Freedom

She listened to him ask his question and he make sure to stop her from answering with something as simple as enjoying the location. She smiled against his skin and ran her fingers through his short buzzed hair before leaning back til he had to sit up and look at her.  “Because, I love you.” She gave him an answer but she wasn’t sure if that was something he’d  want to hear. “You don’t have to say it back… or even return that feeling.” She added  after a moment.  “That’s the truth though.”  Would that turn this entire night into an awkward mess or would he just brush it off and they move on like she didn’t say that. She wasn’t a fan of wasting anyones time or wasting her time but if there was something then surely they could let it happen but if there wasn’t then… whatever happens happens. They could both just move on and if they both truly enjoyed the others company with no strings attached she realized she would still come for the holidays. 

Was it really that easy? Carson just admitted to it. Just like that. And what was worse- she did so by making eye contact with him. There was no escaping the colour that returned to his face at her honesty, nor all the other feelings that began to surface within himself. Did he return her feelings? Yes. Was he allowed to? … That was another story.

Smoker grabbed his cigar and leaned both his hands on the counter on either side of her. Looking to the floor he tried to think of what to say or do in this scenario- one which he knew would eventually come up but he had refused so far to prepare for it. 

She would have to get used to how he  showed his affection. She was torn between sassing him for telling her to shut up or just melting into his warm touch which was much more pleasant than the other.  She did just that and smiled pressing the side of her face against his.as he rested against her shoulder. She could feel the warmth of his cheek against hers.  “Okay.” She gently ran her fingertips up and down his back sliding beneath his shirt after a moment or two.  She kept him close and began kissing softly along his neck to his shoulder as they sat there in the kitchen together focused on nothing more than one anothers touch. 

Damn it. How could he be so weak? He had certainly expected her to sass him back for what he’d said, but instead she agreed, treating him to soft affection. He could feel his face burn with embarrassment, though he had no idea what he was even embarrassed about. So what if he enjoyed her company? So what if he wanted her to stay with him? So what if he expected her every year to be here? … Just for him- waiting for the winter months when all other life responsibilities faded like the leaves from the trees. There was warmth to be found with her, even as the cold of winter took to his home.

She let him lift her. It was effortless on his part as he sat her on the counter. She trailed her hands up over his chest to his shoulders and pulled him close.  “You know… if it was bad you could say so.” She laughed softly. “Or, did I do something wrong?”  She sat his cigar aside and kissed him softly trailing her lips to press more soft kisses along the corner of his lips and down along his jaw.  She leaned into him reveling in the closeness. 

He screwed up his face a bit at her words. Of course she knew she followed the recipe just fine, and there was no way she did anything wrong. 

Carson watched him go. She wasn’t entirely convinced at his response. He had disappeared into the kitchen and after a moment of thought she followed after.  He was faced away from her and she slipped up behind him arms sliding around his waist to pull him close as she leaned into him from behind. “Hmm~” She smiled resting her forehead against his back.  He didn’t have to tell her anything if he didn’t want to but she would still let him know how she felt even if it wasn’t with words every time. She kissed along his shoulderblades as her hands trailed up to his chest and back down to his hips. 

Smoker took his time, slowly washing the dishes, lost in thought. He’d been there many times throughout his life, he realized. Washing dishes at this very sink.

He could hear her walking closer, but for some reason it didn’t compute in his mind until she was already touching him. Letting out a deep breath of smoke, he set the plate back into the sink and leaned into her touch. 

She noticed the bit of quiet that overcame him after that but she didn’t point it out. Instead she talked and distracted and ate. She talked about an island she had visited during a holiday where people chased a cheese wheel down an extremely steep hill for fun.  “I like cheese but I don’t think I’d risk breaking  my neck to chase it down a hill.” She had already started decorating the tree and was sipping on her second cup of eggnog in between.  “Imagine getting hit by a cheese wheel going full speed down a hill…” She hummed in thought as she wrapped some silver ribbon around the tree. 

She looked back to Smoker, “You alright?” 

He listened to her ramble on about some cheese chasing island, wanting to chuckle over it but he resisted, as usual. He then watched her go about decorating the tree. Normally she’d bug him to help her, but he was enjoying the rum and eggnog enough to sit and just watch her. She was quite a fun time to watch, honestly. The lights in the tree along with the firelight lit up her figure quite beautifully.

