call for karma.

Mostly for my own benefit, I will be posting wanted connections for Kim under the cut.

Her intro can be found here.

Pausing, she looked through her handbag until she managed to extract a cigarette and the lighter she’d borrowed from one of her coworkers, lighting it up just as she glanced up and saw a familiar face on the other side of the flame. “Ry,” she exhaled, too busy trying to compute what he was doing in front of her to bother worrying about hiding her current state. Or the fact that she was smoking. Or, more importantly, the fact that she had missed his birthday at least a little out of spite.

“Hey, Ruby?” Kim turned to the other woman in the room. Ruby was relatively new, and she hadn’t had a chance to speak to her much yet, but she seemed nice enough. They were also very beautiful, in that vaguely unnerving, intimidating way. “Have you seen my eyelash curler?”

Ryan wanted to argue that, but he didn’t have the heart or energy to in that moment. He continued to hesitate, noticing the way she held herself and feeling his chest ache. He didn’t want to leave. Everything in him was telling him to stay and apologize, or stay and kiss her, make love to her. Make her feel wanted and loved and safe, the way he used to. She did deserve that.

But not from me … It can’t be me.

He stood there for a few more seconds, debating the two options. In the end, he did neither. Ducking his head, he blinked back tears as he forced himself to leave, hobbling out the door and shutting it behind him firmly.

Sitting alone at the bar, she was nursing a strawberry daiquiri and trying not to look at the date on her phone. She had no one to dress up for, but had nonetheless spent time on her hair and makeup and picked out her least girly little black dress, which she wore with the leather jacket Liv had gotten for her. Having a sip of her drink, Kim sighed and suddenly reached out and flipped her phone over so that she couldn’t see the screen, before turning to the person sitting closest to her. “Hey, I know this is a cliché, but I hate drinking by myself,” she started, offering a small smile. “Keep a girl company?”

“Oh. Shit. I’m talking too much, aren’t I? Sorry,” Jack said with a nervous laugh, swallowing hard as she leaned close to him. He didn’t know what else to do, though. Just sitting there watching felt wrong for some reason. “I’m just kinda nervous, I guess. I’ve never really done this before. I-I mean, I’ve done some stuff, but I just mean … I don’t exactly get lap dances every day.” He shook his head, grinning ruefully. “Or, ever, really. I don’t really know how to act. I don’t want to do something wrong.”

♥

He was starting to ramble a little bit, and immediately Kimberley’s somewhat seductive smile quickly morphed back into a soft, genuine one. “It’s okay,” she reassured him, putting some space between them to further emphasise her point. “Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Even me. We can keep talking if that’ll make you more comfortable.” Slowly, a little cautiously, she started moving her body over his again. “So, Jack. Tell me something about yourself.”

“Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense.” Mia smiled at her, feeling better about her choice of genre now. She had grown up separated from the world of faerune so it made sense she would have the same level of fascination with ‘fantasy’ as other non-faerune humans. 

“I keep changing him up a little every now and then. I think he’s almost done in regards to how I see him.” She noted. “For Lorna’s personality I guess… I wrote her as the protector I always wanted? It clashes really well with Alec’s personality though which is what I wanted. They’re both so stubborn and damaged in different ways they keep hurting each other before they figure out they’re with someone who understand their pain more than most. I have the passage where they meet somewhere…” 

Mia pushed through the pages before finding one littered with scribbles and edits. “Lorna blinked up at the man on the horse as he pulled his hood down, revealing his face. He stood out among the group, his dark features making him striking but the finery of his clothes set him apart. It was then Lorna realised she was staring into the cold and empty eyes of any witches worst nightmare. The hunts new leader. The rumoured demon was just a man. Perhaps that was more terrifying than any other alternative.”

♥

Kimberley listened intently, both drawn in by the story and the dynamic between the two main characters as it began to unfold, and also feeling somewhat warm and honoured to be included in something that was clearly very important to the other woman. After the passage finished, she was resting her head in her hand with her elbow leaning against the counter, a faraway, contemplative look in her eyes.

