my own worst critic.

GENERAL:

Switch, does lean more dominant though. This is especially true with women. Vocal lover. Enjoys dirty talk and letting a partner know how well they're pleasing him. Ass over tits any day of the week. Generally loves fucking against things; walls, counters, the edges of beds, whatever. Erogenous zones include the spot below his ear, throat, hips and pelvic bones. Medium to high libido; frequently dates and fucks from around the age of 20+ 8-incher when erect, all his height went south. Likes instilling an oral fixation in people; will frequently draw attention to his mouth Vasectomy-haver, so go crazy with the spunk. Soft-bodied, doesn't really have definitive muscle. Little extra on the hips and ass. Main kinks: cum, edging (to a point), mutual masturbation, "daddy/sir", praise, voice kink (with his voice as the source of the arousal), also enjoys exhibitionism/voyeurism with one partner. Also, with the right partner, he can enjoy some light humiliation, though this does not extend to just anyone as he's prideful.

WOMEN:

Obsessed with giving head to women, loves it. PhD in stimulating the clit.

On that note: loves making women cum in his hands. He enjoys the challenge of making them finish with just his fingers, and can achieve it very well—especially in inopportune/public spaces.

Mentioning public places: is not opposed to covert sex acts. He will touch you under tables/desks and he will say things deliberately in specific tones if he knows it triggers arousal whilst around other people. He's a bastard like that.

Loves to pin a woman's wrists by her head; it asserts his strength, something he's secretly a little worried about because of his short height. He has plenty of it, but it's nice to affirm it in a way that doesn't involve punching somebody.

Will tie you up if you ask, especially with things like his tie or belt.

Ride him. That's his favourite position; that and putting women on their hands and knees/face-down ass-up positions and fucking them from behind.

Overstimulation! He loves overstimulating women, they're so cute when they writhe and squirm beneath him!

Sitting in his lap, even innocently, will trigger some form of arousal in him. It may not be specifically an erection (though it may be teehee), but he'll get playful. He'll kiss the back of your neck, or nudge your ear with his nose, or just generally be all over you.

MEN:

Enjoys nipple stimulation but feels embarrassed by it.

With men, his enjoyment of cum is heightened.

With men, Jay typically enjoys sex acts not involving penetration more than penetration itself. That isn't to say he doesn't enjoy "full-on" sex with men, he does, and winds up doing it often, but frotting? Mutual handjobs in the midst of messy makeouts? [Dry] humping? He loves that shit. He's perfectly happy not to fuck-fuck if you want to do something like that instead.

Hand and back appreciator.

Don't try to put your mouth near his ass/his mouth near your ass, he won't do that. He just doesn't like it. Cheeks are fine, hole is no bueno.

Tends to go evens with men on the dominant/submissive dynamic unless a man is strictly one or the other.

change pronouns as needed!

“god– i wanna kiss you.”

“can i kiss you?”

“just one kiss and i’ll never ask again.”

“let me be your first.”

“it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

@doryphore said: people always assume i'm mean. CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE GODDAMN PLANET! // Jay!

Chaotic Unhinged Lines

Her pen flies across the pages in her notebook, underlining and circling terms of interest - names, times, events, reactions - before folding it over to continue her notes on the other side. Though notably, her writing stops partway into his rambling as she slowly lifts her gaze to stare at him. This is more than just residual adrenaline or anxiety. This is unhinged.

He’s about the fourth potential witness she’s interviewed about the situation at hand. An evacuation order was in place and somewhere between separating the onlookers from the evacuated, she’d gotten the sense that he wasn’t well liked among some of the local neighbors. Evidently, he disagrees with these assumptions about his character. Vehemently.

“You know, nice people generally don’t have to convince other people that they’re nice. The fact that you feel the need to means you're probably not as nice as you think you are.”

She fixes him with a deadpan expression, utterly unimpressed with the display. Aside from being wholely irrelevant to her current objective of getting information on what exactly happened here so she can start a case; the sentiment is annoying to the point of grating on her nerves with how common it is. She’s heard the words so many times before that it’s nauseating, and always with this weirdly expectant air of entitlement. As if their word was law.

Unfortunately, Rayn had never taken kindly to attempts at authority.

“You’re not doing yourself any favors sounding like an incel.”

✒️ ┋ An eye twitched at the insult.

❝ Okay, you— ❞ He clasped his hands, squinting as he pointed them at her. ❝ You have no idea what that actually means, do you? ❞

He refrained from letting his temper get away from him, because while he felt entitled to be outraged by such a ridiculous insult that had nothing to do with his actual character, letting himself fly off of the handle now would likely only solidify her assessment. It wouldn't be a good look to insult her back, given their respective genders, as much as she deserved it.

Instead, he opted for a colder approach: a tight, false smile.

❝ Y'know what, lady? Forgive me for not feeling compelled to help somebody who insults me to my face—and poorly at that. You're damn right I'm pissed off; because this has happened before. A single look into me would tell you that. ❞

Some people didn't like his politics—his belief in equality for all, his lack of issue with LGBT people, his opinion that religion was for buffoons that couldn't think for themselves—and it had indeed cost him both safety and a degree of integrity, for a time (he had been framed for politically-driven attacks twice in his life, and he didn't doubt it would happen again). This was yet another attempt to pin the blame on someone that "deserved" the fallout.

He was lecturing when the outbreak hit; set up good shop in the university with a few of his students and a couple of the staff that were overseeing his event.

Jay is already decently skilled with guns (don't ask him how, it's from his shady time as a runaway kid oops), but eventually opts for smarter, sneakier methods (I'm torn between him being a knives expert and an archer in the end).

I think, unlike main, Jay does harden up body-wise. He's very soft in his canon (though he'll still absolutely body you if you provoke him, he's a menace when angry lmao) but in this kind of situation, and with the kind of character I'm envisioning him to be (quick and sneaky and hits hard) he'll reasonably have some more bulk. Lean.

The university actually works out for a little while. It's in the centre of a student town, so even when the supplies 'native' to the university itself (via the cafeterias and staff rooms and whatever else), they're very close to a lot of hubs that they can scavenge from. Jay elects to be part of these initial supply runs, which gives him early experience with both survival and the dead up close and personal

basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!

knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.

no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.

of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.

i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!

ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!

you are evil. like a hobbit.

WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?

i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

AHEM!! fill my cup.

may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.

i will avenge you mister van gogh.

call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.

you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.

go ahead and put the ranch away.

sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.

forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.

you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.

you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.

her coupon game was so fucking raw.

i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.

you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.

hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?

it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.

and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.

hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.

new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.

this is grindr my guy.

wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.

it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.

vanilla vodka... you fucking child.

without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.

you are fucking alive. do what you want.

why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.

i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.

you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.

see, i am not a kangaroo.

well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.

rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.

when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.

map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?

you bald-headed demon...

so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.

remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.

i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!

you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.

he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.

i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!

maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.

it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.

let's leave my mother out of this.

jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.

i run for LUMP!

oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!

you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.

what is this enticing bowl of white?

serious question, do his nipples sparkle?

what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?

if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!

i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.

that was poetry at its FINEST.

and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!

may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.

that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.

you have attachment issues. please fix it.

remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.

the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.

i don't like the cobra chicken.

i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.

so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.

god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.

it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.

i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.

if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.

how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?

if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.

you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.

look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.

it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.

i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.

if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.

that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.

people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!

the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.

someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.