“Ehh!?” She laughed and tried to fix her hair, “Whats that supposed to mean!” She puffed out her cheeks as he headed back out of the kitchen. “Oii!” She turned back to the food and tasted it herself. “Yeah, he liked it.”  She nodded happily and began to finish up what was left and clean any mess. Grabbing two plates she filled them up and headed to the living room since they could sit and enjoy it there by the fire and also work on the tree decorations.  “Here you go~ I also made some eggnog. Not sure if you’re a fan… but I added plenty of alcohol to it.” She went back to grab the mugs and sat them down as well before looking to the box. “We can start on that in a bit. I am hungry~” 

It really was criminal though in the way it made him feel. Fucking Brenda… The old woman was too excited to see him have a woman in his home, she decided to interfere. Of course there were many worse things in the world than this… Actually, it was kind of nice, but he wouldn’t admit it.

Smoker ignored her as she tried chasing after him and instead went to sit on the couch by himself until she finally joined him. He didn’t expect her to serve him too, but he wasn’t about to complain about that either. 

Carson looked over to Smoker as he questioned her again making his way into the kitchen.  “Ah, hmm well I was gonna let it be a surprise but it was a suggestion from Brenda.” She hummed and went back to the cooking.  She didn’t know it had anything to do with his mother and just assumed it was something he actually enjoyed eating.  “Want to taste it and see if I did alright?” She asked holding up a spoonful. 

Of course he was intrigued. The memories suddenly flooded to him more than they had in such a long time… funny how smell could do that. 

Smoker peaked over her shoulder and scoffed through a smile. Of course Brenda told her to do this. It all made sense now.

“Oh just a little something.” She shrugged and watched him as he piled on some kindling into the fireplace. “Haha, well now that you mention it…. it’s a little smaller than I wanted….” She teased and shook her head. “Nah, it’s perfect. I can’t wait to start decorating~” She turned and headed to the kitchen to get started on the food.  The sooner it was set and simmering the sooner she could get started and the process going back and forth from food to decorating could begin.  The recipe wasn’t as hard to follow along and was easy enough to get started. It wasn’t long before the kitchen started smelling delicious. 

Smoker glared, but there was no way she could see it with his back turned. He supposed she could sense it if she tried, but she likely already knew it was there.

While she was cooking he made his way into the storage room and pulled out the one box of things they’d kept for this very occasion. He’d never been one to collect Christmas decor, but with Carson here every year they’d certainly gathered enough things to cover a single tree. That was more than enough for him.

As he came out, setting the box open near the window next to the tree, he began to smell whatever it was that she was cooking up in the kitchen. It was something of a familiarity, bringing back a few memories that were only pleasant in his case. He could hear his mother’s laugh echo in his mind, causing him to creep into the kitchen just to see what she was up to.

Carson made her way through the town and looked over the list of ingredients to the  recipe that was given to her.  It took a bit of time but she managed to get everything and then some. For a brief moment she thought it would have been much harder to find some things or taken twice as long.  She had time to grab other non perishables and plenty of extra booze on her way back towards Smokers home.  She passed by a store buzzing with people coming in and out and a sign on the window mentioned free gift wrapping and she was reminded of something.  Now that they had a tree she could put the gift she got Smoker underneath. It wasn’t anything too special. Just something she had come across along her travels that she figured he would enjoy.  She made it back and noticed he had made it there before her. Of course all he had to get was a tree so that was easy enough for him.  “I’m home~” She sang at the doorway kicking off her shoes before shuffling her way to the kitchen to drop everything off.  “I hope you’re hungry because I am gonna make something nice tonight.” She began putting things away that she wouldn’t need. “And while it’s cooking we can decorate the tree~ Yay!” She peeked into the living room where the tree was and stared in awe, “WAAAO!” She pressed her hands to her cheeks. “It’s perfect!” 

Smoker had just finished adjusting the tree in its spot when she came inside. Carson still seemed to be in good spirits, which he was grateful for, and she didn’t get lost. His home was a proper home for her now too, it seemed.

“Hn? What’re you making?” Carson wasn’t usually a fan of cooking so he was surprised to hear that. Still, he wouldn’t complain. He wasn’t particularly a fan of cooking either. 

He stood and stretched, letting out a plume of smoke before wandering over to the fireplace. Couldn’t have Carson getting cold, especially in this weather. The snow seemed to be picking up now so he was glad to have these chores done and avoid going into town until after the snow storm passed.

