bolted and sealed

taking account of memories, and it's interesting that a memory / set of connected memories are certainly in a specific location and circumstance and timespan, incidentally set, but there's no throughline remembered of why I was there, then, nor logic recalled of how I could have gotten there. But then, it also explains why I have a recurring dream in which I am in that place - which I thought for a while to be a hypothetical - and undergoing the complications of being there, however I don't have a retained real memory of navigating those complications, but given the evidence I must have been at some point.

I've been drawn out in real flesh.

I felt my face contort with a harsh emotion, so I turned my camera on myself to catch myself in the act, a quietly vindictive pleasure as though it were a gesture to humilate me. And I thought, that if I could cry while making a face like this around someone other than me, it would be proof of something, a certain truth, or earnestness, held, nourished within. It would clear everything and draw me out in real flesh.

mouse deer are shaped like obon spirit horses...

I like to stare when the water moves across objects with a choppy animation

fennel seeds might be the worst food taste... i just have to carefully isolate them and make sure not to bite in.

I feel like any kind of conversation I've had where I realized the other person attributes massive gravitas to the degree of perceived sadism of an act when discussing such things, such that it outweighs acts of violence that amount to greater harm yet involved less perceived sadism (such as a detached method that willfully avoids getting any one individuals hands too dirty, or one based in neglect) I came out of it feeling kind of despondently confused. I just don't care about how evil anyone is, I don't care about what anything "says about" someone, that kind of discussion is beyond me, and I get confused if I realize that's been an axis of it & also that my words had been painted with the expectation of that as a passive axis.

feels like moving a little north shifted over that time of the year where my circadian rhythm is disrupted and I have a low mental threshold over from may to june

(response to ask refuses to post) myes that is me.

jaw gapes near-90° as a threat display

I used to do reading challenges when reading books I knew I wouldn't be interested in like "this time I can't read the dialogue, I am simulating how I would understand the situations were it that I could not comprehend language" and I got pretty self disciplined about this kind of thing.

I wonder how many plots in shows where a character's parent is written as having been a teen mom only 14-16 years older than them were a reverse decision from casting choices.