Carter Penn

“You don’t have Prime? I wish they had benches throughout the store so I could enjoy the show. Not to brag or anything but I’m a regular contributor on PeopleofWalmart.com.”

“No. I usually borrow my mom’s account but I wanted the toaster that day. All that for some peanut butter toast.” he shook his head then paused, “What is that? The People of Wal Mart thing.”

     “It’s an actual labyrinth in that place. It’s no wonder it’s always packed, no one can ever find their way out.” 

“it sucks, man. I know Amazon is taking over the world but I would rather shop there or Target. I can’t go back there.” he laughed lightly, shaking his head.

“Okay, enlighten me. What happened?”

“There were way too many people who hadn’t grasped the concept of pushing a cart correctly let alone walking in a straight line. Every adult seemed to have two kids who just mainlined sugar in the parking lot and nothing was in the right spot.” He finally took a breath, looking at her with a sincere expression, “Target or online from here out.”

Maggie pushed a piece of cake over to her brother, “so this is honeycomb and raspberry, don’t hold back with your critiques, though I know you never do.”

@carter-penn​

Carter slid the plate closer, signing quickly “I say one time that prunes don’t belong in cakes and now I’m a food critic.” 

“Oh. I was going to say, I can totally hook you up with a drink. I bartend right down the street. Did you get the toaster at least?”

“I did.” he nodded. “Had to get a, uh, four slice one because of course they were out of small ones but at least I can make peanut butter toast now.”

“I don’t even remember the last time I was in a Walmart. Honestly, the world has progressed too much to still need Walmart….but if it stopped existing, then all the people of Walmart would end up at Meijer and nobody wants that.”

“I agree with you there.” he laughed. “I can definitely understand why everyone shops online now.”

“That is the magic of Target! It tells you what you need! Sure, maybe you needed a power strip, but I’m sure you also needed the new shower curtain. The mini waffle maker might be questionable, but you at least now have the opportunity to learn how to make mini waffles!”

“I think the Vesta FD might take issue with that. The whole me learning how to cook thing, I mean.”

“As my father would say, the only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing. And he usually threw that quote at me when I tried to sleep in on Saturday morning. I’d throw a pillow at him. It was a beautiful ritual we had. You’ll know for next time.”

Carter nodded, taking in her words, “Wise words. I will have to remember that.”

“She drinks it like it’s water,” James laughed at his own joke. “Wait, do they cook the hot dog or just keep them warm? Because there is a complete difference there and I’d like to know how you’re supposed to cook the hot dog and why you’re trying to keep it warm.”

“I think it just warms it enough that you aren’t eating a raw hot dog. Then again, never tried it.” 

“I can honestly say I haven’t been inside a Wal-Mart in years, but I love to read Reddit articles about what goes on inside a Wal-Mart. Target, now. Target has my heart. I could roam in one of those for hours.”

“I should have gone to Target but it was a few minutes farther out. I definitely paid for my laziness.”

“Walmart can be a fairground as long as you’re with the right person.”

“I don’t drink anymore but that place made me want to. It’s the bad place.”

“Technically that’s Target. That’s where all the Karen’s shop. Why do you hate Walmart?”

“I would gladly shop in Target over Wal-Mart any day, man.” he sighed, “There were too many people, stuff was all out of place, it smelled funny...it was truly...” he paused for a moment, “I am not religious but that? That was a test.”

“Why the hell would you go to Walmart when you could go to Target or Meijer?”

“Believe me, it was definitely my mistake. That hell hole was slightly closer to my place than the Target and I got what I deserved.”