon. As long as we don’t do anything stupid in public or in front of our friends, it should be completely fine.” He had faith that the both of them could keep a secret, especially one this big.

“Being out in public will be a lot harder. Or at a party where all I’ll probably want to do is be with you,” she said, nuzzling her face in to Sam’s neck. “Or if Erica tries to make me go on more of her stupid blind double dates with her,” Cassie groaned, hating those even before. Still, even when she was at her drunkest point, Cass wasn’t stupid and wasn’t going to let something like this be found out by anyone else. “Did you happen to feed Bowie when you were downstairs?” she asked, knowing that if the cat wasn’t fed soon, he’d be at Sam’s door meowing at them before too long.

“Okay,” Sam nodded, “Okay.” She had a good point, because as hard as the both of them would try to keep things from being awkward or uncomfortable, it probably would have ended up that way. “I think we should take things slow,” he stated. They had already kissed, quite a few times now, but he didn’t want them to rush anything. He wanted things between them to continue to feel as comfortable and as natural as they had always been.

“We can do that,” she nodded, setting her plate on the side table. “We can just let it all happen naturally,” Cassie agreed before leaning forward towards him and pressing another kiss to his lips. “I think the hardest part will be keeping it secret... or else we’ll have social services here checking on things, I’m sure,” she frowned, laying back down on the bed and pulling Sam along with her. 

Sam pretended to be focused on finishing his breakfast as he took a few moments to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. Finally, he put his plate down on the bedside table, next to the leftover bottles from the previous night, then scooted over to sit in front of Cassie. “So… are you okay with this?” he asked, gesturing between the two of them. “If you don’t want anything to change between us, it doesn’t have to- our relationship can stay how it was. But if you want things to change, I’m okay with that,” he got a little quieter the more he spoke. He was hoping that she would want their relationship to change, because at this point he was sure that he wanted it to. Even if she didn’t, if she didn’t feel the same way that he was now realizing he felt about her, he would still love her and respect her decision.

Cassie really wasn’t one for relationships. Sure, she’d dated a bit, and had one serious boyfriend that cheated on her, but other than that she wanted nothing more than hookups - but this idea if having an actual relationship with Sam was far more appealing than it ever should have in. Maybe it was because it would be him that it actually seemed like a good idea, because if there was anyone that she trusted with her life and loved more than anyone else, it was him. Yes, things would change, but there was nothing in her mind that made her think it would be a change for the worst in any way. “I... think we should let things change. At least see how it goes, and where it takes us,” she finally said after a moment. “At this point, I kind of feel like if we didn’t let it, then we’d wind up having a change for the worst,” Cassie admitted. It didn’t seem like either of them would be able to just let go of and forget about things that quickly, and it would be bound to make their relationship awkward otherwise.

Once she started pulling away, he took a moment to compose himself before opening his eyes to look at her. “You’re not?” he asked, trying not to smile. It felt like a huge weight was being lifted off his shoulders, knowing that he hadn’t ruined his relationship with Cassie. ‘Yeah, I can understand that,” he replied before returning to his breakfast, “So everything is fine between us?”. She had good point, he probably should be freaked out about kissing his sister. Being with Cassie like this was weird in concept, but it felt natural to him, and unlike he did with most things, he was going to follow his heart rather than his head on this one.

“I’m not,” she confirmed, nodding slightly as she went back to eating a bit of her breakfast. Cassie always appreciated it when Sam made her breakfast - generally, she was in charge of meals and it got to be an annoying task at times so it was nice to have a break every so often. “Yeah, everything’s fine. As far as I’m concerned, at least,” she said, looking over at him. It seemed like things were okay on his part too, thankfully. She wasn’t sure if things would continue like this, them being more intimate than a brother and sister should be, or if after this they’d just be glad it all ended up alright and never really speak of it again, but for some reason she was kind of hopping for the former, and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

“Well… are you freaked out?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. But he couldn’t wait for an answer, he couldn’t handle more silence. The words started rushing out of his mouth, “I mean if you are please don’t be! I’m sorry Cassie I didn’t mean to upset you I really didn’t. It’s totally my fault and I’m so sorry!” It wasn’t completely his fault, she had kissed him back, right? He had to apologize though, it was all he could think to do to try to fix this.

After a few moments of kissing him - which was admittedly far nicer to do while sober than it was while drunk - Cassie pulled away from Sam. “Now if you’ll actually let me talk,” she said, looking at Sam to make sure he wouldn’t go off rambling again, “No, I’m honestly not freaked out. I’m a little freaked out about the fact that I’m not freaked out, but no,” she finally said.

