When you haven’t had romantic attention in forever so the moment someone pays you any mind your brain immediately goes “absolutely not, something is very wrong here” and you start psyching yourself out.

Life update: I’m still here

Currently having a really hard time reconciling with the fact that I’m alive. Like I’m actually sick to my stomach and sobbing because I just can’t do it right now. I’m just tired and I want to believe this all has to be for something but it really feels like it isn’t. I belong to nobody. I contribute very little. It just bulldozes me out of nowhere. I try so hard to hold myself together until I just can’t and I break down into a stupid ridiculous mess and then I just feel worse. fuck this shit I’m so over it.

Life update: I am still conscious and breathing