death by a thousand cuts

“Yes.” He snapped, for some reason even though it was hardly anything to be mad about. “Some complications happened, honestly I don’t remember what the doc told me.” 

“I would’ve-” come with you. His body had leant forward, hand reaching out for her. But then she continues and talks about how she didn’t want anyone that knew her there and he pulls back just as quickly. It takes a bit for him to think about why she had left and he understands now, really. In the end, it’s what he’s been fighting to do now which he finds ironic. He sees the irony in the fact that she wants to stay in Frostford now that he’s finally doing his best to leave and it makes him wonder if they were never really meant to be together after all. If Caroline was just meant to be a passing train, breaking his heart so he could move on and understand what it meant to care about someone. 

Stephan hesitates, moving away from her station to go back to his table. He looks away as he considers how to respond. “Frostford is your home, Caroline. It shouldn’t matter if anyone wants you here or not. Make us want you.” He doesn’t add that he wants her there. That if she was staying then he would stay if it meant being with her again because he doesn’t want to put himself out there again only for her to take it back as easily as she did before.

“I’m sorry about that.” She didn’t say anything after that. Her hands gripped the edge of the table behind her just to keep her legs from giving out on her. Caroline dropped the subject all together because she knew that she didn’t want to add to more to his annoyance at her. It was his life and she wasn’t a part of it anymore. Swallowing, she then tried to look at him. Without the fear of tears running down her face. But she sniffled, which she immediately covered up with a cough and cleared her throat. “I know. But-” She sighed, and nodded. “You’re right. I should.. do that. If that doesn’t happen, I guess Frostford isn’t really for me.” Caroline couldn’t hide the sadness in her voice or stop the tears from falling so instead she turned back to her station and closed her eyes. The last thing she wanted was to cry all over her cookies.

“I’ll finish these and Juanita said I could be out front if needed so I’ll see if they need my help there.” She was just making excuses not to be near him when it fact she does want to be near him. It was just a sorry excuse because her apology was not enough, nor her explanation did nothing to make them feel better. It made her feel like crap while it probably did him on his self-esteem when she basically made it clear she didn’t want him to be there. Which wasn’t true but at the same time it made perfect sense to her back in the day. Now, she knew it was a dick move.

“Yeah, I didn’t have my license at the time, so directing a huge truck wasn’t my speciality.” She finished off her pretzel as the other answered her question. “Oh, sweetie. You shouldn’t cry over someone embarrassin’ ya. You’ve just gotta do one better.” Finishing off her drink, she quickly ordered another one. She chuckled at the question. “No, revenge isn’t really in me these days. I’ve had three kids. I’m tired,” she joked. “I’ve been busy filling orders for my little shop out of state. What about you? How’s life been treatin’ ya?”

“Still! Baddass, I say.” Caroline chuckled while taking a sip of her drink. “Well, now I wouldn’t exactly cry. But if you had asked me like five years ago, I would’ve definitely cried. In college, I slipped and fell during a frat party and I felt like everyone saw and laughed at me. But in reality, only a few people saw but they were also too drunk to care.” When Jolene said that she didn’t do revenge anymore, she pretended to frown. “Well that sucks, guess I’ll stick to voodoo then.”

“Typically? I wake up at 5, start my run at 5:30, finish around 7 and then drink like 4 cups of coffee between 7 and 10 am,” Mariah chuckled. “I’m just a morning person I guess. Always have been. Sleep, though necessary, did not play a major factor in Mariah’s life. Perhaps that was half the reason she didn’t make sense to most people, she was always speaking from a lack of rest. Mariah squealed slightly when she agreed, clapping her hands together. Running with other people was fun. Though she enjoyed her daily podcasts, she could save that for her night run. “Great! We can start tomorrow and we can work you up to double digits like me.” She winked playfully in Caroline’s direction, not expecting her to actually want to run as much as Mariah did. 

“Are you sure you’re a morning person? Cause 4 cups of coffee sounds a lot to be taken before 10am.” She questioned, grinning as she teased the woman. Though she’s not the one to judge, she needed her coffee fix in the morning too. But probably not as much as Mariah. “How many cups of coffee do you need to take in a day anyway?” Then she added with a hint of grimace, “Uh, don’t sound too excited. Fair warning, I might die tomorrow in the middle of the run. It’s been a while since my last actual run.”

“Yes, Aurora and Eric.” His head cocked sardonically. “We never discussed any names considering it wasn’t emotional for us. I needed some names when I found out.” His lips pursed as he remembered the moment that the nurse that had asked him and the shock when the names just came out. A part of him wanted to feel sorry for using the names but he couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry. “Don’t,” he stopped her. “I didn’t know her all too well so it’s fine. The kids will have a mom one day so they’ll be fine too.” He added.

“How do you even know I’m great now, Caroline? You left.” He threw it back at her like another cheap shot. “I want the truth, Caroline. Why does it matter if I end up hating you for the rest of our lives anyway? It’s not like you’re going to stay this time, are you?” He asked, looking directly at her.