Ryan slowed, coming to a stop as he listened to her. He stared down at the floor, his chest aching. “I love you too,” he said softly, closing his eyes briefly. He turned slowly to look over at her helplessly. “I don’t know how to move on,” he admitted. “You’re doing so great, and I … I’m still stuck. I don’t want to pull you down with me. You deserve better than that.”

He was broken, and he felt sometimes, most of the time, that he’d always be broken. But Kimmie was fixing herself. She was making progress on getting better. He wasn’t as strong as she was.

♥

There were so many things that Kimberley wanted to say. She wanted to say that some days, not all days, but some days, she was still so sad that she didn’t think she’d ever be able to be happy again, and on those days he was the only thing that she wanted. She wanted to say that she didn’t want to get better if it meant leaving him behind. That there was no good version of her life that didn’t include him in it.

But she didn’t, because she knew that she shouldn’t. And because on some level, she knew that there was a tiny, tiny piece of truth to what he was saying. She was doing better. And she was doing it without him. Somehow. By some miracle.

“We both deserve better than that,” Kim said instead, unable to will herself to move closer to him but equally unable to tell him to go. Folding her arms over her chest, she held herself as if trying to hold herself together, or offer herself some comfort, or perhaps a little bit of both. “Just... Stay safe, Ry.”

“Well maybe” Olivia gave a smile back to Kim. She watched as she skipped off and by the time she’d joined her over in the new spot, Kim had turned around holding an item of clothing up. “Oh definitely.” she smiled “You should try it on. If it fits I’ll get it for you. Sister treat.”

♥

Kim offered her sister another bright smile before slipping the jacket on and finding a full length mirror to stand in front of. It looked kind of badass, but over her usual floral style it still made her feel like... Her. At least other people’s, his, idea of her. A thought crossed her mind, and for a moment the blonde simply studied her reflection while working up the courage to ask about him, or perhaps contemplating whether to bring it up at all. “How’s Ry, by the way? He’s still staying with you, right?”

“No, no, no, it’s not okay,” Ryan said, shaking his head quickly. His hand gripped his curls some in agitation. She’d kissed him back. Of course she had. That’s why he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. (That’s why he’d wanted to do it in the first place.) He sat up further, scooting away from her toward the edge of the bed. “I can’t do that to you again. You … you’re doing better. I can’t drag you back down.” He was toxic; a bad seed. He couldn’t make things worse for her. All he did was make things worse.

“I’m sorry. I should go. I’m sorry.” He reached for his crutches, hoisting himself up off the bed with them and making his way toward the door, his chest aching so badly it was difficult to breathe.

♥

“Wait, Ry, you-” Kim started, scrambling out of the bed to follow him. She didn’t really know how to finish that sentence. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say. All that she knew was that she didn’t want him to walk out the door without her saying something. Because he always did this, and it always made her feel worse instead of better. She wasn’t a perfect person. She didn’t want him to treat her like she never did anything wrong.

Walking after him, Kim took a deep breath but eventually stopped, making no real effort to prevent him from leaving. When she opened her mouth to speak, the words that came out sounded more resigned than anything. “You’re not doing anything to me. We did this. I’m as responsible for it as you are. And I know we shouldn’t, I know, but I-I can’t help it sometimes. I love you. You’re the most important person in my life. You know that, right?”

Ryan nodded at her request. He could stay for five more minutes. Honestly, he would do anything she wanted. She said “jump”, he said “how high”. It was almost instinctual at this point. He would do anything for any of his siblings, but with Kimmie it was different. It was always different with her.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before his arm began to grow numb, and he took that as the sign he should go. He sat up slowly, shaking his arm out and massaging it some, before turning to look down at her. “I don’t think your roommate likes me very much, so I should probably go before they get back,” he said, using it as an excuse. If he didn’t, he’d stay there all night, and he knew that was definitely a bad idea.