“Of course, Cass,” he replied with a small smile. He had made her breakfast in bed plenty of times since they had started sharing his room, and this was no exception. He kept looking from his plate, to her, and then back to his plate as they ate in silence. Sam didn’t want to say anything to make the situation worse, so he was hoping Cassie would talk first and make this a little bit easier on him. When she finally did speak, he took a moment to swallow the food in his mouth before making eye contact. “Yeah,” he answered, not really sure what else to say, “We did.” Should he apologize and take the blame for it? Or would that make it worse?

“Oh,” was all that Cassie said, nodding her head a bit as she took another bite of her food. it was more of a thoughtful statement than anything else; a filler word so that she could compartmentalize everything and how she felt about it all, and just what could be said or done about it. On the one hand, she wasn’t entirely surprised because she knew she’d been having some sort of feelings for Sam stirring up, but she hadn’t quite known what. Maybe this was what she’d needed to realize that what she was feeling was love. Actual love, not just sibling love that she’d always had for him. But if she admitted that, it could very, very easily make things entirely too awkward between them, and she certainly didn’t want that. “I’m surprised you’re not more... freaked out,” she finally settled on, hoping that this way she could better gauge his feelings on it all.

Sam would never leave Cass. Granted, last night had been quite strange, but it didn’t change anything in that sense. She was his little sister, his responsibility, the most important thing to him in the world, and he would be there for her every second of the day. The two of them had gone through enough already with their parents practically abandoning them on numerous occasions, and there was no way he could ever put her through something like that again… Unless she wanted him to be gone? Is that what she meant? He tried to let it all run through his head, but the thought of Cassie wanting him gone was heart wrenching.

The breakfast that Sam had brought up smelled amazing, and Cassie gladly took her plate from him. “Thank you for bringing this up,” she smiled, hoping she hadn’t made things too horribly awkward. She took a few bites, not saying anything for a few moments as she ate. Her own mind was reeling though from the lack of answers to so many questions that she had, and finally Cassie looked over at Sam. “Sammy, last night, did we...” she began to say, the final word coming after a pause, “Kiss?” 

As he cooked up some breakfast, he thought over everything that had happened. The alcohol had clouded his judgement to an extent, but he couldn’t deny that he had made those choices. Even worse, he didn’t really regret them. What really mattered was how Cassie felt about it, and if he had made her uncomfortable he would hate himself for it. Having finally sorted his thoughts, Sam headed back upstairs, a plate in each hand, ready to deal with whatever might happen.

It took a moment for her to remember the night previous - the whiskey and vodka and fighting over who would get the whiskey for the night -- and the kiss. Kisses, actually, and suddenly it made sense to her why Sam wasn’t there. He’d probably waited until she was asleep and left, maybe to sleep on the couch but maybe to disappear for a few days or weeks or something like that. It wouldn’t have been like Sam to take after their parents in such a way, but it also wasn’t like them to kiss. However, a few minutes later, Sam was making his way back in to the room with breakfast for the both of them, and Cassie looked up at him a bit surprised. “You’re still here,” she said, her voice gravelly with sleep. Maybe she’d dreamt everything from last night - but if she did, it certainly felt quite real. 

She had never in her wildest dreams imagined that she’d kiss her brother twice tonight, so she certainly didn’t expect him to lean in for a third after telling her that he loved her. She was confused, and at this point she wasn’t sure what was just the alcohol acting and what she was really confused about, but it didn’t stop her from kissing him back once again before pulling back only far enough that she could rest her forehead against his. “I love you too, Sammy,” she said, slipping both of her arms around his shoulders.

This moment was possibly one of the most confusing he had ever experienced. What had he just done? There was no wrong or right answer. Sam had no idea how to fix what he had just done, and there was no way to know how his sister was reacting either. “I’m sorry Cass,” he forced out, finally looking up but avoiding direct eye contact. He understood why she wanted to go to her own room, but he hoped she wouldn’t. Everything felt right when Cassie shared the bed with him. He had grown so accustomed to it, and given his current mental state, if she left it would eat him up inside. Sam slid his hand over and lightly grabbed hers, before quietly begging “Please don’t go.”

He didn’t understand what he had just done. Cassie and him were close, extremely close, way closer than siblings are supposed to be. Sam had always attributed that to the fact that their parents were never around, but now he didn’t know what to think. He never viewed Cass how he viewed other girls, she was his little sister after all, but he really truly loved her in a way he could never love anyone else. Kissing her somehow felt so natural, he hadn’t given it a second thought, but now he was in shock. He was terrified, starring down at his sister, both of them wide-eyed and unsure of how to react. When she pulled him down to kiss him again, nothing made sense, but he didn’t stop it from happening. After a few moments, he finally pulled away, letting go of her arm, lifting himself away from her, and putting the bottle onto the bedside table. Sam was so lost. He sat beside her, looking down with his eyes wide open, trying to find some kind of answer.

