Always be

I consistently miss the backspace on my phone and usually hit it a few times before my brain and thumb communicate.

A bright spot in These Times is that none of my posts or texts ever have to be sent as I type them.

I.e.

It all makes me hate taking this class so much. It isn't fun. There aren't relevant scenarios. It's not like business law where there are interesting details to dive into or even communication survey where critical data points need to be compared for analysis in assembling a study. The story problems are pretty flimsy and none of the concepts offer backstory.

The actual presentation is miserable too. There are video clips of practice problems and the lecture is a woman with a thick Indian accent and it's super, I dunno, nasalized? Not pitch, but like a lot of sound/air comes through her sinuses. Like a constant soft snort or blowing her nose. It grates on the misphonia in a bad way. And to top it off, she's just reading the notes verbatim with terrible inflection.

I have this free math class and once I pass it, I can do the actual business classes in the Business Communications part of my BA.

It's complex stuff and I don't feel like this is the best format for me. The last time I tried, I had just finished college algebra so all the "basics" were fresh in my mind. Now, it's been a year since I've had any classes at all and I am out of practice and really stressed about it. If I can't figure this out, I have to take a different path.

The one big bullshit bill is going to make it very difficult to pay for any degree. It cuts the amount I can borrow by half and expects faster repayment. If this BA doesn't work out, I could pivot over to just communications and/or organizational leadership with a project management emphasis (OGL would have been my minor) and stick with ASU online. I really like the classes but it's so expensive.

The other option is *siiiiiiiiiigh* one of the new business administration BA programs, leadership emphasis, at the community college. I'd have a good amount of transfer credits and the classes would be generally cheaper but I'm not confident on the quality of instruction.

Anyhow, I was thinking about the president giving a speech today and how undignified it would be if It happened and there ended up being involuntary neck shits on stage or something.

I got home and it's all still swirling around in my head, how she had to deal with so many awful men in her life and how determined she's been for me to have the option of enforcing every boundary that she didn't know could even exist. My daughter is everything I didn't realize I should be teaching her to be in terms of self worth,confidence, and boundaries, but she ended up like that anyhow.

My aunt has admitted that she stuffed trauma from her childhood into a box. The movie Backrooms was jarring for her because she dreams about that box in a way that the movie would depict it. She's done okay in the world but my girl cousin didn't necessarily get the same abilities I did- a little more eager to please, not quite able to say no. Her daughter is a little more like me because my cousin realized there were important lessons she would have liked to have been taught.