crack.

“Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am. So, I’ve learned to enjoy myself, my family, and a few good friends.”

““Some people go through life searching and never find their soul mates. They never do. You and I did, we just happened to have them for a shorter period of time than we hoped for. It’s sad, but it’s life.””

““I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.””

“The girl in the mirror wasn’t who I wanted to be and her life wasn’t the one I wanted to have.”

“Always defend your right to heal at your own pace. You are taking your time. You are allowed to take your time.”

“If all you can do is crawl, start crawling.”

“The odds are high that the best of me has already been ripped away and that if I don’t keep hold of myself I will lose what’s left.”

“Hope is hugging me, holding me in its arms, wiping away my tears and telling me that today and tomorrow and two days from now I will be just fine and I’m so delirious I actually dare to believe it.”

“She quietly expected great things to happen to her, and no doubt that’s one of the reasons why they did.”

I don’t think I miss you, not really. But from time to time, I can’t help but wonder how you are. If your corner of the world is treating you right; if your happy days outnumber the bad. I do not miss you anymore… But I hope you know I remember.

I wanted to believe that I could be loved fully, to sin and be forgiven, to be shielded even from myself. It’s been an unending cycle of trauma and recovery. Why haven’t I been held by someone I can trust will remain if this body should change? Why are my relationships endless giving until I find myself depleted and no longer needed, no longer so beautiful now that my smile has waned? Why will I die never knowing love? I want to understand, God.

Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back … then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.

I almost loved you out loud 
but speaking the words 
made it too real
so I would rather 
whisper them into 
an empty bedroom
than be rejected by you.