why does my mind think that suicide is the solution for everything
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@buttparsley
why does my mind think that suicide is the solution for everything

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me: middle school honor student about to go into high school
undiagnosed mental illness:
i wish my weight would drop as fast as james charles’s sub count
do you know how cute i would be if i had more money
And less fat
And less ugly
wow must be nice to just eat until ur full, and then just,,, stop? eating??? because ur full?????¿¿??¿

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I ate almost 600kcal today 😭😭😭😭 I want to fucking commit no life
I didn’t even walk home from school and I burned only 1700kcal total today 😭😭😭
Lmao okay so it’s 10:30 in the morning and even though I haven’t shat yet (and I ate really late, about 23:30) I still lost 0,5kg... so I’m good I guess..
I ate almost 600kcal today 😭😭😭😭 I want to fucking commit no life
I didn’t even walk home from school and I burned only 1700kcal total today 😭😭😭
Ok but y'all have no idea how confused I am about how eating normally has changed my body?????? Like bitch I haven’t gotten fat??? My chest bones are still right there but now I have muscles too??? I can see my abs??? I workout so little here and I eat all day long????????¿¿??? mY L1fE iS a LiE
wow I just got fat
What hurts the most is looking in the mirror and knowing it could be different.
I could’ve started earlier
I could’ve eaten less yesterday
I could’ve walked away from that one binge
I could’ve said no to that meal
I could’ve drank water instead
maybe then I could feel hunger pains again over the pain of being a failure.

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that awkward moment when you can’t shit anymore bc you never eat enough
0 cal shit
I wanna be
) . (
\ \/ /
But instead I am
( . )
\ | /
fuck me I scrolled through my snapchat memories with my friend and there was a FUCKING body check... fuck fuck fuck :DdDDdddDdDdDdDd
Eating disorder logic
- I’m lonely I’m going to isolate myself - I’m hungry I’m going to starve - I’m full I’m going to eat - I feel enormous I’m going to binge now - I can tell I’ve lost weight I’m never eating again - I’m happy I’m going to trigger myself - I’m sad I’m going to pretend I’m fine - gum has 5 calories no - ice cream has a million calories I’m going to eat a whole 7 pints
I never related so much
Yep

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It’s gross, but some sick part of me enjoys the fact that my mental health is so messed up. Some sick part of me that’s like yes, I hope this gets worse, it’s not that bad, I hope this gets worse, I deserve to get worse.
I deserve to get worse.
...
This isn’t a meme, I think I might actually have a problem