baby you're perfect

he repeats to himself.

“you will see the light of day again.”

maybe it kept him deluded. maybe sane. he had the utmost confidence that his partner would set him free. to even walk on the cold ground, feeling even the tiniest pebbles underneath his feet sink into his skin, would be enough to make him feel more alive than he’s ever been.

—

he laughs, out of sanity. the confinement isn’t much for him to even cling on, but god, when he sees vision of taehyung, it snaps him out of it. taehyung may have fallen to the pits of hell, but there’s no doubt that he’s an angel.

he does his job so well.

he falls asleep again.

—

it was an odd dream. he wasn’t at his kingdom, nor his room. instead, it was a very nice simplistic home. something that would you see right out of a minimalist catalog. the windows are vast, almost seem like they could reach up towards heaven. the living room and kitchen not that far apart from each other, but even with the area being simple, it had the sense of coziness. the owner knew how to have a nice touch, not to much, not too little. lagom.

he feels soft hands join his, and he makes a weak attempt to flinch but he knew who it was. he turns, his lover smiling at him so lovingly and he reaches out, stroking the back of his index finger towards taehyung’s cheeks.

“you came?” he says.

and the demon replies. “wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

said man closes his eyes at the touch, rubbing his cheek gently against the skin.

“i never wanna part from you.”

a pang hits his heart, oh forgive him. he broke his promise.

—

it’s a constant banging that comes but he doesn’t know where. inside his mind? the void? the atmosphere is definitely changing and his body tilts side to side. everything is seemingly red, then, stillness. he’s then reverted back to what he’s been used to and it smacks him awake, and he’s… back.

—

a black feather appears in the throne room, floating in the midst and it ever so gently falls onto the ground. it begins to glow, white specks filling the entire room and the area begins to shake. the books, papers on the desk whirls around and jimin runs inside to see the commotion but by the look in his eyes, he could never prepare for what he’s seen.

jungkook’s body flies in through a white circular tube, and he lands on his feet again, his stance a bit troubled. he blinks, seeing the floor to his throne room and he gasp. his gaze streaming around the territory and he falls and forward, body colliding with the ground. he doesn’t see or hear much, but he can hear the cries that follows when he does faint.

—

reunited with his bed, he sits up, his head in agony and in a second, he feels a pair of hands press down on his chest and tells him not to stir around too hard. he nods, laying back and closing his eyes. he knows who’s with him, and he inhales deeply. “where is he?”

“i’m not quite sure my lord, he’s been trying to find someone to bring you back, and i guess,” jimin snickers, shaking his head in disbelief. “he succeeded.”

jungkook knew. he didn’t have to second guess and he joins with him in the chuckles. he would go through lengths to be with him, but his body. he knows it’s not what it’s use to be, but he feels the sense of urgency to be with him. like his lover is hurt and he can’t shake it off his mind. the way they connected through the dreams, he know it’s possible to be connected the same with their body.

“please find him…” he whispers, his eyes failing him.

lately, it’s just been him waiting.

it comes with spurs in the moment, one minute, he’s in his arms. warm, at home. then when he feels himself submerged into the feeling, it disappears. it’s a cruel reminder of his reality, and what he has to do to cope with it. it’s a constant void that he’s stuck in.

so one day, it appears in a great white light, it’s quite contradicting actually. the way humans use that phrase to describe what they see when they reached their way to heaven, or Him guiding them towards it. to greatness, to eternal happiness. but he has to pay his dues, there’s nothing like that for him. someone who’s fallen from the said place, anyhow. so it’s quite surprising that he ends up beside taehyung, his lover sleeping peacefully on his bed, unaware with his presence and he feels at ease.

he came to a conclusion that maybe it’s all in his head, a hallucination. it’s all too surreal for him to consider it a dream.

he gets up from the mattress, careful to not make any dips onto the bed so the body beside him won’t stir from sudden movement. the ambiance is just the same, as if this place had been inhabited by someone to keep it clean. he figures it has to be his lover, and he looks behind his shoulder to send him a smile even if he’s deep in slumber. his fingers graze against his dresser, not even a hint of dust. maybe if he ever comes back, he’ll give his servants some kind of reward on keeping this place neat despite his absence.

there was something quite peculiar about this daydream, everything just seemed all too real. the way there’s light penetrating through his blinds, it’s rays beaming delicately on the other’s body while he sleeps, and he squints his eyes to analyze taehyung’s chest. it inhales, and deeply exhales so gently, it actually wants to make him cry.

he walks over, slipping onto the bed with his lover in what seems like centuries ago and he just completely lays there in silence. the man was just as beautiful even the first time he’s first laid eyes on him. even as divine, there seems to be blatant signs of crying and endless nights of no sleep. how awful that he had to be the cause of it.

