Pollution

I am only 3 days into you and I lost a dear friend. I am hurt and stressed and unable to know the correct answer. I am looking at the issue at every aspect, although I think it's best that space is needed sometimes you have to let go. I am not ready for the end of my twenties. I look back and wonder what have I been doing? How long have I been pushing things back? How long have I been thinking that I have more time? I am striving to change myself for the better, it is just so fucking hard. An knowing that I can not put to much pressure on my friends because that will strain our relationship. Depending in my solely is so depressing. I know I need to build myself up emotionally, but I have a difficult time finding thestrength. . 28. I will be good to you. I will work harder in life and for myself. I will strengthen and deepen my relationships with my friends. I will be more forgiving, but also more direct. I will fight for me. I will be the best I can be. I will not look back and work every day for the future I want. K make this happen. 28. I am excited for the days to come.

Just, today. I wouldn't say fuck today, but if i could I wouldn't give today a hi-five. 😢😢😧😧

Why does my relationship with others only work if I'm upbeat and positive? An go out of my way to see them or do for them, but when it comes to me it is like I am not as important. More of it, is a bother to them, for me to be in a bad mood, or be upset or sad. It hurts me that I have no one to unburden onto, who will actually listen and care about how I feel. I have no family really and my friends have their own emotional battles and everyday demons so, figuring it out myself is the the most painful road. I guess it's the one I have to take cause I keep being led back down it every time. 😢

I feel like my heart is going to explode.

I need better people in my life. Ones that I don't have to be half of me or a different person entirely to accommodate what they seek out. I want my friends to care as much about me as I do about them, its just accepting the fact that they will always be who they are and nothing else. I feel sad. I need to go to Wal-Mart. I want ice cream.

So after losing my good job in the I.T. field. I feel back at lost. It was the best thing that happened to me in my adult life. I felt more accomplished that I was starting my life well. Now, I am back at the dead end job I worked at before I started the I.T. job and back to working 2 jobs to maintain bills. I cry cause there is no way I was made to just pay bills and die. I want more and I wonder am I really trying my best to do all I can to be a better me or am just strolling around like everyone else?

Today, I learned that some things I need to do myself. It probably would of tooken an hour tops. You live and you learn.

I starting breathing on this day. 🎊🎊🎊🔥🔥