𝕮𝖆𝖉𝖉𝖎 𝕿𝖊𝖉

I probably should have done this a long time ago. So…

Just practice

I cut hair, but I want to cut something else. Today's sketch vibe.

I'm sitting on the bus, listening to three women heatedly discuss how much money they've already been paid for their husbands fighting in the war, how much money one of them will get now for her husband being killed, and two others calculating how much more their mobilized sons will bring them, what they've already bought with the money they've received, and what else their men should "earn" for them.

I'm at that stage of apathy when I want to draw, but I don't want to finish. Anyway, what's the difference? As long as I'm in the shadow ban, no one will see anything anyway.

mygosh…. I just came across a fucking fanfiction with Mike's rape … I've never been raped, but I got an anxiety attack and my stomach just twisted with horror, as if I'd ever participated in it.

I thought I was getting better and gradually getting back to normal. But the truth is, I still feel like this. I've just gotten used to it.

I wake up again with the thought that we urgently need an invention that could record dreams. Damn, my dreams are so multi-layered that in the end I can't remember anything, only pitiful crumbs. The only memories I have are of the futuristic, gloomy shamans' offices, entering a trance and then separating from your partner, who remains in a trance while you wake up, trying to hide behind a wooden door from a bull running down a darkening corridor, some kind of scary mask hanging on the back of the door -a "gift" from the bull, a white lace dress hovering in the darkness of that very corridor, which you're afraid to move with your hand because there might be a bull behind it, but behind it, in the end, there's complete darkness. And at the end, there's walking through some tunnels and again trying to hide somewhere from something and not finding a door, you jump out of a curtained window, behind which there's also darkness and you don't even know whether you'll jump to the ground or fall from the hundredth floor down. And I just realize that this is about 10 percent of the entire dream. It's a shame that memory erases everything when you wake up.

tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us tell us

I don't know why you're all so into arguing about Finn's sexuality. If he's bi or gay, somehow that makes him more attractive to you. It's weird. It's more like fetishization disguised as "support". Well... great if you support him as a person if he's bi/gay. But what if not? Will your support fade? Anyway... I don't know. We can think what we want, but the MUCH talk around him, especially around the album right now, makes everything... weird. Honestly, it makes everything really awkward if he is queer. It's like you're being tugged on the leash and told to "come on, say it, we all see who you are". But at the same time, many people aren't ready to accept that they're wrong in their assumptions and if he's not queer at all, then... what then?

I'm such an evil creature that I blocked everyone I catch writing cruel, negative comments about Mike Wheeler.

Looks like I got shadow ban after all. Well, I'll see you around somewhere, someday, by chance. Maybe.

It didn't have any weird subtext to begin with. But in the end, this one looks like this…

What? It turns out that in the script, Mike asked Will to take off his belt so they could stop the water? Shit, but... how? When he asked to take off his jacket, that was already questionable. But a belt... damn, it's a pipe, not an arm with veins that can be compressed to stop the "bleeding." How the fuck was that supposed to work?

Today I dreamed about Finn. He was a vampire and told me that they need blood not only to eat, but also to transfer their souls into new bodies. And he's been living in this body since the 1800s or so. Vampires do this to avoid detection by other possessed people, it's more of an emergency camouflage, when they need to quickly change their shell so no one can "smell" them. There were these possessed people in the room with us, but they didn't notice him, and didn't hear him, no matter how he walked past them, whistled, or waved his arms. But at some point, something triggered them, they sensed Finn was nearby. But for some reason, instead of attacking him, they mistook me for a vampire, thinking that vampire "waves" were coming from me or something that allows them to detect vampires. And they attacked me, which woke me up.

as a non-native English speaker and not really understanding the language, I went to read people's opinions on song interpretations and interviews, but in the end I basically get three possible answers: "he said A, if you think he said B, you're idiots", "he said B, if you think he said A, you're idiots" and the third option "wow, he's so fascinating to listen to, but... did anyone understand anything?".

Finally, I experienced a side effect in the form of a complete disgust for my drawings and a desire to delete them all. This is the other side of being like a printer, starting to print the same pictures over and over again. Well. I'll have to try changing my drawing process. Otherwise, I'll burn out.