hello :^)

ok the finale turned me into a transfem jax truther but i still have doubts. if that was what they were going for then like not to sound whiny and dumb and like "i need x character to look directly at the screen and say i am transgender in order for me to understand" but why the fuck couldn't they throw in any explicit hints. its an adult show not a kids show so it's not like they have to get around censors and we as the audience have to lick up whatever gay little crumbs get through.

plus. zooble already exists. the show since episode 3 has not shied away from discussing topics of gender questioning and gayness. i mean, zooble never looks at the camera and says "i'm nonbinary and i use all pronouns" but their prominent body dysmorphia, the way the other characters refer to them, and frankly their overall character as an alt bartender and tattoo artist is very undeniable from even a conservative viewer's pov and veryyyy...coded.

AND JAX IS THE ONE TO POINT THAT OUT. JAX IS THE ONLY OTHER CHARACTER ACTUALLY WHO EVER BRINGS UP ZOOBLE'S IDENTITY. JAX DOES IT NOT ONCE BUT THRICE IN EPS 3 5 AND 9 . what does it mean. does it mean he's just a fuckin douche who likes to go for immature low blows or does jax like to project their own insecurities onto zooble especially. probably both. idk anymore

i feel like i'm losing my mind . were they sort of going for it but chickened out and decided to leave it very vague? were they not going for it at all and it's just an accidental thing that snuck into the writing of the character? i'm honestly leaning towards the latter. i can't wait for episode 9 to release publicly to see what everyone else thinks of all this. i think i'm in a bit of an echo chamber rn.

if that's what they were going for though, i REALLY think they should have shown irl jax/leeroy mateo as anything other than a cis guy. it's sad imagining one form of jax struggling to come to terms with herself then committing suicide, and the other form of jax getting better and healthier but also never realizing her true self. idk idkkkkkk idk . i really think that if "jax" was meant to be a tragic unrealized character, then they should've juxtaposed it with real life "leeroy" being their most genuine self. that's what makes me doubt 😔

listen i know not every question is supposed to be answered and a lot of character-related stuff is left vague on purpose because you can't fit loads and loads of backstory into such a short show but like

wtffff was that jax secret

like the really deep and personal thing he said to his mom that started their fight but ultimately made her hug him

why does he talk about his complicated relationship with his father and his masculinity right before that. how his mom used to tell him he's not man enough and then turn around and say he's just like his father when he does try and act manly.

why is his performative masculinity cranked up to 11 in this episode with his "no girls allowed" mindscape and his comments about women prying too much

ribbit putting her bowtie on jax's head and literally saying "your secret is safe with me" as she does so and he blushes i get is supposed to probably just be friendly and cute but i'm cis and even i picked something up in that moment

plus him putting on the maid dress as a fucked up way to honor zooble's how did he put it. gender-weirdness ???

plus the fact that his human counterpart frequents zooble/riley's bar which is described to be an alternative hangout space where people are free to be themselves . i'm going crazy

like damn i really thought yall were exaggerating but i'm actually a fucking diehard truther now i stand with yall. the fuck was all of that. they never revealed that secret or even hinted at what he might have told his mom in the ENTIRE SHOW. if they're gonna leave it up to the audience then why not believe that, in a moment of frustration at having his manliness criticized again, she told her mom that she might actually be a girl.

i went into that theater fully believing jax was written as a cis guy and all the trans girl "hints" were overblown by the fans. i walked out convinced there's some gender fuckery going on with that rabbit. i'm legitimately trying to turn off the overactive queer headcanon part of my brain rn to think of ANY other possible deep and personal secret she could have told her mom in that moment, based on like EVERYTHING we know about jax, and i got nothing. seriously nothing. like, if anyone has ANY other ideas or headcanons please share w me because i'm so curious what other people got from that scene.

but as far as i'm concerned the deeply deeply closeted and self-loathing jax theory makes sense. as much sense as any of jax's backstory and motives make anymore at least ... cause god damn i still like the character but i can't help but feel like they couldn't decide what to do with jax in the end.

schrodinger's jax. he's a douchey boy. she's a closeted girl. he thinks he killed his mom. maybe he didn't but he'll never know. now he's dead. but he's still kind of alive. he wanted to kill himself the entire show. he didn't actually want to go in the end. he's a fucked up person. he's irredeemable. he was unsaveable. someone still tried to save him in the end. maybe he was saveable if someone had gotten to him sooner. but he pushed away everyone who tried to save him. he still deserved a happy ending. he never apologized to anyone for anything he did. he feels bad. he knows he's a bad person. he continued to be a bad person anyway until the very end. the others forgive him posthumously. he's finally free. but he's still trapped in the circus. forever. as a shadow of a shadow of the person he once was.