“How about~ I get the  groceries and you,” She stepped in front of him with a hop and poked him playfully in the chest, “find us a tree! Heehee! You do have all your decorations stored in your attic right?” She stood back up and looked thoughtfully around the place.  “Either way it’ll be fun to have something to decorate.” She already had an idea of where to go for food shopping. “We can divide and conquer.” She dropped her fist into her open hand with determination.  “Then we can go home and be free from the crowds before they get bigger.” 

“Divide and conquer?” That was a surprise. He didn’t expect her to want to go on her own, but he supposed it wasn’t a bad idea. If they both got each thing done separately they could go home sooner. “Alright, fine. I’ll meet you back at the house, then.”

After patting her head to say goodbye, careful not to mess her hair too much, he left it at that. He didn’t suspect a thing. Of course he knew where to go to get a tree- which was a weird thing to do alone, but it was alright. They could have fun drinking later as they decorated it with the pieces she’d gotten them before that were currently stored away. 

Carson was a little distracted with her thoughts but she still managed to let the surroundings awe her. She looked at all the wonderful shops around and the people setting up decorations or opening shop.  There were even people setting up places for entertainment like music and such. “Still as popular as I remember.” She laughed as another person greeted him as they passed by.  “It looks like they are putting out more decorations than last time.” She took note.  Why was she feeling so flustered now of all times? This was no different than last year or the year before. Brenda just got in her head…  “So, hm, we can wait til later to get a tree since its still quite early. What do you think we should do first?” 

Smoker of course had no idea what Brenda had said to Carson. He did notice that she seemed a bit more distracted than earlier years, however, but he chose not to question it. 

Town was almost too busy for him, even though it was nice to see the people again. The streets were lit up and decorated beautifully for the season. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, and the kids running around chased one another with snow balls. 

Carson let them have their moment. The concern for Smoker was clear on her face and it made her heart ache but that was the life of a Marine no matter what rank. She smiled as Smoker ruffled the old womans hair. It was adorable that was his way of showing affection. “Thank you again for having me.” She waved over her shoulder as the two of them made their way to the door. Slipping back into her boots she stepped back out in the cold.  “Maybe we should drop this back off before heading to town.” She didn’t want to end up dropping the cookies in the snow.” She went back next door to Smokers home to place them in the kitchen and head back out nearly slipping down the stairs again letting out a curse or two as she made it back to his side.  She had the recipe that Brenda gave him still tucked safely in her pocket. Perhaps she could make that for him tonight as a surprise. Since they planned to shop for food right?  It sounded like a solid plan to her, “Alright~ let’s go!” She linked her arm with his. 

Brenda was of course sad to have them leave so quickly, but that was the way Smoker had always been. The visit meant more to her than he’d ever know, but he would be sure to go back to help her soon. “Of course! Come back soon!”

Smoker waved over his shoulder to her as they left back into the snow and instantly lit a cigar the moment he heard her door close. “Hm?” He didn’t have a chance to answer before Carson was already running back to the house. It was probably a good idea either way.

Carson felt rather large in the small area. She tried to keep out of  the little old ladies way as she made her way around the kitchen. She laughed as Brenda called Smoker a big baby.  It was adorable to be honest. “He is rather impressive in his work.” She listened to Brenda as she spoke. “… It wouldn’t hurt to give him a little more credit.” She hummed. “He’ll always be back. He’s stubborn right?” She tried to make it lighthearted.  Taking the paper that Brenda handed her she tucked it into her pocket for safe keeping. “Oh?” She was flattered that Brenda would give her something so personal. She almost wasn’t sure if she should take it.  “L-love?” She flustered. She wanted to try and deny it and say that was too bold of an assumption. “He doesn’t- I mean… thats a bit…” She couldn’t find the words but they were already walking back to the living room where Smoker was.  “Thank you for the cookies.” She managed to get out as she lifted up the box for smoker to see. “I can’t wait to try them.” 

At their return, Smoker stood up from the couch, now ready to leave any moment. 

“Oh, no problem, honey! If you run out you just let me know!” The old woman was beaming now and came up to grab Smoker’s arm. Her eyes seemed sad at the sight of the scar on his face, but she tried to hide it by squeezing at his bicep instead. “Every time you get bigger! Dear Oda… Now, Jasper, at some point could you come and help me fix the shelving in here?” She pointed to it, and it had indeed come off the wall on one side. 

