Casey Hamil

It was August 9, 2009. I was thirty eight years old. My oldest daughter Avis was twelve, and the younger pair, Joanne and John, were nine year old twins. I’d been married for fifteen years. I worked at an insurance firm. And every Sunday, while my wife and Avis went to church and the twins went to my mother’s house, I took a walk.

It was a clockwork sort of arrangement. My wife knew never to push me into going with her, I was an atheist and set on staying that way.

Of course, given what’s happened, my views have changed.

I am the youngest daughter of four. It seems my family wasn’t meant to have sons but my parents have never been ones to care about that sort of thing. They consider themselves blessed to have such a large family, although they had no intention of having any more kids after me. Four was enough.

Although as the youngest I was drowned in affection and attention, I was always jealous of my older sisters. I don’t think I’m alone in being jealous of older siblings; after all they have more freedom than I did at such a tender age. But… my envy wasn’t just over that, it was more petty. Whereas my sisters had been incredibly lucky in the random roll of genetics, I did not consider myself to be. My parents told me otherwise, but that is something all parents do. As I grew into adolescence and they matured into their mid-teens and early adulthood, that envy only grew. My friends told me the same as my parents did, that I was just as beautiful as my sisters; again I put it down to being the kind of thing friends say even if it wasn’t true.

It was August 9, 2009. I was thirty eight years old. My oldest daughter Avis was twelve, and the younger pair, Joanne and John, were nine year old twins. I’d been married for fifteen years. I worked at an insurance firm. And every Sunday, while my wife and Avis went to church and the twins went to my mother’s house, I took a walk.

It was a clockwork sort of arrangement. My wife knew never to push me into going with her, I was an atheist and set on staying that way.

Of course, given what’s happened, my views have changed.

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