Life As It Is

HI everyone!

It scares me to know that life isn’t the fairy tale I wanted it to be. Just because your prince comes and sweeps you off your feet doesn’t mean he still can’t hurt you.

I think the scariest thing for me right now is realizing just how much I love you. And it scares me because the day you leave me is not a matter of if but when, and I don’t think I can handle that. It broke me last time we broke up. I never moved on from that. I lived in a state of constant rebound and I knew then I had never loved someone as much as I loved you. That love for you is a fraction of what my love for you today, and when you leave me I might actually break. Just an argument like yesterday had me fearing that I might melt into the ground at the result of you leaving me. How do people get so close to others, when there’s the uncertainty of pain... I don’t want to feel that pain again. Let alone how much worse it would be now. I don’t think you’ll ever marry me. I think your love for me will diminish as easily as letting go of a shirt no longer in style. I don’t actually think you do love me. I think you adore and cherish me, but I’ve known our feelings are not on the same page. Maybe in your mind, you feel like you love me, but it isn’t the kind of love to make you stay, to want to start of family, to want you to make sure I’m yours forever. I really do hope I’m wrong. My years with you are some of the best memories I’ve had. I hope I’m wrong because I can’t stand the pain of being right...