I'm just here so I won't get fined.

p and a have been shipped together for like 5 years, they aren’t stupid, they are aware of what narratives exist and noticeably have changed their dynamic since the teammate barrier was lost.

“private but not secret” can co-exist with never having formally come out as a lesbian, bisexual, etc.

needing a confirmation from two women for anything you’d think a man and woman would be married for simply re-enforces the delegitimization of lesbian relationships as friends who are a little confused and forces them to do personal things like label their sexualities formally or announce a relationship formally instead of respecting they are okay with private and not secret and not okay with divulging more personal information like their identity or simply wanting to avoid the media frenzy if they went public.

sorry y’all. this is going to be a little emotional.

when i was 4 years old, i went to my first ever nba basketball game. i don’t remember it at all, honestly. i know kobe was playing, but all i have is a picture of me on my dad’s shoulders in a lakers hat and the definitive notion that i wanted to go back.

i fell in love with basketball that day. i’ve stayed in love ever since.

when i was 10, i heard about a team that had just gone back to back in the tournament, and on the women’s side. i decided i would watch a few games. i fell in love all over again.

when i was 12 years old, i watched the university of connecticut do the unthinkable. 4 straight championships, 2 perfect seasons, absolute dominance.

i thought to myself: in everything i do, for the rest of my life, that is what i am striving for: perfection.

that same year, i watched one of my idols, kobe bryant, retire.

when i was 15, i got concussed. it was a regular volleyball practice, and i didn’t expect it at all. but i had a sport i loved taken away from me, because the risk of damaging my academic future was just too great.

i fell out of love with sports, for a little bit. it sucked watching athletes do what i used to love doing; competing, being a teammate, winning.

later that year, i clicked on a youtube highlight reel. i don’t remember if it was overtime, or bleacher report, or house of hoops - and that’s honestly not important. but there was this blonde girl from minnesota, a couple years older than me, and she was hooping out of her fucking mind.

and just like that, i fell back in love.

i saw tidbits of all my favorite players - a midrange shot and mentality that resembled kobe’s, a cockiness that reminded me of dee, a 3 ball so smooth i could only think of steph, and a pass first mentality that made me feel like i was watching sue play.

slam said she was electrifying - that didn’t even begin to describe it.

i watched her commit to uconn.

kobe would die her freshman year. i would feel the loss like no other.

i watched this girl - saw her cry when she won national player of the year (the first freshman ever to do it), saw her lose in the final four, watched her get up in front of the entire country at 19 years old and tell them black women mattered.

and then i watched her get hurt.

and even though it wasn’t the same at all, it reminded me of my own injury. the player whose game i had fallen in love with - more and more with every play and every game - understood what i had felt on a fundamental level.

i watched her lose the championship that year. i wondered how someone could go through so much and God still couldn’t reward her.

when i was 18, i cried when i found out she had torn her acl.

my health went to shit that year. i was pushing myself too hard, striving for perfection. i landed myself in the er more than a few times. i was in and out of the hospital for months. i was sidelined from everything i loved.

i watched her talk about God and resilience and i was shocked at how it was possible to maintain so much positivity and faith when it feels like everything is against you. like life is happening to you and it feels like you’re just surviving instead of living.

i watched her come back from that injury, watched her struggle to carry a team that was far too depleted, watched someone i idolized struggle for another year.

i listened to her cite kobe, the man whose numbers i have tattooed on my back. the man who was everything to me growing up.

and it was the same for her. God. faith. determination.

so that’s what it was for me.

God. faith. determination.

yesterday, paige bueckers became a national champion with God, faith, and determination.

that means something to me.

it means something to a lot of fucking people - and that’s what makes her so great. it’s not the trophies or the awards or even the national championship net she won’t fucking take off. it’s her - it’s who she is as a person, who she’s always been, and who she’s grown to be.

i can’t think of a single person more deserving of God’s grace, not one person more resilient and faithful and not one person i look up to more.

thank you for a spectacular five years, paige.

thank you for being a role model to me when i needed it most.

thank you for bringing your talent to the game i fell in love with at 4 years old.

the rest of the legend is still waiting to be written.