He bit his lip, hesitating before reaching up to brush her hair back behind her ear. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek lightly. His chest ached, and his face felt warm at the feel of her soft skin beneath his lips. Without really thinking, he followed his baser instincts and kissed her mouth next, leaning into the familiar feel of them, the comfort of them, before reason and logic kicked in and he pulled away quickly. “Shit, sorry,” he muttered, running a hand agitatedly through his hair. He would’ve jumped up and run away in that moment if it wasn’t for his stupid leg. He’d just majorly fucked up.

♥

By the time he moved away, Kim wasn’t entirely sure if she had sunk so deeply into the comfort of him holding her that she had actually fallen asleep, or if she was simply so relaxed and at home in his arms that it felt like she had. Either way, she glanced up at Ryan with a somewhat sleepy gaze and nodded slowly at his words. Her roommate didn’t dislike him, but it probably was safer if he left now and she was too tired to argue with him about it anyway.

She could feel herself smiling softly when he kissed her cheek, and she was about to mumble something about walking him to the door when she felt his lips against hers, and the words died abruptly on her tongue. It didn’t take long for the surprise to give way to a warm, almost forceful longing that surged in her chest, and she kissed him back, running on pure instinct, before he suddenly pulled away. A little stunned and confused, she blinked at him a couple of times before pulling herself together enough to respond.

“It-it’s okay,” Kim said somewhat hurriedly as she sat up, almost desperate to reassure him that it was fine once she was able to formulate words. “Don’t worry about it. It’s totally fine. I’m totally fine. I get it. Old habits, and all. Really, it’s... It’s okay, Ry.”

“What about a good jacket? Something leather, maybe with some studs. Those are always pretty edgy.” She suggested, “I’m probably not the best person to help pick out edgy clothes” she added with a self aware laugh. While she wasn’t sure her style could be considered girl next door, it definitely wasn’t edgy either.

♥

“But you are my big sister, which makes you the best person to pick out anything,” Kim replied with a bright smile, eyes scanning the store before she practically skipped off when she found what she was looking for. Pulling a slightly cropped, dark grey leather jacket from a rack, she turned toward Liv and held it in front of herself. “Do you think I can pull this off?”

Ryan watched her finish the drawing, smiling some at how big it was. It was perfect. “I love it,” he told her, watching as she put her markers away. When she curled back up next to him, he wrapped both of his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest as he rested his cheek on her hair. “I know,” he said softly, knowing he wouldn’t, though. Or, at least, that he shouldn’t.

His chest ached. “I should go,” he murmured, making no move to do so. His heart was in his throat, beating quickly as he ran his fingers gently through the ends of her hair. Holding her like this … he cursed his body for betraying him. It always did that, even when he didn’t actually want anything. Sometimes he wished he could just get rid of it, all of it, and be someone else. Or nothing at all.

He closed his eyes, inhaling shakily, though all he smelled was her shampoo, so it didn’t really help.

♥

There it was, again. The sixth sense in Kim that knew what he was going to say before he said it, that could feel him wanting to pull away from her before he did, before he even tried to. It was something that she had developed after years of trying to navigate Ryan’s highs and lows as well as her own internal struggles—of feeling angry and sad and lonely whenever he pushed her away while also realising on some level that it was what was best for both of them. Even now, it was like she could sense the conflict in him, and a part of her wanted to curl up close to him and beg him to never let her go.

But she knew that she shouldn’t. So she didn’t.

“You don’t have to,” Kim replied instead, closing her eyes and nestling in closer to him, as if trying to absorb every last bit of his body heat that she could. “At least not yet. Just... Stay for five more minutes. I just need five more minutes.”

“I do a lot of crafting with my kids, so I know about the pros and cons of glitter,” Jack told her, before realizing how that sounded. “I don’t have kids. Not like that. I-I work at a child care center. I take care of kids. We do crafts a lot. I’ve got a whole box of craft supplies in my apartment. Glitter is definitely a second roommate. Except it doesn’t pay rent … a definite con.” He laughed somewhat nervously, his cheeks a little flushed as she danced so close to him. He was incredibly out of his element here, and he was pretty sure he was rambling like an idiot. He normally didn’t get so flustered when talking to people. Talking to people was one of his gifts, usually. But it was different when the people were half-naked and beautiful and gyrating very close to his crotch.