All she could do was nod, not wanting to add fuel to the fire of their argument. It wasn’t really an argument, more like a heated conversation. Confusion settled on her face, not getting the information correctly. “You got a woman pregnant, and she died...?” Too much information at once while trying to get him not to hate her was giving her a headache. She probably needed a drink after this.

“You were a great guy back then, I don’t think you’d change that much.” At his words, and the fact that never called her by her full name, she glanced down at her hands. They were fidgeting. “I got scared.” Caroline said. “I wanted to go to college. I didn’t want to be stuck in town without being able to see what the world could offer me. I never really got far, but it was liberating. I didn’t my mom breathing down my back with every move I made. I didn’t have anyone who knew me there, I could have a fresh start.”

“Aurora.” He grits out, no longer caring that she would know that he named his kids after what they had planned for their kids. Sure, it was a dick move to pick the name Eric but technically speaking, he suggested Aurora for their girl– which obviously was never going to exist. “M-My wife?” He asks shallowly with a laugh. “There’s no wife. She died giving birth to them.” He responds with a deep sigh like he always does. It wasn’t as though as he hated the kids mom but it got tiring having to explain that there wasn’t any feelings for her. How could one say that about a dead woman without sounding like an asshole?

“Yeah, well obviously I was so great that you just had to leave without any explanation there.” He says sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t want your apology, Caroline. Maybe I wanted one all those years ago but not anymore. What I want is an explanation.”

“Au-aurora?” She swallowed, her throat going dry. A part of her was happy that he remembered what they wanted to name their kids. A part of her, however, was angry that he named his kids to someone else after they’ve planned it. Once he mentioned about the woman (who was probably his girlfriend since they’re not married or were they, she wondered) she felt bad about her thoughts. “I’m sorry, my condolences. I didn’t know...”

“You were great. You still are,” sighing she leaned back on the table and closed her eyes. “What kind of explanation do you want? One that would not end up you hating me for the rest of our lives?”

“They’re 5 now though Eric acts like he’s a 40 year old man.” He replies, accidentally giving her more information than he intends. He curses internally, hoping to god that she didn’t notice the name or remember the importance though the thought of her not remembering the significance behind the name bothered him more than he cared to admit. “They’re at school now but I’ll have to pick them up later in the day. They usually hang out here after school and on the weekends since daycare is too expensive so you’ll likely see ‘em. Can’t have people helping me babysit too often.” He adds simply.

He wasn’t really sure how he felt about the whole thought of Caroline meeting the twins if he was being honest. He was starting to get around to not having her in his life and suddenly there was the fact that Caroline would definitely would meet his kids. His heart was at a damn standoff with itself. He was angry at the fact that she would even meet his kids because they were supposed to be theirs. It was supposed to be the two of them against the world but then she just.. left. Then the other part was bursting at the seams imagining the two of them starting over, her being the mother that he had hoped to give the kids soon. That things would work out for them.

Then she apologizes and it’s like a dam breaks in him. “Get out.” It bursts out of him before he could stop it. “Not her, you guys.” He continues, addressing the other bakers in the room. He watches, glaring, calming his breath as he watches the last one scurry out to the front. 

“You’re right, Caroline. I don’t care. This-” He starts laughing incessantly, dropping his hold on the whisk. “-’You were an asshole during our relationship’? Were you? I’m sorry, I guess I just got blinded so much by being happy that I didn’t notice what you did wrong. Care to enlighten me? I mean don’t get me wrong, I remember you leaving. That’s pretty easy fucking easy to remember.” He snaps.

Caroline let out a small chuckle. It was shallow and forced. She doesn’t know what hurt more: the fact that he has kids with someone else, or that fact that he used one the names she picked out for their kids. Their would’ve been kids. “I’m sure your kids are great. Eric seems fun to be around,” she tried to joke, “What’s the other kid’s name?” She nonchalantly asked, her eyes and hands still focused on putting all the cut cookies on the tray before taking the sugar to sprinkle over it. “They must be a handful, having twins I mean, not that I’m saying they’re not well-behaved kids.. I just meant it must be handful to you and your wife because you have to take care of twice as much as one kid who are at the same time growing up.”

She jumped in surprised when he told her to get out. But then it immediately became clear as the last baker left the room that he was going to actually talk to her. She didn’t know if she was scared or not. He’s never been completely angry at her before but maybe because she left? He could definitely be pissed at the way things ended - or rather the way she ended things. But she guessed it’s now or never to actually come clean about it.

Her head hung low before she nodded. Tucking her hair behind her ear she looked up at him before speaking. “I meant was, I was an asshole for leaving. It was a shitty thing to do to you. You didn’t deserve it. You’re a great guy and I just, well, I was - am a horrible person for doing that to you. That’s what I’m apologizing for. For leaving.. Anything else, I don’t apologize for.”

HENLO!