im at a party and i don't know anyone

you told me to smile and now when i hear those words i feel my heart cry out. you told me you loved me and forgave me but there's a monster in my head and he won't leave me alone. im sorry i did what i promised i wouldn't.

but the devil won't leave me alone and his hands have been all over my body and tarnished my soul. the devil haunts my brain and the blood is still under my fingernails. this beast has conquered my being

there is nothing to say. there's nothing to do. and what scares me the most is that i can't tell weather or not im important in your life anymore.

i know you used to tell me you loved me but how much weight does that hold now? how heavy is your heart? how many times do you think of me? do you still wanna pack your bags and run away? would you still take me in?

am i only relevant because the world wasn't what you believed? am i only here because of the forces around me being more pleasant then me? am i only here because because im segments of a whole? or do you still love the core?

it scares me. i want to hear your voice again. but there's only so much you can forgive in a person and i think ive tested the limits. im sorry i ruined all we had. im sorry i took a gun and shot you right in the head. im sorry i took our car and drove off and ran away instead of saying what was happening

i dumped your colone, and your necklace was smashed against my wall. everything i have is in ruins and shatters. i tore up your shirts and love letters you stained with your lipgloss. but id be lying if i didn't read through our old stuff.