secretly haunted

stairs are so funny. falling 100 meters will kill you. solution? fall 10 centimeters a thousand times.

they invented all those neat si prefixes and people still talk like this

falling a hectometer will kill you. solution? fall a decimeter a kilotime.

(snaps out of it) OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING!! HOLY JESUS CHRIST FUCK WHY DID NOBODY TRY TO STOP ME (eases back into it) ahhhh. yeah this feels right

This is why you shouldn't take off The Amulet to shower.

Bro if the group chat gets leaked we’ll be celebrated for our inclusive and respectful language

whos the blorbo you have the most merch of? it can be handmade or official or unofficial or ANYTHING just. merch

a pack of fujoshi can strip an uke to the bone in under a minute

while you were busy jacking off & cumming hard. it rained outside beautifully

what do you think i was jacking off to...?

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

Tbh if me and my child vibe, cool, but if not, I’m not gunna fake it. I’ve learned to not waste my time w people who can’t match my energy. Life is mad short for that fake shit

"isekai'd into my favourite book series" story from the perspective of a very confused author who's rereading their draft and finding there's an entire new character they don't remember writing.

my mother is playing pikmin and yelling at them in the exact tone of voice she uses for me and my siblings so we go into fight or flight every time. we thought initially that this meant she regarded the pikmin as akin to her children, but I now fear she’s always viewed us as pikmin