♥

Truth be told, it wasn’t the first time Kim had heard a patron mention their kids while she was giving them a lap dance. It was the first time she’d heard them mentioned in this context and not as part of a drunken rant about how life plateaus and then goes horribly downhill after you get married. The warm, fond smile on her face grew as the initial surprise melted away, the part of her that was growing increasingly endeared by him in spite of herself now almost entirely eclipsing her stage persona. It wasn’t really a problem, but it could be if she didn’t pull it back a little bit. At the end of the day, clients were clients. No matter how sweet they were.

“Hey, Jack,” Kim replied, practically straddling his chair as she turned toward him, leaning in as close as she could without touching. “As much as I’m enjoying it, you really don’t have to talk this much if you don’t want to. I promise I won’t be offended if you simply enjoy the show.”

“Is it strange to know there’s a whole world were people don’t really know about the supernatural?” Mia asked curiously, resting her elbow on the counter. “I grew up only knowing about faeries and even then it’s only because I was one. I didn’t know witches were a real thing. Or vampires or werewolves or anything else.” 

She looked down at her notebook. “Well there’s the protagonist Lorna. She’s the witch. She has to suffer through a personal tragedy and the continuous eradication of her kind all while trying to keep her little sister safe. She’s reckless and mouthy and stubborn but so fiercely protective. She’s so focused on her family and survival that she has closed herself off to anything else.

But then there’s Alexander. He starts as an antagonist. They’re on opposite sides but even when they first meet and he treats her like she’s nothing there’s something about him. Like a thread of fate pulling tight. There’s a lot I shouldn’t say because spoilers but he’s actually very compassionate and doesn’t like to see people suffer needlessly. He’s naturally a protector. Still he starts off behind this wall so he’d rather fight with Lorna than talk with her because talking might make her realise he’s not what other people think he is. He starts with so much attitude and bravado like he’s afraid to be vulnerable. I think I… I have a drawing somewhere…” 

Mia skipped through the pages of her notebook before coming across two sketches. “Here. Lorna and Alec.” The first was of woman with wild hair and a determined expression. The second of a man with dark curls and a strong jawline with a haunted look on his face. “As you can see I have a thing for curls.”

♥

Kim twisted a strand of hair around her finger as she contemplated the question. “I don’t know, I’d say it’s intriguing more than strange, at least for me. I’m not supernatural, so... In a way, I can kind of relate to what you’re saying. It’s like we were both raised in a world that we don’t entirely belong in while knowing only a fraction about what’s on the other side.”

Releasing her curl, she folded her arms on the counter and leaned forward slightly, watching the other with a soft smile on her face as she described the characters in her story. Her descriptions of them were vivid and relatable, and by the time she was pulling out the sketches of the two characters, Kim was completely engrossed in what she was saying.

Looking down, the smile on her face grew as she turned the sketch toward her to get a better look. “Hey, I don’t blame you, curls are cool,” she replied, eyes narrowing slightly before she tapped the sketch of Alec. “You know, this guy kind of reminds me of my brother. He’s definitely got the whole jawline and dark curls thing going for him. Although... Your description of your protagonist probably suits his personality more. He’s always been very protective.”

“Pretty much” Olivia nodded as she fingered a couple more of the hangers. She glanced over to see her eye the flowery dress, and before she could say anything about it Kim had already put it back. She made a mental note about which one it was before turning back to the rack she was looking through.

“Hmm may” she tapped bit her lip as she looked over at the top Kim had found. “We can always test out its shaker-safe ability when I try it on. Are you looking for anything while we’re here?”

♥

Kim smiled brightly and nodded, visibly delighted at the fact that she’d picked out something for her sister that she wanted to try on. Handing it over, she went back to perusing the racks, silent for a moment as she contemplated whether she was looking for anything or not.

“I mean, I don’t need anything for work,” she started, hesitating for a moment before turning to Olivia. “But maybe something a little... Edgier? Don’t get me wrong, I like the clothes I have and all, but they’ve kind of got that girl next door vibe and I don’t know if that really reflects... Me. You know? Or at least not all of me.”