“angel, i’m so sorry.”

he doesn’t cry, he never does. not when he had his first argument with his Father, not when he’d been banished for all eternity and given a place to handle the sole creation that he loathed. things were meant to be unfair for him, but for the first time, he would be willing to beg to not have any wrong doings go against taehyung. the angel didn’t deserve it, and definitely not because of his foolishness. 

“i know you must be absolutely angry with me, angel.”

he chuckles, pressing a kiss to his forehead. it’s soft, warm. his eyes wander to every feature. cheeks, pursed lips, maybe every single eyelash he could count. it doesn’t take him long to realize how enamored, how possibly, in love he is with him.

“remember when you asked me am i in love with you?”

he talks to him like the other is listening. he sighs, his body on his side while he pulls the other closer to him. taehyung’s face leveling his into his chest and he embraces him, making a nest almost and he breathes in his scent from his hair. this is his chance to have a taste of his little heaven.

it was hardly surprising to hear that zachary was someone who delved deeply into things, focusing on a single task and ultimately ignoring everything else. this time however, his sole focus was to avoid a specific lady, whom he is madly in love with, so she is unable to break up with him. it’s up there on the overwhelmingly long list of dumb things he’s done within the course of his days in elias, but this is the first time guilt and self-perseverance has been brought in the picture. it’s unfair for him to run away from the inevitable, and truth be told, he’s seen this coming. what’s a princess got to do with a stray like him, anyway? from the start, they’ve always belong in two different worlds, and deep down zachary knew he’s no match for her. so why hold her back?

distracted and too deep in his thoughts, zachary barely avoided the group of students rushing to their next class. instead, he found himself being spun and face-to-face with the last person he expects to see. “joyce” he says mostly to himself, more in awe than anything else. god, he wanted to kiss her. had it not been for impeccable hearing, he wouldn’t have heard her talk about him to her friends; about how ‘boring’ it was to be with him, and how she wanted it to 'end already’. granted, these were all taken out of context, but what else could she be referring to other than zachary? 

usually, zachary’s expertise lies on bullshitting his way through most things he’d rather not do or talk about, but this time his head is drawing a blank. “i’m sorry..” is what he ends up saying, because he is. “i’m a coward, and running away is almost second nature to me that it’s what i ended up doing. i’m sorry for hurting you, you deserve…more than what i am.” he dislikes the prickling pain and vulnerability in his voice, hates it even. “i’ve accepted the fact that you no longer want to be together and i understand— wait, don’t cry.” panic and concern replaces the crushing sensation of his broken heart. why is she crying? zachary holds her face, instinctively wiping the tears from her eyes gently, as if he’s holding his entire world in his palm. and he is. “don’t cry.” busy with calming her down, it takes a second for her words to click. “..what do you mean 'if i don’t feel anything for you’? joyce, isn’t it you who wants to break up with me?”

joyce despises the way he has the audacity to be looking at her like she means the entire world to him when in reality, it's probably an entire facade that he's using to save himself. she raises her small fists to his chest, banging against it with utterly weak punches, because although the princess is overwhelmed, she's so in love with him, salty tears finally spilling down her tainted cheeks. she sniffles, wanting nothing more than to lean into his touch, but she removes his hands from her face as fast as he had placed them there. "you're not sorry, you freaking jerk, if you had any dignity, you would have spoken to me sooner instead of putting us both through this. i'm so angry at you, i don't know how i--"  

everything freezes for a moment, confusion overtaking and her mind trying to wrap around and process zachary's words as she wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her academy sweater. "what do i mean? what on earth do you mean?" she shoots back, so loud, the sound of her voice echoes across the empty hallway. no longer want to be with him? break up? when on earth did zach come up with such a stupid, stupid idea? her facial expression twists, squinting up at the male accusingly. "wait. is this why you've been ignoring me? you thought i was ending things with you so to avoid it you sorted to this?" and for some reason, she chokes back a sob and a laugh at the same time. her boyfriend is such an idiot, he really is, god she adores him to bits.

