caffeine shakes and raindrops

Is one of my favorite things.

The way you used to look at me,

Now makes my heart burn and eyes sting.

My first soulmate, my twin flame,

I wish to love again.

Yet, how can I let someone occupy room in my mind ,

When my thoughts of you have no end?

I never wish to forget you,

Nor to leave you behind.

when will the pain stop?

when will this feeling end?

when will the other shoe drop?

i’m so lonely,

i’m so stagnant.

no direction,

no clear path.

it’s like i can only feel crippling sadness,

or pure wrath.

i enjoy enjoying,

i think life is grand.

however it’s pushed me to the ground,

and i can’t find the will to stand.

where do i go from here?

how can it get better?

i am begging for the sun,

you touched me like i belong to you.

i don’t.

you made me feel violated.

you made me feel small.

you made me feel like,

i don’t own my body at all.

shouldn’t i be able to feel safe when i sleep?

don’t i have that right?

your disgusting wandering fingers,

caressed me in the dead of night.

i gave you friendship,

how selfish of you to take more.

our bond just isn’t worth it.

because of you i’ve severed it.

You are a heartbreaker. You realize it once it’s too late, you’ve got to do it again. You’ve got to end it with a man who gave you everything, didn’t guard his heart at all. Now you have the unfortunate job of destroying everything, all because you woke up one morning and it just hit. That love you thought you felt is gone. Was it ever really there? You doubt your own feelings because how? How could real love just vanish?

He did nothing wrong, and really, neither did you. You are just hard wired this way. You feel so cruel, you feel broken. Why can’t you be like the heartbroken? You envy them, and their ability to heal, knowing they gave it their all. No one understands why you would ever desire to be heartbroken, but no one has really felt what you have felt.

I forgot that I loved you

I forgot for a long time

Yet now as I sit in the dark

I can’t keep you out of my head

You’ve been popping up everywhere I go

From the songs that play in restaurants

 to the flowers planted along the streets

But why?

Why now?

I thought I was over you,

First loves should stay just that, first.

Not only…

I moved on I tell myself

I moved on

Or so I thought…

Or I simply forgot

Forgot what it was like to have you

To hold you

To laugh with you

To kiss you

I may have forgotten

But its too late to get you back

So now I must forget

Hands shake Mind stirs Eyes close Cigarette burns

I can still smell you Even with all the smoke You don’t even know How my heart broke when you left

Tears fall Heart aches Fingers bleed Stomach quakes