the house of the candy cannibal

Hmm... Depends. I love myself a good butcher knife, but I gotta give credit to some other tools as well.

Oh I’d love to show off my babies!

There’s Julie, my basil, whom I found in an abandoned backyard... Ava and Amelia, my rosemary and thyme! I found those two in an outdoor theater and they’ve been sisters ever since. There’s Liam, a cilantro plant I found out in the woods... he’s getting a little big for where he is currently, I’m gonna have to move him soon. And George, or greedy bastard as I like to call him. Damn mint took over an entire garden plot and now I can’t grow anything around ‘em.

And fandoms... well I’ve certainly heard of Five Nights at Freddy’s and Bendy and The Ink Machine. I’m a fan of those little horror series’ on YouTube, though... analog horror, is it? I don’t really have a favorite, but damn, they’re all scary in the perfect way!

Well I’d gladly take your hand and arm in exchange for a date! Maybe not marriage, but... Who knows what would end up happening <3

Well, thanks for the candy, friend!

Did you know, the amount of candy the average child gets on Halloween can be translated to about 11,000 calories, enough to last for about a week?

question!! what do u think of the smiths, specifically one of their songs called ‘this night has opened my eyes’ ? ( °◡͐°)

Hmm, not sure I’ve heard of them until now. That song ya recommended was good though! Might check out more of their music sometime...

Well how nice!

Did you know the reason that lemon juice burns your eyes is because it has a pH level of 2.25, compared to the human eye, which has a pH of 7.4?

Did you know that if you decapitate someone and call their name a few seconds afterwards their eyes will look towards you? Like the expression " a chicken with its head cut off." Human brains can survive a minute or two after decapitation!

That is...if you're even a living entity HA!

- they lift up their head off of their neck and wink at him-

~signed, Coffi

Heheh... I’ve always thought that humans still being semi-conscious after death was a real fun fact!

Did you know, your hearing can persist almost 7 minutes after death? That gives me seven more minutes to truly strike fear in you... imagine killing someone’s family while they can still hear what’s going on? When they’re still aware that their loved ones will go with them?

Also, that’s a nice trick you got there... I wonder if I could permanently separate that pretty head of yours from your body?

Since you’re like an expert in uuhhh cooking? What is the most tastiest part of the human body? Do you also cook it or rather eat it raw?

(idk if u can get sick of eating raw)

And What is your reaction/opinion on people making fanart for you :]

Anyway have a great day/ evening / night sir!

Tastiest part of the body, hmm? Well I’d have to say ribs! You can cook ‘em just like you would beef, and if I have anything to say about it, I’d say they taste even better than their cow counterparts. And also, I cook it when I have time to; I’m not against eating it raw, but any time I can I’ll cook it!

And my reaction to people making art of me? I’m honored. So glad to see at least some people can enjoy little ol’ me!

I hope you have a great day :D

Why, thank you! I’m never opposed to gifts from fans. Have a great day as well, sweetheart.

Ive seen some of the asks, and was wondering what your sexuality is? At first glance it looks like Pansexual, but I am rather unsure.

And do you eat the entire body? Save some bits for later? What do you do with the hair of your victims?

Well, I don’t really like putting down labels, but generally I don’t got a preference for gender and all that. So I guess you could call me “pan.”

And no, I don’t eat the whole body. The inedible parts go to my plants usually, and I keep some bones for myself, considering bone marrow is high in collagen. Hair though, I also use as fertilizer, especially for my smaller herbs like my thyme and rosemary. It makes a great nutritional supplement for any plant!

Indeed! They’re one of my favorite candies. Especially the blue and green ones!

-someone who has apple pie

Sure thing!

Did you know if you chewed and ate approximately 200 apple seeds, you’d die of cyanide poisoning?

Signed,

NOT a cop

Hahahah! As if I’d tell you...

All I’ll say is that they were a member of that cult. That’s all you need to know.

Indeed. I always take good care of them, so I can use them for any of my cooking!

Did you know that, when you cut plants or grass, that smell that comes off ‘em is a warning, called green leaf volatiles? It tells other plants that something’s attacking it, making other plants produce chemicals that make them taste bitter.

...So if I ever smell GLV’s when I take care of my plants, I’ll know someone has tried messing with them. And I am not afraid to protect them.

The guy bleeding out with a bear trap clamped around his leg can speak from experience.

I always cut out the... reproductive organs. Both the internal and external ones. It feels wrong to eat them.

Also hands and feet. They’re so bony and eating them is a pain in the ass...

Heheh... Thanks for the food.

And tools... Any kind of kitchen knife. Serrated knives do hurt more and create more damage, but can ruin the meat if you’re not careful. I have a preference for butcher knives though. They kill easy.