soccer season was coming, and it was coming quickly. almost too quickly for zachary’s liking. his eyes scanned the green grass on the field, the wind sending it in motion ever so slightly. not that there was much to look at, the young man was was mostly lost in his thoughts about the upcoming game, the sound of the final whistle being the one to snap him out of his trance.

it’s going to be their first game without the seniors, so the pressure’s high, despite his teammates being quiet about it. the announcement for the starting lineup was the huge elephant in the room, and although he’s normally part of it, the anxiety for the uncertain never left him. “joyce,” he slows down his pace to match hers, smiling at her direction. a breath of fresh air, like she usually is. “sure, if you don’t mind waiting for me to change.”

once they reached the locker room, he tells her to wait outside and gets himself fixed as fast as humanly possible. he managed to come out a few minutes later, hair wet from a quick shower, a small towel hanging over his shoulders. “so, is this a takeout kind of dinner, or a cook for zach since he’s amazing and deserves to be pampered kind of dinner?”

the princess patiently waits for zach to change and once he returns, a distressed squeak slips out at the sight. did he seriously have to look that good with his after-shower hair? no one should be able to be this attractive. her poor heart will give out soon, she swears to the heavens above that it surely will. when it does, joyce will be happily prepared for death.

releasing a cough, because she was totally not ogling for over a minute, of course she wasn’t, joyce knits her eyebrows together, fingers rubbing her chin as if in deep thought. “i don’t know. if you can list reasons on why you’re oh-so- amazing, i’ll consider going through the tough job of making dinner for you the next time we meet up.”

hyunggu has somehow always knew what to say to make changgu feel better, even if it’s for a little bit, for a little while. it’s not easy, and he doesn’t see it being easy for the next days, or even weeks to come, but knowing there’s someone who’s shoulder he can lean on is reassuring– and for the first time that day, the hufflepuff let out a relieved sigh. “well, you’re better at it than i am.”

laugh was all he could do at the barrage of compliments being thrown at him. changgu doesn’t consider himself humble, but he isn’t one to brag either, so being praised is something he isn’t used to. “thanks hyunggu, you’re the best.” he smiles a genuine one. “i dont know what i’d be without you. really, i’ll probably be more of a mess than i already am.”

the skinship is something he’s used to, so it’s almost too at home that he leans into his touch, even going as far as to nuzzle against it. “talking about it helped more than i thought.” he sits up finally, getting up and dusting off the back of his pants. he reaches out a hand for hyunggu. “come on, let’s go. it’s getting dark. wouldn’t want any prefect after us again.”

rolling his eyes, the boy grabs onto the other’s hand, pulling his weight up to stand and dusts his robes off. at least his best friend isn’t looking as down as he was a few moments ago, though hyunggu is fully aware that the emotions he’s feeling won’t die down anytime soon. it’s going to take a while and of course, he’ll be with him every step of the way.

“last time was a simple mistake. we can easily avoid being caught. after all, you are speaking to an ex-prefect.” hyunggu can’t bring himself to care much about the position he had the year before. it wasn’t as fun as he initially had thought it would be. inspecting the halls during curfew hours was literally the most boring thing he’s ever done.

the boy is relatively calm on most days, and on the days that he isn’t, there’s a few things that soothes him back to ease; like the soft melodic tune of morning light that his mother seldom plays for him on the piano, the scent of lavender that links his memories to the few times he was allowed to come home from the hospital, and the gentle caress of a human touch. changgu allows himself to relax under the gryffindor’s light palm, closing his eyes as he lets out a slow breath.

he saw no point in lying, specially to hyunggu. he’s smart enough to know that nothing gets by him, but changgu refuses to let himself wallow in self-pity in the presence of the other. it was pathetic enough that he got caught like this, sulking and moping by himself, cause despite it all, the hufflepuff still has his pride. even then, there was a part of him that knew hyunggu would be looking for him, and another part that hoped for it. amongst the changes that’s been happening around him, hyunggu remained constant.