It wasn’t until Sam had pulled away from their second kiss that Cassie had realized just how weird - and how wrong - it had been. He was her brother, and while she loved him with every ounce of her heart, it was never anything like this... right? So once Sam got up and sat back down on his bed, Cassie sat up as well, running a hand through her hair. “I feel like tonight’s a good night to sleep in my own room,” she said, not looking directly at Sam. That seemed like the best bet though, maybe bring her bottle of vodka with her and be alone and leave Sam alone for a while.

Sam rolled his eyes, typical Cass. Even being a stereotypical annoying little sister, she was still perfect. He always enjoyed their teasing and playful moments like this. He felt like it brought the two of them closer together. When she finally stopped struggling he leaned over her, now in reaching distance of the whiskey bottle, and couldn’t help but laugh. “I told you I would get it back,” Sam said with a smirk, looking down at her. She was so adorable with her pout. Granted, she was always super adorable, but especially right now. He loved Cass so much; she truly was, without a doubt, perfect in his eyes. Without giving it any thought, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. After a moment, he raised himself back up, eyes widening as he came to the realization of what he had just done.

Cass pretty much knew that she'd never be able to love any other guy as much as she loved Sam, primarily because nobody else had ever been there for her like he had always been. She had never, though, thought that their relationship was anything more than being siblings, even if they did cuddle on a nightly basis, or at least whenever they could. He was just her safe haven, and she never thought it was much more than that - until now when her brother's lips touched hers. She laid there frozen with shock, her eyes open wide. Once his lips were off of hers, though, Cass found herself unable to do anything put place a hand on the back of Sam's head, pulling him close to her so that she could kiss him once again.

"Such an evil genius, I’m not surprised at all," he replied nudging her, "Just another attempt at being the perfectly annoying little sister." It really didn’t bother him if she kept it, he would drink hers if it came down to that. Alcohol was alcohol. But Sam wasn’t going to give into her that easily, he would not accept defeat right now. It would make her too smug. He placed her cup onto the bedside table so he wouldn’t spill it, and quickly leaned into her to try and grab the bottle. "You’re gonna give it back right now!" he said in a fake commanding tone, "I swear Cassie!" He pushed himself up out of the blanket nest so he could reach further and with a bit of a struggle pinned Cassie’s arms down, leaning onto her. "See? I told you you were going to give it back to me."

"The only words I heard in that were genius and perfect, in which case you're absolutely right," she said, making sure to nudge Sam just for good measure. She could absolutely play up being an annoying little sister, that was pretty much her forte - but she knew that deep down no matter how annoying she ever tried to be, he rarely seemed to mind at all. "No Sammy, you're not getting it back!" she squealed, trying to keep the bottle from him but with the way he had her arm pinned down, it wasn't possible for her to move the bottle any further away from him and he was dangerously close to being able to take it from her. At first, Cassie began to struggle to attempt to get away from him, but her attempts were futile and instead she just looked up at him with a pout on her lips.

He laughed, taking another sip, “Weak.” He really did pity people who couldn’t hold their alcohol, it must make partying and drinking a lot less enjoyable. Sam smirked and shook his head, “So this was your plan all along, huh? Get the whiskey all for yourself and stick me with this shit. Nah, not gonna happen. No way.” He didn’t mind that much, at least she proved him right, but he did want it back. He quickly put the cup on the table and leaned forward, trying to grab the bottle from her.

Taking another couple of swigs of the whiskey, Cassie knew it wouldn't be long at all before she was really drunk - especially not with the straight whiskey. "Yep, it was my plan all along to steal your shitty whiskey from you instead of making sure we could have two bottles if I wanted it that badly. You caught me," she grinned, quickly holding the whiskey bottle as far as she could from Sam, holding it by the mouth of the bottle so she wouldn't spill any. "Nope, you're not getting it back!" she giggled.

“‘A finer taste.’ Right, okay sure,” he replied nodding his head, trying to keep from laughing. Her offer took him back a bit, but it wasn’t a horrible idea. “Alright fine,” Sam replied, grabbing the bottle off of the bedside table and handed it to her, taking her drink instead. He sipped it, and it actually wasn’t bad, but it still wasn’t something he would want to drink all the time. “Getting drunk isn’t really about enjoying the drink, it’s about getting drunk— and whiskey is much more effective at that,” he was trying to come up with the best excuse he could without admitting that she was right.

The moment that Sam handed her the bottle of whiskey, Cassie was already regretting her idea. She was fairly certain she'd hate it, but she figured one sip wouldn't hurt - and it didn't. Her whipped cream vodka was definitely way better, but the whiskey wasn't terrible at all, and she'd certainly drink it if it was the only thing there. "Well what fun is drinking if the drink makes you gag?" she asks, taking another sip of the whiskey. "Hmm... you are sort of right, though. I'd definitely get drunk quicker if I stick with the whiskey, which means you're not getting it back," she teased.