Carson laughed out of nervousness and felt her own cheeks turn pink. “Thats alright! He doesn’t have to do that!” She waved her hands in a panic. “I’m just a bit persistent when it comes to dragging people around with me ahaha!” She was startled at Smoker telling her to shut it. They certainly were close for him to be okay doing that.  She didn’t seem like the type of granny to sit back and take lip though. She tsked and wagged a finger at him.  She did have to admit a flustered Smoker was always a sight and she did enjoy it.  She felt Smoker has probably had enough of the teasing and would leave it at that. Her attention turned to Brenda as she shuffled towards her and took her hands asking for her to come with her to the kitchen. She couldn’t refuse so she just nodded and stood up looking back to smoker for just a moment with a smile.  They made it to the kitchen just in time as the timer went off, “Wow, you’re good.” She must do this so often she knows just when they are ready before they are ready. “Yes ma’am.”  She opened the oven and using the mitts she removed the tray setting them on top of the oven to cool down. “There you go.” She removed the mitts placing them aside where they were before.  She stayed quiet for the time being still trying to fight off the fluster from the womans bold accusations at Smokers expense. “I can tell you care for him a lot.” She nodded with a smile. “Only someone who’s known him as long as you have would get away with teasing him so easily.” 

Smoker let them go into the other room, enjoying the peace for a moment while they did. It didn’t matter what Brenda decided to tell Carson. It wouldn’t make any difference, he was sure.

“Good girl.” Brenda shuffled around the kitchen. The place was all set up much lower to the ground to make up for her height, and as Carson pulled the cookies out the old woman went to one of her cupboards and pulled out an old book.

“Oh, he’s just a big baby.” She chuckled, flipping through the pages. “Trying to act all tough with that big job he’s got. ‘Smoker’. ‘The White Hunter’. Making quite the reputation for himself.” She scoffed with a small giggle before letting out a sad sigh. “I sure hope I leave this world before the day comes that he doesn’t come home.”

Carson did the same and followed along. Once the pup came into view she was all ready to give the baby all the scratches and pets she could manage to place on the wiggly pup.  “It’s alright.” Carson laughed. “That’s just one happy pupper!” She patted as she walked into the living room.  It was certainly a grandma-like home. The old time festive decorations for the holidays… even the smells. “Mmm…” She could smell the baked goodies still in the oven.  At Brenda’s words about disliking his job she caught his eye and stifled a laugh. This must be a conversation they have often. A very one sided one probably.  As the attention shifted to her Carson flustered for a moment and waved her hand in denial, “Ahaha, no, I’m just… a friend… I drag him out of his home around this time every chance I get while he’s on vacation. Since he doesn’t seem to get out enough when he’s not working.” She nodded, “I do believe he mentioned you have.”  She decided to redirect the conversation once more, “I love your home! It’s so neat and festive!” She had taken a seat and continued to pat the pup as he continued to run from one person to another. 

Of course Brenda would ask those sorts of questions. He didn’t have parents or his own grandparents to bother him with such things. The question did cause him to blush, but he did his best to turn away and shrug it off. His girlfriend? Well… she was something like that this time of year.

“Oh, well, I don’t believe that! Look at that pink face! Jasper- you tell her how you feel. Don’t go playing with girls’ hearts, you fool.” Damn this woman! “Sounds like you do him good, Carson~ Getting him out and about when he’s not working is a real chore.” Brenda smiled, clearly pleased with what was in front of her. She really loved Smoker and he knew that.

Smoker growled quietly, wanting a smoke but he’d have to wait until they left for that. “Shut it. That’s enough of that.” Smoker barked back, which normally worked with his subordinates but not with Brenda. She just wagged her finger at him and shook her head.

“I don’t need you to watch my back!” She pouted nearly stumbling again after him.  He turned heading towards this Brenda’s house and she caught up to him. She could hear a dog barking from inside the room. A tiny old lady answered and in her first breath of greeting demanded that Smoker put out his cigar before stepping inside. She stifled a laugh and covered it up with her hand.  She gave a surprised look when he actually did, “I’m impressed.” She giggled a bit and looked off to the side with a smile. “Hello!” Carson smiled and waved as she was noticed. She stepped inside as they were welcomed in and she let Smoker do all the answering for what they would do while there visiting.  “Thank you for inviting us in.” Carson looked around for the dog she had heard from before. It sounded like it could use some pets. 

“No, that’s alright. We have other stuff to do today.” Smoker replied, kicking off his boots for the time they’d be inside- knowing that Brenda would yell at him if he didn’t. 

The dog came running about in an excitement, hopping up on Smoker’s jeans for pets, but before he could indulge the dog leapt over to greet Carson as well. It was likely the most exciting thing to happen all week for this dog.