”there’s a lot of things wrong with me. where do you want me to start?” he jokes and lets out a lighthearted chuckle, blinking his eyes open to look at him. “you’re too good at reading people. or am i just that easy?” he sighs. it was quiet for a moment. oh, how he wanted to drown in the silence and forget about pulling up for air. “i didn’t think it’d suck this much, hyunggu. it’s like… i knew from the beginning it would never be me, but i turned a blind eye and instead, i clung onto that slither of hope like some kind of dumbass.”

all he could do was laugh. it’s pretty funny, now that he thought about it. it wouldn’t hurt as much as it does if he just learned to let go before he was in too deep. ultimately, there’s no one to blame but himself.

”it’s okay.” he’s saying this to reassure his friend, but also for himself. “i’ll be fine, you worry too much. you’re underestimating the hufflepuff quidditch captain over here! if i could handle a snitch, a little heartbreak is nothing.”

the frown on his face fails to disappear the more changgu speaks about the heartbreak he’s feeling. hyunggu knows for a fact that the older male has a constant need to appear strong, and maybe the gryffindor is a hypocrite for this, but displaying weakness isn’t something to look down upon and he wishes the other would get that through his thick skull. “i’m not good at reading people.” he starts, looking off into the distance. “i’m good at reading you. huge difference.”

maybe it’s the way his friend is speaking lowly of himself, or the manner in which he’s shoving off his emotions to the side like it’s no big deal that’s making hyunggu utterly annoyed. “you aren’t a dumbass for latching onto the idea of her loving you someday. in this world, there is not one single person that’s been in love that hasn’t done the same-- hyung, you are so amazing, funny, and kind. sometimes too kind. no one comes close to deserving you, not irene nor anyone else.” not even me, he finishes in his head.  

changgu doesn’t cry. he never has. it’s not that he’s empty of emotions- heck, he’s rather full of it, but whenever he feels, it has always been dry. it’s more often a curse than a blessing, specially with him coming off apathetic when in reality he’s felt more than his body could handle. even now, when his only company is the tall spears of grass by the quidditch pitch and a broken heart, he doesn’t cry, but he feels.

it’s not a big deal, he tries to convince himself. his love was one-sided from the beginning anyway, and he knew there was no chance for their relationship to go down the path of being more than friends. so what was the problem? changgu has known. ever since that one day she visited him at the hospital wing with her usual smile, as if she could hide from him the fact that she would rather be somewhere else, he’s known.

”how annoying.” the hufflepuff mutters to himself, throwing a small rock down the slope of the field. it’s annoying how helpless he is. it’s annoying how weak he is. it’s annoying how he spent half of his life telling himself that he’s special, when in fact, he’s just a routine people have gotten used to. he lets out a sigh, followed by a heavier one, before he carelessly let himself fall backwards on what he thought would be soft, yet prickly grass, but instead he hits his head against something else- someone else.

“what the-” he felt up behind him, his hands finding what feels to be a robe, before looking up, only to see a certain gryffindor. “hyunggu! what are you doing here? do you have practice?” it’s already getting dark, and it was way past practice hours, but he had to make sure. knowing his friend, he could be an over-achiever at times. “what’s wrong?” he frowns once he finally faced him, only then noticing the distress in his eyes.

it feels like an eternity searching for his best friend around the entire school. the more places he checks, the more exasperated he becomes when changgu isn’t there. schoolmates watch as he runs up and down the different moving staircases, genuinely curious, mostly fascinated, as to how hyunggu hasn’t lost his breath at this point. it’s not until the gryffindor figures that searching outside is his best bet because clearly, changgu isn’t anywhere inside the magical institution. the one place he’d definitely be at is the quidditch pitch. there’s no way he wouldn’t be there. 

ultimately, he ends up being correct. he spots the hufflepuff sitting quietly on the patches of grass, facing the opposite direction, but the boy can feel the depressing tension all the way from where he’s standing. the scene unfolding before him is breaking his heart into pieces. a gentle wind blows, dark locks of hair flowing along with it. the sun is beginning to set in the distance, leaving behind a purple-pinkish sky that somehow fits the mood perfectly. 

striding over without making a sound, hyunggu’s knees come into contact with the green grass that they’re so used to being under. the corners of his lips point downwards into a deepened frown as the older boy allows himself to fall backwards, his head falling into hyunggu’s lap. a hollow chuckle erupts from the younger’s throat at a confused changgu feeling up on him. the gryffindor merely worriedly stares down at him, mumbling a ‘no’ at the questions being thrown his way.